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Dim Light in a Grim Place

Summary:

Alone with only the ghosts of his past, Sirius Black is having a really hard time hiding at Grimmauld Place - up until a special someone shows up at his door.

(this author does not support j.k. rowling)

Notes:

i originally intended this to be a chapter of a series but i don't have time to write that much so i'm posting this as a standalone pwp! enjoy and leave kudos and comments if you want :)

Work Text:

The hiss of the beer bottle echoed through the empty house. Sirius could hear it bounce back off the dark walls. It’s been a while, he thought, since these walls didn’t hear a bottle open. What a sour sight for his ancestors.

He’d been stuck at Grimmauld Place for the past four months, and all along, he’d been restless. He had to find something to take his mind off the outside world which, cruel by nature, held his godson in a terribly dangerous tournament with no end in sight. 

Two knocks, a moment of silence, then two knocks again were what broke his thoughts before he could spiral any further. Beer barely touched he rose to his feet from the kitchen counter and grabbed his wand. Whoever was at the door knew the simple knocking pattern his family once used. Could it be Bellatrix?

He whispered Lumos and crept down the narrow hallway towards the front door. Who could manifest seeing Grimmauld Place and know the way his father thought him to knock when coming home?

His heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the familiar voice.

“Sirius?” Came the muffled voice of Remus Lupin from outside the door. “Are you here? Can you let me in?”

It took every cell in his body to collect himself. He still hesitated for a moment: seeing Remus even at the Order meetings was like reaching his hand into a fireplace. Each time he burned, yet he never got any solace in return.

But Remus, sweet Remus was here, standing outside in the winter snow. He opened the door.

“Hi, Sirius, sorry for banging on your door too late,” Remus said.

Sirius couldn’t help but look him over. Some raindrops and snowflakes were scattered around the man’s coat, his hair was fuzzled up by the water. Still as beautiful as the day I first kissed you, Sirius wanted to say.

“What are you doing here?” He said instead as he took a step aside to let Remus enter.

There was a heavy silence while Remus took off his coat and shoes, Sirius mindlessly charming some slippers in their place.

“Thought you might appreciate the company,” Remus said. His eyes were far away, focused on putting on the slippers. Sirius tried to hide the breath that got stuck in his throat.

“Alright. A drink?”

A bit over ten minutes later they were sitting at the kitchen counter, Sirius halfway his long opened beer, Remus sipping on his second glass of wine. Sirius knew he shouldn’t be drinking tonight: the kitchen light illuminated Remus’ gorgeous brown locks just right, and if Sirius stared enough, he would see the ruffled up hair of Remus on lazy mornings in the Gryffindor tower.

“Trying to burn me to the ground with your eyes?” Remus asked suddenly. As if he bit into a spicy pepper, Sirius’ face ran red and he struggled to hold back a cough.

“What- what do you mean?” He managed after a bit of a struggle.

“You’ve been staring at me like you’d like to kill me,” Remus replied. “If you really don’t want to see me that much, then maybe I should go.”

As he stood Sirius gathered his strength and managed to grab the other man’s wrist. Why would you think I want you to leave , he would have asked if he had anything to lose. The truth was, there was not much for him to live for. He’d be spending the rest of his days in this hollow space, for sure.

“Why are you really here, Remus?” Sirius heard himself say.

His right hand was still around Remus’ wrist so he pulled on the man’s flesh, gentle enough not to hurt him but to remind him of his presence.

“Why are you here?” Sirius whispered.

Remus finally looked at him, eyes dark, scars pink in the dim light.

“To make up for lost time.”

Then his lips were suddenly against Sirius’ and his breath hitched. Remus’ lips were sweet like they were back in their youth. He kissed Sirius eagerly, pushing to open his mouth right away and Sirius complied. His thoughts were racing and numb at the same time, the only grounding sensation was Remus pressing up to him.

And he was pressing hard, Sirius could feel right away. They had done many things in their youth, but nothing like this: Remus grabbed Sirius and forced him to stand, only to push him against the wall next to the staircase. Once Sirius’ body was entirely trapped by Remus’ slim figure, the man started to move and grind his hips against Sirius’.

Head spinning, Sirius gathered himself just a bit to move them somewhere more comfortable.

“Remus,” he panted. “Remus, baby, I have a room, you know.”

The wooden door of his bedroom closed behind them creaking, and Sirius found himself pressed up against the wall again immediately, hungry yet steady hands running over his body. Cold and slim fingers lifted his shirt and began exploring his skin, drawing lines on his abdomen, trailing the familiar body as they did all those years ago. 

Remus’ thumb played with the edge of his pants as Sirius found it harder and harder to breathe. The other man was leaving purple dots on his neck now, and Sirius’ breath hitched in his throat, making Remus come to a sudden stop. Sirius whimpered at the loss of the other man’s lips.

They locked eyes and Sirius’ heart skipped a beat as he took in the look that covered Remus’ face: raw and plain hunger. He had never seen him like that before.

“So fucking needy, aren’t you,” Remus said, his voice lower than ever, and pushed Sirius up to the wall even more, beginning to grind against the man with clear and confident movements, clashing their erections together. 

Sirius let out a short cry, trying to wrap his head around what was happening. It’s been almost twenty years since they had done this, but even with all that time passed and their memories together faded like an old photograph, he was certain this was not how things usually played out between them. It was never him who whimpered pressed against the wall.

He opened his mouth but never got the chance to speak. 

“I never wanted you to rot in prison” Remus hissed, his left palm pressing into Sirius’ thigh. He tried to gather his thoughts to reply, to ask wherever on earth Remus was going with this, but the younger man was faster once again. “Even when I loathed you, I wanted you there.”

The air was hot between them, and Remus kept up the flow of steady humps, and Sirius’ brain was so foggy, overtaken by lust, he was sure if this went on for a bit longer he would come undone.

“I wanted you there so I could fuck you senseless.” 

Sirius whimpered at the sound of Remus’ coarse words, and he felt tears gather at the corner of his eyes. Greed shot through his body like an arrow each time Remus created the so-desired friction, hand creeping up towards Sirius’ groin. He could barely register what Remus was saying, but he was curious about where this was going. 

“I wanted to rail you so hard it’d hurt.”

Remus was losing a bit of his confidence too, Sirius could tell, and he took the opportunity of a slight tremble between two thrusts to grip the other man’s ass. Much to his displeasure, Remus smacked his hand away immediately.

“I’m in control here” he stated and this time Sirius couldn’t block the moan that was pushing against his throat, a tear rolling down his cheek as Remus pressed him steadily, not leaving any room for movement. 

Sirius wanted to scream, to beg Remus to finally get him to release, but everything he wanted to say whirled together and came out as desperate cries and sobs, and Sirius didn’t know how to keep himself from looking like a teenager who just came in his pants after a few minutes of grinding. Remus finally took a step back and examined the mess he had created with a proud smirk on his face.

In the seconds of his absence, Sirius managed to stand straight, still trembling with need as he looked into Remus’ eyes with the determination of a soldier going to war. “Take me apart.”

Remus’ smirk turned into a grin, seemingly satisfied with his achievement. 

“On your knees in front of the bed”, he commanded. “You’re going to wet my dick before I fuck you.”

Sirius complied without hesitation, feeling some sick enjoyment in being bossed around by the other man. Their relationship had never come to this: Remus was a shy teenager, letting Sirius take the lead. This new turn made him forget they both were past forty, he felt the way he did the first time he pulled Remus in his lap, in the spring break of their sixth year, carefully hidden behind a bush in the Potters’ yard.

He fell to his knees with a soft thump, barely registering the pain and the crack of his joints. Remus sat on the edge of the bed, messing up his sheets a little, and Sirius reached for his pants without thinking, his body on autopilot, only registering the anticipation for the to finally press into him. He undid Remus’ pants quickly, still impressed that the other man looked put together as if they weren’t in the middle of the most obscene situation of their lives. As he found Remus’ eyes, though, Sirius could see through the veil of hunger and noticed the faint look of desperation. He pulled down Remus’ underwear just enough so he could reach the man’s throbbing dick, taking the entire length in his mouth without hesitation. Remus groaned as Sirius began to suck.

“Good boy” he murmured, and Sirius felt himself grow harder, his member hopelessly bruising against his boxers and jeans. He gathered as much saliva as he could, slicking Remus from the shaft to the tip. For a short while, the room was silent, except for the gagging and splashing of Sirius’ mouth and the eventual pants and praises from Remus.

“God, you’re so good,” Remus spoke, his hips bucking up, and Sirius noticed the light shaking of his voice. 

“Such a good boy. Admit it, you waited a long time for this.” 

Sirius nodded, trying to hum in agreement, only broken gulps leaving his body. Remus was so deep in his mouth that he could bury his face in the other man’s soft pubic hair. Remus groaned loudly as he did so.

Suddenly he felt Remus grab a good chunk of his hair, lifting his face up, forcing their eyes to meet. 

“You’re such a whore,” he whispered, yanking Sirius’ face off his dick. 

Sirius remained on his knees, searching for air, and just before his breathing could become a bit more even, Remus leaned down and put his thumb under Sirius’ jaw, raising his chin once again. 

“Get on the bed,” he commanded and Sirius obeyed in a hurry, jumping on the bed like a dog on a bone. Remus shoved him semi-roughly and he fell on his back, the soft pillows welcoming his body. The younger man got up on his knees, towering above his heaving lover on the mattress. Sirius raised his hips in anticipation, but Remus’ eyes remained locked in his.

“I’m going to fuck you now” the man stated simply, looking Sirius up and down like a wild animal before a feast. Sirius whimpered, tears breaking free once again, desperate to be touched finally. His body felt like it was burning, desire so heavy he wanted to crawl out of his skin. Yet he didn’t dare to move his hands, knowing Remus would snap them away, not willing to give up any control. He waited as the younger man scanned him, eyes finally stopping at the bulge in his pants. Remus smiled.

“You just want me inside you, don’t you?” He asked and Sirius thought he broke his neck for a second from nodding so fast. “Good boys always ask first.”

“Please” Sirius whispered, the uncontrollable lust breaking his word in half. “Please, Remus.” But it seemed it wasn’t that easy.

“Please what?” Remus asked, his face as stern as a professor’s. Sirius cried out and jerked his groin upwards, yet Remus looked unimpressed. He climbed closer to Sirius, so close that now his hands were in line with Sirius’ ears, his knees on both sides next to Sirius’ waist. He leaned down slowly, ignoring the whines of the man below him. Sirius felt dead yet the most alive he’d ever been. “I want to hear you say it” Remus whispered in his right ear, the puffs of air leaving goosebumps all over Sirius’ body.

“Please fuck me” he replied, unable to stop himself from shaking from head to toe. “Please, sir.” Remus nodded in satisfaction, then rose from his hands to take Sirius’ shirt off. He tossed it aside and began to trail his hands down Sirius’ upper body, the strokes of his fingers feeling insanely slow. When he reached Sirius’ pants he came to a stop, teasing, and if Sirius hadn’t lost all control he would have screamed at Remus to do something.

When he finally did, Sirius sighed in relief, his pants no longer holding his rock-hard member down, the damp air of the room feeling as refreshing as a dive in the cold sea. Remus yanked off his own pants, then crawled up so he would lie perfectly on top of Sirius, groins pressing together with thirst. He began the soft grinding he’d done before and Sirius all but wailed, the friction already causing him so much pleasure he felt as if he was floating, almost coming right there as Remus wrapped a palm around their dicks.

“You like that, huh?” Remus asked, and Sirius noticed the man was no longer able to hide the flickers of yearning in his voice. “Imagine my dick inside you.” Sirius would have laughed if he hadn’t been so crazed : he’d been doing nothing but that for a long time. But at the moment all he could do is snivel in response. He didn’t cry out this time when Remus broke contact, as he knew something better was coming, and he spread his legs eagerly. He let the other man put his lengthy fingers in his mouth and he spread his saliva on them enthusiastically. He only made a loud sound when he felt a wet finger inside him, then another. It was a strange sensation, the way Remus’ middle finger slid in, and only in that moment did he realize that he had never done this before. Back in the day he was the one to put things up in Remus, not the other way around. He couldn’t complain, though, even if the act felt uncomfortable at first. Especially when Remus added his ring finger slowly, then Sirius hissed quietly. The movement in him immediately stopped and only continued when Sirius nodded, his eyes closed, focusing on nothing but Remus.

Remus began to move his fingers in and out, and his cautious motions started bringing thrill and contentment after a few minutes. By the time he added a third finger Sirius barely noticed, hung up on the bliss. He heard himself panting and couldn’t control his limbs from wriggling around, trying to hold on to something, anything he could grab to slow his own movements. He felt a familiar spark ignite in him and he quickly motioned for Remus to stop. Once he was empty again he saw Remus’ questioning look.

“Ready” he huffed and Remus’ eyebrows perked up, as if awaiting something. It took Sirius a second to understand. “Please” he added. “Please fuck me.” Remus smiled wickedly. “Good boy,” he said, getting up to position himself against Sirius’ hole. “I’m gonna take you apart, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” Remus’ voice was rough now, ridden with anticipation and Sirius wanted to reach out, to grasp his throbbing member and ease some of the tension, but he stayed in place. Remus made eye contact again, their heavy breaths filling the air around them, and his face dropped the tough expression for a second.

“Tell me if you need me to stop,” he said, his voice soft like honey for the first time since they entered the room. Sirius nodded, then remembered something suddenly. He looked at Remus’ bare cock lined up against him. As if he could read his mind, Remus hummed. “I’ve been tested.” Sirius smiled in relief. Remus knew he had been tested too, he remembered mentioning his mandatory doctor’s appointments. By the time he looked at Remus’ face again, the soft eyes turned dark once more, like the brief intermission never happened. 

Remus pressed inside him roughly, filling him up, sending shivers and thrills in all directions inside his body, and Sirius shouted so loudly he surprised himself. His breath picked up once more, and he began panting rapidly as Remus pulled out and then shoved inside ruthlessly. He grabbed Sirius’s army, pinning them on the bed and locking their fingers tight, using their intertwined hands to keep his balance as he thrust heavily. Sirius had no luck in catching his breath, and he realized he was helpless in trying to hold anything back: he let his moans and cries escape, filling the room, creeping down the stairs of Grimmauld place. He closed his  eyes and let his mind get completely lost in his own body, sobbing in relief, shamelessly letting his pleasure take control. Remus picked up his pace even more.

“Good boy” he praised again, his voice so broken that Sirius could barely make out his words. “Fucking beautiful. Coming- coming undone under me. Like the dirty fucking slut you are.” Sirius screamed at those words, and he tried to pry his hand out from Remus’ in a desperate attempt to get a hold of his own dick. Remus laughed brokenly, holding him down as he continued to push. “Not- not so fast, you whore,” he huffed. “That’s my job. My job to do.” Sirius squirmed and jerked around, feeling like he was about to suffocate if he couldn’t catch his breath. The extreme pleasure and satisfaction numbed the but of pain that came with Remus’ restless thrusts, yet his dick was throbbing against his stomach, begging to be touched.

“Please,” he managed a hoarse whisper. Remus leaned down and kissed him roughly, biting his lip, and Sirius was afraid he would break if he twisted under his lover some more. “Please sir,” he pleaded in vain, his cock on the verge of bursting. “Please. Please touch me.”

Remus did so and Sirius groaned, his orgasm building up in his belly. Remus must have known the effect of his touch since he caught Sirius’ eyes, sweat dripping from his forehead. “What are you?” he asked, almost at the end of his own rope. “A fucking- a fucking whore” Sirius replied. He had no idea when his tears of pleasure and need broke free. “I’m your whore,” he sputtered as Remus picked up his speed even more, which felt impossible. “Take me. Take me apart. Destroy me, Sir. Pl-please.” Remus moaned at that, his right hand gripping Sirius’ hand, his left stroking the man’s cock with unsteady movements.

“Good,” Remus cried. “Good boy.” He kissed Sirius again, mouth open, and Sirius felt Remus’ spit on his tongue. He swallowed it with a gulp, making sure his eyes were locked with Remus’ honey ones as he did so. Remus’ face lost its edge, the thrusts began to feel out of rhythm and the hand around Sirius’ dick became faster. “Whore,” Remus repeated, his tone harsh and crumbled. He looked deep into Sirius’ eyes once again. “Come for me,” he whispered. And Sirius did, spilling his pleasure all over his stomach and Remus’ hand, howling as his orgasm shook his body, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Remus followed seconds after, a loud cry escaping his lips. Sirius felt the warmth of Remus’ come fill him and he shook once more. Then Remus’ thrusts slowed until they stopped and the man collapsed on Sirius’ body, heaving as he’d just run a marathon.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, the sticky substance drying on their limbs, their heavy panting filling the room. Remus’ head was resting on his chest and Sirius put a weak hand in the other man’s hair, running his fingers through the auburn curls gently. Remus sighed in contentment.

“So I’m a whore” Sirius spoke after a while. Remus’ head snapped up, a glimpse of fear in his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, cheeks running red. Sirius laughed. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “I think I deserved that one.” Remus smiled and leaned up, kissing Sirius deeply.