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The cup of coffee sitting in front of Kim on the table was purely decorative. He had purchased it upon arriving at the cafe, ten minutes before the pre-agreed meeting time of three o’clock, purely so he had something to do that wasn’t stewing in anxiety and anticipation (and to appear less like he was waiting with bated breath for Chay’s arrival like a puppy waiting for it’s owner to return home).
With a pang of irony, Kim realised that he’d adopted the role Chay once occupied within their relationship — the one who craved any attention the other was willing to throw their way, cradling it close like it was a precious jewel, no matter how minor. Much like Chay had kept his signed shirt, Kim had kept every text Chay had sent to him since he’d been unblocked last week — which was only a measly three — even though they consisted of a handful of words each, all of which pertained to this very meeting. Kim looked at them roughly hourly, which served the contradicting purposes of comforting him and reassuring him that had not hallucinated them out of sheer desperation, and as a form of self-flagellation, because they made him long for the emoji-filled strings of messages Chay used to send him.
“Kim?”
Kim was sure his head whipped up at the sound of his name in that all-too-familiar voice so hard and fast he gave himself whiplash. But it was worth it, because it brought him face to face with Chay. The boy looked different from the last time he’d clapped eyes on him in that club. His blue hair had been dyed back to brown and he was back in clothes that were more his style — currently a green hoodie over a red shirt with jeans. He looked perfectly fine; well rested and put together. Self-consciously, Kim hoped the sleep he’d been missing since Chay cut contact with him wasn’t showing in his appearance.
Chay took a seat across from him, placing his usual coffee of choice — an iced, caramel flavoured, sugar-filled monstrosity topped with whipped cream that had made Kim wince every time he ordered it — in front of him on the table. They sat in silence for barely a moment, in which it had occurred to Kim that his next words would be the first he had said to Chay since that fateful night in the club, so he had better choose them wisely. Which should come easy. Kim was a songwriter after all, so being poetic with words should come naturally to him. Surely any second something meaningful and deep would fall from his lips, Chay would be deeply moved and that would somehow result in them rekindling their love with a passionate kiss (as per Kim’s nightly shower fantasies).
Instead, he said, “your hair is brown.”
Chay shot him a look so withering Kim was surprised he didn’t drop dead on the spot. It was the kind of look you gave to someone whose grating presence you’d been tolerating for a very long time, and they’d finally said something so annoying you were unable to keep your face from visibly reacting. Kim had never received such a look from anyone in his life — it was always expressions of fear or awe or desire — and certainly not from Chay — he’d always looked overjoyed to be in his presence, or, more recently, betrayed and devastated. That exact face would probably go down in history as the worst face anyone had ever made in the direction of Kim Theerapanyakul.
“Yes, well, I was in the mood for trying something new. But now I’ve moved on from that phase,” Chay said, with a serious expression that felt odd on a face that so often wore expressions of joy in his memories. Kim nodded, getting a somewhat ominous feeling over the direction of the conversation they were having. “Speaking of, I think we should talk about us.”
“Right, us,” Kim echoed. And he couldn’t help but feel foolish. He was the youngest son of one of Thailand’s most notorious mafia families, yet here he was in a cafe across from a boy he liked, getting nervous because said boy wanted to discuss the matter of ‘us’. God, if Kim from a few months ago could see him now, he’d laugh. But then again, Kim from a few months ago hadn’t loved and lost someone as precious as Chay.
“Before we talk about the future, I need to talk about the past. I need you to understand what you did from my perspective, how it made me feel.”
“Of course,” Kim said, eagerly.
“What you did, it really hurt me. It really, really hurt. Because I liked you so much and was so excited when I thought you liked me back—”
“I—”
“Don’t interrupt me till I’m done,” Chay snapped, and it shocked Kim so much that he shut his mouth with an audible clack of his teeth and straightened up in his chair like a soldier standing to attention. “And then I found out it was all a lie. And don’t tell me some of it was real, because that doesn’t change the fact that at its heart, our relationship was a lie. And that for all those times I was so honest about how I felt — I confessed to you, I said I loved you, I made it so clear how I felt whenever we were together in everything I did with you — you repayed me with dishonesty. And even though I get why you did it, why it made sense in your mind, that is a massive betrayal and basically taints every second of our relationship.”
And for a while,” Chay continued, “I wallowed in the hurt and the anger and sadness. But then I woke up one morning and I felt better. Then P’Kinn got me another interview so I could go to university and I started going to classes and making friends. And I’m starting to find out what my music sounds like, what my life looks like, without you at the centre.”
After that, they sat in silence for a while as Kim absorbed every word that Chay had said to him.
“I was talking to hia the other day, and do you know he doesn’t even remember the name of his first proper crush?,” Chay said, suddenly. “And then I realised that I’m only 18 and this is probably not the last time I’m going to be upset over a boy, and really it’s not worth being upset about forever. So, Kim, I’ve decidnded to forgive you.”
“What?” Kim blurted out, absolutely stunned by the boy in front of him once again. He was so used to having the upper hand, the control, in any situation he was in — but of course Chay had to be the only one able to stun him in this way.
“I forgive you. I think you’re an asshole for what you did, but now I can take a step back and see how it made sense to someone who grew up in your world. And with how often we’re probably going to run into each other now, I think we should do our best to move on and avoid any awkwardness?”
So,” Chay said, thrusting his hand outwards, “friends?”
“Friends,” Kim echoed, shaking Chay’s outstretched hand and feeling seriously like he was on the back foot.
“Great!” Chay said, standing up with a grin. “By the way, I ordered this drink for the table so you’re going to have to pay for it,” he informed him, and then promptly exited the cafe with his coffee in hand. Kim tracked Chay through the large cafe window until he disappeared out of sight, feeling strangely like he’d just been dumped even though he was sure they’d been broken up for weeks and he’d been the one to call things off.
And also that this new, confident Chay was kind of hot.
1 - a boy from university
Surprisingly, Kim took to the status of Chay’s friend well. It was not entirely dissimilar to the beginning of their relationship the first time around. They mostly practice music together whenever Kim found himself dropping by at the compound – a recent habit that was partially inspired by Chay’s presence there and partially by the unavoidable chaos caused by his uncle and fathers deaths, that he couldn’t justify leaving to Kinn and Vegas alone — and he found himself greatly enjoying the simplicity of it all. Unlike so many other people in his life, Chay truly wanted nothing from him except perhaps a distraction from the intense reality of living among the mafia, and help with his university workload. It was this ease of existence that made Chay so attractive to be around, that had drawn him in in the first place.
They also hung out like they used to as well, though instead of Chay following him around it was now the reverse. They went to cute cafes that he’d found on social media and wanted to try out, and Kim would take photos of Chay and his food and drinks for Instagram. They went shopping and Kim would buy Chay anything he wanted and then carry all his bags for him. They had film nights where they ate all of Chay’s favourite snacks and Kim was allowed the honour of being his pillow as they watched whatever films Chay wanted. Sometimes Chay would even hold out his hand for Kim to hold, usually without even glancing in his direction, like someone might toss pity scraps to a stray dog they’d just remembered existed. Despite this, every single time Kim would scramble to grasp Chay’s hand and then float around in bliss till the other boy dropped his hand for one reason or another, and then Kim spent the next hour or so in mourning.
Well, it wasn’t like he had any dignity to lose when it came to Chay, anyway. Kim might as well just fully surrender to his own patheticness. It was honestly worth it to bask in Chay’s glorious presence.
Unfortunately, Kim was not the only one who was aware of just how perfect Chay was in every single way. This became apparent when it came time for Chay to participate in a performance required of all first year music students at the end of the winter term.
Porsche had naturally decided to come along and watch Chay as his proud older brother, joined by Chay’s self-appointed-and-loudly-proclaimed new older brother Thankhun, and Kinn, who was incapable of being away from Porsche for an evening (and, admittedly, he had a soft spot for the boy too). Kim joined as well, under the guise of wanting to see if his tutoring paid off and to see the new blood on offer at his university (no one believed his excuse at all). So there they sat in the back of the hall where the stage was set up — three sons of the Theerapanyakul mafia family, one proxy member of the family, and a legion of bodyguards dressed in black, all waiting for Chay to perform. It was safe to say they were getting some strange looks.
The first few performances were good but not particularly stand-out, followed by two performances Kim was genuinely impressed by, and then came Chay’s. He appeared on stage with a guitar in hand, and Kim’s vision narrowed down to only him. So much so that it wasn’t until the performance started that he even realised there was someone else on stage.
The other person was a boy pretty looking boy with long floppy hair that he kept brushing back with one hand, to the utter delight of quite a few watching students. He held no instrument, but he was sharing a microphone with Chay as they performed a love song together. The single microphone meant they stood very close on stage, and they spent most of their performance looking into each other’s eyes. Kim desperately tried to reassure himself that it was simply their proximity and the nature of the song that gave the energy coming off them a romantic undertone.
This reassurance was entirely undermined when, after Chay received a mountain of praise and affection from every one of their retinue, his performance partner appeared and took him to one side, and they all watched on as he leant forward and spoke directly into Chay’s ear. Whatever he said had Chay blushing and nodding, and they parted with a grin and a few more words exchanged before he returned to stand with them.
“What was that?” Porsche asked, though the grin on his face suggested he’d come to a similar conclusion they all had — that boy had been flirting with Porschay.
“Oh, nothing, hia. Let’s go home,” Chay had said dismissively. And then Kim was subjected to a drive home in which Chay was sat next to him but texting the entire time, cheeks flaming red. No one commented on it despite the obviousness of the situation, and all but Kim seemed secretly pleased by the turn of events. Because of course they were — if Chay deserved one thing, it was a sweet teen romance among the craziness that was his new life. Still, that didn’t stop Kim from being bitter.
And that bitterness only increased tenfold when a week later they were in Chay’s bedroom in the compound and he was holding up two jumpers — one pink and one sky blue, both knitted and woollen — and asking which one he should pair with his white dungarees for a cinema date with Harrison.
“Don’t you think Harrison is a stupid name? Like, it feels pretentious and…and stupid,” Kim said. And, okay, Harrison wasn’t even that bad a name but after hearing about the boy non-stop for the last week his name had become as grating as the dumb British twang he had whenever he spoke Thai, even though, according to Chay, he hadn’t lived there since he was five so really there was no reason for him to have any kind of accent, and it was really annoying and definitely not cute, no matter what Chay said.
“Your stage name is your own name spelt backwards,” Chay bit back as he pulled the blue jumper over his head. And Kim couldn’t help but snort at his answer, secretly pleased whenever Chay sassed him like that. It made him feel like they were on a more even footing, equals in whatever relationship they were cultivating.
“Touché,” Kim muttered, and tried not to stare when Chay pulled off his skinny jeans in order to change into his dungarees, revealing a pair of pale, plush thighs and soft backside encased in a pair of white boxer briefs.
“Okay,” Chay announced when he was fully dressed, giving a little twirl. “How do I look?”
And if Kim had more self control he wouldn’t have practically sighed out a, “pretty,” that made Chay’s smile twitch before he quickly changed the subject.
“Alright, I’ve got to go,” Chay announced, dashing out the door to be driven to his date by a bodyguard because Harrison couldn’t exactly pull up to the compound. And also because it meant Kinn and Porsche would know exactly which cinema to covertly dotter guards around to keep an eye on the whole thing, making sure it was safe but also that the date reminded entirely PG-13 (Porsche had placed heavy emphasis on the latter).
If Kim was feeling in the mood for a bit of self-flagellation (it was practically his default mood now) he might’ve asked one of the bodyguards to report what happened on the date to him after, or even gone to keep an eye on it himself like the obsessive creep he absolutely was. But he was more in the mood for lying about and wallowing in self pity (his other default mood, he was multifaceted like that), which was exactly what he spent the night doing.
In fact, it was what he spent most nights doing for the two months Chay’s relationship with Harrison lasted. But then some higher power must’ve finally taken pity on Kim after his frankly awful childhood and recently dead dad, and decided to throw him a bone, because one Tuesday afternoon Chay came home from university and announced that he’d dumped Harrison for failing to meet the necessary standards for his boyfriend.
Apparently Harrison was too forgetful to be a good boyfriend. He forgot to text Chay back quickly enough, he failed to remember their one month anniversary, and the other day he ordered Chay the wrong coffee because he didn’t know his coffee order off by heart. All of these seemed pretty minor to Kim (not that he was complaining), but Porsche and his brothers immediately agreed when Chay insisted that Harrison was simply not boyfriend material, no matter how cute his accent was.
Kim couldn’t help but feel that becoming the unofficial favourite of the most powerful mafia family in Thailand had made Chay somewhat spoiled and sky rocketed his standards for men. Not that Kim would complain if it meant none of his boyfriends would last longer than five minutes and Kim could continue being the only man who dominated Chay’s attention and time. And that Chay’s Instagram feed was now unblemished by photos of his ex-boyfriend and back to being full of photos of Chay that Kim had taken, so he could scroll through it as part of his nightly ritual in peace.
2 - a bodyguard
The relief Kim felt after the subsequent dumping of Harrison was short lived because when Porsche and Kinn decided Chay should learn some self-defence, another man appeared seemingly out of nowhere to take Harrisons’s place as Kim's worst enemy and the bane of his existence.
Earth was a new bodyguard, fresh out of training but still in the probationary period. Hence, he could often be seen tailing Pol or Big as he learnt the ropes. This, unfortunately, meant that he was usually present for when Chay was being trained by the two men. The first few times this occurred Kim had been busy and unable to witness the training sessions. By taking his eye off of the ball, made complacent by Harrison’s disappearance, when he was again able to attend one of Chay’s sessions he was forced to bear witness to a truly horrific sight.
Despite knowing full well how to fire a gun — it had been covered in his first lesson — and now being quite a proficient shot, Chay was standing in front of the targets with Earth pressed against his back, the bodyguard guiding him on the correct stance and how to grip a gun properly in order to fire it. Chay had his neck craned to look up into Earth’s face, deliberately staring at him with big eyes and biting his lip seductively in ‘concentration’, a move Kim didn’t know he was capable of (under other circumstances he’d be thoroughly impressed). The look was clearly serving its intended purpose because Earth looked thoroughly seduced by Chay’s eyes and lips even though, as a bodyguard, he was not supposed to be so easily distracted.
To make matters worse, when Kim promptly rushed into Kinn’s office and reported this to his brother, demanding Earth be fired immediately, Kinn only laughed like his suffering was incredibly entertaining.
“I’m very sure I legally cannot fire someone for being sexually attracted to another person in their place of work,” Kinn said, still grinning like any of what was happening was even remotely funny.
“Why not? What’s he going to do, sue you for workplace discrimination?”
“Wouldn’t firing him for that reason make me a hypocrite given my boyfriend technically works for me?” Kinn said. The ‘technically’ referring to the fact that Porsche mostly just followed Kinn around under the guise of being his body guard, which was a pretty pointless facade given it was entirely undermined by how often this bodyguard-ing involved sitting in Kinn’s lap and doing other vomit-inducing things like feeding him and running his hands through his hair and kissing him on the cheek every time Kinn asked.
“So? What’s he going to do, file a complaint with HR? We don’t have HR!”
“Earth is a promising bodyguard and we need to replenish our ranks after our uncles coup, so no, I’m not firing him,” Kinn said. “Especially not over such a silly reason as a crush. And of course we have a HR department.”
“What?” Kim started. “No we don’t.”
”Yes we do, so I absolutely cannot just fire people.”
“But you have to fire Earth! You’d fire a bodyguard if they had a crush on Porsche,” Kim muttered, wondering if twenty one was really too big an age to throw a tantrum over being told no.
“A bodyguard has a crush on Porsche? Which one?.”
Kim only let out a frustrated groan and left his brother’s office. This frustration only increased tenfold when the following week his fear turned out to be entirely warranted after he walked around a corner in the compound to find Earth pressing Chay up against a wall as they ferociously made out (an image that was extraordinarily reminiscent of one of Kim’s recurring dreams, only in those he was in Earth’s place). Kim had been so startled he let out a very un-mafia-like squeak of surprise, causing the two to separate and turn their heads to look at him. Their lips were swollen from the vigorous kissing, and Kim was pretty sure his heart cracked in two like an egg. And to add insult to injury, they didn’t even have the decency to at least wait until he was no longer able to see or hear them to resume kissing.
For the two months that Earth and Chay were involved with each other, Kim caught them up to no good in some secluded corner of the compound no less than twenty four times (yes, he kept count!). It made him mourn for the months that Chay spent dating Harrison, where he was only subjected to helping him choose date outfits and seeing the photos of said dates all over Chay’s Instagram feed (yes, he had a secret account to stalk and screenshot all of his photos) because at least that was at a distance. If Kim had to round the corner and see Earth with his hand down Chay’s trousers, or vice versa, one more time he was going to throw the bodyguard out a window and then promptly hurl himself out after him.
Kim was finally put out of his misery after two months when Chay told Tankhun over a family breakfast (yes, they did those now at Tankhun’s insistence) he had to stop inviting Earth to their movie nights for a while until things stopped being awkward between them. Apparently, despite keeping things largely casual and unlabelled, it had proved to be too challenging to balance their ‘situationship’ — as Chay had described it to a baffled table of men that he seemed to forget were mostly much older than him — with Earth’s expanding role as a bodyguard. He just couldn’t dedicate the necessary time required for being with Chay. But, he assured them, they had parted on good terms and were hoping to stay friends.
As if Kim was allowing Earth within three feet of Chay after he had monopolised his time for the last two months, mostly to do unspeakable things that Kim had to bear witness too. No, it was Kim’s turn to monopolise every second of Chay’s time (yes, he was a hypocrite).
”I might re-assign him somewhere else temporarily, to make things less awkward,” Kinn said, thoughtfully.
”HR,” Porsche suggested.
”What?” Kim demanded.
”Oh, I invited Vegas and Macau to family breakfast tomorrow?”
”You did what?”
3 - a (much) older guy
The club Chay had suggested they visit was actually quite bearable despite Kim’s initial reservations, which were partly fuelled by the fact it was called Pacific (who the fuck named a night club after an ocean? What demographic was that supposed to appeal to? Was Kim no too old to keep up with the trends these days?). The music was decent, it was the right size not to feel either too empty or too claustrophobic, and the ocean motif was incorporated into the club's decor with tasteful subtlety in the form of blue neon lights and the names of the cocktails. All in all, the night spent with his brothers and the Kittisawat brothers was going well, right up until Chay returned from his supposed trip to the toilet with a man at his side.
“Hia,” Chay said, grinning bashfully and turning to glance at the man behind him before refocusing his gaze on his brother. “This is my boyfriend, Benz. He co-owns this club with his brother.”
And just like that, Kim’s night was ruined.
Benz was the next boyfriend to follow what appeared to be a disturbing pattern emerging in Chay’s dating life — in two ways.
The first way was a major cause of angst for Kim when he finally noticed it after being introduced to Benz, along with everybody else, at Pacific (clearly Chay and invited them with ulterior motives He’d some how hidden from them despite despite being seasoned members of the mafia while he was only a nineteen year old). The reason why it took Kim so long to notice it after was that the initial introduction was dominated by him processing the sleeve of tattoos (did the gun just happened to be tattooed between the lion and the wolf in the sleeve, or was the entire tattoo of seemingly random objects actually narrating the tale of a conflict between two of natures famed predators? If so, what was the significance of the clock and the barbed wire?).
Surprisingly, Porsche was largely civil with Benz. Though Kim was sure this was because Porsche was comfortable in the knowledge that he had the might of Thailand’s most powerful mafia family to rain down on Benz should he so much as breathe in the wrong direction. In fact, Kim was sure Porsche had covertly texted Arm to order a full background check when he’d been on his phone a few minutes ago. But Kim couldn't be sure because his mind was focused on the first way in which Benz fit a pattern — he was older than Chay.
Due to first studying business but dropping out after second year and swapping to his true passion of music, Harrison had been two years Chay’s senior, twenty to his then eighteen. Then Earth had been worse at a four year gap, twenty three to Chay’s nineteen. But Benz was the worst offender of all with a whopping six year age gap, being twenty six to Chay’s nineteen.
But it wasn’t just the ever widening age gap between Chay and his boyfriend’s that was causing Kim such grief, it was that he was just as much one of the older men on the boy’s growing list of flings as the afformentioned boyfriend. The idea that Kim simply fit Chay’s niche type, was just one amongst many instead of holding a unique and special place in his heart, was deeply wounding.
It also sent Kim into a spiral, wondering if he was part of an alarming dating trend inspired by Chay’s lack of male authority figure growing up. With a dead dad, an unreliable uncle and a brother working long hours to keep a roof over their heads since Chay was small, was he simply seeking what he’d never had in the men he dated? God, was Kim simply an outlet for the boy’s daddy issues? His fetish for older men?
These were the thoughts that haunted Kim Theerapanyakul as he stood zoned out in his shower at six in the morning the next day.
(Yes, he was a morning showerer, and no amount of bullying from Chay would change that.)
The next way Benz fit Chay’s concerning emerging dating pattern did not immediately occur to Kim. He was too busy being preoccupied with closely studying their relationship to see if it mirrored his own with Chay. This involved observing as Benz picked up and dropped off the boy for dates on the back of his motorcycle, doing some light stalking (honestly, it barely counted) by observing Chay as he hung around the club Benz co-owned with his older brother to watch them interact (and he concluded that Chay spent an unnecessary amount of time sitting on his boyfriend's lap in the VIP booth of the club, sipping on free drinks and giggling at whenever Benz whispered in his ear), and being absolutely flabbergasted when Benz got Chay’s name tattooed across his heart two weeks into them dating.
In the case of the last one, Kim had to be begrudgingly impressed. If there was another thing that defined all of Chay’s relationships it was that his boyfriends fell very hard very quickly for him, and seemed to spend their relationship tripping over themselves to cater to his whims. Much like many of the Theerapanyakul clan and their bodyguards now did. Much like Kim did. Perhaps getting people, mostly men, wrapped around his little finger was Chay’s hidden talent.
Luckily for Kim’s mental stability (which was already on the rocks long before Chay turned up, if he were being honest), he was only forced to endure their relationship for two months until Chay announced that he dumped Benz for being too overprotective, complaining that he had gone nineteen years of his life without a dad and so didn’t now need one in a boyfriend. And the steadily growing army of protective older brothers he had were enough.
Kim wasn’t sure what to make of Chay’s rage about the pitfalls of dating older men because while it suggested that phase was behind him, he himself had been one of those older men. Still, it couldn’t eclipse his glee when Kim finally noticed the second pattern in Chay’s dating — his boyfriends never lasted longer than two months.
Perhaps Kim could weather this revolving door of men if they were all temporary while he remained a permanent fixture in Chay’s life.
4 - basically Kim 2.0
Kim’s insecurity that he was simply Chay’s typical type in men and in no way a unique facet of his dating life was very much exacerbated by Benz’s successor, who was not entirely dissimilar to himself.
Narong was much like Earth in the fact that he wormed his way into Chay’s life when Kim wasn’t paying attention. Mostly because his lack of interest in the Theerapanyakul business — legal or illegal — meant he paid little attention to the youngest of Mr Rattanapong’s three sons, who only accompanied his father and older brothers to business meetings occasionally and with great reluctance. Narong was mostly sent away to occupy himself in the large Theerapanyakul compound, usually with guards and Macau (who was always underfoot now that the major and minor families were working much closer together since the deaths of their respective patriarchs). And from what little Kim did see of the boy, he was a spoiled mafia brat with a massive chip on his shoulders and a tendency for theatrics.
It wasn’t until Kim, who had slipped out the meeting when it shifted from business to sipping whiskey and his presence was therefore no longer required, stumbled across Narong sitting beside Chay on a set of stairs and talking deeply with him that he bothered to think about to boy.
“I don’t believe he’s bringing you along and then sending you away from the meetings to belittle you or embarrass you into taking part in the family’s business,” Chay said in a soft voice, the same voice he sometimes used to comfort Khun when he was struggling with his inner demons more than usual, or Kim when he approached him about his familial issues. Kim had even heard it directed towards injured bodyguards after missions. Alongside his hugs, Chay’s gentle voice and kind words were widely recognised in the Theerapanyakul compound as both incredible healing and comforting. “It sounds to me like your father is bringing you along to try and involve you in the business because he recognised that you are getting older and see you as just as much a rightful heir to the business as your older brothers, which can only be a good thing. And I think he isnt involving you in the meetings because he also understands that you are still young and perhaps weighing you down with too much involvement in the business will be detrimental for you. Someone your age wouldn’t be thinking about getting a job for a couple more years yet, and certainly not one as fraught with danger as yours will be. He’s not excluding you from the meetings because he doesn’t trust you, it’s for your benefit. I just think he’s not communicating that to you, and so you’re naturally jumping to co conclusions. Maybe talk to him, and enjoy the freedom your father is trying to give, be the young man he wants you to get the chance to be. Many in your position don’t.”
“Thanks, Chay,” Narong said, and then leaned in to accept a hug from him. And despite being very touched by his willingness to comfort a stranger and relating entirely to Narong’s desire to be comforted by Chay, Kim felt jealousy burn through him at the sight. Every time Chay got close to a new man, Kim couldn't help but feel usurped from his rightful place at his side.
As it turned out, Narong became a fixture at business meetings, happily scurrying off to hang out with Chay whenever his father sent him off to occupy himself. And in a completely sane and measured reaction, Kim began to look into the boy. And what he found was eerily familiar.
The youngest of the three sons of the Rattanapong mafia family, Narong, was allowed the most leeway of his brothers and used it to live the life of many nineteen year olds dreams. He partied with celebrities and socialites, and spent large chunks of money on designer clothes and cars and the latest gadgets. And he also carried a passion for a very non mafia pastime — he was in a band. He was also, much like Kim had first suspected, a grade A drama queen with a taste for the dramatics, which Kim liked to believe no longer applied to him but knew deep down knew still did.
He was also clearly nursing a crush on Chay, seduced by his big heart and genuineness, which contrasted greatly with the fake rich people of Thailand’s upper echelons and cruel criminals of its underbelly that Narong interacted with.
So, he was basically Kim 2.0. The second coming of Kim. Kim junior.
(But less handsome and nowhere near as good a singing voice, obviously).
They were involved for about 2 months — perhaps another ‘situationship’ like Earth had been, but Chay was not very forthcoming with the details — in which hanging around the compound escalated into actual dates. Narong would take him to fancy restaurants and lavish him with expensive gifts, all of which were some of Kim’s favourite things to do with Chay. Where Chay’s previous staple piece of jewellery he never took off was a delicate Swarovski silver chain from Kim, it became a silver bracket with a delicate N pendant from Narong. His go to guitar of use became one Narong gifted him instead of Kim’s. It was driving Kim crazy because it felt for all the wold like he’d been replaced by what was essentially a clone of himself at nineteen years old — false bravado and teenaged theatrics included — which was a major blow to his ego and basically the universe kicking him when he was already down.
“Isn’t Chay technically risking our alliance with this relationship?” Kim painted out desperately to his brother. “It’s very risky, we should put a stop to it.”
”What does HR think?” Tankhun said, turning to Kinn with a an excreted expression of seriousness on his face.
”HR approves.”
”Sorry, looks like it’s out of our hands, darling dearest Kimmy.”
Kim made a sound reminiscent of a popped tire deflating as a single tear escaped his eye.
The only saving grace was that, ultimately, Narong was no different than Chay’s other boyfriends when it came to longevity, and they broke up after two months. This was because Narong had decided to do the opposite of Kim and chose a heavily involved role in the mafia. This not only meant there wasn’t really time for him to be indulging in having a dating life, but them being from two different mafia clans would inevitably cause friction, even if they were allies. But they remained friends and always greeted each other warmly (and somewhat flirtatiously) whenever they saw each other, much to Kim’s chagrin.
Still, Kim 2.0 was gone and OG Kim had his boy back.
Because Chay was his boy at the end of the day, and no one could take that away from him.
5 - Macau
Perhaps Chay took the ending of his relationship due to conflicting mafia family loyalties to heart, because his next suitor was a little more closer to the Theerapanyakul clan. He was also easily the worst guy he could’ve got involved with, making Kim long for Chay to just date another bodyguard if he wanted to keep it in the family that badly.
Apparently hanging out with Narong, who was now a mutual friend to them both, meant Macau and Chay had developed a close relationship. They bonded over having protective older brothers, being the baby’s of the Theerapanyakul clan, and their years attending the same school. Chay regularly had sleepovers with him at the the minor family home (after moving past Vegas’ role in his kidnapping, they got on well and he had since been added to Chay’s army of doting older brothers, alongside the rest of his family and Pete). And despite it grating on Kim, he couldn’t exactly complain.
After all, Chay’s friendships were seriously impacted by his involvement with the Theerapanyakul clan. Every single one had to be thoroughly background checked and approved by Arm, and even then they had to to be kept at a distance from much of Chay’s life for the sake of sceurity but also their own safety. It would not do well to have them notice any of the more major abnormalities and begin to suspect there was more going on than the rumours suggested — currently, everyone at his school was convinced that Chay was the recently re-discovered missing heir of a rich family. With Macau, none of the caution and lies were needed, and Kim could hardly rob Chay of that.
Still, he came to regret this generous stance when Macau began to escalate their relationship beyond that of a friendship.
This escalation first started to become apparent to Kim when he noticed a new ring on Chay’s pinky finger which happened to share a few design details with the minor family’s signet ring. It wasn’t necessarily obvious, but Kim knew that ring well and he was enough of an obsessive bastard (especially when Chay was concerned) to notice. Then Kim picked up on a shift in Macau and Chay’s hanging out; from just involving purely platonic activities like sleepovers and playing video games, to also including more date-like activities such as dinners and cinema trips.
The final straw came when Chay dropped casually into conversation that during their sleepovers, he and Macau now cuddled up together in Macau’s bed at the boys insistence that it was simply more fun that way. The casualness with which Chay mentioned it and then moved on contrasted greatly with the way Kim promptly buffered for a good five minutes as his world slowly collapsed around him.
Then he promptly (and by promptly he meant he literally walked out while Chay was still talking and got in his car) drove to the minor family’s mansion and marched into their kitchen to find Vegas, Pete and Macau preparing lunch.
“You,” Kim said, pointing a finger at his cousin after storming into the room (yeah, he was still as melodramatic as in his former years). “Stop trying to date Chay right now.” Pete and Vegas were very pointedly continuing to prepare lunch, but Kim knew they were listening in. He also knew this interaction would make it back to his brothers and Porsche, because his family were major gossipers like that.
In response, Macau only grinned at him from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter and said, “or what?”
“I’ll dump your castrated body in my brother's koi pond,” Kim threatened, entirely serious. “I mean it. You’re not allowed to date Chay.”
“Says who? You?” Macau asked. “And what authority do you have to make that rule.”
“Chay is mine,” Kim hissed, and he wondered how much he and Macau sounded like children arguing over a toy. And then he felt a bit bad.
“He isn’t. You guys are friends, and he has loads of them anyway. But he doesn’t have a boyfriend. For now.”
Kim scoffed. Did Macau not know who he was talking to? He had outlasted four of Chay’s boyfriends and he was an integral part of his life in a way none of Chay’s friends were. What they had was vastly more profound than friendship — they understood each other. They shared a passion for music, they knew every inch of each other; fears, insecurities, darkest secrets. Macau was no threat to him. No man could ever truly threaten Kim’s place in Chay’s life, this he was confident of.
Despite Macau’s bold claim, he never quite made it officially to the status of Chay’s boyfriend. This wasn’t exactly a victory because that didn’t change the fact that they were clearly involved. And not all of Chay’s boytoys had been given the honour of the word boyfriend, either — Earth hadn’t, neither had Narong, only Harrison and Benz. Kim theorised this was because they lacked any mafia involvement so Chay felt more secure giving them the commitment of boyfriend status (not that they lasted longer than the non-boyfriends).
This theory was later confirmed when Kinn finally decided to take one for the team at a family film night in Khun’s room that Macau was not invited to, and asked what everyone wanted to know.
“So, Chay, is Macau your…uh…new boyfriend now?” Kinn asked with all the subtlety of a bullet train. Kim, who was not currently in the room but standing outside the door after returning from using the bathroom, couldn't help but wince at the use of the word ‘new’. They’d all agreed not to comment on Chay’s rapidly revolving door of boyfriends
“Of course not,” Chay said with a scoff, and Kim felt a glimmer of victory and smugness as he waited outside the room, somewhat curious to hear what was said but afraid him entering would put an end to that particular line of conversation. That smugnes was short lived as Chay followed up with, “No offense, but I wouldn’t date another mafia guy for all the money in the world.”
“Oh,” Kim heard Kinn say. “Why not?”
“Too much drama. There’s always some big danger going on to distract you. And most of you have serious emotional baggage,” Chay said with a huff, sounding like he was speaking without thinking. “Again, no offence.”
“None taken,” Kinn said. “Relationships in the workplace, especially with members of the family, are highly discouraged by HR,” he added sagely.
What?
And then Chay delivered the final crushing blow.
“Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure I’m done dating within the Theerapanyakul clan. Especially in the family. Again, again , no offence.”
That, that had really hurt.
“Maybe I should just be done with boys for a while. Clearly they’re not good enough for me.”
Kim heard Thankhun loudly agree with the statement and then the film was unpaused.
Kim stood outside for a few more minutes and thought about Chay’s words. And that fucking HR department they apparently had now.
+1
Kim had never considered himself to be a romantic person. In fact, if he thought about it (which he tried not to, self-reflection was not a useful trait in the mafia world) every single instance in which he was involved in with another man had been entirely casual and devoid of any intimacy or meaning. Until Chay, that is, who has had such a massive ripple effect in Kim’s life that he was still discovering the impact their meeting had wrought on him just over a year after it had occurred.
So here he was, Kim Theerapanyakul, the cold-hearted son of a mafia family, standing on the porch of a boy’s house, one Chay Kittisawat, the object of his dreams and desires. In one hand he held flowers and a gift bag, in the other a cup of coffee. This made ringing the doorbell a challenge, but he managed it with some minor manoeuvrings.
The door opened and out stepped Chay, looking as beautiful as he always did, wearing a loose shirt (Kim’s) and a pair of loose basketball shorts (not his, hopefully Chay’s though). He also looked perplexed, which was understandable given it was a random Sunday afternoon and Chay and Porsche’s presence at their own home was a well known signifier that they wanted Theerapanyakul-free time together, which they all usually respected.
“Chay,” Kim began, suddenly feeling very nervous despite having written and rehearsed the whole speech he was about to give, and then serving as his own personal hype man for the entire day leading up to this moment (he may or may not have repeated some affirmations to himself in the mirror before leaving the house). “You’ve dated 5 different men over the course of the past 10 months, all of which have lasted only 2 months.”
“Uh, yeah, I know, Kim. I was there,” Chay said, looking bemused. This wasn’t exactly the mood Kim had been hoping to evoke, but he was only a line into his confession and at least Chay wasn’t looking horrified, so he was calling this a win for himself.
“Uh, right, well,” Kim said, feeling flustered. “You broke up with them because they all fell short of what you deserve. Which is only right, obviously. And I know you told Kinn you were considering being done with boys—”
“Were you eavesdropping on our private conversation?”
“No,” Kim said hastily. “Well, yes, but not on purpose, I promise.”
“Sure,” Chay said, drawing the word out in a way that suggested he definitely didn’t believe Kim
“What I’m trying to say is, I definitely don’t think I deserve you, but I can promise that I’ll try everyday to. And I’d be honoured if you let me.”
“Let you…” Chay said, finally looking a little more serious.
“Be your boyfriend. Again. But better this time,” Kim hurriedly added. “Unlike Harrison, I’d never be a forgetful boyfriend. I’d always remember our anniversary because I’d save it on my calendar, just like I’ve done with the day we first met and the day you let me back into your life. I know your coffee order off by heart.” He thrust the sugary, iced monstrosity in his left hand at Chay, before continuing.
“In fact, I know all your orders by heart. I also know that sunflowers are your favourite because your mum’s favourite painting is the sunflower one by Van Gogh, and because you love the summer and the colour yellow so much. I’d also never like anyone else’s Instagram posts. I only follow you on my personal account anyway” Kim said, handing over the flowers he’d been holding to Chay. “Now that Kinn, Vegas and Porsche have everything under control I can go back to being barely involved, so unlike with Earth and Narong, I’ll never put mafia stuff over you.”
And while I can’t promise not to be a bit protective, not with how I grew up, I’ll never be like Benz. I would never baby you, Chay, and not just because you have enough people doing but because I know how capable you are Chay. I know you didn’t have an easy childhood, and I know your kindness is a choice and not a product of naivety. I’ve also seen you take down Pol in a fight so I know you’re tough; I’ll never forget it, mostly because I’ve had multiple dreams about. Which I wasn’t actually supposed to mention, please forget that bit.”
“I absolutely will not,” Chay said with a grin. “What kind of dreams? Sexy ones?”
“Let’s never talk about this again.”
“No, we will.”
“Anyway,” Kim said firmly, trying to regain control of the conversation’s direction. “I won’t pretend that I don’t come with just as much baggage as Macau because that would be a lie, and I’ve lied enough to you for a lifetime and I will never do it again.”
But..but,” Kim stuttered slightly when he realised that he didn’t really have a defence against the reason Chay had given for not dating Macau. “I’m just better than him. I’m older, I have a cool car, meanwhile he can’t even drive…uh…I’m better looking…”
“Alright, alright,” Chay said, and for a painful twenty seconds he said nothing. “Do you really have a personal Instagram account that you only follow me on?”
Kim blinked, a little startled that that was the bit Chay wanted to revisit.
“Yes, I only made it to look at your account, so why would I follow anyone else?”
Chay’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, and he said, “Kim, do you Instagram stalk me?”
“Every night,” Kim said automatically, deciding that the ship of embarrassing confessions had long since sailed.
“Well,” Chay said, taking a step forward. “Stop doing that.”
“Sure, okay,” Kim muttered, feeling very much crushed.
“Instead just look at me, because I’ll be next to you in bed, okay?” Chay said, reaching out and using the loops Kim’s trousers to pull him against his body.
“Okay,” Kim wheezed out, flustered by their sudden proximity. He could feel the warmth of Chay’s body through both their clothes, and he could see every detail of Chay’s face with it so close to his.
Chay pulled them into a proper embrace, and Kim welcomed it with vigour. He can’t help but breath in the scent of the other boy, feeling extraordinarily lucky to be able to call him his once again.
“Kim?”
“Yes?”
“You’re still going to Instagram stalk me every night, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.”
Chay just sighed and squeezed him tighter. They lingered on the porch for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of each other is an intimate moment that is ruined when Chay shifted his hand to grope Kim’s ass with a wicked grin, and Kim let out a high pitched shriek in response that had Chay cackling.
”Now all that’s left to do is get HRs approval,” Kim said.
”What?”
“HR? Kinn told me I needed approval to date you.”
”You do know HR is just a job Kinn made up for Porcshe so he had a reason to hang around him all the time? I think they’ve started to use it as part of their foreplay too, it’s weird.”
”They fucking what?”