Chapter Text
Two years.
It had been almost two years since Tommy had been exiled from L'Manberg. And it had been exactly a year and nine months since he had set foot back here, since he had dared to return. This place had been his home once, hadn't it? Although, looking back now, he realized… home was supposed to be somewhere you felt safe, and Tommy didn't ever think he'd felt truly safe here. He didn't think he ever had been truly safe here. Even now, as he stepped through the Nether portal, as he stared ahead toward the buildings and the path he had walked so many times… his skin crawled. Discomfort skittered up his spine, sending chills through his veins. Tommy took a step backwards, staring ahead numbly while the portal whirred and flashed behind him; Bloom was the next to jump through, pausing at his heels and shaking herself off. Tommy reached down for her instinctively, pulling her into his arms. He did not feel safe here.
"This was a mistake," he muttered, mostly to himself. Bloom looked up at him curiously, then turned her head to look around, scanning the area silently. Her ears swiveled forward, head tilting, while Tommy continued to retreat back toward the Nether portal. He shouldn't have come. And he especially shouldn't have come alone, with just Bloom. He couldn't protect her if something happened, he could hardly protect himself. "This was a mistake. I'm not supposed to be here… not supposed to be here…" He took a breath to steady himself, turning to the portal.
"Why not?" Bloom squirmed a bit in his arms, not quite trying to get away, but Tommy held her tighter reflexively before abruptly realizing what he'd done and loosening his grip again quickly.
"Because…" Tommy shot a quick glance over his shoulder. "I… I just don't- I haven't been…"
"You came here for a reason, didn't you?" Bloom prompted, stretching up to give his chin a light nudge with her nose. Tommy rested one hand over her head, grimacing as he turned his attention back to her. "I've been here with Papa before, it's usually pretty quiet anyways." She shifted in his arms again, resting her head against his chest and blinking up at him with those soft, warm purple eyes, and Tommy felt his resolve crumble a bit. "C'mon. You worry too much."
"I worry for good reason," Tommy refuted, but he did take another deep breath to steady himself, and a reluctant step away from the portal. "Don't think there's ever been a time in my life where I didn't need to worry about something. Better to plan ahead," he muttered. Bloom stretched up again, gently pressing her cheek against his, letting out a quiet, reassuring bleat. Tommy pressed his mouth against the top of her head, breathing in the soft, sweet scent of flowers, and finally forced himself to turn away from the portal again. Staring down the Prime Path didn't used to be so daunting - it used to be something he didn't think twice about - but now he felt nothing but fear and uncertainty. He couldn't shake this feeling that clung to him, this feeling of wrongness, this terror, this I'm not supposed to be here, I was exiled, Dream's gonna-
Tommy clenched his teeth, swallowing back a groan. Dream's not fucking here.
"You got this," Bloom murmured into his shoulder. "You can do this, Dad."
"I can do this," Tommy echoed, breathing in through his teeth. "I can do this. I can fucking do this." He took a step forward and his resolve wavered again, doubts invading his mind like parasites. He shook them off the best he could, and forced himself to continue forward. Leaving the little platform that the Nether portal resided on, and slowly, surely, taking those first few steps onto the Prime Path. There was no grand shift when he did, no puzzle piece clicked into place, his fear and uncertainty didn't vanish. This path didn't mean anything to him. Not now. Not anymore. Not after everything. That revelation was rather bittersweet, and a little relieving. And a little depressing. And a mix and flurry of all these emotions that Tommy couldn't decipher.
After some time, Tommy hesitantly put Bloom back down, letting her trot along beside him as they continued down the path. He took in the buildings as they went, some new and some old. That heavy feeling in his chest didn't let up, but it was a little easier to ignore as time went on. He had half a mind to go visit his old house, maybe sit on the bench again for old time's sake…
"There's the fox boy's bakery," Bloom piped up suddenly, and a tone Tommy recognized far too well entered her voice as she spoke, trotting ahead a little. "Maybe we should pay him a visit…"
"No, no, no." Tommy quickened his pace again to walk beside her. "We're not causing trouble."
"Aww… why not?"
"Because the last time I caused trouble here, I got exiled." Tommy blew his hair out of his face, casting a quick look around to make sure they were still alone. They were, and… admittedly, that was kind of unnerving. This place had never been so quiet, not that Tommy remembered. It had always been so full of life, so bright, and loud. Now it seemed almost dull. Lifeless, and dull, and nothing like the L'Manberg Tommy used to know. His eyebrows furrowed as they continued down the path, but he slowed his pace a bit when they began to reach where his old house was. Was he ready for this? Everything else, so far, was… fine. It was weird, and different, but fine. This wasn't as painful as he thought it was going to be, he didn't feel as bitter as he expected to.
Bloom paused beside him, and lightly bumped her head against his leg, pressing up against him. Tommy reached down and rested his hand over her head, gently carding his fingers through her fur and lightly scratching behind her ears. "Thank you for coming with me today, Bloom," he murmured, gently dragging his hand across the flower buds blooming on her back. The calf stretched up, leaning into his touch, and Tommy brought his hand back up to her head. They continued on after a moment, slowly descending the stairs, and Tommy's breath caught in his throat at the sight that lay ahead of them. His old house. His old house- kept perfectly intact.
So much had changed in L'Manberg, but this. This threw him right back to the old days. Bloom bounded ahead and jumped into the yard, almost as if she was coming home, too. Tommy took a step forward, and then another, and then stopped. His gaze shifted toward where the bench was, and finally, a confusing mess of emotions swelled up within him, heart pounding in his chest. His mouth went dry, struggling to swallow. Now it hurt. Now it was painful and bitter. But it was also amazing, at the same time; being here again left his chest aching and hands trembling, but it was a gleeful kind of feeling. Being back here again, revisiting his old home - and knowing that it wasn't his home anymore, this wasn't his life anymore, almost soothed him. Knowing that what he was going back to was so different from what this was, it was comforting.
Tommy didn't want that life, he didn't want these streets, he didn't want this house. He cast another quick look toward Bloom to check on her, and carefully ventured closer to the bench. That was what he wanted. This was what he wanted. This bench and this jukebox, those memories were welcome. Bittersweet, but welcome. He stalled to a stop just behind the bench, curling his hands over the back of it carefully, and closed his eyes, taking a slow, steady breath.
He stood there for a moment, letting these memories drown him. He imagined he was a child again, sitting on the bench with Tubbo, listening to his- to Dream's discs play in the background. Life had been so simple back then. At least simpler than it was a few months ago. Things were starting to become simple again, though. It wouldn't ever be… the way that it was, and that was okay, Tommy could adjust, he could adapt, he could move forward, and he had, and he still was. But things were becoming simple again. Things were looking up and looking better and looking okay again. And in the end, that was what mattered. That his life the way it was now was okay.
That he… was okay. He was okay.
"Tommy?"
And he did not just scream like a fucking girl. At all. Under any circumstances. Absolutely not. He was just a little startled, his heart hadn't jumped out of his chest or anything. No, he was fine.
Tommy breathed out slowly through his teeth, and took about five more seconds to calm down - and then to register the fact that the voice he had heard was not Bloom's - before abruptly whirling around in alarm, mouth open and ready to call out for his daughter. The words died on his tongue the split second he caught sight of who was standing before him, though, eyes widening slightly and his jaw falling slack. It shouldn't have taken him so off guard as it did, but for some reason, Jack fucking Manifold was the very last person Tommy had expected to see. He looked well, a bit taller than Tommy remembered. Still had those fucking 3D glasses, his headphones pulled down and resting around his neck instead. His hands were in his pockets and for the most part, he stood rather casually, but his entire demeanor fucking radiated anxiety.
"Jack…" He managed, frighteningly quiet to his own ears. He couldn't see Jack's eyes, but he watched his brows furrow slightly, his mouth opening and closing as he seemingly tried to figure out what to say - but both of them had been left completely speechless, stunned into silence. Tommy didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He and Jack… they were… they used to be friends, Tommy remembered. But they had grown apart so quickly; he had no idea where Jack was during exile, or even before that, or any of it. But he remembered he had been there that day in the tundra, he'd been part of the gathered crowd, one of many who saved him.
"You, um…" Jack took a sudden, deep breath in. "You look better than the last time I saw you." Tommy just blinked back at him, thinking back to that day. To the last time Jack had seen him. Bloody and bruised and injured and terrified. The memory made his stomach twist uncomfortably; so many people had been there that day, so many people had seen him like that.
"Yeah," he finally spoke after a few moments, struggling to focus. "I'm uh… I'm definitely doing better since… since then." He let his gaze stray, checking on Bloom; the calf had stopped frolicking through the yard and was resting in the grass, sprawled out on her side and watching them both intently. Once he had assured himself with the fact that she was okay, Tommy could relax a little, slowly settling his weight back against the bench and flicking his gaze back to Jack. The older boy clearly had absolutely no fucking idea what to say or do; just standing there with his hands in his pockets, still radiating awkwardness and uncertainty. "... Ho- how've you been?"
Jack's furrowed eyebrows relaxed and raised, mouth opening briefly in surprise, but no sound coming out for a few moments. "Oh. I've been- I mean, I've been fine. You know, ah- relatively." He took another breath, as if to calm his nerves. Tommy mirrored the action, feeling his pounding heart beat a little harder and faster for a split second before he exhaled and it calmed. "Arguably better than you've been. Niki told me about, um-" Jack's voice quieted. "Everything…"
"Oh." Tommy wasn't sure what to say to that. "I mean, I've been alright since… yeah." He cleared his throat, biting the inside of his cheek. Jack offered a hum, but he didn't say anything. Tommy shifted in place for a moment, wracking his brain trying to figure out what to say next. This was harder than it should be, he lamented. He remembered the days when he couldn't seem to shut himself up. He almost missed those days, he missed… he missed himself. His eyes strayed toward Bloom again, shoulders sagging. He wished he could be more like her, like his old self again. But he also didn't, because being that… that was what got him into this mess. That was what got him exiled, and hurt, for so long. That was the most painful thing, he thought. Finally being able to look back on what he used to be and miss it, but know that he can't have it.
It was akin to the way he felt about Dream. Tommy pushed those thoughts aside very quickly.
"Have you met Bloom?" He wasn't sure why the fuck he said that, the idea of anyone outside of the cottage being around Bloom made his skin crawl. While he kicked himself, Jack's face lit up.
"Oh, yeah!" Jack turned his head to look back toward Bloom, grinning. Tommy tensed, and almost took a step toward them, ready to defend Bloom with his fucking life if he had to - only to stop again when Jack merely crouched down where he stood, holding a hand out toward Bloom, who immediately rose back to her hooves and trotted over to where they stood, bleating happily.
"Jack Manifold, my Manifold!" Bloom pressed her head into Jack's hand. "Good seeing you, sir." And Tommy could have fucking laughed, he actually did a little despite himself, but he fell silent again quickly. He didn't know how the fuck this little calf was more social than he was, but it said a lot about Tommy's life, and it was honestly somewhat depressing. But that's what this was for. Revisiting L'Manberg, going back to his roots, speaking with the people he used to know. That was what he had set out to do, and though he had thought - hoped - that there wouldn't be anyone else around for him to actually have to interact with… it was what he still intended to do.
"This one's fond of you, Dad," Bloom spoke suddenly, still nuzzling Jack's hand while he scratched behind her ears. Tommy blinked, flicking his gaze back toward the little cow again. "Bit scared, though, isn't he?" She rested her chin in the palm of Jack's hand, and they both just watched for a moment while the man practically melted, cooing softly at the calf as he shifted to his knees to pet her a little easier. "He's also… sad, I think," Bloom continued after a moment. "I don't know why, though. It's a really… it's kind of a bittersweet feeling. He's sad, and confused."
Tommy wasn't sure he should be hearing these things, in all honesty. It felt far too personal, information that should only be disclosed to him by Jack and Jack alone. But… he couldn't help but feel a little concerned, as well, turning his gaze back to the older boy. Once one of his best friends, now nearly a stranger standing before him. And his heart ached with a familiar longing, relentless and strong. It wouldn't rest, and Tommy didn't want it to. He wanted his friends back. He didn't want his life the way it used to be - but this new life he had, he wanted the people he used to love to be a part of that. And Jack was one of those people, not that he'd say that aloud. Or maybe he would. Things had changed, he had changed. He was more willing to admit these things than he used to be - for all that sadness, maybe that was something Jack needed to hear.
He watched them for a moment longer before speaking again, quiet. "We were just walking around L'Manberg a bit… reminiscing a little, I guess." He shifted in place and pulled himself away from the bench completely, crossing the distance between them. Jack looked back up at him, reluctantly withdrawing his hand from Bloom and pushing himself back up to his full height.
"Right." Jack breathed out slowly through his teeth. "I should let you get on with that, then."
"You could join us," Tommy offered quietly. "It's… it's been a long time. We could… catch up." And his heart was pounding, and his mind was racing, and he felt cold, and scared, and- and…
And the startled delight that flashed across Jack's face was well worth it.
Jack grinned at him, and Tommy managed a small smile back in response. "Yeah! Why not?"