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Erwin awoke to the sound of rain drumming on glass and the wind howling through the cracks in the windowsill, granting entrance to the fresh smell of autumn with its bittersweet odor of fallen leaves turning into soil outside.
Reluctant to accept his ascent from his peaceful slumber, Erwin buried his nose into his pillow for extra warmth, tucking the duvet tightly around himself to fight off the frigid morning temperatures from entering his body.
Behind him, he could hear Fishbait, the calico cat that had decided to adopt them a few months ago whom Levi so lovingly had named, begin to purr in anticipation of attention. Soon after, Erwin felt her sharp claws kneading expectantly against his back.
"I'm up," he assured her groggily, twisting beneath the covers to run his hand through her fluffy coat. The cat rose to its feet and stretched, her bottom high and front legs outstretched on the mattress. Erwin had never been one to waste daylight and as he reluctantly got up with the duvet still cozily wrapped around his shoulders, a mile-long to-do list was already forming in his mind.
As expected, Levi's side of the bed was neatly made and the crutch that had aided him around for the past two years was gone from their bedside.
Once dressed in comfortable slacks and a thick woolen cardigan, Erwin exited the bedroom and was immediately struck by the sweet smell of pine from the fireplace. The chill that remained in his body slowly melted away into bliss and gratitude for their new, safe, predictable life.
"Good morning," Levi huffed sullenly, voice rough with sleep. Erwin had caught him in the middle of filling a kettle with water.
"It's nice knowing that no matter how stormy it is outside, there's always a ray of sunshine inside," Erwin returned cheekily, coming up behind Levi to give him a quick peck on top of the head. Levi clicked his tongue disapprovingly, turning off the faucet. Despite Levi's familiar standoffishness, Erwin felt his partner lean back into his chest and rested there for a moment. Erwin felt a surprisingly radiant heat, as well as small, nearly unnoticeable quivers.
"Are you okay?" Erwin asked and placed his hands on Levi's shoulders, hoping it would be calming. “You’re all wet.”
"I'm fine," Levi answered instantly. "I just had a shower, and it’s as cold as a well-digger's ass in here."
Erwin hummed, looking toward the steadily growing fire in the living room.
"Also, we're nearly out of firewood," Levi added. "Would you mind fetching some?"
"Sure," Erwin readily agreed, finally letting go of Levi to go put his boots and coat on.
Levi awoke from his own voice, fading out in the middle of a sentence that he immediately forgot what was. His pulse was beating rapidly, tongue and lips dry as he tried to catch his breath while feeling impossibly thirsty.
Erwin was still asleep. Levi faintly remembered stirring when he had joined him in bed late last night, which meant that Erwin likely had been up doing paperwork at an ungodly hour again. It was kinda nice though. Levi had worried about Erwin struggling to find purpose in a life as mundane as this. Instead, Erwin had flourished in his position as a school teacher, walking in his father’s footsteps proudly. Levi sometimes amused himself, imagining Erwin raising a little army of conspiracy theorists in his classrooms- although Erwin’s conspiracies had turned out to be absolutely correct in the past.
If anyone was struggling for a purpose, it was Levi. However, he did enjoy the boredom that their new life came with, as absurd as that sounded. Before, Levi would be driven up a wall if he didn’t constantly have something to do, but now, he found himself embracing it more often than not. Those peaceful, short moments when all he could hear was Erwin’s soft snores and the buzz of Fishbait’s purrs, sleeping soundly, safely, next to him. After all, it meant that they had gotten through 100% of their worst days together.
A sudden shiver made the hairs on the back of his neck stand upright. A strange sense of too hot and too cold washed down his back. Levi rubbed his face, trying to check for a fever but he couldn’t tell with his hands freezing like this. He shifted under the quilt, wanting to go back to sleep but his left leg felt as if it was on fire.
This had happened many times since their last battle; after that oversized piece of lard had turned his leg into a chew toy. Erwin had told him about weather pains back before he inherited the Colossal, so it wasn’t entirely a surprise when the stumps on his hand and his useless leg started to throb on particularly cold, warm, or rainy days. However, as painful as it could get, something in the back of his mind told him that something didn’t feel right today, but he pushed it all the way to the back of his mind and dragged himself upright before he could overthink it.
As carefully as his now clumsy limbs could, he threw his legs off the bed, manually having to pick up his left leg to get it to move. It felt exceptionally stiff and achy, and sitting up, his head went spinning. A small sting in his chest strained every breath he took.
He rationalized that maybe he was just coming down with a cold, which couldn't be helped and it was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. Finally, he forced himself to stand up, grabbing his crutch, and tried his best to walk silently over to their shared wardrobe. He pulled out a pair of loose pants and one of Erwin's thick woolen sweaters. His skin was pricking, feeling too sensitive to put on any sort of figure-hugging clothing. Besides, Erwin hadn't used this shirt in a long time, likely because he no longer followed the rigorous training routines they used while in the Corps. Levi enjoyed the slight belly that would peek out between the strained buttons on Erwin’s older shirts and actually made an effort to let Erwin know in a nice way. They both found it amusing, actually. It reminded them of how good they had it now.
Once getting cleaned up in the washroom, Levi made his way downstairs, each descending step painstaking. Once at the bottom, he could feel droplets of sweat accumulating at his hairline. His leg was stiff and painful to move, and it felt excruciating to put any pressure on it.
Subconsciously, his eyes moved to the cupboard where they had stashed his wheelchair. Levi hated that thing with a vengeance. It felt like all of his scars were exaggerated tenfolds whenever they went out in public and he had to sit in that thing. People made an effort to get out of the way when Erwin, Onyankopon, or anyone else rolled him through the cobbled streets downtown. Strangers looked at him with disgusting pity. It felt even shittier when the pity came from someone he knew. Levi had come a long way with asking for help and accepting his shortcomings, but his tolerance of being vulnerable ran out quickly. So as long as he was able to stand upright and not get in anyone’s way, he’d walk, however slowly and painfully.
The first thing he did was begin working on the fire in the living room. Erwin had always been better than him at it, getting a steady flame on the first try every time. Levi had never had a fireplace in his living space until they moved into this house. In the Underground, it was prohibited because the fumes had no place to go, making the air even more polluted than it already was. Once he lived in the Survey Corps HQ, only the higher-ups had private fireplaces, and the building itself had a central heating system that Levi never personally dealt with. Also, they were running out of firewood, which meant that Levi actually had to get it on the first try to get the house warmed up before Erwin woke up. Unfortunately, fetching wood from the shed was one of the tasks that Levi was unable to do.
He was lucky, this time, managing to get it going with what he had. If he had thrown in a few pages of what he hoped was not any of Erwin’s student’s school work too, to keep the spark alive, Levi deemed it worth not freezing their asses off.
Levi got to work on breakfast, throwing a few eggs into a pot and setting it to boil on the gas stove. He cut up some bread and put it in a small wicker basket on top of a few colorful napkins. He had almost been successful in forgetting about his pain in the steady stream of habitual chores when the room tilted. He had bent down slightly to get the milk out of the icebox, and all of a sudden, the floor seemed to be swimming. The white walls were dotted with tiny black spots and a wave of nausea flooded through his abdomen. Levi desperately grabbed onto the icebox for purchase, keeping a white-knuckled grip to keep himself from collapsing.
His leg was hit by a pain so severe it made him want to vomit. The several bones that had been crushed between the titan’s teeth felt like they wanted to escape his skin and an unpleasant mental image of twigs bending and snapping under pressure came to mind. Levi tried to take deep inhales as sweat trailed down his cheeks and forehead. He could feel the pricking sensation of his sweat glans being activated all over his body and his shirt was already sticking to his back.
Footsteps came from the floor above and he realized that Erwin was awake. He needed to snap out of this before he came downstairs. There was no reason for Erwin to worry about this stupid little thing and besides, Levi had never seen Erwin be as weak and pathetic as he acted right now back when Erwin was the one suffering from weather pains before the titan serum had healed his body.
Levi forced himself to stand up and rushed to find a kettle to fill with water, hoping it made him look busy. Normal. The eggs were boiling- he hadn’t even noticed. Shit, he hadn’t set a timer.
Everything- the pains, the eggs, the tea and coffee- all of the things that he usually dealt with so mindlessly, all of a sudden overwhelmed him beyond belief. He wanted to throw the kettle to the ground- to smash the pan with the eggs against the wall. He wanted to yell at these inanimate objects and what the hell was happening to him—
Erwin’s lazy pads grew closer and Levi understood that he was on his way down the stairs. Levi quickly turned the faucet on to disguise his heavy breathing, beginning to fill the kettle once he knew Erwin was in the room.
“Good morning,” Levi forced out, grimacing. His voice had barely lasted through the greeting. It was more rapsy than antisipated.
"It's nice knowing that no matter how stormy it is outside, there's always a ray of sunshine inside.”
Levi tried to scoff, but Erwin suddenly pressed himself against his back. For whatever reason, alarm bells went off in Levi’s head and his body went rigid, but he quickly pulled himself out of it. That was ridiculous. It was a hug. He got those now. What was happening with him today? Maybe he should say something- tell Erwin—
"Are you okay?" Erwin asked. “You’re all wet.”
“I’m fine,” Levi replied immediately. So maybe not. "I just had a shower, and it’s as cold as a well-digger's ass in here." It seemed like a reasonable explanation for his current state. Erwin even chuckled at his dumb potty humor.
Levi could feel his legs growing weaker beneath him now, and he desperately needed to sit down. He just couldn’t get himself to worry Erwin before work. He would tell him that something didn’t feel right, just… later .
"Also, we're nearly out of firewood," Levi quickly added as the thought struck him. "Would you mind fetching some?"
"Sure," Erwin agreed, smiling before giving him a quick kiss on top of the head, finally moving out of the kitchen.
Levi let out a relieved sigh, thinking he could sit down for a few minutes when Fishbait casually sauntered into the kitchen. She hummed contently as she spotted him, gliding across the floor to rub her fluffy body against his legs before moving to her empty food bowl. There, she sat down, looking up at him expectantly.
Levi groaned. “You filthy little pest,” he growled lowly, placing his sweaty face into his palms, and resting against the kitchen counters. Fishbait meowed her despair when he hadn’t given her any attention for a while. After all, she probably hadn’t eaten in several excruciating hours.
Finally, Levi had gathered enough strength to manage the few steps over to the cupboard that held the cat chow, but once he rose onto his toes to reach it, a stabbing sensation shot through his left leg. The pain was so intense that Levi forgot where he was. His hand went limp on the side of his body and he swayed on his feet, suddenly staggering back a step and onto his bad leg which immediately gave out. He let out an undignified yelp when his head hit the floor with a muted thud. He choked back a groan, the edges of his vision going dark and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight the panic that made his breath quicken to a dizzying pace.
This wasn’t good. He was on the ground, and he couldn’t get back up.
‘Fishbait is gonna die of hunger if you don’t get back up,’ the cat seemed to tell him telepathically. She sashayed over to where Levi was sprawled out on the floor, boneless and in pain, carelessly jumping onto his heaving chest, eyeing him with clear discontent.
“Not helping,” Levi scoffed. heaving for breath. The feline shook her head and finally settled into a ball on his chest, clearly enjoying the radiant heat emitting from Levi’s body.
Erwin spent the next five minutes gathering wood into a raggedy burlap sack. The wind howled through the crooked boards in the shack. Erwin shuddered in the frigidness that seeped in between the cracks. He already dreaded the short stretch back to the house. The rain felt like lashes whipping across his face and the wind was close to knocking him off his feet.
Luckily, nothing of the sort happened as he sprinted over the muddy courtyard and onto their patio, throwing open the door and hurrying back inside, slamming the door shut behind him. Once inside, he sighed in relief, chipping off his shoes but leaving his coat on.
“It’s freezing outside,” he informed, lugging the sack into the living room, beginning to balance the wood onto the log carrier next to the fireplace. He threw another three pieces of wood into the fire to keep it going, watching the embers rise contently.
“E-Erwin?” Levi’s voice called feebly from the kitchen, and Erwin instantly knew that something was terribly wrong. Erwin rushed to his feet, leaping across the living room floor and into the kitchen, the kindling fire forgotten.
He entered the kitchen and found Levi on the floor, prompted up against a kitchen counter, looking significantly paler than before, except for his cheeks and nose that were noticeably flushed. Fishbait was curled up protectively in his lap.
“Levi! What happened?”
Erwin was by his side in an instant, hands already taking vitals, feeling for a fever, caressing his cheeks soothingly.
“It’s just the weather,” Levi shrugged, trying to give Erwin a reassuring smile. “You know how it is some days.”
“No, Levi. No.” Erwin shook his head, the crease between his eyebrows growing deeper. “I know weather pains . They are annoying, and sometimes very painful. But not-” He gestured with his hands, taking Levi’s face in his two strong hands, brushing his hair back, “-not this. Levi. Did you ever see me looking like this because of stormy weather?”
Levi just stared at him, eyes blank, glazed over with fever. “I just figured you were better at hiding it.”
Erwin scoffed, shaking his head. “Let’s get you back in bed. I’ll make us breakfast, and get the fire burning properly.”
“You need to feed her too,” Levi reminded Erwin. The cat’s mismatched ears perked up at the sound of breakfast. “I think she’s in a really bad way. Clearly malnourished. Near starvation. Absolutely famished.”
Erwin scratched Fishbait’s fluffy belly, giving the love handle a light squeeze. “I think she’ll live.”
The cat jumped off Levi’s lap the moment Erwin gathered Levi’s currently fragile form into his strong arms. He was so much lighter now than back in Paradis. It made sense, Erwin figured. They didn’t need to keep in peek shape anymore, and Levi could no longer run, jump or even walk any significant amount.
That didn’t mean that he had gotten lazy. Levi did the exercises that the physical therapist had given him every day, and his upper body had kept its sublime sculpt through all of the trauma it had been through. Yet, some muscle mass was expected to be lost, and right now as Erwin carried Levi through the house, he was grateful for that.
A clammy forehead rested against Erwin’s strong neck and a surge of happiness spread through Erwin like wildfire from the knowledge that Levi trusted his entire weight to Erwin so easily.
“I find you fascinating,” he muttered into the cluster of damp locks.
“Still, after all these years?”
“You trust me to carry your entire weight while you are in pain, but you don’t trust me to tell me that you are feeling it before I find you on the floor.”
Levi scoffed. “I didn’t know. I thought it was some psychosomatic bullshit I didn’t need to worry about.”
“Either way. Pain is a way for our bodies to tell us that we need to take care of it.” Levi rolled his eyes.
Erwin stopped to ease open the bedroom door, and Levi burrowed even closer to him if even possible and hummed thoughtfully.
“Erwin?”
“Yes, Levi?”
“I think I’m sick.” Levi’s voice was muffled against Erwin’s shirt, and his breath felt warm and pleasant against Erwin’s skin. Erwin couldn’t keep himself from chuckling as they entered the bedroom.
“Better late than never I guess.”
Erwin gently placed Levi onto his side of the bed, not missing the sharp inhale from Levi as he removed his arm from underneath his legs and replaced it with a pillow to keep his bad leg elevated. Then, he draped their thick duvet over the shivering form on the bed.
“Now I want you to relax. I’ll be back in a little bit with a hot water bottle and some tea. How does that sound?”
“Like you’re my mom,” Levi joked half-heartedly but was already drifting out of consciousness, and Erwin knew too much about Levi at this point in their relationship to find the poorly attempted joke to be funny. It was heartbreaking more than anything.
When Levi’s breaths evened out into quiet, soft snores, Erwin bowed down to kiss Levi's knitted eyebrows. "No, like I'm your husband."