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It didn’t start straight away. It took a few hours for the stress of the day to eat away at him enough for it to happen.
Since almost getting his head blown off, Ianto had been busy dishing out retcon, loading Rhys into the SUV and watching Owen and Gwen and Tosh head back to the hub, leaving him and Jack to lay Kerosene over the warehouse.
Glimpsing into the side mirrors of the Harwood's van as he and Jack drove away, Ianto watched the fire suddenly catch the roof of the warehouse. Flames grasping higher and higher and plumes of smoke following them.
Back at the hub, everything seemed to decompress with the realisation that Rhys was going to fine. Everyone seemed to breathe easier, and as soon as Jack was able to convince Gwen to give Rhys a dose of retcon, everything would be able to go back to how it was.
Except Ianto had unease he couldn't quite grasp well enough to shake off. It had been a stressful day. He probably needed some time to unpack the last few hours.
It followed him as he walked though the hub. The feeling of impending doom. He was being ridiculous. It was nothing. He was fine. Ianto was determined that he was fine.
That faint smell of smoke. Not just smoke though. Like meat cooking but- but wrong. But awful.
The lights in the hub started to look weird. Glaring, uncomfortable. Then everything else seemed to be far away.
It was his jacket- the smell was on his jacket, which he then immediately shrugged off and left on the sofa. The smell of the space whale being incinerated. The problem was it smelt like charred human flesh.
Oh- Oh no. Not this again. Ianto realised what was happening, and went to wash his hands. That worked before, it stopped the flashback before it started last time. He splashed water on his face. “This is just a memory.” He mumbled to himself.
It didn’t work, he could see the flames reaching into the sky- the heat. Dammit. Did they have any lemons? That was supposed to work. Last week he bought jarred lemon slices. They were in Jack’s office with the whiskey. He counted his footsteps as he trudged across the hub, his footfalls unusually heavy as he tried to ground himself through feeling the movement. “This is just a memory.”
He hadn't heard Jack call to him as he walked past.
He walked into the office, but started to become overwhelmed by the noise. Guns firing. Daleks. Cybermen. Burning flesh. Screaming.
There was no escaping it.
He managed to sit, on the floor- holding onto the edge of reality as the past rushed at him like a wave. “This-“he tried to say it again but couldn’t.
If anything it was more real now, at the time he'd survived the battle of Canary Wharf through detachment. It was a matter of keep it together or perish. Now, no matter how much he tried to insist to himself he couldn't be back there- the terror was real. Death, or a fate worse than that was much closer now. And no one was coming to save him. Alone, on the floor of Jack’s office, he was consumed by it.
Not for long though. Over the flashes of gun fire and screeching of ‘Exterminate,’- Jack was talking, quickly crouching on the floor and coming into view, immediately understanding what was happening.
Jack was talking. Ianto tried to focus on him, on his eyes. Those intensely blue eyes. “This is just a memory.” He managed to mumble.
He managed to focus on Jacks voice, earnest but with an edge of concern. “It’s not happening again. You’re having a flashback, Ianto. It feels real but it isn’t. You’re in Cardiff and you’re safe.”
Jack was knelt in front of him, close but not touching him. His voice was calm, but clipped.
"Jack-" Ianto needed to say his name. He needed to be able to show Jack that he still had a grip on reality.
"I'm here with you." Jack nodded, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Ianto- aware that such a gesture could make everything worse. He carried on talking-.
“Take some deep breaths, I’m going to loosen your clothes." Carefully, he reached forward and pulled at Ianto's collar. "Ianto, look around the room. Describe what you see.”
Cybermen, Daleks and corpses were the wrong answers. So was blood and fire and death. Yet they were all Ianto could comprehend.
Jack's fingers worked quickly, the top two buttons on Ianto's shirt were unfastened, before Jack also opened his waistcoat and removed his tie. Usually undressing Ianto was a more pleasant experience, and one that didn't leave Jack with a haunted look of concern.
Ianto looked around the room but was struggling to articulate. Seeing that he was unable to do as asked, Jack reached up to his desk and grabbed the book he’d been reading.
He opened it and passed it to Ianto, before seating himself at arms length. “Here. Read this outloud."
Haltingly, Ianto started to speak, barely able to get the words out at first. He blinked, fighting panic to get the text into his brain.
“Roger Hunter had completed his work long before the marauders appeared.”
He naturally took a breath at the end of the sentence. The noise from his mind was quietening down. “For two days now he had spent his waking hours down on the rock, protecting it, taking samples of ore back to the little orbit ship for testing, Doing the things that any miner in the asteroid belt would be expected to do.”
The images of the battle of Canary Wharf were fading. The words in front of him are tangible and stable. He forced himself to continue, “But he didn’t really care what he found on the rock, the important work was done. The incredible thing he found was hidden now, hidden and safe in a place that no-one would think of searching-“
He stopped and looked up at Jack, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. Almost breathing normally, Ianto managed to say “I think it’s passed.”
Jack nodded. “Don’t get up for a minute. Take some deep breaths.”
In. Out. Fear was starting to turn. In. Out.
“Dammit. I thought I was past this.” He didn't sound afraid now, more annoyed.
“It’s been helluva day.” Jack tentatively put his hand forward and touched him on the knee, his fingers grasping, no longer able to resist the urge to show Ianto affection. “What do you need?
“Sleep?" Ianto shrugged as he went to put his hand onto Jacks to see his fingers trembling. "Great- now I’m shaking.”
Jack's hand closed around his fingers, offering stability. “Can I give you a hug?” He asked.
Funny. He hadn't asked Ianto if he had needed a hug, he wanted the embrace for his own needs. And as much as Ianto wanted to be able to, he hesitated. “Do you smell of smoke?”
“Uh-Maybe.” Jack responded, keeping his distance for now.
“Probably shouldn’t." Ianto shook his head. "I think that was the trigger.”
Jack nodded, gave a small smile and instead reached out and pulled both of Ianto's hands towards him, clasping them between his. “You did really well today.”
There was a derisive laugh that was little more than an exhale on Ianto's part.
“I got caught, tied up and nearly got my head blown off.” Ianto responded, raising his eyebrows quizzically.
The concern in Jack's face had fallen away. “Yeah- and then you untied yourself- and really kicked some ass.” Jack smiled, what had moments ago been pride was becoming enticing. There was something quite alluring about seeing Ianto so angry, so protective. “I watched the security footage back. That was James Bond level cool.”
“I’m not sure how that happened." Ianto mumbled, he could feel the shift in Jack's pheromones and knew it was a good time to change the subject. As much as he wanted Jack, right now he needed to listen to his ailing brain rather than his adrenaline fueled libido. "Can I have a drink please, my mouth’s gone dry.”
Jack nodded and pulled himself up and headed to the fridge? “Water?”
Feeling quite annoyed at himself, Ianto slipped his tie back around his neck. “Have you opened the Penderyn yet?"
“Whiskey?" Jack took a bottle of water for himself and paced back across the floor. "You wanna start day drinking?”
Placing the water on the desk, he offered his hand out to Ianto, and pulled him to his feet. “I think the Bond comment went to my head.”
Jack reached forward and rearranged Ianto’s tie. He didn't try and close his waistcoat.He quite liked it open. Showing the shape of him. “Alright. But I’m going to drive you home afterwards.”
Jack tried not to notice if Ianto's hands were still trembling as he took the glass, hoping the whiskey would medicate him enough until he could get him out of here.