Chapter Text
Contentment came easy for Shigeo Kageyama nowadays. Contrary to what people were led to presume by his general attitude, the most mundane parts of routine set him in a comfortable rhythm that had him one level above satisfied. He sighed in relief whenever he remembered to unlace his shoes before taking them off at home and gained a few seconds to make his way to the train station in the morning after. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound of coffee brewing in the machine he and Reigen decided to buy as soon as the agency flipped the sign to "open" for the very first time. He found happiness in tapping on his keyboard little sentences and increasingly bigger values, tap tap tap, filling up spreadsheets that told stories and brought up memories. Oh, we had to replace Suzumoto-san's expensive vase last week because some vengeful spirit was attached to it. That's fine. We can afford this. She was such a lovely old lady, served us tea with herbs she cultivated herself.
There was comfort in routine even in the midst of life threatening situations. Shigeo Kageyama found himself accustomed to the prospect of a gratifyingly boring reality in which he could at least predict whether or not today’s workplace crisis was going to be a broken sink in the bathroom or some delusional spirit claiming they were going to rule over the world one haunted doll at a time.
Sadly he made the bad choice of choosing Reigen as a business partner.
In the fifteen minutes it took Mob to go out and grab lunch for him and the teenagers he employed, a projector was produced out of god-knows-where and Reigen was battling some kilograms of thick cable covered in silver tape.
"Should I ask?"
"I'm so sorry, Master Kageyama", Serizawa mumbled as he came over and offered to levitate Mob's coat to the coat hanger. He apologized much in the same manner as he did whenever he added the wrong amount of milk to his boss's coffee or every time Reigen came up with extravagant and unnecessarily complicated solutions for workplace related problems. Well, most of them were workplace related. The lines were getting blurrier by the day ever since Reigen started bringing over school buddies and hiring them as if he was the one signing the checks.
Mob took his coat off and hung it manually, the voice in his head that told him to repress his ESPer powers still not completely silenced.
He shook his head. "No need to apologize."
Serizawa pressed his lips and made his way to Reigen, who seemed to be done surrendering the cables. The height difference always made it funny when Serizawa tried to whisper something in Reigen's ear, and the latter's wide hand movements were always much louder than anything Serizawa could have tried to say.
It took Reigen three tries before he got the home theater projector working. Mob didn’t think punching it was actually beneficial to the inner engines, but the psychological effect of revolting against the machine was visibly positive. He saw Reigen giving a talk to his flip phone once. Not whoever he may have been talking to on the other side. The phone itself.
“So”, Reigen sat on his chair in front of the wall he was trying to use as a projection surface for his display. The light beam directed right to his face gave his expression an eerie vibe. “It has come to my attention that you have an interesting meeting later this afternoon.”
Mob took a seat, dropping the lunch boxes in front of Reigen, fully knowing it was going to get cold before any of them touched any of the food. “You mean dinner?”
“No, this would bastardize the importance of today’s event” Reigen tented his fingers and leaned over the desk. “Serizawa-kun, if you may.”
Serizawa pressed a button on the notebook they plugged the projector to. Reigen’s face reflected the offending words when the first slide of the PowerPoint presentation came to light.
“'Why asking Hanazawa-sama out is a great business decision and you should totally do it, a presentation by Reigen Arataka”, Mob muttered the words. “That’s what you’re doing with your spare time, Reigen-kun?”
“Serizawa-kun came over to my house and helped, but he asked me not to include his name.”
“I didn’t wanna get involved, Master. I’m so sorry”, Serizawa shook his head. “I tried to tell him that's an invasion of privacy, but…”
Reigen cleaned his throat. “It’s a business venture and, as his manager, I’m more than equipped to deal with eventual fallouts that may result from this. But I can assure you both it’s collectively beneficial.”
Mob could tell Reigen had been watching random Ted Talks and bad daytrader content on Youtube. “You made a PowerPoint presentation to convince me to ask Hanazawa-san out.”
“Yeah”, he signaled to Serizawa to skip the two introductory slides. They were mostly composed of fake or exaggerated qualifications Reigen gave to himself. “Now pay attention to me being right.”
“We have an appointment with Sonohara-san in thirty minutes”, Mob’s level of discomfort escalated from the usual, almost permanent percentage of 55 to a modest 62%. He scratched his stubble.
“I rescheduled.”
Well. There it went his escape plan.
“Don’t take too long, please.”
"Fifteen minutes will do”, Reigen got up and stood next to the illuminated wall. “So, we have been observing…”
“He means ‘I have been observing’.”
“Thank you for your input, Serizawa-kun. Anyway. We have been observing you and Hanazawa-sama’s blossoming friendship ever since the… ‘viral accident’.”
The next slide was conveniently entitled “the accident” and contained multiple pictures of him and Teruki standing on a wrecked stage, complete with curtains burned to the ground, lighting equipment shattered and glass fragments spread over seared linoleum. Most of Teruki’s hair didn’t survive his first encounter with Mob, but thankfully enough of his pants did. One didn’t work on daytime television unmasking potentially fake ESPers without investing on fire resistant undergarment.
Mob hadn’t had any other significant accidents ever since. No excessive power usage for almost four months. Still, sometimes an old lady or a young adult who liked to spend their money on healing crystals looked at him funny when he was going out for groceries.
He shook his head, trying not to dwell on that. “Hanazawa-san has been incredibly kind to me after all I have done to him and his reputation. I am lucky to have his friendship.”
“Yeah, well. Ever since you got him fried from the inside out with his powers he has been trying to stay in touch”, the next slide had some candid photos Teruki took of himself and Mob during visits to the ice cream parlor, the movies, some fancy restaurants Teruki loved to eat at. “And we all agree that it could be completely platonic, but…”
“Where did you get these photos, Reigen-kun?” Mob cut him. He didn’t remember Teruki posting these anywhere. He had some of them saved on his phone, but…
“MobBook.”
“They’re on his personal and very private page, aren’t they?”
“If he didn’t want me to have access to them, he shouldn’t have added me” Reigen shook his hand absentmindedly. “My point is. He’s flirting with you and you should start flirting back.”
Mob cleared his throat. 65%. “Reigen-kun…”
“We’re not done yet. We will open for questions later. Serizawa-kun, please.” Next slide. It was a list, “platonic things to do with your buddy”. “Here I prepared a list of normal, expected activities to do with your platonic friend so you can see for yourself if you and Hanazawa-san are hanging out in a platonic or romantic manner”, he pointed topic by topic. “Number one. Watch an action film at the movies.”
Serizawa raised his hand in a gesture that was completely organic and definitely not rehearsed.
“But, ahm, Reigen-kun…” he paused, trying to remember his lines. “Is the movie genre an essential detail?”
“Excellent observation, Serizawa-kun. We will get to it in no time.”
Serizawa didn’t seem to know if he should be embarrassed or proud. He started sweating profusely and Mob didn’t miss being a teenager.
“Number two”, Reigen continued, “going to an arcade. Number three, doing homework at another's home.”
“We’re not in highschool anymore, Reigen-kun.”
“Well, with this attitude you might as well be!” He raised his hands, drawing shapes in the air. “But that’s besides the point. Number four. Eating lunch or dinner, but in a non-expensive place because your mom is already paying for new shoes since you got your other two pairs ruined by powerful spirits. Number five, exorcism. Number six is etcetera.”
“We don’t do many activities when we hang out”, Serizawa muttered, skipping to the next slide.
“Now, onto the romantic activities”, Reigen pointed to the title, “romantic things to do with the person you want to date”. “Can you read the first item, Serizawa-kun?”
“Ahm, ‘number one, watch a romantic film at the movies’”, Serizawa sounded a little more nervous when reading the word out loud. “So it’s not the same as taking someone to the movies to watch an action film?”
“Exactly, Serizawa-kun. You answered your own previous question. The genre of the film you’re going to watch is quintessential to determine the goals of the person taking you out.”
“I don’t think that’s how the word should be used, Reigen-kun”, Mob said, his voice flat despite his level of discomfort. 71%. He wanted a way out.
“But you get my point, right, Master?” Reigen touched the wall where the word “romantic” was being projected on. “It shows intention. He’s trying to tell you something.”
Mob picked at his fingernails. He didn’t make eye contact with Reigen. “Sometimes people just want to watch a movie with someone else, Reigen-kun.”
Reigen was not easily defeated, however. “We will see. But, ahm. Second point. Going out for ice cream. A very romantic food category.”
“But it’s also inexpensive, right? So couldn’t it be part of the platonic agenda?” Serizawa asked, now looking a little confused. Mob suddenly felt even more tired than before, praying that Reigen didn’t manage to gather Serizawa’s interest. He just wanted a cigarette and maybe a cappuccino. Or two of each.
“Yeah, but it depends on the parlor and the overall appearance of the ice cream. Eating it in a cone is friend-oriented unless you’re sharing an individual scoop. Chocolate and mint and most fruits are platonic”, Reigen listed on his fingers. “Now, pink is very close to red. And red is a very romantic color.”
“So only strawberry ice cream means romantic intentions?”
“No, because presentation is key! Strawberry ice cream is inherently romantic, but other flavors can also be romantic depending on how you eat it. If you have ice cream in a bowl with two spoons, there’s no way you’re not thinking about the indirect kiss factor. There’s no unromantic flavor of ice cream in this context.”
Serizawa went a little red on the cheeks, mumbling to himself something that he undoubtedly learned from anime. “But it goes back to it being economic, right? Sharing a bowl of ice cream also means saving on money by -”
“Are we done with this presentation?” Mob interrupted, his annoyance growing bigger and overshadowing his discomfort. 65% again.
“Sorry, Master Kageyama!" The teens said in unison. Serizawa at least had the decency to look embarrassed, while Reigen got into his business persona like nothing had happened.
"Ok. Number three. Visiting each other's residence for reasons other than homework. Saying stuff like, 'oh, let's have a beer at your place'. Doesn't it sound like a lazy excuse to go somewhere more private?"
"Sometimes having a beer at the bar can be troublesome, Reigen-kun", Mob continued to pick at his fingernails. "You can be good friends and visit each other with no second intentions. Just to hang out."
"Yeah, but it's the… combination", Reigen gestured vaguely at his projected list. "Like, number four. He doesn't have to take you to fancy restaurants, but Hanazawa-sama does so, I don't know, every other week! He probably just wants to see you in a suit."
"I'm always wearing a suit, Reigen-kun."
"Not a salaryman suit, Master! A fancy one!"
"I think your inexpensive and medium-quality salaryman suits look very adequate, Master Kageyama", Serizawa said, scratching the back of his neck.
"Well, I think they work, for now. But that takes us to…" for the dramatics, Reigen walked to the notebook and skipped to the next slide. "Our next point: ‘what does it mean for our business if you start dating Hanazawa-sama?’"
"I thought I was just supposed to ask him out?" Mob sighed the smallest of the sighs, feeling gruffier and older by the second. 73%. "Aren't we going too fast in this hypothetical relationship?"
"And you think he wouldn't ask you to go steady after one official date?"
Mob pressed his lips. He didn't want to open that can of worms in front of his teenage employees. They were working with exponentially more unreachable "what-ifs" and he knew it.
"Yeah, thought so. Well, I made a list of benefits for this relationship for your consideration."
And even took the time to illustrate his points with nonsensical graphics practically illegible on the irregular surface of the office's wall. Wonderful.
"Hanazawa-sama, as we’re all aware, is very influential in the media. Many people know him and the extension of his powers."
Teruki liked to think so, at least. But his niche was mostly old ladies and housewives who thought he was handsome and charismatic enough to justify his ego. And Reigen. Specifically Reigen, who had been watching Teruki's show religiously even before he started working at Spirits & Such.
"And his influence has greatly increased ever since you met him. The 'accident' actually got him quite popular in MobChan in the paranormal boards."
Mob didn't know that. "As in… people making fun of him?"
Reigen scratched his nose. "Yeah, mostly. But some people were actually impressed and are now tuning in weekly to see if someone even stronger will show up to wreck the guy up. For some reason not many shows think it's a good idea to have an ESPer showdown on live TV. The real enthusiasts", he puffed his chest, "know how valuable the recordings of 'the accident' are. For science. And for the, ahm. Cause."
Serizawa nodded. "Suzuki-san has some researchers working with him in his… project. They sometimes rewatch the recordings of the live show and take notes."
Well. It makes the whole thing a little less… upsetting. Maybe Mob can talk to Teruki about it later, when he's freed from the worst presentation he has ever been subjected to ever since Reigen learned about Google Slides.
"And because he is famous, he can help with Spirits & Such's popularity. I mean, the marketing team is already doing wonders with our promotional material and the social media manager is pretty competent…" big words to describe himself distributing photoshopped flyers with pictures of sleeping dogs and their MobBook page which he used to enter giveaways. "But free promotion and someone with connections spreading the word is great. Also also", he cleaned his throat, "he's loaded. Always good to know someone that can get us out of debt if we ever need to."
"That sounds… questionable at the very least, Reigen-kun", Mob said, with no inflection in his voice. "I think Hanazawa-san can do better than someone who is going after his money and fame."
"I agree, but. Look", a selfie of Mob and Teruki at the park, a minimal smile painting his features and contrasting with Teruki's radiant and face-splitting grin; a photo Teruki took of Mob when they went to a night festival, his silhouette half illuminated by orange lanterns that captured the discreet pulling of his lips as he leaned in closer to the koi; some picture they took in the same festival, sitting side by side eating takoyaki and Teruki doing his best to make Mob laugh with some exaggerated anecdote from work because "you need to laugh more, Kageyama-san, it's good for the soul". "He likes you. And you seem to like him back."
Mob didn't know how to reply, so he stayed silent. 81%. He sat on his hands to stop picking at his fingernails.
"And, business-wise…" Serizawa pressed a button and Reigen pointed at the graphic that showed up in a fadeout. "More happiness equals more productivity and more productivity means more successful entrepreneurs. In this case, us three."
Mob stared at the smiley face next to the graphic. It seemed to be mocking him. 82%. "So I should date Hanazawa-san so more people will like our MobBook page?"
Serizawa looked down, even more embarrassed. "I think Reigen-kun w-wouldn't tell you to go ahead and date someone as a means to make you unhappy, Master Kageyama." His voice got smaller by the word.
"Obviously", Reigen shook his hand, "and I think you're getting too old to be single, Master. Soon you're going to grow gray hair and all the smoking will catch up with your lungs."
"Speaking of cigarettes… I think we’ve done enough of meddling with my personal life", Mob was getting up to go out for a smoke, almost basking on his freedom, when he heard Reigen gasp. How much more of this.
"No, no, Master! Now it's time for the most part of the presentation!" He looked at Serizawa, who skipped a couple of slides full of photos that had no place in Reigen's harddrive.
They landed on a slide named "where do you go from here".
"Well, I think it's obvious what you should do now", Reigen said, matter-of-factly. "You should ask Hanazawa-sama out. But I imagine that you don't know how because, as I've said, you are getting older and the lack of experience may prove to be an obstacle. No offense, by the way."
"None taken."
"Great. I hope you remember our previous points…" Serizawa was going back to the beginning of the presentation, oh no oh no oh no, "because they were not only for the sake of giving you clarity. You see, Hanazawa-sama went for platonic interest, and you responded accordingly. Now that he's going to invest on the romantic route… he needs to know you're also interested. You need to do irrefutably romantic things and give him the message. I listed some for you so you can just follow these instructions because I know creativity can be scary", Reigen practically slapped the wall in his enthusiasm. "And then you can date and get married and buy a bigger office for us so we can have two bathrooms and not pay rent."
"We can't get… ok, Reigen-kun", Mob resisted the temptation to massage his temples. 86%, 87%. He wanted to show support for the kid, but Reigen didn’t make his job easy. "Thank you for your ideas. I will keep these in mind."
"So you will try asking Hanazawa-sama out?" It was hard to believe Reigen's tone was only due to financial interest in the rendezvous. Even Serizawa leaned in, waiting for his Master's answer with visible hope.
Mob hated to disappoint, but he really needed to be the adult there. "Me and Hanazawa-san are just friends", he repeated, not expecting himself to sound so tired as if it was something he had to repeat multiple times. "I really appreciate you looking out for us and the office, Reigen-kun, but he's not flirting with me. He is just a very friendly person and offers me companionship even if I don't deserve it."
To his surprise, Serizawa was the first to react, frowning and looking at him expecting some sort of “whoever” addendum. He opened his mouth to say something but gave up midway in, looking at Reigen with the same confused expression.
"Yeah", Reigen agreed with whatever they communicated in silence. He leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. "So, you really think he's not interested in you?"
"He has no reason to", Mob blurted out before he could stop himself. Crap. Can of worms open. 89%. "I mean, he is a television psychic." Fuck, fix it. 91%. 92%. "But none of it matters. Because I think being friends with him is more rewarding than anything else could ever be."
That was terrible.
Reigen kept staring at him, studying him. Mob stared back, but Reigen knew him well enough to be able to differentiate nervous apathy from his regular one. Finally, Reigen just shook his head and looked at Serizawa again.
"Adults suck."
Serizawa hesitantly nodded.
"Well, it took way longer than fifteen minutes. I'm going out for a smoke”, Mob stood up and reached for his coat, cigarette box already out of his pocket and ready. Just getting to hold it managed to relax him. 88%. Thank god. “Please, eat your lunch and don't destroy this equipment I'm positive is not yours."
The teens stared at him for a few more seconds, lost in thought but knowing full well that pressing on the matter was pointless. Finally, Reigen sighed and turned off the home theater projector.
"Serizawa-kun stole it from his old gang leader."
Serizawa gasped. "Reigen-kun!"