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“So I was thinking, since we’re dead and alllllll,” Skizz floated around Impulse with high energy–which could be attributed to residual excitement from all the war. “We should hang out, ya know. Do something outside of murdery stuff.”
Impulse just nodded, allowing this conversation to go as it would, devoid of this high energy himself.
“Aaaand, I’m not really in the mood for a repeat of last season.” Skizz spoke a tad more serious—as serious as he could get, that is. “Get on the right side with everyone. Like Tango or Ren for example.”
Impulse knew where Skizz was headed, but the better option was staying here as ghosts, talking it out once everyone else died. Even a new world just to talk things out would be good!
“So what'd ya say? Think we can arrange that?” But of course that’s not what Skizz would want. Impulse knew that. He knew Skizz’s intention was to go to Hermitcraft with Impulse for maybe just a couple days. He couldn’t blame him. Only on special occasions did they invite guests. But with the glitch…
Skizz remained unaware of this conflict within his head, instead floating around without a care in the world.
“Well, I’d have to ask Xisuma before we let you on– and a response might take awhile.”
“Better to get on with it now then. We can hang out here until the session’s over, and if all else fails, we can hang at my place until you get a response.” And that was the thing about Skizz–any objection–any AT ALL–he’d overcome it. In a heartbeat. It was like you couldn’t say no.
Meaning convincing him would be… very difficult, to say the least.
“I-uh-I guess. But couldn’t we just set up a whole hang-out thing for everyone here. Because there’s also Jimmy and Scott and Martyn and Bigb and Lizzy who you wouldn’t see in Hermitcraft.” Logically, it’d make sense to have an entire group meet up in another world anyway.
“I guess we could. But I figured I could hunt them down later. ‘sides. I wanna meet back up with Zed again. It’s been too long!”
Again, the persistence.
“Worst thing Xisuma could say is no, right?”
For the select knowledge Skizz had, yes this was the worst case.
“I don’t really want to bother him either. He’s been having problems with that one guy, Evil X.”
“Oh yeah, that guy Zedaph—I mean, Wormman—” Skizz coughed “—practically idolized?”
“Yeah. And he’s been… creating more trouble lately, and by what I can tell, it stresses X out a bit, and I don’t want to… well add to that, I suppose.” Half truths were better than no truths after all.
“Again, I’m sure Xisuma would just say if me stopping by for a little visit was too much. I don’t see why you don’t want me there.”
And here’s the thing: after Skizz had been in the dark for so long, it didn’t make any sense to drop a bombshell of what Ex had specifically done. No sense at all to just suddenly mention, “hey, whenever me or my friends die we become kids”. And then there’d be the questions—the questions about what that even means, why he wasn’t told sooner, if there was anything he could do to help.
No, Impulse couldn’t explain all that. It’d take too long.
“And the place really isn’t ready for visitors. And you know, spawn is pretty far out from where anybody lives, and though we’re closer this season, it’d be a lot of travel just to check in on how everybody’s doing after war.”
That explanation didn’t satisfy.
“You know you can just tell me, right? Tell me whatever it is you’re trying to avoid explaining.” And the time was up for Skizz’s humor and silliness, as now he was far more serious and to the point. “I can take it.”
“I’m telling you everything.”
“Yeah. And you’re really amazing at lying.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. It was just… excuses. Well meant excuses. Who knew how the glitch might react with Skizz joining? It was too risky.
“Is this just a you thing—you not wanting me to be there—or has everybody been hiding something from me?”
“If Tango or Zed didn’t say anything, it was likely unintentional.”
“But from you.”
Impulse didn’t answer.
Skizz took a deep breath. It was how he refrained from yelling—he’d done this numerous times over the years. With an even tone, fairly quiet, an obvious stifle of feelings, he asked, “What is it? Why’s it worth not saying anything?”
Again, Impulse didn’t answer.
Skizz didn’t ask anything else, just staring him down.
“Look I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to,” Impulse blurted out, every word still distinguishable to Skizz. “There’s this glitch and it’s not really normal, so I thought I’d just leave the whole thing quiet, but apparently that doesn’t work out for me.”
And given Impulse already started explaining, Skizz would only continue on until he got a clear answer. Impulse wished he’d stop, but then he wouldn’t be Skizz, now, would he?
“Are you guys okay? If it’s a glitch that’s really problematic, I can understand why you wouldn’t want me to be there, but why are you guys hanging around then? Why don’t you just leave the world?” Instead of directly prodding, it was now a newfound curiosity. Impulse almost wanted to explain, even if just for clarity's sake.
“It’s uh- not really dangerous. Not a problem enough so that we’d… we’d have to leave. More of an inconvenience, I guess. But it’d be much easier if we all gathered someplace else.”
Skizz nodded, though with a look in his eyes enough to tell that he still wanted a straight up answer. “What does an “inconvent” glitch look like? Vs like, a terrible one.”
“A glitch that Evil X creates that’s not bad enough to get him kicked off right away—and Xisuma’s said he’s not doing any more banning, so that’s not an option—but this glitch still gives Ex all the attention he wants.” Again, Impulse knew he was being a bit unclear. But he was answering the question! Just with excess information that wasn’t what Skizz wanted.
“Like, practically speaking. What’d this dude do to you guys that would make you so secretive all of a sudden?”
Impulse sighed, knowing fully he wouldn’t get out of this, but still fighting it nonetheless. “It’s just, kinda embarrassing I guess.” That of course, was not a reasonable excuse to keep things quiet, and given how this conversation was going, Skizz would not—nay, could not—drop the subject matter here.
“Dude– we literally play stupid challenges in just our underwear and you think “it’s kinda embarrassing” is even a reasonable excuse?”
And there it was.
“Yeah?”
“I knew you were an idiot, but I didn’t think it was this bad. Like, dude, buddy, you don’t have to hide. I mean, you probably know that already, but—” For the second, Skizz seemed to be confused where he was going, so just broke off the sentence and stared at Impulse.
And when Impulse gave no response at all after many seconds, Skizz asked, “You okay buddeh?” Impulse wasn’t sure if he’d made a face or just seemed upset about something to warrant the question, unless it was Skizz just responding to his “out-of-characterness”. “It’s okay, I guess, if you don’t want to talk about it, but I kinda wanna know what’s so bad about your world that you can’t say it.”
And how effectively Skizz changed from direct and annoying to a more compassionate side, that actually had the ability to stay a bit more quiet. At this point, Impulse didn’t know if he was changing his “methods” to work in the favor of learning what was hidden or if it was just Skizz thinking something was wrong. Because it wasn’t– things were fine– just weird.
“You’re still going back there, right? After we’re heading out from here.”
Impulse nodded, only further reminded that yeah, he’d have to deal with growing up again.
That was not going to be fantastic.
“You sure I can’t come–stay for like, a week? Again, I’ve got some issues to smooth out with my team.” That made sense, given all the conflict between Bdubs and Tango in the past few weeks. Only natural that Skizz would want to double and triple check with them that everything was okay.
“A couple minutes before we all leave here won’t do, I’m guessing.”
“No. I doubt it. If the days after this are anything similar to last time… it took a few months before any of us were feeling sort of normal.”
Again, besides the glitch, it might actually be nice to have everyone group up before they went to their own projects. But, to have to explain this— for Skizz to see even how he was like really little— it was easier not to tell.
They sat—rather, floated—in silence. And that silence went on, not considering the war in the distance.
“I’ll be honest, I don’t really want to go back to my place. It’s too quiet there,” Skizz admitted, any trace of the direct, confident voice gone now. “And, it’s especially selfish of me, but I just wanna hang out for a little while.”
“Drown out the thoughts before they get to you again?” Impulse asked, remembering clearly all the guilt Skizz had to work through in those months after 3rd Life. It was a hot mess.
“Yeah. There’s nothing much to distract, besides Orange and Kevin.”
Impulse almost felt bad now—just saying Skizz couldn’t come and giving no explanation when Skizz had a clear reason to be around other people.
“I guess I could ask, but, you should probably know what you’d be getting into before we just… jump on into the chaos.” And when Impulse looked up at Skizz, he could tell the other was eager to finally get the whole story. “You can judge on my storytelling skills here… So uh– I said Evil Xisuma made that glitch. It’s really a messed up respawn and relogging mechanic that takes anyone back to the age of a child when they die or join the world.”
Skizz let out a small laugh, which he was really trying his hardest to contain. “So this is what you haven’t told me… and it’s been going on for— for how long now?”
“Since the start of the season.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“So how does it work?” And as Impulse knew, Skizz was rather interested. “Like, how are you here, as normal?”
“Oh yeah, so, it actually doesn’t take incredibly long to grow back up. It’s why it’s more of an inconvenience than an actual problem. Doc and Xisuma were trying to get rough calculations, and they said a day acted as roughly a year of a person’s life.”
And no matter how serious Impulse saw the matter, Skizz was already coming up with more questions. “Is it fun?”
Impulse looked over him as if he were crazy. “What?”
“I said, is it fun? It sounds cool. Sounds weird, but still cool.” Once again, Skizz had way too much interest in something so unusual.
“I mean, it depends on who you ask. And the day. Do I think it’s fun? No. It’s not great to be mid-project and then die because your area isn’t lit up, and then everybody stops by to check up on you.”
“Oh.” Skizz frowned, looking straight at Impulse (which wasn’t out of the ordinary; Impulse was far too familiar with Skizz “staring into his soul”). “I see.” Skizz tried to wrap an arm around Impulse, quickly finding that it just passed through him. “Well– can I still come?”
Impulse shook his head in annoyed amusement. “Again, I’d have to ask Xisuma; and it’s really not as interesting or as great as it might sound.”
Then again, sometimes Skizz acted like a child, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to act his age in that sense. “Doesn’t bother me. Just message him.”
That ever persistent prodding and pleading was going to get on his nerves one of these days. Debatably, it already had, and Impulse was continuing to push through to this day despite his annoyances. “So uh, given everyone here is going to be…”
“Tiny?”
“Yeah, that, uh– who are you staying with?”
Skizz gave a look with a questioning of “really?”
“I just say that because I’ll be in the same boat as you… and it might be better to have someone more capable of… staying responsible I guess.” The whole situation never failed to feel awkward. Even if they’d been dealing with it for months now, it still wasn’t right or normal.
“You’re still not used to it, are you? Just say it how it is. You’re just getting people to babysit. …actually, that does sound pretty funny.”
It was hard to handle Skizz’s amusement with this — his lack of understanding such an issue. There was no good in being respawned a child. There was no sense in it. There was nothing enjoyable about it.
“You don’t like it,” Skizz said when Impulse went quiet for too long. “It bothers you. Why?”
“It’s dumb. And it’s such a nuisance.”
“That’s not it though.”
“I just don’t like it. No reasoning. Just is how it is.”
Skizz placed a hand on his shoulder, which slipped right through Impulse’s ghosty form. “You’re not helping anything by lying. You know that?”
Impulse looked down at his hands, even looking in Skizz’s direction being too hard. “I hate being needy. Just– little and incompetent and just dumb. And it may seem funny to you, but it’s not. And it’s one thing to take care of someone little, and it’s another thing to be little and to know you shouldn’t be any younger than the rest of your friends.”
Skizz stayed respectfully quiet. One minute on the side of heavy annoying, the next being much kinder. But that’s how he was, especially when he got what he wanted.
“Like I said, it’s embarrassing. And it’s dumb. And— I don’t want anyone seeing me like that, as self-absorbed as that is.”
Impulse didn’t look up at Skizz, though felt the other’s gaze on him. “Yeah, that is pretty selfish of you.” Of course, it was said in such a teasing way, but the words still stung. Skizz was joking, yes, but he was also being honest.
“But it’s also pretty selfish to take up people’s time because you’re little and would rather have “adult supervision” or whatever. And in case you’re wondering, yes, there have been some cases of hermits dying for the sake of being taken care of or killing ones who have overworking tendencies that can’t be stopped otherwise.”
Again, Skizz was very amused at the thought. “Were you one of those killed?”
“No, surprisingly. Then again, I don’t really make it easy for anyone to take care of me, so they may just not bother for the sake of it not working.”
“Oh.”
Impulse just gave an odd sort of smile, which was enough of an answer as any.
“So you just… despise anyone helping or caring for you altogether.”
“Pretty much.”
Suddenly the curious questions came to a halt, and Impulse caught a sort of worried vibe from Skizz. “And how is your–uh–mental state when you’re younger?”
Impulse opted to staying quiet. It was easier than explaining all those confused, annoyed, and sometimes apathetic thoughts that ran through his head during those days alone in recovery.
“Really bad or just a little bad?”
Impulse moved his hand in a “so-so” gesture.
“Would you fare better with or without me?”
It felt like his heart skipped a beat when the question was asked and he fully registered it. “I– Not really sure to be honest. I wouldn’t… wouldn’t like you there, but, you’d uh… you’d probably handle me better than anyone else. If anyone was to pull me out of the factory, if anyone would have a chance of it, it’d be you.”
Skizz didn’t respond, resulting in such a long awkward pause that made Impulse want to fade out further from reality. Sadly his ghost properties didn’t allow for that. They also didn’t allow for the hugs that Skizz was trying to give, though Impulse could feel a phantom feeling of pressure against him, which resembled something of comfort.
“Sorry for never saying anything.”
Again, just silence. For all Impulse knew, Skizz was completely zoned out.
“I didn’t know how to say it, and I never really intended for you to know.”
Impulse looked up at Skizz, seeing just a bit of hurt on his face. Hurt with a mix of deep thought.
“I forgive you. Even if you were a big idiot about it.”
Impulse would’ve punched him in the shoulder had they both not been ghosts.
“But I’m coming with you. And I’m guessing that whole excuse about Xisuma was just to get around the explaining wasn’t it?”
Impulse nodded. “He is pretty stressed out, but it probably wouldn’t be the end of the world if you came over. I’ll go ahead and give him warning though.”
And now that the hard part was over—
Actually, the hard would come when Impulse didn’t want to get out of bed, but Skizz was there, pestering him for the good of all good.