Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ohio James woke up when his alarm went off.  He groaned.  Why did he never remember to turn his alarms off when he didn’t have to get up?

It was too late now,  he never could get back to sleep after his alarm went off.

He got up, stumbled to the kitchen to make himself coffee and then sleepily went to collapse on the couch with his cup.  Habit made him turn on the morning news.

“Breaking News from Capital City!” the anchor announced, she had on her most serious news face.  “An unknown villain has activated some kind of age reverting bomb in the city hitting both Chastiser Tower and the Fairness Association headquarters.  Reports say that everyone in the affected area has been age reverted back to a small child.  The Chastisers and Fairness Association have both reported the matter is being resolved and there is no need for the populace to worry.  While the area is now safe for civilians it is recommended that everyone avoid the area in case a super villain attack is imminent.”

Ohio chuckled, imagining all the heroes as little kids…  And then remembered where Barnaby lived.

“Shit.”  Ohio hissed, and jumped up to get dressed.  He had to get to Capital City as soon as possible.

He’d been expecting to have to sneak around a barricade of some kind, but instead Barnaby's neighborhood was deserted- more than was usual even for this part of town.  He didn’t even see the traditional surveillance on Alex and Morgan.

Ohio was briefly brought up short by the idea of Alex as a little kid… Barnaby first.  Make sure Barnaby was ok, then check on his best friend.

He made it up to the top floor with ease, Morgan only changed the death traps up once a year in consideration of the other tenants and Ohio had these ones nearly memorized.

He knocked on Barnaby’s door and waited. It was almost ten in the morning, Barnaby should have been up by now. 

He heard Kotetsu come up on the other side of the door and whine. 

Ohio knocked again. 

“Barnaby?” Ohio called.

No answer.

Kotetsu whined again. Then, there was a whump, and the doorknob jiggled one, twice, and the door opened.

Kotetsu barked softly- it was still a pretty loud ‘boof’- at him.

“Did you open the door for me?” Ohio asked.  “Is Barnaby ok?”

Kotetsu whined again and turned tail, heading back to the bedroom.

Ohio stepped inside, carefully shut the door behind him and followed Kotetsu.

As he came up to the bedroom he heard a familiar voice- though he’d never heard it sound quite like this before- from inside.

“Kotetsu wh-what’re you d-doing?” said a high soft voice.

Sure enough when Ohio stopped in the doorway, there was Barnaby, a positively tiny little boy, sitting in the middle of his bed, rubbing his eyes with one hand and petting Kotetsu, who’d jumped up on the bed beside him, with the other.

The little boy- Ohio had no idea how old Barnaby was now, six maybe?- squinted at Kotetsu.

“D-did you get b-bigger?” he asked the dog.  Kotetsu licked his face, making the boy giggle.

“Barnaby?” Ohio said softly.  Would Barnaby remember him?

But Barnaby smiled brightly. “Ohio!”

He leaned over to grab his glasses off the bedside table.

But they were too big for his face. Barnaby fumbled with his glasses for a minute, frowning as he did so.  Once he had them mostly on he looked around, noticing that Kotetsu was bigger  and seeing the look on Ohio’s face.  Barnaby looked down at himself.

“O-Oh.”

Ohio came and sat at the foot of the bed.  “You ok?” he asked.

“Wh-what hap-happened?” Barnaby said.

“Some kind of de-aging bomb?  The Fairness Association was vague. But it was on the news, so I came to check on you.”  Ohio explained.

Barnaby shook his head, “I d-don’t want t-t-to be little!” he said, sounding like he was going to cry.

It was like Ohio had been punched in the stomach.

“Hey, hey.” he said. “We’ll figure this out ok?”  He wanted to hug Barnaby, but wasn’t sure if he should.  Kotetsu, whined and gently headbutted Barnaby.

Barnaby hugged Kotetsu, hiding his face in Kotetsu’s fur.  He stayed like that for a moment before letting go and crawling over to hug Ohio too.

Ohio hugged Barnaby tight and ignored the little sniffing noises Barnaby made against his chest.

“This is weird .” Barnaby said as he pulled back. 

“Yeah,” Ohio agreed. “Yeah it is. How are you feeling?”

“I … I r-remember b-being b-big.” Barnaby said. “B-But I f-f-feel little. In-in m-my head.”

Being able to tell that your brain was less mature than it used to be did sound really, really weird.

“You still have your powers too.” Ohio said, nodding at Kotetsu.  “So it’s not quite like you’re really… what? Six?”

Barnaby looked down at himself.  “O-older I th-think? E-eight maybe?  I was, a-am I g-g-guess, really small f-for my age.”

“Ok.  Let’s go figure this out. You are… extremely adorable but I’d like big Barnaby back.” Ohio said.

Barnaby nodded and hopped off the bed.  Kotetsu followed close behind.  Clearly reluctant to let itty bitty Barnaby too far out of his sight.

Ohio let Barnaby figure out clothes on his own, he went to the kitchen to make himself another cup of coffee.

By the time the coffee was ready Barnaby had emerged from the bedroom, in a pair of shorts that were held up with rope not a belt, and a shirt that was a crop top on grown up Barnaby.

Barnaby frowned. “I c-can’t have c-coffee c-can I?” he said.

Ohio shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”  He pulled another mug from the cupboard and filled it halfway. “I’m gonna veto a full cup though. I don’t want you to OD.”

Barnaby gratefully accepted the cup from Ohio after Ohio added cream and sugar like Barnaby liked.

Barnaby had to hold the mug in both hands.  After a few drinks he said. “Y-you said it w-was a b-bomb?  S-so ev-everyone in the b-building is little?”

“I think so?” Ohio said.  “I’ve only checked on you so far.”

“Wh-what  ab-about Morgan and Al-Alex?” Barnaby said.

“They’re next on my list.” Ohio said. “I’m taking the lack of explosions as a good sign.”

Barnaby nodded solemnly and finished his coffee.

They headed across the hall not long after.  Ohio noticed Barnaby was only barely taller than Kotetsu.

Ohio knocked. 

He couldn’t hear anything through the door. But that didn’t mean anything.  Maybe if no one answered Kotetsu could go in and open this door too?

Then the door opened just a bit, a pair of suspicious yellow eyes peeking around the door at them- from about waist height.

“Oh.” Alex said, in their tiny child voice.  They opened the door all the way. They looked almost the same, though shorter, with their supermodel cheekbones obscured by baby fat.  They were also covered in…flour?  “Hi Ohio!”

“Hi Ohio!” Morgan yelled from farther inside the apartment.

“You two ok?” Ohio asked as he and Barnby came in.

The kitchen was a nightmare .  Everything was covered in flour and there were …at least two broken eggs on the floor and what looked like batter everywhere.

Morgan was sitting at the kitchen table, equally messy.  “We made bacon and chocolate chip waffles!” they said, kicking their feet under the table. 

“Yeah they’re super good!” Alex said.  They left the door wide open and ran over to climb back into their chair and finish their waffle. “Do you want some?”

“Ko-Kotetsu don’t eat that!” Barnaby said. Kotetsu had been examining one of the broken eggs with great interest.

“...I think I’m good.” Ohio said.  He shut the door and looked his best friend and nemesis over, besides the flour both Alex and Morgan looked fine.

He checked the kitchen too- and found the open waffle iron was still on.  He unplugged it.

“So why are you big?” Alex asked.

“Because I wasn’t here when you all got shrunk.” Ohio told Alex.  “It was on the news so I came to check on you all.”

“What was on the news?” Morgan said.  “We woke up late.”

Barnaby had woken up late too, did de-aging make you extra tired?

“'An unknown villain has activated an age reverting bomb.'” Ohio quoted. “Apparently it hit the heroes too?”

Alex started laughing hysterically, until the laugh transitioned into a cough.  Ohio patted Alex on the back.

“Don’t barf.  I will not clean it up.” Ohio told them. 

Across the table Morgan was handing Barnaby a waffle.

“This one is just bacon.” Morgan said.  Barnaby nodded.  He took a bite of the waffle and then ripped off a piece for Kotetsu to eat.  After the dog ate the waffle piece Barnaby grabbed the waffle again with his dog spit covered hand.

This was fine. Ohio thought.  Totally fine.

He had a headache.

“So are you two also eight?” Ohio asked.

“Yeah.” they chorused.

“Wait, is Barnaby eight too?” Alex asked.  “You’re super small!”

Barnaby blushed and muttered. “M not that small.”

“No you are.” Alex said casually.  “Let’s go laugh at the heroes being little!”

Morgan rolled their eyes with somehow more sass than their adult self had.  “They’ll just laugh back at you Alex… But I do want to check on Diego.”

“If I try to talk you two into staying inside until you re-age you’ll just ignore me won’t you?” Ohio said.

“Yep.”

“Absolutely.”

Ohio figured he’d better keep an eye on his newly tiny friends even if he couldn’t stop them from making bad decisions.

So once they’d finished their waffles and Ohio had cleaned Morgan and Alex up- Alex, remarkably, held still while Ohio dusted them off, Morgan on the other hand had squirmed so much it took twice as long as necessary to clean them up- they headed downstairs.  Ohio steered them to the emergency stairs, which per local zoning law were not booby-trapped.

The first hurdle they ran into was that Barnaby was so small he took forever to get down the stairs while Alex and Morgan had run ahead giggling.

Two landings down Ohio waited for Barnaby to reach them, Kotetsu faithfully following right behind his little human.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry I’m so s-slow.” Barnaby said, both hands on the railing, going slowly down one step at a time. 

Ohio smiled. “You’re fine, but I have an idea that might make things go faster.”

“Wh-what?”

“Kotetsu, can you carry Barnaby?” Ohio asked.

Kotetsu wagged his tail and barked happily.  That sounded like a yes.

Ohio picked Barnaby up and deposited him on Kotetsu’s back.

“Hold on tight ok?” Ohio said.  “Kotetsu go slow…”

Kotetsu took off at a breakneck pace down the stairs, Barnaby giggling on his back.

Ohio sighed.  He’d been betrayed by the other adult in the situation.

Several flights down he heard Alex shout, “Aww! I wanna ride the dog!”

Morgan laughed. “Kotetsu won’t even let you pet him though.”

There was an earsplitting bang and all three children screamed. 

Ohio raced down the stairs to find the kids and Kotetsu, two flights down, standing around a hole that had been punched through a step.  All four of them were looking at the hole with wide eyes.

“What happened?” Ohio asked. No one looked hurt, thank god.

Morgan and Barnaby pointed at Alex.

Alex sniffed, their face scrunched up like they were going to cry. “It was an accident.” they said very quietly.

“It’s ok,” Ohio said, using the same gentle tone he’d used with Barnaby earlier. “No one’s hurt and I’m not mad.  I just want to know what happened."

“I stamped my foot.” Alex admitted. “I forgot to be careful.”  They frowned and seemed to be thinking hard about something. “It’s- it’s really hard to remember that for some reason.”

Ohio nodded.  He had no doubt that Alex had lost years of experience being careful with this de-age. “Barnaby said something like that too.”

Then, despite his own instincts and what Alex had just said, Ohio offered Alex their hand.

Alex looked genuinely shocked but took Ohio’s hand very, very gently.

“Now do you think we can get to the ground floor without any more trouble?” Ohio asked.

They all nodded.

The rest of the trip down the staircase went smoothly and it was easy enough to skirt the pit trap in the lobby- though Alex was starting to get a little antsy by then and probably would have walked into it if they hadn’t still been holding Ohio’s hand.

It felt weird to pull Alex around by the arm like they were a child, but, Ohio reminded himself, they were actually, literally a child right now.  One that needed to be pulled away from the edges of the clearly marked pit trap.

There was a bit of a surprise waiting outside the apartment,  there were dozens of kidified heroes out in the street. They were arranged roughly in two semi circles facing each other.  They were shouting angrily and were either squaring up for a game of Red Rover or a fight.

“Uh oh.” Barnaby said.  He climbed off Kotetsu’s back and hugged the dog around the neck.  Kotetsu licked his face again.

“Ooooo!” Alex said, letting go of Ohio’s hand.  “Looks like Chastisers versus the Fairness Association.”

Morgan nodded. “Do you see Di-”

A little girl fly tackled Morgan. The only reason both of them didn’t fall over is that they both ran into Kotetsu, who stayed solid- probably so they wouldn’t hit Barnaby who was on his other side.  Instead the pair bounced off the dog and managed to stay on their feet.

Ohio had actually never met Diego, though Morgan talked about her a lot.  Now, both eight and standing shoulder to shoulder the family resemblance was strong, Diego’s features were a little finer, and her hair a lot longer, and that was about it.

“You’re ok!” she said.

“Yes?” Morgan replied. “Except I’m eight.  Are you ok?”

Diego nodded. “Except I’m eight.  Who's the grown up?”

“That’s Ohio James, I told you about him.” Morgan said.  Then they whispered not particularly quietly. “He’s Barnaby's boyfriend .”

“Oooooo!” Diego squeaked.  Then she seemed to notice Kotetsu and Barnaby. “Oh my gosh Barnaby you’re so cute!”

“Th-Thanks?”

“It’s nice to meet you Diego,” Ohio said.  He noticed there were now two children in the center of the semicircle now, the fight was getting increasingly imminent.  “Do you know why everyone is so upset?”

Diego nodded.  “So the de-aging bomb on the news?” she said.

Ohio nodded.

“It wasn’t a bomb, or it wasn’t supposed to be. The Fairness Association made it, and it was just supposed to be a ray gun.  They were gonna use it on Alex.” she explained.

Alex scoffed. “That’s dumb.”

“Well yeah,” Diego agreed.  “That’s what the Chastisers told them, but they were doing it anyway- but I guess the gun broke and like, exploded?  And now we’re all little kids and still have our powers anyway so even if we wanted to catch Alex now they could still beat us all up.”

“Yep.” Alex grinned.  “Is Chad here?” they added, looking through the crowd.

“No, Chad’s in… France I think?” Diego said. “Rex Roofer is trying to steal the Eiffel Tower or something.”

“Aw.” Alex pouted. “I wanted to see if he had like, grown up robot arms still.”

Morgan started laughing, and Diego was clearly struggling not to join them.

“Oh no oh no!” Barnaby said.  He was the only one paying attention to the other children.  Ohio followed his wide eyed stare- the boys in the middle of the ring had started fighting. 

“Oh!” Diego said.  Then she shouted. “Kick his ass Dave!”

Ohio sighed, and headed out to stop the child fight.  The kids stepped out of his way as soon as they saw him and soon he was standing over the brawling little kids.  He reached into the fray, grabbed both children by their collars, one in each hand and pulled them apart.

“Alright everyone calm down!” he shouted.

With Diego’s shout in mind he was able to identify the child in his left hand as the Chastisers representative in the fight, Dave Dodgers, Leader USA.  The kid in his right hand-who had a really impressive pout- must be in the Fairness Association.  Ohio thought he might be Awesome Man?  Alex’s nemesis.

“What do you think you’re doing, civilian?” Maybe Awesome Man snapped.

“One, I’m a registered hero, not a civilian.” Ohio said.  “Two, I’m mediating, something I’m uniquely qualified to do since I’m unaffiliated with the Fairness Association or the Chastisers.  Third, what exactly are you doing young man?”  He wasn’t sure why he went full disappointed teacher voice for that last point, but it worked.  Awesome Man blushed, Leader USA looked down at his feet, embarrassed.  And the energy of the entire crowd shifted from bloodthirsty to ashamed.

Well, most of the crowd. 

“He’s Barnaby’s boyfriend!” Diego shouted from the sidewalk, drawing most everyone’s eyes.

“Diego!” Barnaby groaned.

But that interruption alerted everyone to the fact that Kotetsu was here, and the presence of a dog distracted a sizable chunk of the spectators. Soon Kotetsu was surrounded by a small crowd of children.  He seemed terribly excited by all the new little friends at least.

Ohio realized that Morgan and Diego were still by Barnaby and Kotetsu on the sidewalk, but he had no idea where Alex had gone.

Shit.

He refocused on the remaining fighters, Alex would turn up eventually, probably at the worst time.

“Now,” Ohio said, continuing to use his teacher voice. He let the little boys go, relatively sure they weren’t going to start brawling again.  “I heard there was a little accident at the Fairness Association?”

Awesome Man continued his epic pout, “Yeah.” he admitted.

“Why are there no other adult heroes here?”  Ohio asked, “Did you really kidify your entire hero force?”

“ Yes. ” Dave snapped. That made sense, the Chastisers were a much smaller team.  It also would explain why Dave would be mad enough to fight.

Awesome Man shook his head. “We told them we had it covered,” he said.

“And then you came outside and started a fight.” Ohio pointed out.

Awesome Man and some of the other heroes looked embarrassed.

Then Alex wrapped their arms around Awesome Man’s waist from behind.  “This is amazing.” they said, grinning.

“Waugh!” Awesome Man yelled and tried to squirm away from Alex.

Alex’s arms tightened around the hero’s waist and Awesome Man stopped struggling, eyes going wide and nervous.

“I thought you didn’t kill kids.” Ohio said.  “And where were you?”

“He’s only technically a child.” Alex said.  “And Morgan needed coffee.”

Ohio glanced back at Morgan- they now had a large Tim’s cup in their hands.

“A large Alex? Really?”  Ohio said.

Alex shrugged.

“When they’re bouncing off the walls later it’s going to be your problem.” Ohio said.

Then he shifted his focus back to Awesome Man, “Is someone working on re-aging everyone?” he asked.  “Like the person who made the bomb?”

“No, I'm right here.” said a little girl with a ponytail.  She was swimming in a white lab coat.

“Kathy!” Awesome Man hissed.

“How about we work on that right now ok?” Ohio said. “Everyone back inside.”

“You’re not the boss of us!” Awesome Man complained.

Alex lifted Awesome Man off the ground easily.  “If you don’t listen to Ohio I’ll squeeze you in half and we can see if your second in command is smarter.” they said.

Awesome Man went ghostly white. “Ok ok! Let’s go inside!”

So the whole gaggle of kids, the Chastisers and villains included, piled back into the Fairness Association headquarters.

The kids largely scattered once they were inside and Ohio decided to pick his battles.

“Kathy right?”  he said to the little girl. 

She nodded.

“Where were you working?”

“This way!” Kathy said, leading them over to one of the elevators.

The group had dwindled down considerably, and Alex had set Awesome Man down once they were inside.

When the elevator Kathy summoned with her keycard came, Ohio held the door open while the kids loaded in.

There was Kathy of course, then Dave and a still grumpy Awesome Man.  Diego slipped on board too.  Morgan and Alex set up by the buttons, Alex had their arms around Morgan’s waist in a friendly version of their earlier grip on Awesome Man.

That left not much room in the elevator, and Ohio, Barnaby and Kotetsu still outside the elevator.

“K-Kotetsu and I c-can st-stay here.” Barnaby said softly.

“Absolutely not,” Ohio said.  Keeping an eye on Barnaby was the whole reason he was here in the first place.  Ohio bent and scooped Barnaby up in his arms.  As he boarded the elevator Kotetsu followed, becoming incorporeal so the lack of space didn’t matter.

Of course a ghost dog in an elevator made every kid except Barnaby start giggling.

Barnaby was looking down at the floor wide eyed, “You’re tall,” he said. 

“Thanks.” Ohio said.  “Kathy? Where are we going?”

“Floor 35 please!”

There was a brief scuffle by the buttons as both Alex and Morgan tried to push the ‘35’ button at the same time.

Morgan won- and the elevator shot up mercifully quick.

They all piled out into a mostly pristine lab space.  There was one workspace with a still smoking crater on it.  Sure enough that was where Kathy headed.

She logged into the computer on the desk.

“Here’s my notes, but with the prototype destroyed I don’t know what good they’ll do.” she said.

Morgan, with Alex still attached, went over to look at the computer.

“Well there’s your problem.” they said.  “Where’s your limiter?”

As Kathy and Morgan descended into technobabble Ohio had no hope of understanding  Alex let go of Morgan and pulled out their phone.  They took several pictures of the data and started fiddling with their phone.

“What are you doing?” Ohio asked. 

“Sending the info to my people.” Alex said.

“Smart.”

“I am, aren't I?” Alex said. “Why are you still holding Barnaby?”

Ohio looked at Barnaby, “I forgot to put him down.” Ohio admitted.  He put down his smallest charge, Kotetsu immediately coming over to sniff Barnaby all over and lick his face.  Barnaby hugged the dog around the neck.

As Morgan and Kathy kept talking the other kids broke off into groups, Dave and Diego climbed up onto the table by the crater and started poking it.

Alex had decided to start opening drawers- locked or not- to see what was inside, and Awesome Man had decided to follow Alex around.  He was telling Alex to stop but didn’t seem to be actually trying to do anything to stop the villain.

…Barnaby had vanished.  He’d been right here !  Where had he gone?

Kotetsu’s ghostly dog head popped up above the sea of lab tables.  The St. Bernard grabbed a box of tissues off the  desk and disappeared again.

Ohio headed that way.  Sure enough Barnaby and Kotetsu were sitting on the floor behind the table.

Ohio felt his heart rip in half when he realized Barnaby was crying.

“Hey.” he said, sitting crossed legged on the floor by Barnaby.  Kotetsu had the cuddling covered. “What’s wrong?”

Barnaby blew his nose before answering. “W-w-what if w-we c-can’t fix it?” he asked.

“We just started,” Ohio said.  “We’ll figure it out.”

“But what if we don’t ?” Barnaby pressed.  “I can’t be your boyfriend if I’m eight. ”

Barnaby dissolved into sobs.  Kotetsu whined and nuzzled the little boy’s cheek.

Ohio didn’t know what to say.  Because Barnaby was right and this very idea had been hovering at the back of Ohio’s mind all day.  If this didn’t get resolved there went the best relationship he’d ever had- for at least ten years.  And who could say if ten years older Ohio would even be someone mentally-an-adult-again-Barnaby would even want?

Before Ohio could figure out what to say Alex appeared from around the other side of the table.  They looked… guilty to Ohio, though he had no idea why that would be.

But Alex knelt and hugged Barnaby.  “We’ll figure this out ok?” Alex said. “Everything will be alright I promise.”

Barnaby didn’t stop crying but they did lean into Alex’s grip.

Alex wasn’t normally what Ohio would consider comforting, but they stayed put, hugging Barnaby and patting his head until Barnaby calmed down.

“Where’d your shadow go?” Ohio asked.  It hadn’t escaped his notice that Awesome Man had not followed Alex over here.

“I shoved him in the elevator and sent him to the roof.” Alex said.

Barnaby looked up at Alex, “That’s mean.” he said.

“What?” Alex asked.  “He can fly!  ….Are you feeling any better?”

Barnaby nodded.  “Thank you.”

Alex let him go.  “Don’t worry about it.” they repeated. “Either of you.  Seriously, don't. We’ll be fixed up soon. I promise.”

Ohio got the distinct impression that Alex knew something they didn’t.  But when Ohio shot Alex a questioning look Alex just shook their head.

“You’re really huggy since you went pint-sized.”  Ohio said.

“I like hugs.” Alex shrugged. “An’ I’m good at giving them.

“Hey Ohio?” Morgan called.  “Barnaby? Alex?  Where are you guys?”

Alex was gone in a flash.  Ohio and Barnaby took longer.  Ohio because getting up from the ground was a whole Ordeal at his age, and Barnaby because he had to use Kotetsu as a hanky.

Ohio offered Barnaby a hand and Barnaby took it.  They headed back across the room to Kathy’s work station.

“We think it’ll wear off.” Morgan said, as Ohio and Barnaby joined them.  “In uh… 24 hours?  So tomorrow morning.”

“You’re sure?” Ohio asked.

“Pretty sure.” Kathy said.

Alex’s phone rang.  “Hello?” they answered. “Yeah? Ok.  So- ok. Ok good.  Thank you Terry.  Ok bye!”  Alex hung up.  “My staff just told me the same thing.” Alex said.

Ok.  Twenty four hours, less now, Oho could do this. 

“Alright everyone back downstairs.” Ohio said.  “Unless you want to stay up here Kathy?”

Kathy shrugged and followed them to the elevator.

Ohio had picked Barnaby up again before remembering they were down a kid. There was technically room to put him down but Ohio just held onto Barnaby anyway.

There was a new- and thank god tall- face in the lobby.

“My goodness!” Chad said.  “What’s happening here?!”

“Chad!” Diego yelled and ran over to hug her brother’s legs.

“Oh noooo…” Morgan whined.

“Hi Chad.” Ohio said as he came up to the other adult hero.  “I’m Ohio James, one of Morgan’s nemesises.  Anyway, there was a Science Mishap, everyone will be a child for 24 hours.  I suggest you call for backup.  I am taking these three.”  He was still holding Barnaby and he corralled Morgan and Alex close with his other hand.  “Back home to wait this out.”

“What.” Chad said.  Ohio ignored him and kept walking.

“OH!” Diego shouted.  “Chad, you're gonna have to pick up Ducky at the babysitter at 5 pm!”

‘What??” Chad asked.

Ohio grabbed Morgan’s hand- Alex was clinging to them like a limpet again- and ran.

“Ohio?”  Morgan said once they were outside.  “I’m hungry.”

“Yeah me too.” Alex said.

It was a little after noon now, properly lunch time. 

“Ok.” Ohio said, “What do you want to eat?”

Asking was a mistake.  But Ohio didn’t realize it until Alex started literally hopping up and down.

“Let’s go to Sauce E Sal’s!” they shouted.

“Oooooo!” Morgan and Barnaby said at once.

He was doomed.

Chapter Text

Ohio hadn’t been in a Sauce E Sal’s in… at least 20 years.  Depressingly little had changed.  The animatronics were new, but only to Ohio- clearly they’d been in use at least a decade.

“Hey hey hey hey!” Ohio said. The moment they were inside both Morgan and Alex had tried to make a break for the indoor play place and ball pit.

“We’re here for lunch. ” Ohio reminded them.  “Let’s order first before you run off.”

They found a circular booth at the far end of the dining room- as far away from the animatronics as possible.

“Oh!  Can I get wings?” Alex asked.

“Will you eat them?” Ohio said.

Alex rolled their eyes.  “Yes Dad. ”

“Fine.” Ohio said, as he tried not to show how ancient Alex had just made him feel.

They settle on a 5 meat pizza, and wings for Alex and Morgan.

The waitress was a very nice teenager named Allie who seemed a little confused about how all these kids were related to Ohio.  She was nice enough not to question it out loud.

“Drinks?” she asked.

“No caffeine.” Ohio said, eyeing Morgan specifically.

“Awww!” Morgan and Alex whined.

“C-Can I h-have a ch-chocolate m-milk?” Barnaby asked. 

“Ooo!” Alex and Morgan chorused.

The waitress looked like she was going to melt.  “Of course honey.”

“I think that’s three- you know what? Make it four chocolate milks.  I’m gonna need the energy.” Ohio said.

“Got it.” Allie said.  “Are we celebrating anything special today?”

Morgan nodded enthusiastically. “Mom finally went to jail!”

“ Morgan. ”  Ohio snapped, and then decided to lean in.  “We’re celebrating Dad getting full custody not Mom going to jail!”

Morgan was delighted.  Barnaby hid his face in his hands. 

Allie looked mortified. “...I’ll get this food in for you right now.” she said.

As soon as she turned away Alex asked. “Dad?  Did Mom really kill Uncle Kevin?”

“You know I don’t know sweetheart.  The jury said she did though.”

“You’re all t-terrible.” Barnaby said quietly. 

Ohio glanced over his shoulder to make sure Allie was out of earshot.  “So we’re all on the same page, did your fictional mother kill your fictional Uncle Kevin?"

“Oh absolutely,” Morgan said.  “Barnaby and I saw everything.”

“Where was I?” Alex asked.

“You’re from Dad’s first marriage so you were with him,” Morgan said.

Alex laughed.

Ohio nodded. “Cool cool. Alright, was uncle Kevin my brother or just some guy?”

“Brother is way juicier.” Alex said.  Then, like a switch had been flipped, “Can we go play now?”

Ohio laughed. “Yes, but the food will be here soon so don’t get lost in there.” he said.

Alex and Morgan took off running to the play area.  To Ohio’s surprise Barnaby got up too.

“You don’t have to go play you know.” Ohio said.

“I u-used t-to love b-ball p-pits.” Barnaby said, “I’m g-going to s-see if I st-still d-do.”

That was fair.  Ohio had always loved the ball pit too, but he was too big now to go sitting in one. Kotetsu followed on Barnaby's heels.

Ohio tried to take this opportunity to relax.  He could do this.  He only had… 18ish hours more.

Allie brought the drinks over. 

“Thank you.” Ohio said.  “And I’m sorry about Morgan.  Their therapist tells me this ’telling strangers all our business’ is part of their process of accepting what happened.”

“Oh, uh.  That’s ok.” Allie said and left as quickly as possible.

Ohio chuckled to himself.  Ok, time to stop traumatizing the waitress.

The food came out about fifteen minutes later, and as Ohio had expected none of the kids turned up.  Ohio sighed and got up to investigate.

Barnaby was laying flat on his back in the ballpit, almost buried by the brightly colored balls.  Kotetsu, incorporeal again, was only partially visible above the balls.

“How are we doing buddy?” Ohio asked.

“L-let the b-balls c-comsume me.'' Barnaby said.

Ohio laughed, “Go get some food before the other two hooligans show up.” Ohio said.

“Okaaaaaay.” Barnaby sighed and started making his way out of the ball pit.

Now, where the hell were Morgan and Alex?

“Oi!  There’s food you villains!” he yelled up a slide that looked like it went up into the heart of the maze.

No response.  Well he’d tried. He could hardly go up there and get them.

Ohio went back to the table and sat with Barnaby for ten more minutes.  When there was still no sign of the other two coming, Ohio pulled out his phone and called Alex.

“What?” Alex asked. Ohio could hear someone whispering behind Alex but not what they were saying.

“Is Morgan with you?  Barnaby and I are eating all the pizza without you.”  Ohio said.

“Ok,” Alex said.  “Yeah they’re right here.  We’re coming.”

“Do I want to know what you two are doing?” Ohio said.

“We aren’t doing anything.” Alex blatantly lied.  Then they hung up.

Ohio watched the play place.  A few minutes later first Morgan and then Alex came down the slide Ohio had yelled up.

They arrived at the table like a miniature tornado and tore into the pizza and wings like tiny ravenous beasts.

As they ate Alex pulled a neat bundle of bills out of… somewhere and handed it to Ohio.

“Why are you handing me… fucking two thousand dollars?” Ohio asked.

“Because you’re playing legal guardian for the day.” Alex said.  “And you can’t support three kids on your public university professor salary.”

“I promise I can.” Ohio said.  “But I will admit I wasn’t planning to spend that much money today.”

“Well now you don’t have to worry Dad. ” Alex teased.  “And you can give your poor traumatized children plenty of tokens for the arcade games.”

“Ah I see,” Ohio said. “I guess it would be weird if you paid for everything.”

Alex nodded.  They took a bite of a wing, made a face, and shoved the remaining ones over to Morgan.

“Wh-where d-did you g-get that m-money?”  Barnaby asked.

Alex rolled their eyes. “Don’t worry, St. Boring, it’s from one of my legitimate income channels.”

“Oh, did you start that JustSimps account you were talking about?” Morgan asked.

Alex laughed, and shoved Morgan before turning back to their pizza.

Soon enough the kids were done eating, and Ohio paid the bill and left the waitress a big tip using Alex’s money.

Then Alex grabbed Ohio’s coat and pulled him over to the arcade side of the building.  A glance over his shoulder showed Morgan was corralling Barnaby and Kotetsu along behind them.

Alex let him go as soon as the prize counter came into view.  They ran over to examine the available goods. Morgan darted over too.  Leaving Ohio and Barnaby behind. 

“You and Kotetsu can go back to the ball pit if you want.” Ohio said.

Barnaby shrugged. “Let’s g-go look a-at the p-prizes f-first.”

“Alright.” Ohio said and offered Barnaby his hand.  Barnaby took it and they headed over to look at the prizes.

“Ok what's everyone aiming for?” Ohio asked.  Mostly to see how long they’d be here. The kid behind the counter looked bored.

“I want the glow in the dark bracelet kit.” Alex said.  “And a mini gumball machine.” 

That was only 4000 tickets total. Ouch.

Morgan was looking in the lower cases. “I’m gonna get the big slinky, and a buuunch of these bugs and spiders.” They said gesturing at the bin full of 75 ticket rubber creepy crawlies.  The Slinky was 2500 tickets.

Ohio handed Alex and Morgan each 60 bucks. “Off you go then.”

That got a raised eyebrow from the kid- Jesse his name badge said- but he didn’t say anything.

Barnaby was still scrutinizing the prize wall while Alex and Morgan ran off to the token machine.  Ohio noticed Morgan pull a plastic baggie of more tokens out of their pocket as they ran off.  Where had they gotten those? …Ohio decided not to worry about it.

“D-Do you th-think…” Barnaby said shyly. “Th-that we c-can g-get enough f-for that b-big ball? K-Kotetsu would l-like it.”

The ball in question was 1000 tickets. 

“We’re going to be here until closing while Alex saves up enough tickets for their prizes, so yes, I think we can.”

Ohio had forgotten that being pint sized didn’t make the three people he was with any less competitive.  His first reminder came from Alex naturally, after Ohio got Barnaby his tokens he noticed Alex had monopolized all four of the skeeball games.  Ohio watched as Alex fed tokens into one game, immediately tossed all the balls one after another into the very center of the scoreboard with perfect aim, and then moved on to the next machine while the first was still spitting out tickets.

Ohio came over to admire the efficiency of it. “That's impressive.” he said.

Alex grinned. “And I’m using way less powers than you probably think I am.” they said. “I’m just really good at skeeball.”

“I can see that.”

“Now fuck off Ohio, you’re ruining my concentration.” Alex said happily.

“Is that any way to speak to your father?” Ohio asked as Alex moved back to the first game.

Alex laughed.

The normal dull roar of noisy games and pop music got louder, and Ohio turned to see what had happened.

Morgan was standing in front of a game called “Token Pusher” that was going absolutely nuts as it spat out ticket after ticket.  Ohio came over just as Morgan collected all their tickets and moved to an identical machine right next to the first.

Ah, Ohio understood now, you input tokens to push other tokens closer to the edge of a drop.  The more tokens that dropped the more tickets you got.  This new machine had a huge column of tokens.

Morgan examined the layout carefully and muttered “Five tokens.”

Ohio watched Morgan meticulously drop one token after another into the machine and sure enough, five tokens later the huge column of tokens fell, netting Morgan five hundred tickets.

“I’m up to 750 tickets already.” Morgan said.

When Ohio looked around for Barnaby he found him at a round machine- it had a circle of lights inside, with a green light circling around.  As Ohio watched Barnaby slammed his hand down on a big red button, stopping the light exactly on the ‘Jackpot!!’ spot.

“I am deeply concerned about all of you.” Ohio said as tickets spilled out of the machine.

“I-Imagine i-if you t-took us t-to a casino.” Barnaby said.

“We’ll have to arrange a trip once you all are legally adults again.” Ohio said.

Right around two hours later they were back at the prize counter.  Ohio had had to dole out a few more twenties but not as much as he’d thought he would.

The kid behind the counter looked surprised too, but the tickets added up and he dutifully handed over all the prizes the kids wanted.

“Here.” Morgan said once they had finished their trading.  He handed Ohio a small bundle of tickets. “Buy yourself something nice.”

Ohio laughed, but handed the tickets to the kid to count. It was 50 total, so Ohio got the Sauce E Sal’s holographic ruler to remember this by.

When Ohio was done he turned around to find Alex rubbing their eyes. “Can we go home now?” they asked.

“Yeah let’s go you hoodlums.”

Chapter Text

They wound up in Morgan and Alex’s apartment.  When they arrived Alex immediately collapsed on the couch and took a nap.  Morgan took their bounty of rubber bugs and slinky to their work room and pointedly shut the door.  

“Wh-what d-do we do n-now?” Barnaby asked.

Ohio shrugged. “We’re unsupervised in Morgan’s lair.”  Ohio pointed out.  “What do you want to do?”

Barnaby looked around, saw a book of crossword puzzles on the coffee table and grabbed it, settling into a recliner upholstered in Halloween skull fabric for some reason.

Ohio settled in to examining Morgan’s bookshelves, looking at both the books and for any secret switches.

Twenty minutes later Alex sat up, apparently completely refreshed.

“Where’s Morgan?” they asked.

“In their workshop.” Ohio said.

Alex scoffed and turned on the TV, making sure to turn the volume up as they did.

Ohio went to sit with them on the couch and also watch TV.

"It's been a remarkably quiet day in Capital City,"  the news anchor said.  "Our top and honestly only story is the childification of the entire Chastisers and the majority of the Fairness Association.  FA and Chastisers reps have confirmed that the change is only temporary and our heroes should be back to normal by tomorrow."

"Ummm … and the weather I guess? Or traffic?" The anchor said, a slightly panicked smile on his face.

The camera switched to a weather lady. Who began explaining that the weather was perfect and utterly uninteresting.

Alex frowned at the news, glanced at Ohio and then got up and went to open Morgan's workroom door.

"Do I have weather manipulation?" Alex asked quietly.

"Just localized I think?" Morgan said. "Why?"

"The news is boring, nothing is happening." Alex said.

Morgan laughed. "All the grown up heroes are on babysitting duty."

Alex came back to the couch, and after a moment Morgan came out of their workshop and climbed up on the couch between Alex and Ohio.

"You keep a list of Alex's powers?" Ohio asked.

Alex flushed, but Morgan just nodded. "I try, they can't remember everything. They kill a lot of people."

"Yeah," Alex muttered. They hid their face in Morgan's shoulder.

That tracked. Of the two of them Morgan was the one more likely to want to know their options. Alex was, and Ohio meant this with great affection, the type to just punch all their problems until they stopped moving.

The news anchor was back, still looking nervous. "Uh, ok back to me again! I uh, still have no news- oh wait, uhhh…"

A hand holding a sheet of paper briefly appeared from off screen, the reporter grabbed it.

"This just in… an update on our earlier story! Uhhh- oh! Reports state that S tier villain Alex Stewart has been affected by the de-aging as well, but as all those affected still have their powers they are still extremely dangerous and should not be approached.  Well that's not much of an update."

The anchor trailed off… looking expectantly at someone off camera. 

There was thirty seconds of dead air before without warning the news cut to traffic.

Traffic was equally uneventful as everything else, though the traffic guy was much better at vamping.

"Should I do something for them to report on?" Alex asked.

"Nah." Morgan said. "Let 'em stew."

When the traffic guy was done making shit up the news cut back to the anchor, who announced that because there was still no news they would be ending the news early.

"Booooo!" Morgan said.

"Good night Capital City." The anchor said.

Alex snapped their fingers and the sheets of paper on the anchor's desk burst into flames.

The anchor yelped. "Holy shi-"

The TV cut to a commercial.

Alex and Morgan snickered.

"Anyone want to play Bowser Chariot?" Morgan asked.

Alex shook their head. "I'm gonna make bracelets." 

Barnaby was still absorbed in the crossword book.

"I may regret this." Ohio announced. "But how do you play Bowser Chariot?"

Morgan's face lit up. Ohio hadn't seen them this excited since their last jungle adventure.

"I'll show you!" Morgan said.

“Ha!” Ohio said, hours later when he finally won a race.

“You only won because of that last minute purple shell!” Morgan said.

“It still counts!” Ohio said.  He stretched.  Sometime while they’d been playing Alex had moved to the kitchen table while Barnaby had come over to sit on the couch and watch the video game.

“Oh crap,” Ohio said as he finally noticed the time.  He’d only been playing Bowser Chariot for almost 5 hours. “I need to feed you.”

“Shepherd’s pie is in the oven.”  Alex said from the kitchen table.

“...You made shepherd’s pie?” Ohio said.  “Just for fun?”

“Yeah.” Alex said.  They were making knotted bracelets with their glow in the dark kit.  “Morgan likes it.”

“...Alright then.” Ohio said.  The timer said the food would be done in 5 minutes.  “Everyone go wash up I guess.”

Dinner was delicious, and as they all sat around the table eating Alex handed out the bracelets they’d been making.  “They’re all big so they still fit when we’re big again.”   they explained.

Ohio couldn’t help but notice that his and Barnaby’ bracelets were the same colors-orange and blue- while Alex and Morgan’s were pink and green.  

“W-we'll have to ch-check if they g-glow later.” Barnaby said.

“They might need to be charged up first.” Ohio said.

“They should be fine.”  Alex said. “ I emit ultraviolet light.”

“...I have no idea if you’re joking.” Ohio admitted.

Morgan started snickering.

Alex just grinned.

As they were cleaning up after dinner Alex suddenly raised their hand. “Oo!” they said.

“Yes Alex?” Ohio said, deciding to skip over why Alex thought hand raising was necessary.

“Can we watch a movie?” they asked.

“I don’t see why not. What movie?”  Ohio asked.

“A scary movie!” Morgan said immediately.

“No!” Alex protested.  “I hate those!”

“...You d-do?”  Barnaby asked.

“Yes.” Alex said.  “Don’t make fun of me!  I don’t like them!”

“They’re a scaredy cat.” Morgan said.

“I am not!” Alex protested.

“Well we aren’t going to watch a scary movie.” Ohio said.  “I don’t like them either.”

“Booooring,” Morgan said.  But they still followed Barnaby and Alex over to look at the movies.

While they debated Ohio found some popcorn in a cabinet and put the bag in the microwave to pop.

“What about Star Wars?”

“We watched Star Wars last week you nerd.”

“W-what about th-this one?” Barnaby asked.

“I’m fine with that.”

“Yeah ok.”

When the popcorn was done Ohio took it over to join the kids on the couch.  He sat at the end next to Barnaby.

“What are we watching?” he asked. Morgan had the remote and was fiddling with it.

“Goonies.” Alex said.  “Can I have the popcorn?”

Ohio hadn’t seen this movie before- but it started with a jailbreak and a car chase so it couldn’t be too bad.

By the time the movie was ending Ohio was biting his tongue to keep from complaining about a sailing ship that old still being seaworthy.

Alex and Morgan had passed out, curled up on their half of the couch.  Barnaby was still awake but he was dragging.

As the credits rolled Ohio stood and turned off the TV.  When he looked back at the couch Barnaby had fallen over into the space Ohio had left.  

“Time to go.” Ohio said softly.

When he picked Barnaby up Morgan stirred for a moment.

“We’ll be across the hall if you need anything ok?” Ohio said.

Morgan nodded, then put their head back down on Alex’s stomach.  Passing out again almost immediately.

Back in Barnaby's apartment Ohio deposited Barnaby on his bed and tucked him in carefully.  Kotetsu jumped up on the bed to snuggle.

Then Ohio headed out to the living room.  He collapsed on the couch and was asleep in minutes.

Something poked Ohio’s nose.  

He groaned and tried to wave whatever it was away.

It poked him again.

Ohio opened his eyes.

Barnaby, fully grown again, was crouching beside the couch.

“Oh thank god,” Ohio said.

Barnaby laughed and kissed him.

Ohio pulled Barnaby onto the couch with him. 

“Let’s never have kids.” Ohio said.

“Ours w-would b-be better b-behaved than Alex and M-Morgan."

“That’s absolutely correct.” Ohio said. “I’m still not sold on the idea though.”

“Th-that’s f-fair.”

Ohio kissed Barnaby again.  “I missed you.”

“I m-missed you t-too.”