Chapter Text
And as I beg for
you to be spared
You smile kindly at me like an angel
I do not deserve you
You do not deserve me
Not because you are a servant
and I am a Lady
But because of me, you died
So you do not deserve
someone like me
who will only ever bring
your pain and suffering and
will cause your demise
You do not deserve that
So I slit my throat before
anything bad can happen to you
Foolishly I hope think that
you are safe and that
you are spared
But as I watch you
from the afterlife-no, this is NOT
the afterlife for I can still
be by your side as a spirit
that can not move on
I scream as I watch you be beaten
to death and tortured
Limbs broken and ripped
Face stabbed, eyes gouged
It is horrible to see you like this,
my love
But are you my love when
I have only brought
you tragedy and hardships?
But is it truly love when you doom them
from the very start?
That I do not know
as I do not know
much about love as cliche as that sounds
Love is something that
I only know from family and
brothers and sisters and friends
But that is only familial and platonic love
Agape, Philia, and Storge
Not Eros which is what WE feel
I see you in my dreams
as I am in a new body
I am still me
Yet I am not
Because this 'me'
is still a foolishly naive and
dormant little girl
It makes me sick when
I say it through the back
of my mind
Because in the back
of my mind I killed you
So you won't be killed by them
So you won't experience tragedy
But I only killed you before
we can grow feelings for the other
Before we are doomed
But we've always been doomed, haven't we?
And as I beg for
you to live for yourself
and not for me
Not ever for me
As much as I would selfishly
WANT that
Yet you still chose me
Why me? Why me?
Why me? Why me?
Why me? Why me?
Why me? Why me?
Why me? Why me?
Why me? Why me?!
Why me?! Why me?! Why me?!
Why me?! Why me?!
Why me?! Why me?!
Why me?! Why me?!
I have only ever
caused you grief! I desperately scream
But yet you still smile
at me like an angel
You say Because it's you, and I love you.
Love is something that makes you strong
Yet it kills you
Kills you until you
have nothing left of
Kills you and takes
and it takes and it takes
and takes and it takes!
I don't want you
to die because of me
I scream and shout
yet I can not
I can only scream and shout
when you are about
to be killed
Or when I see your death
and I am already dead
Like the cower that I truly am
I wake up as a baby
with no memory
Yet I know deep down
that I must save you
You who looks
like an angel as always
You are my loyal guard
in this wretched life
And I find that
despite everything
Despite knowing that
we will never be free
Not as long as the diving beings
laugh and mock us
Not as long as we are
entertaining for them
For we are lovers that
they find as entertaining
as Romeo and Juliet
I find that as
long as you are by
my side, I can endure
any and all hardships
I will now willingly
endure any and all hardships
As long as you are with me
But never if those
hardships are you
being tortured before my very eyes
And I find that
in this hell you are
my shore before, during, and after
a rather violent storm
Because life is a rather
unexpected violent storm
Isn't It?