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Sapnap wanted to be angry, or upset, or at least annoyed, really, at how Karl seemed to have made it his mission to make sure he got some sleep whenever they hung out.
All he felt was gratefulness.
He wouldn't admit it. Not out loud, anyways, and he didn't need to, seeing how Karl kept doing it without needing to be asked.
He'd act like he was doing Karl a favour, by falling asleep. Karl would act like he believed him.
It was good.
Sapnap was still tired all the time, but on those weeks where Dream only kept him up a couple nights, or their little outings happened to be shorter than usual, those extra few hours of sleep did wonders for him.
He felt a bit lighter after waking up, Karl being the first person he saw, every time, without fail, either on his phone, or studying, or whisper-talking to George when they stayed at his library.
He always pretended to be asleep for a bit longer, just to watch him exist so unapologetically.
Karl had learned his boundaries.
He never disturbed him, usually waiting for Sapnap to slowly come to on his own, only playing songs at a slightly louder volume when he needed him to wake up.
He never touched. Which would be a weird thing to notice if it weren't for the fact that Karl was, at his very essence, a touchy person.
Sapnap could see it when he talked to George, or any of his other friends - he saw the way Karl's hands would instinctively move towards him, but then redirected anywhere else in a poor attempt at casualness.
And while he was grateful for the respect the other showed him, he wasn't so sure that he didn't want to be touched anymore.
He often found himself wishing he could rest his head on Karl's shoulder, hold his hand, play with his rings. He wondered if Karl would play with his hair, if he asked.
He didn't know how to ask.
It happened on accident.
Sapnap was waking up, slowly, like he always did. He kept his eyes closed and listened for any sound that would prove Karl was still there, and was rewarded with his voice, soft and hushed and incredibly sweet.
He tried to figure out what he was saying. He only caught words here and there, "shelf", "nails", "weight". Was he reading the instructions to building a bookshelf?
He couldn't stop his mind from wandering. Him and Karl in a house together, furniture scattered around, boxes everywhere, trying to figure out how to build a goddamn bookshelf. Sapnap smiled to himself. It was silly, it was weird, even. They weren't together like that. But even then, they could still share a place if they wanted to, right? Friends could be roommates. There was nothing wrong with that.
Sapnap opened his eyes and rubbed his face against the soft fabric of his shirt, inhaling as he stretched his legs under him. "Good morning, handsome." Karl greeted him.
"Handsome?" George cut in. "Do you need an eye doctor? He looks like shit."
"Love you too, Georgie."
"That's because he keeps sleeping on tables. I told you a hundred times, you should just go on the couch."
Sapnap rolled his eyes. "So George's parents can throw me out? No, thanks."
He didn't like the thought of other people seeing him sleep. Laid out, unprotected. Vulnerable. Being hunched over, knowing Karl was right there, made him feel safer. Besides, he didn't care about the pain. Not when he got to see Karl smiling at him like he was all there was in the world.
Karl didn't know any of that, but still, he never forced him.
"I could talk to them, you know. You could come upstairs." George started.
"George" Sapnap warned. They'd had this conversation over and over again. He wasn't budging.
Sensing the tension in the air, Karl tried his best to change the topic.
"He's right you know. You kind of do look like shit."
"Wow, thank you Karl."
"It's just, your hair"
"What's wrong with my hair?"
Karl giggled. Sapnap looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
And then, Karl reached out a hand towards him, completely focused on Sapnap's hair, and started brushing it back for him.
Sapnap couldn't utter a word, couldn't breathe, even. He could feel every inch of Karl's fingers caressing his scalp, combing through his hair, healing and soothing and he sagged a little in his chair, the cold press of Karl's rings on his skin making him lightheaded.
Suddenly, Karl stopped, realising what he was doing. He coughed awkwardly and retracted his hand, while Sapnap yearned to take it and put it back, as his chest constricted and his breath ran away from him.
He didn't reach out, though. He told himself it was because George was there.
"There, that's better."
Karl didn't meet his eyes as he spoke. George eyed them like he knew something they didn't, but kept his mouth shut. Sapnap wasn't sure if he should thank him for it or not.
Later, when they went outside the library, Sapnap walked just a little closer to Karl than usual. To anyone looking in from the outside it would have been imperceptible, but he was close enough that he could feel the other's warmth, and it was intoxicating him. He never wanted to part from him.
They walked in silence, but Sapnap's mind was louder than ever.
Take his hand, it screamed. But his body didn't want to comply.
You're almost home, fucking move it already if you wanna do it.
And it wasn't like he'd never see Karl again, they'd hang out again tomorrow, but tomorrow was an eternity away, and he couldn't stand going through the night with this longing and regret of not just fucking doing it while he still had the chance.
So Sapnap took a deep breath and jerked his hand forward, grasping Karl's all at once.
It was far from soft, or nice, or hell, romantic even, but the way Karl looked at him when their skin made contact, he'd think it was all those things and then some. Because the moment it clicked in Karl's mind, he looked ecstatic. He adjusted their hands so that Sapnap wasn't just squeezing his fingers together painfully, and held on like it was exactly what he had been born to do.
Sapnap could tell that Karl was happy. He could tell that he'd done that. He, on his end, was just glad he could finally breathe again. He relaxed his hold, making sure he wasn't crushing Karl's hand, nervousness and happiness and relief swarming everywhere in his body, and it was hard to think straight. The warmth travelled up their linked hands all the way to his shoulder and chest, and it was more than he could've ever asked for.