Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jingle bells and overly enthusiastic commercials weren’t Sapnap's least favorite thing about the holiday season, but it was definitely up there. Maybe it was how crowded and busy every store gets starting the day after Thanksgiving. 

Or maybe it was the sting of paper cuts left on his hands from dollar store wrapping paper as he wraps last minute gifts. 

Or the stress of getting people who don’t really like him good gifts, or having to play up his reaction to their gifts so as to not offend them. 

Or maybe it was his parents yelling, taking out their stress on their eldest. Hands that moved too fast in his direction that made him flinch. 

Or maybe it was exactly this, this indescribable feeling he gets the second he can’t walk outside in shorts and a t-shirt without getting cold. The empty feeling in his chest the second holiday music starts playing in public spaces. His natural energy falls into a lull as it gets harder and harder to lift himself out of bed.

It was in fact not the most wonderful time of the year, that song is a lie. 

Or maybe it is the most wonderful time of the year, but just for people with joyful optimists or loving families in their lives. 

Bitter was probably the right word for the feeling it gave him, it shortened his already small temper and made him feel on edge constantly.

It was his first real holiday season without his family, last year his family had guilted him into flying back to Texas which was of course a mistake. 

He didn’t know what to expect when he got that phone call from his step mother, one of those ‘lets catch up we haven’t talked in ages’ calls he would expect to get from high school friend after they saw his internet success. 

He feels his leg twitch involuntarily at the memories of that phone call, how sticking to his gut feeling would have saved him so much pain and anger. He feels stupid for falling for the sweet words of someone who had done nothing but harm him for years. It's obvious now that she told him everything he wanted to hear from her, that they missed him and how well his siblings are doing in school. How proud they are of his success and happy to see him excelling in something he’s good at. 

All the sweet words coated the true meaning, how she refused to use any name or pronoun while speaking to him, only talking about how ‘the oldest always turns out best’ and faux praise.

He should have listened when Dream had said that it felt like a bad idea after everything he had heard, how his family would be more than happy to have him and Sapnap at dinner and call both of them their real names. 

At the end of the day Sapnap made his own choice, and he paid for it. But he will not be making that mistake again.

It was November 13th, which means Christmas music had finally infiltrated radio stations and holiday ads played at every mid roll on every autoplayed Youtube video. 

That bitter feeling rises again, reminding him of all the holiday parties he spent crying in a bathroom. Reminds him of all the harsh words his family spoke last year. Of the siblings he loves so dearly he won’t be able to see again. 

“Sap?” George’s concerned voice jolts him out of his thoughts and brings him back to reality. He feels George’s cold feet wiggling themselves under where his thighs sit on the couch. He looks up to where George’s head is resting in Dreams lap, the others green eyes looking at him as well.

“Yeah sorry I zoned out, what were you saying?” George doesn’t quite believe him, he can tell by the way the corners of his lips twitch down and the way he rolls his shoulders into Dream's thigh.

“I was asking how we're going to decorate the house for Christmas if you guys don’t have any decorations, I still can’t believe Mr. Holly Jolly over here didn’t buy out Target's whole Christmas section the second it dropped last year.” George lifts his arm to poke at Dreams cheek playfully and he untangles a hand from George’s hair to swat the accusatory finger away.

The interaction was a perfect display of how Dream and George showed their love. George loved attention of any kind, often being dramatic or causing problems just to get eyes on him. And Dream would take any excuse to get his eyes on George. Soft touches that didn’t need any words to accompany them, because that was what George hated most, words. If he could go his whole life without having to verbally show appreciation for someone he would do it, Dream however takes every opportunity to flirt with either of them endlessly. They were a true opposites attract situation, and Sapnap knows with confidence that if he were to leave this relationship right now they would be fine without him.

“Why am I Mr. Holly Jolly? I’m not that into Christmas, plus we were just busy and we went to our own families last year.” Dreams eyes flick to meet Sapnaps briefly at the mention of last Christmas, “So this year will be our first actual Christmas, technically, which means buying decorations and all that.”

The realization makes his stomach drop a little, the most romantic time of the year was the one he hated most of all, and that hated him right back. They were probably going to want to go ice skating and watch crappy romance movies and he was going to ruin it.

“Oh that’s so exciting!” George claps his hands together, and the stinging clap rings his ears and mucks up his already disconnected brain. Sapnap tries to force words out of his mouth but they fall short, and ends up just giving George a half-cocked smile before turning his attention back to the TV to see the sickeningly red commercial. Happy families dressed in matching outfits exchanging presents and fond looks. 

It reminds him that he’ll never get to have that, a family that's proud to be seen never mind match with him. Gifts with loving thoughts and not passive aggressive statements.

Sapnap thinks he’s going to be sick. Love, the season of love makes him feel sick.

“‘m gonna go lay down I think.” He mumbles as he quickly gets up, putting the blanket he had on his lap over George while avoiding either of their gazes. 

Neither of them say anything as he walks up the stairs. 

Dream knows about how hard this time of the year is, he was the one who calmed Sapnap down after his family Christmas blew up last year. 

He was the one who found him the only open hotel room in Houston on such short notice. 

He was the one who paid to have his flight back home pushed up to get him out. 

He was the one who picked him up from the airport on Christmas Day. 

He was the one who held him as he cried for the next week.

Sapnap had never directly told George what had happened last year, only touching on it briefly when it was relevant. But he probably didn’t have to tell George based on the delicacy George has with him and the holidays, obviously trying to test his feelings on the subject and excite him about not having to see his blood family this year. 

Sapnap sighed as he dragged himself into bed, facing his boyfriend's holiday spirits had exhausted him mentally and physically. He pulls his blankets up to his chin, feeling his body melt into the softness of sheets and pillows. 

He never considered how he was going to handle the holidays this year, too preoccupied with the excitement of George finally being in America and TwitchCon and everything else all at once he basically forgot Christmas existed. 

Dread, maybe that was the word he was looking for. Dreading dealing with the inevitable passage of time and the joyful strings of lights and cliche hallmark movies. 

Dreading having to weigh his boyfriends spirits down because of his stupid trauma. 

He rolled his body deeper into the blankets and closed his eyes harder trying to get all his emotions to level. He tossed and turned in bed by himself for 20 minutes, desperately trying his brain to shut up and let him sleep this away.

Sleeping without at least Dream next to him had become a chore, too spoiled by his boyfriends large body and clinginess. Why would he sleep alone and cold when he has a giant living in the house that could cuddle up next to him and give him all the attention he could ever need. It only got worse when George got here, making up for lost time by always touching them in one way or another. Sticking cold hands under Sapnap's shirt, rolling his chair into Dreams room to lay himself across Dream while he edited, sneaking into Sapnap’s TwitchCon hotel room to take a nap. His clinginess knew no bounds.  

He knew that he could go to either of them for anything, especially sleeping company, but it felt inappropriate here. He was up here to run away from them and their Christmas centric ideas.  

He eventually fell into a delicate sleep, teetering on the edge of awakeness. This went him briefly before shuffling in the bed jostled him awake.

“Hmm?” He tries to lift his head to see the intruder. 

“Shh, go back to sleep, baby.” George whispers to him as he makes himself comfortable in Sapnaps bed.

“Where Dream?” Sapnap whines as he pushes himself into George’s warmth. 

“Finishing a stream, he’ll be here later.” That was enough for Sapnap to fall back asleep until Dream got there. 

“Was he sleeping when you got here?” The voice of his other boyfriend barely pulls him from the lull of sleep. He can feel his back pressed into Dreams chest and his hand running smoothly through his hair. 

“Yeah, he was pretty upset it was me and not you when he woke up though.” George jokes lightly from the other side of his body, his face is pressed firmly into George’s chest and he can feel it vibrate when he talks. 

“That’s not true.” Dream dismisses quickly, the hand in his hair stilling. 

“I know, I know that. He missed you though.” George moves himself a little closer into Sapnap at the words and Dream's hand resumes stroking his hair softly.

“Hmm.” He hums in acknowledgment, “How far did you get in the plan?”

“Pretty far, as long as none of our other plans change dramatically. But it doesn’t have to be intricate does it?” Dream leans down and plants a kiss on the top of Sapnaps head at his words. 

He wants to ask them about it but his body is against it, too tired to talk and too comfortable to risk moving. He’s safe, surrounded by all sides by people he loves and who love him back. And that’s enough to get him to fall back asleep for the night. 

He forgot to ask them about the plan the next day, he actually forgets about the plan all together and the next time it even crosses his mind is as they’re pulling up to Dreams parents house for Thanksgiving dinner. 

Dream is running his thumb over Sapnap's knuckles as he parks the car. He can hear George complaining about how uncomfortable the dress shirt he’s wearing is, and the flirty borderline filthy words Dream says back to him just to fluster and stop George’s complaints. 

And the plan doesn’t seem important at that moment. 

Dreams Mom greets them at the door, ushering them into the house with tight hugs and fond words about how nice they look together. All of his younger siblings are chasing each other around the house, his Dad trying desperately to round them up. 

The living room is partially decorated for Christmas already despite it being Thanksgiving. The lines of garland that hangs all the stockings of his overly large family takes up most of one of the living room walls. His eyes pass over all the names of his family members until he finds Dreams next to his sister and two open spots. 

He knows it shouldn’t but the sight makes his heart drop. He sees how much newer the one that says ‘Clay’ looks, how his glittery name gleams a little brighter then his sisters next to him. 

Images of Dreams mom rushing to get a new stocking made for him after he came out should make him happy. It should make him happy that his boyfriend is loved and supported unconditionally by his family but it doesn’t . It brings that bitter feeling back, and it makes him feel guilty. Guilty that that’s how he reacts to a good thing. It reminds him of the stocking with his deadname on it back in Texas, makes him wonder if they’re even going to put it on the mantle this year. 

“Oh good! I’m so glad you all are finally here. I couldn't wait anymore.” Dreams mom claps excitedly at the sight of the three of them in the living room next to the stockings. She practically skips to the other room, quickly coming back in to hand a plastic bag to both himself and George.

“Mommmm, I thought you were gonna wait until after dinner.” The slight flush of his face makes him look so much more human, and makes Sapnap remember just how in love he is with Dream. Reminds him he wouldn’t know how to live or breathe if it wasn’t by his side.

“I couldn’t wait, open it.” She gives three little claps as she waits for them to look into the bag.

Sapnap gives her a quick polite smile and moves the plastic out of the way to see a matching red stocking, one that glows just as bright as the one on the wall, one that matches his boyfriends and when he looks over to George he’s holding the same thing, running his fingers over the glitter letters with a soft smile on his face.

“We thought it was about time you boys joined the family on the wall, now that you both are officially in Florida to stay,” She’s staring at the both of them waiting for a reaction.

“Thank you.” George barely gets out before his voice starts to give way.

“Thank you for letting me be a part of your family, Ma’am.” Sapnaps southern hospitality slips out at the overly nice gesture, eyes focused on the soft red decoration in his hand. 

“You’re always welcome here, honey.”

Any response Sapnap has caught in his throat at the sweet words and the soft hug. 

Wrapped in motherly love he feels extra guilty about his original bitter feeling about the stockings. 

The guilt doesn’t go away as his father helps them pin their stockings up next to Dreams. 

It doesn’t go away at dinner either when Dreams Dad gives him advice for his beard. 

It doesn’t go away when Dream's sister tells him how jealous she is that her older brother gets two boyfriends. 

It doesn’t go away when his mom sends them home with tons of left overs and his Dad hands him beard products on the way out the door. 

It doesn’t go away when he tries to lock himself in his office the second he gets home. 

It gets worse when George lures him from his office to Dream's warm bed. 

Pressed neatly between his two sleeping boyfriends he lets the seasonal dread finally hit him. He was going to have to deal with this for a whole month at least. His poor boyfriends were going to have to deal with his shitty attitude and stubbornness.

He pulls himself from their warmth, trading it for the cold emptiness of his personal bed. A bed that makes him feel as cold and dark physically as he feels mentally.

Christmas is such a fucking drag.

Chapter Text

November 29th

Sapnap feels something soft hit his back. When it hits him again he realizes it's a pillow. When it hits him a third time he knows it has to be George.

“Whaaaaaat, what, what, what do you wanttttt?” Sapnap whines into his own pillows, trying to hide his eyes from the offensive light shining into what he thinks is his own room. 

“Get up, Sapnap! We have things to do today.” The tone of George’s voice is a little whiny and sounds annoyed, and if he didn’t know him better he would think he’s actually upset.

“What could we possibly be doing that made you this excited?” Sapnap tries to bury himself further into the softness of his bedding.

“Well you’re just gonna have to find out now aren’t you, meet us downstairs in 10 minutes. If you’re still up here I'm gonna pour water on you.“ He shakes Sapnap by the shoulders for emphasis, shaking the sleep fog from his brain.

“Okay, okay! Jesus man I’m getting up.” Sapnap finally pulls his head out of the pillow to look up at his boyfriend and his heart catches in his throat. The older boy is staring down at him with these soft eyes he only ever gets when they’re alone and George is feeling extra lovey-dovey. That paired with the goofy smile he’s shooting him makes him go a little feral. 

He wants to pack the moment away, pack him and Dream away too in a little box away from everything awful in the world and to pull them out for soft moments like these. He wants to protect them from anything that could hurt them, baby them like twitter tends to do. 

Instead of voicing these insane thoughts to his boyfriend he pushes himself upwards to plant a quick kiss to his lips. This seems to finally sedate George as he finally moves to exit the room, “Remember 10 minutes, no later!” George leaves the door open on his way out as a final ‘you better be down here’ and leaves.

Sapnap dresses quickly, he doesn’t doubt that George would throw water on him and he’s not willing to test it. The house sounds quiet, quieter than it normally is when Dream is woken, so he assumes George woke Dream up first. The stairs creak minimally as he makes his way downstairs fully dressed.

“Good morning, Sap,” Dream mumbles under his breath from where he’s scrolling through Twitter on the couch, and his attitude makes him think George woke him with the same bratty energy as well. 

Sapnap leans over the back of the couch to hold Dream’s head in his hands and place a kiss on his forehead, “Good morning, baby.” His face lights up at the affection, the sleepiness completely disappearing from his body. He mirrors Sapnap's movements, placing his hands over his and tipping his head back in hopes of another kiss. Sapnap gives it to him and Dream looks like he’s won the lottery.

“So what exactly are we doing today?” He lets go of Dreams face and he whines, getting off the couch to stand next to Sapnap and rests his head on his shoulder. Sapnap turns his attention back to George who’s taking his keys out of the bowl he has them placed in.

“We are going shopping,” he tosses the keys to Sapnap, “and you’re gonna drive us there.”

“And why did you wake us up at,” Dream holds his wrist up like he’s checking the time on his watch but never lifts his head, “10 am for this?”

“I got tired of waiting for you guys to wake up.” George whines again and shoots them puppy dog eyes he knows will get him anything he wants. 

Dream does look up this time, pouty face on as he looks at George, “You’re such an idiot.” He walks over to George to kiss him on the lips briefly, “You’re lucky we love you.”

George hums, “Yeah, I am.”

He tries to keep up the energy in the car while giving ominous directions to Sapnap while Dream quietly scrolls through his phone in the back seat. He’s rolling down the windows on the highway, screaming along to rap songs that sound vaguely familiar with too much enthusiasm for this early in the morning. He wore himself out by the fifth song apparently because he rolls the windows up, turns the music down drastically, and pulls two pieces of paper out of his pocket as he tries to catch his breath.

“These are our goals for today,” George throws Dream a piece of paper that looks like a word document.

“We have a printer? When did we get that?” He holds up the printed checklist dramatically looking for an answer to his queries. 

George ignores Dream's question, “Sap, most of your goals for today are to sit there and look pretty, and help me pick out colors, I’m making Dream do most of the heavy work.”

“What the hell? That’s fucked up.”

“Too bad, so sad, this isn’t about you, L plus ratio.” George starts, and he hears Dream scoff from the back seat.

“What are we even going shopping for?” Sapnap interrupts.

“Christmas decorations, duh.” George says delicately.

Oh.

Sapnap’s smile drops and his eyes lose their attentive focus at the mention of the holiday. He feels George rest a comforting hand over his from the passengers side, a quiet way of acknowledging Sapnap's feelings without either of them having to voice it. 

None of them say anything for a few long pauses, just the thrum of the electric motor and whatever music is auto playing from his Spotify. No one has anything else to say the rest of the ride, just letting the realization wash over all of them.

The glaze settles fully over his eyes the second he has them parked, lifelessly staring at the giant red Target sign looming over him like a bad omen. His arms and hands tense roughly gripping the steering wheel. He tries to will his body to move to further convince his boyfriends he’s normal and functional and fine . He needs to be fine for them, to be fine walking around everything he hates and his boyfriends love .

“We can go home.” Dream's small voice peeks up from the back of the car and Sapnap's head snaps up to his rear view mirror to look at him. Concerned eyes meet his own frazzled ones, and he feels George’s hand start to rub circles on his legs. They must have noticed his disconnect from them, or his endless staring. 

“Seriously, we can go home if you want.” George affirms again quietly.

“N-no, I’m fine it’s just shopping.” Sapnap dismisses, pulling George’s hand away from his leg. He’s sure Dream can hear the quivering uncertainty in his voice, He’s sure George can feel how badly his hand shook as he disconnected the comforting gesture.

“At a drop of a dime we'll leave, okay? Just say the word, you’re in control.” Dream affirms, and George hums in agreement. 

The walk from the car to the front doors feels like it's 17 miles long, the giant red letters hovering over him like a spider trying to tempt bugs into its web. And Sapnap walks into the web hand in hand with George. The aisles full of snowflakes and candy canes begin to feel like a fun house, sinking him further into holiday despair. 

But George is there, grabbing him by the hand and dragging him to look at different sets of outdoor lights or excitedly shaking his shoulder trying to convince him to take photos with the inflatable Santa’s. 

It’s endearing, George doesn’t want him more than a foot away from him while he’s being incredibly picky about the decorum for their house. 

Dream is right there as well, whispering cute things in his ear about how nice he looks today or how cute it is to see George bouncing off the walls for the oddly patterned stockings. Neither of them leave him alone for very long which he’s grateful for, it keeps him tethered to reality. 

While George is measuring two identical wreaths next to each other, Dream sneaks up behind him, “Hi, honey.”

“Hi, Dream.” Sapnap whispers back to him, the exhausting Christmas music seems to dull out at the overwhelming presence of his boyfriend. Dream towers over him, butt and back pressed tightly to Dreams front like a lock and key. He cranes his head down to rest on Sapnap's shoulder and lays soft kisses to his neck. One of his hands rests on Sapnap's hip and the other slots itself in the pocket of his hoodie, trapping him against Dream's body. 

“Doin’ alright?” The question would have thrown him off balance if Dream wasn’t right there keeping him upright. 

“Yeah I’m cool,” Sapnap tries to sound as collected as possible, Dream gives a noncommittal hum at his words, “You don’t believe me?”

“It’s not that, you’re just the type to put up with something that bothers you a lot because me or George enjoys it.” He’s not wrong, he does push himself to tolerate things to please them. “Just wanted to remind you that we leave when you want to leave, no one’s gonna be upset with you about it.”

Sapnap doesn’t have anything to say to him, he thinks he’s fine, he doesn’t have any reason to believe otherwise. Their cart is fully stocked with anything and everything they could possibly need from every aisle they’ve passed through. He can see George going back and forth between the two wreaths that look exactly the same while he talks to himself. He feels ok, just ok.

“Thank you.” 

They sway in the moment, the warmth of his hand on his hip spreads all through his body and makes him feel whole, full of a love he’s never felt before this relationship. 

“Dream, Dream hey!” George is snapping and whistling to get his attention, “Get this for me.”

“He’s recalling you like a dog.” Sapnap says in disbelief. 

Dream laughs, “He’s not getting enough attention apparently.” Dream leaves a final kiss on his neck before going to grab the package from the top shelf.

His back is cold now that he’s not huddled up into Dream, it sends a shock through his body, a bad one that takes away all the good feelings the hand on his hip gave him. He doesn’t know how to breathe, or move, or do anything but watch.

He sees Dream, he’s holding the package over Georges head teasingly, and George is jumping and prodding to try and get it from his grasp. Despite how frustrated he is that he’s being teased, George has a smile on his face. One of those bright and wide smiles that scrunch his eyes and make him look so much younger than he is. And Dream is loving holding this over his head, his slightly wheezy laugh moves his body as his lungs spaz for air. 

The moment only lasts for maybe a minute before George snatches it from his hand, turning his back onto Dream and walking towards Sapnap.

“He’s so mean to me.” George fake pouts, pulling Sapnap into a hug and nuzzling his face into his neck. Sapnap clings onto George with vigor, hands digging into the back of his shirt like George is going to run away. George lets him, rubbing his hand in different shapes and patterns along his back.

“What? How am I the mean one you literally snapped at me like a dog!?” Dream pats him on the head as he walks past the two of them.

“And you answered!”

“Whatever,” Dream defuses the situation with a scoff and leans into Sapnap's other ear, “One more aisle, just baking and then we’re out of here.” 

“Okay.” Sapnap lets out a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding in.

“Come, Dream” George taunts him again, letting go of Sapnap’s waist and grabbing him gently by the wrist to guide them around the corner to the holiday baking. Dream trails behind them with their overloaded cart. 

George picks up three boxes of hot chocolate mix, immediately throwing all of them at Dream who doesn’t catch them. Dream just rolls his eyes and picks them off the ground as George weighs his marshmallow options. 

“You don’t even like marshmallows.” Dream butts into the silence. 

“It’s not about taste Dream ,” George throws three packages of green tree shaped marshmallows  into the cart, “It's about aesthetics , how else are we going to farm likes and interactions without good photos for Instagram. Think Dream, think .” He continues to tease him as Sapnap stands in between the two.
“So what, you’re gonna put two in your hot chocolate for aesthetics ,” Dream mocks the previous taunts, “and then, what, just take them out? That's such a waste, George.”

“Two marshmallows, oh what are we gonna do?” His taunts continue as he loads the cart with different baking mixes and sweets.

Dream scoffs again and before he can start Sapnap cuts in, “Are you guys seriously fighting over marshmallows shaped like trees? This is a new low.”

“Dream literally started it.” George crosses his arms.

“You are a literal child, I c-”

“I will leave both of you in this parking lot, I swear to God.” Sapnap shuts down their teasing once more.

George huffs as he puts a few more packages in the cart, “Are we done? Dream, do you have your wallet?”
“I have to take this harassment and pay for your decorations?” The look of shock and betrayal on his face is almost comical.

“ Our decorations Dream, they’re our decorations for our house and I vote you pay for them.”

Sapnap turns to give Dream a stern look that he’s hoping says ‘just deal with it you’re rich’, “Fine, I’m gonna get you back for this mark my words.”
“Who’s Mark and why does he have your words?” George laughs at his own joke as he walks towards the front of the store. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Dream mutters as he begins to push the cart to follow him. 

They get in line, Dream strikes up a nice conversation with the cash register. Sapnap is in charge of making sure all their bags fit back into the cart while Dream pays and George does absolutely nothing. Packing the car goes the same, Sapnap and Dream loading the plastic bags and boxes into the hood of his Tesla while George makes comments about who has a fatter ass. The drive home however is full of energy, a second wind overcomes them as the playlist Dream picks out plays song after song that they all know, and before he knows it they’re pulling into the driveway.

George herds Dream into the house with all the bags and boxes of their purchases while Sapnap orders them lunch from the couch.

As much as Dream huffs and puffs about being the stock boy for the day between manning the cart and hauling in the bags he’s having more fun then he’s let on. Acts of service is his love language, only being third to words of affirmation and gifts. He mumbles about how lucky they are that they’re cute or he wouldn’t be doing this but if he had a tail it would be wagging endlessly. The scoffs and nasty looks are all a facade, another unspoken part of their relationship. 

“Christmas decorations are bought, we did it!” George stands next to the mound of them.

“Are they going to stay piled in our living room?” Dream says blankly as he sits down on the couch next to Sapnap.

“Until we put them up, yes.” George pulls three matching red hats out of one of the bags, “Except this, you guys have to wear this every day until New Years.” He throws two of the hats in their direction and they both land on Sapnap's lap. 

“Absolutely not,” Dream picks one of them off his lap like it’s a dirty napkin, “This isn’t even going to fit my head.”

George takes the seat next to Sapnap, sitting closer than he needs to, “Well, you’ve got a big head.”

“What?! No, you literally bought me a children's hat, it literally says it on the tag.”

George clammers over Sapnap’s to grab the hat from Dream, “We’ll that’s not my fault.” George finally settled in his lap.

“It literally is!”

The two of them argue aimlessly for a while longer, Sapnap can’t seem to care. He doesn’t even care when George takes his hat and puts it on his head for him. Those soft loving eyes are back again, staring down at him as he adjusts the hair that sticks out from the hat. He multitasks being sweet to Sapnap and being a bitch to Dream, the words that would be mean and if they were directed at anyone other than Dream feel like warm sunlight over his eyes. He can’t look away from him, his brown orbs breathing life back into his worn out soul.

Today could have been worse.

Chapter Text

December 8th

Soft kisses to his forehead gently lift Sapnap from his slumber, a sickly sweet gesture that could only come from Dream. Sapnap hums deep in his chest and lifts his head towards the affection.

“G’ morning baby, it’s Wednesday.” Dreams morning voice rumbles in the stagnant air.

RIght, Wednesdays.

Each of them have a different testosterone shot day, one of the only things in their lives that aren’t in complete sync with each other, Sapnap’s is Wednesdays.

Though they do have an unspoken agreement that whoever is up first on a shot day that isn’t their own has to make breakfast. It started when Sapnap had first moved in after fleeing his family in Texas, waking up in general got hard and taking care of himself felt impossible. He refused to eat or shower or anything other than sleep the days away. Dream was there next to him every second doing what he could to push him through the days, ordering food or wiping him down with baby wipes on particularly rough days where he needed to feel clean but couldn’t get in the shower.

He was a walking shell of himself that first month, Punz had thought he died because he was never around to play or even talk, Sapnap is kind of shocked he didn’t die.

It was Dream, it’s always Dream, he kept him afloat like he always does.

Just like when he first found out he was trans, he thought his whole world was going to collapse under him. Dream had been on call with him, talking him down from his panic attack and eventually he even helped him choose a new name. He ended up choosing Nicolaus, in hopes that the Greek rooted word would make his father proud despite his generally bigoted world view.

Just like his first breakup, when he had found out the guy he was talking to had started spreading rumors about him just to be an asshole. Dream had sworn up and down that he was going to fly to Texas and kick his ass for him.

Just like when he was outed to his parents, and the whole school, and all of the internet. Photos of his freshman yearbook had leaked onto the internet from the same people who made his school life terrible every single day. Dream and George had come to his defense online, even coming out in solidarity.

The worst day was exactly two weeks after his escape when all his messages to his siblings had stopped getting delivered. It broke him both mentally and physically, and of course it was a Wednesday, like the only family he cared about cutting off contact wasn’t already difficult enough for him to deal with.

He had cried into Dreams chest for hours over the green message imprinted into his phone screen. Dream had held him the whole time, whispering kind words and apologies in his ear. Sapnap had honestly forgotten about the medicine he was supposed to do, but of course Dream never forgets. He had led him to the bathroom, sitting him on the toilet as he prepared the shot for him. And when he had started crying again with the needle in his hand telling Dream how he didn’t think he could do it and all the mean thoughts he has about himself for struggling he offered to do it for him. He was so gentle with him when he pinched his thigh and inserted the needle, and when he was done he left soft kisses on his thigh all around his bandaid and praised him for being so brave. It’s silly, if Dream had said any of those things to him right now he’d laugh at him, but in that moment it felt like the sun had finally shone on his skin for the first time in forever.

And then George came along, and he felt like the final piece to their puzzle. 

George was the second person he came out to, he was older than both of them and had a head start on socially and medically transitioning. He held himself so high, always having some sharp response to the negative and hurtful things people had said to him. And Sapnap would never admit this, but it gave him so much hope and inspiration. Everyday he got to walk by the side of a strong and proud trans individual, and everyday he was endlessly grateful for it. Despite his normal dismissive behavior, Sapnap never once felt belittled asking George questions on things, even stupid simple things like how to ask barbers for a certain hair cut or how to shave his neck without knicking the skin. He seemed like an endless beacon of knowledge for both Sapnap and Dream. Long before they started actually dating they felt like family to each other.

They were the first person to know when George finally got his name change approved.

They were the first person Dream contacted when he woke up from top surgery.

They were on the phone with Sapnap when he went in to his doctor appointment for hormones.

So when Sapnap’s home situation got too hostile Dream didn’t hesitate to ask him to move in, and that same day he asked George if he wanted to move to America with them.  

“Doin’ alright?” Dreams' deep voice shakes Sapnap from his reminiscing.

“Hmm? Yeah, just thinking.”

“About what?” Dream finds his hands under the covers, interlocking their fingers in a loose hold. It’s stupid really, something simple as his curiosity of his thoughts and holding hands shouldn’t make him tear up but it does. He wants to curl up into Dream’s chest and cry happy tears until he doesn’t have anything left to cry.

What is he thinking about? Or better what could he tell Dream he was thinking about that wouldn’t make him worry endlessly? ‘I’m thinking about how depressed I was when I first moved in and how you basically nursed me back to health and how you and George were the only reason I got out of there’ probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear this early in the morning.

“You, George, us.” Sapnap admits with a sharp breath inward, struggling a bit to hold back his vulnerable tears.

“God you’re so sappy in the mornings.” Dream teases lightly, moving their hands from side to side under the covers for the stimulation.

“Fine I’ll stop loving you if that's what you want.”  Sapnap closes his eyes to add to the teasing effect, pursing his lips and sticking his nose up.

“What? No, hey.” Dream says in a voice that almost sounds sincerely hurt, and when he does open his eyes Dream does look hurt. A pang strikes through his chest, he meant it as a tease but it certainly didn’t come out like it.

Him and George were Dream’s soft spots, he knew this as well as everyone else around him knew this. George’s words almost never meant what was said, most of the time it was quite the opposite. It was what is expected, the consistent insincerity gave his rude comments sweet caring twists. Sapnap was the opposite, expressing his love in loud and gushy words, so sometimes when his sarcastic bite comes out with Dream he takes it too seriously. Dream hangs onto his every word, even the negative ones.

“I’m kidding, I couldn’t stop loving you if I tried.” Sapnap squeezes their hands together again to show some form of remorse. Dream seems happy enough with that answer, settling back and leaving another kiss on his forehead. The smell of batter cooking starts to pull him out of his morning haze, “Is George cooking?” he says slowly, like he doesn’t fully believe his senses.

“Yeah, I think he said he was making pancakes.”

This confuses him, George only cooks for streams, when he’s forced to help, and when he fucks up and doesn’t want to verbally apologize. Sapnap doesn’t want to jump right to conclusions but he can guess which of the three it is.

“American or European pancakes?”

“Let’s go find out.” Dream sits up first, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

“You go, I’ll be down in a second.” Dream gives him a brief glance of worry on his way out of the door, a look he knows as the ‘I’m worried about you but don’t want to be overly protective’ look he mastered when Sapnap had started coming around to himself after his move in emotional setbacks.

Sapnap doesn’t know why he chose to isolate himself from breakfast. Some sick and dark part of him needs to be alone right now, to familiarize himself with that feeling once again. It’s as hard as you’d think it is to feel lonely with two boyfriends, he only ever really feels it in passing waves of insecurity, yet here he is seeking it out. He feels the warmth from Dream’s spot in bed fade, a once radiating warmth turned cold in the brisk air. The loneliness feels familiar, something he can count on to fall back onto.

He doesn’t want to ask why.

A plate of soft fluffy American style pancakes are sitting on the kitchen island when he finally trudges his way down the stairs.

“Good morning, love.” George calls out from where he’s sitting in the living room. Dream is neatly tucked into his lap sleeping. “He’s such a baby.” 

Sapnap grabs the plate and the bottle of syrup to bring it into where George is sitting. He looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept in days. Something self-deprecating part of his brain tells him it’s his fault.

“Sleep okay?” Sapnap asks.

“Yeah, he didn’t though, apparently.” It's a light tease to the boy in his lap and how quickly he fell asleep in his boyfriend's arms.George isn’t one to lie when the other option is complain, which only makes him solidify the thought that his lack of sleep is tied to him.

“Yeah well, I think I kind of hurt his feelings this morning so let him sleep.” He flushes a bit while admitting his mistake, dropping the plate and condiment onto the coffee table before sitting down.

“You? Hurting someone's feelings?” George mocks half sarcastically, running his fingers through the blonds hair.

Both of them had a tendency to be mean, it’s why they clicked almost instantly. George knows better than anyone that sometimes mean things just slip out. Sapnap rolls his eyes as he pours the syrup over his breakfast.

“I’m sure he’ll be ok.” George's voice comes out uncertain, “He’s worried about you, you’ve been more distant.”

Sapnap knows what that means, George is actually worried about him but he doesn’t want to say that. It’s that strange backwards speaking he’s doing again so he doesn’t have to actually admit how he’s feeling. Worry is apparently what he’s actually feeling, worry for him specifically.

Yeah, just not normally a good time of the year for me, sorry.” Sapnap puts a piece of food in his mouth to hopefully avoid this conversation.

“Normally?”

“It;s been tolerable so far.”

“Well it’s only December 8th I’m sure I can make it intolerable.” George jokes with no bite behind his words.

“I guarantee you can’t top my worst.” Sapnap means this as a lighthearted joke, it is once again not taken as one, instead he gets an almost pitiful glance from George. He stuffs his face with another piece of food to keep himself quiet.

He hates this, feeling like he’s being treated so delicately, but he needs to be treated this way. Where would he be if he wasn’t rocked to sleep last Christmas when Dream picked him up, if he wasn’t held so gently in Target, if Dream didn’t physically pull him away from triggers, if they weren’t there to check if he was eating consistently. He would never be able to admit this out loud to anyone, how much he hates the fragile treatment he needs.

“Why’s the Christmas tree stand out?” Sapnap asks in an atempt to redirect them.

“We had plans to go to the Christmas tree farm tomorrow.” George is speaking delicately, soft and breathy that makes Sapnap think that he’s about to drop something on him, “but it looks like it’s gonna rain. Are you ok to go today?” And there it is. 

A feeling of dread washed over him once again, less than the one he felt in the Target parking lot but it was still enough to make all his limbs tense. He’s staring at Dream as he sleeps on George's lap.

“Yeah, okay.” He tries not to think about it too hard, knowing he's in such a delicate mood this morning. He doesn’t have any more positive or convincing words than that, mostly because he isn’t convinced he wants to go, “After my shot.”

“Of course, yes.”

Sapnap watches Dream’s body rise and fall as he sleeps so peacefully. Dream and George look made for each other, a perfect textbook couple. He feels like a sore on the relationship, neither of them are sleeping well because of him.

“Thank you for the food.” Sapnap mumbles under his breath as he gets up, taking his plate with him.

“I poisoned it.”

“You did a good job at hiding the poison-y taste.” He shoots back as he places his dish in the sink and lugs himself back up the stairs.

The box he keeps his T stuff in placed neatly on the bathroom counter, no doubt a gesture by Dream. 

He pulls out a fun looking bandaid along with the alcohol pad, vial, and syringe. He’s only realizing now as he’s reminiscing of the first months with Dream in real life that he’s never refiled the bandages in his case. The image of Dream going out of his way to buy silly little bandages specifically for him makes him flustered.

He’s learned to do his shots quickly, leaving him no room to freak out. Dream had taught him little tricks after Dream had to do it for him. Just little offhand tips thrown into everyday conversation about how he did his that Sapnap would remember, and now he’s almost pro.

He’s done with his shot in no time, he’s proud of himself as he gets dressed and goes back down stairs

A sleepy-eyed Dream is waiting for him, a soft smile plastered on his face as he approaches.

“Ready to go, babe?” Dreams soft words rattle around his skull in a calming matter.

“Well now that I have a dinosaur bandaid on I can do anything.” Sapnap has a goofy smile on his face as Dream takes his hands.

“I knew you’d like the dinosaurs.”

“You know me so well.”

When they finally pulled into the farm's dirt parking lot it was overcrowded. Sapnap bitches about finding a spot under his breath as they drive circles around waiting for a spot, and when he gets one he complains about its location.

Every nuclear family with their shitty unsocialized children are there, running around with their Cheetos dust covered IPads and hate in their hearts. Dream directs them away from the crowds to a secluded spot of trees.

“Okay, we’re looking for the largest and also fullest tree at this farm.” Dream is intensely inspecting all the trees in front of them.

“Yes Sir, as long as you’re paying for it.”

“If you had offered to pay I would have asked you who you are and what you’ve done with the Georgie I know.”

“Why would I pay for things when you’re so willing to pay for them?” George says like it's so obvious.

“Well at least we know he’s not a clone.” Sapnap says half sarcastically as he takes Dream's hand as his side.

Most of the trees Dream shows them look exactly the same, he stares at them in detail like there's some hidden meaning behind it. George doesn’t get it either, he tries to humor Dream’s overly precise tree picking for a bit before giving up. Instead George and Sapnap trail behind Dream with their hands intertwined as he searches for his perfect tree in the vast greenery.

But even talking gets boring for the two, there’s only so much on either of their minds in the boring sea of green. So George does what he does best and pushes Sapnap.
It’s not a hard push, just bumping the shoulders that are next to each other. Sapnap barely reacts to it, which upsets him so he pushes harder this time. Sapnap stumbles, giving him a glare as he keeps walking. 

“Fuck off, dude.” 

He shoves Sapnap from behind this time as he eggs him on to fight back.

“Touch me again, motherfucker, I dare you.” His harsh words are accompanied by a smile. His smile is then matched by George who turns and sprints, running away from him. 

Sapnap takes off chasing George down the aisles of trees immediately, taking his hat off before going to top speed. They pass Dream as he’s standing by a tree, he yells something at them but they’re going too fast to catch it all. He can feel his smile crinkling his cheeks as he watches George duck in between the trees.George’s laugh echoes through the greenery as they run, cool air blowing through Sapnap’s newly exposed hair. Heavy footsteps behind him means that Dream is trailing him.

He feels free somehow, maybe this is how his minecraft character feels when he explores vast biomes. It makes him feel giddy, makes him smile and giggle like he’s a little kid chasing the ice cream truck. He hasn’t felt this good in-

Sapnap inevitably catches up to George, running into him with more force than necessary and picking him up by his hips. He lets out a shriek at the contact, hooking himself around Sapnaps body to stabilize himself. He puts George down but neither of them let go, hugging in the middle of an aisle. 

“You two. are. killing me.” Dream says in between struggling breaths as he finally catches up to the other two. He mumble curses them out before joining them in the hug. His longer wingspan lets him wrap his arms a good distance around both of them leaning his head onto George’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry you’re out of shape, that’s not my fault.” George taunts.

“I haven’t run since my top surgery.” 

“That makes you sound a million years old.” George snorts as he makes fun of him.

“I haven’t run since the accident.” Sapnap mimics an old mans voice, both of them laugh at the silly comment.

“Fuck you guys.” Dream pouts, fake sniffling pretending like he was going to cry.

“Hmm, maybe later.” George says nonchalantly into Sapnap’s shoulder.

“Is that so?” The sniffles stop and are replaced with the thickest layer of sexual tension. George turns his head to kiss Dream on the lips, a slow and soft kiss that Dream inevitably deepens.

“Can we find this god damn tree before you guys get us kicked out for indecent exposure?” Sapnap interrupts their short make-out session while pulling away from the hug.

“Is that the only reason you want to go?” Dream teases, wiggling his eyebrows at him with a cocky smirk planted on his face.

“I guess you’ll have to find out.”

Dream eventually picks a tree, he raves about it for longer than necessary before George pulls the ticket off of it and walks in the direction of the check out.

The walk is generally overstimulating, a child bumps into him, making more upset than necessary and the families only get louder the closer to the center they get.

It’s frustrating, this outing was going so well and now all the overwhelming sensory is going to ruin his mood therefore ruin George and Dreams day.

“Sap?” George says next to his ear, “Were you even listening?”

“Oh, sorry what did you say?”

George scoffs and walks away from him.

Annoyed .

George is annoyed with him, and normally George is annoyed with everything but this time it feels personal. His brow raises as he tries to keep an eyeroll away, the way his hands twitch at his sides, the offhand comment he whispers into Dreams ear that's just out of his earreach. Dream giggles sickly at whatever George says to him and taps his foot.

Sapnap feels small, 2-feet-tall in between the shrubbery and the happy families he can still hear in the distance. He feels sick, like he’s in a fever dream that just won’t break. 

And then George is walking toward him, leaning in his ear as well to whisper a mean comment about the family standing next to them. Sapnap laughs, partially over the funny joke and also the relief that George wasn’t annoyed at him he was being reactive.

He feels guilty again.

Guilty and selfish, his boyfriends want to share a fun outing together and he’s making it all about him. He feels like a kid again, standing in the kitchen listening to his parents fight in the other room as he makes his younger siblings dinner. Like he’s a high schooler again, standing in the corner of the girls locker room trying not to hear all the nasty comments his peers are whispering loud enough to hear. Like he’s a child again, standing in front of the looming confessional doors knowing he’s going to have to spill his deepest secrets to the priest.

Thoughts swarm like bees, he shouldn’t be here . He doesn’t remember exactly where he is but he needs to run, get as far away from it all as possible. He wills his feet under him to move like they did earlier chasing George and get away .

“-nap? Nick honey, can you hear me?” Dream’s voice cuts into the fog as he feels Dream’s hands cup his cheeks. Words failed him as his feet did, mouth still clamped shut. Sapnap lifts his head to look at him.

Scared . Dream looks scared as his eyes flick over every part of his face. Dream knowingly pulls him into a hug

“You’re okay, I’m right here, George and I are right here.” Dream’s voice breaks a little at the affirmation.

He tries to remember all the techniques his last therapist taught him, but the 5 step countdown isn’t helpful when he can’t see anything other than Dreams shirt and hear anything over his own blood rushing to his head. How would he describe how he’s feeling?

Fragile . He feels paper thin in front of the pine trees and if Dream wasn’t holding him so tight he’d fly away in the breeze. He can hear Dream’s heart beat from where his head is placed on his chest and it puts a calmer rhythm to his hyperactive breathing.

An anchor . He’s holding Dream and George back. A roadblock on the happy road of their relationship.

“Sorry.” Sapnap mumbles into his shirt, gripping the back of it with too much force.

“No need to apologize.”

There is a need to apologize, he is messing up their fun Christmas date. He needs to apologize because he’s messing up, but Dream would never take that answer.

“Thank you.” Is what he says instead of apologizing again. The pressure of hugs has always made Sapnap feel better, grounding him in ways no other techniques had and Dream is always more than willing to hug his boyfriend whenever he can get the chance.
“

You’re welcome, anytime baby.” Dream sounds sad, and it makes him feel guilty. He’s making them sad .  “You alright to stay or do you want to go home, we’ll only be another 15 minutes or so.”

“Yea that’s fine, I’m fine.” George and Dream exchange glances, neither of them believe him. He doesn’t blame them, he doesn’t have the energy to convince them otherwise.

Dream places a kiss on the tip of his nose, “Love you,” he whispers at a low volume. He feels his hands slide into Sapnap’s front pocket and hears his keys jingle softly. He sighs softly as he pulls them from his pocket to place them in his own.

“Love you” Sapnap responds defeated.

Dream doesn’t want him to drive home, it doesn’t hurt in a ‘he doesn’t trust me’ way but in a ‘I probably couldn’t drive like this’ way. It hurts him, he feels broken because Dream is right, he knows Sapnap so well. 

George holds his hand when they finally get a worker to help. Dream takes the lead talking to the farm worker as the two of them trail behind. Dream gets them the tree they want, because of course he does. His brain starts to fog as George leads him along.

The tree goes up on the roof and Sapnap is sliding in the passenger's side. Dream holds his hand the whole way home.

Chapter Text

December 14th

“Chat, I literally had to chase them down; they were running from me!” Dream yells louder than needed at the screen sitting in front of the three of them. George had decided he wanted their first IRL stream together to be on his channel, and George is spoiled and always gets what he wants.

They were about two hours in, which is normally the time where Dream gets bored and needs the utmost attention. George is in a mood too, a little on edge and testy, probably from being in streaming mode for too long.

“We weren’t running from you to be fair, you just happened to be in my dust.” George crosses his arms over his chest and leans back into his chair.

Dream continues to complain, “And then they made me strap the tree to the roof with no help.”

“That’s just not true!” George shoots up in his chair to counter Dream, “The guy at the farm helped you.”

“But you didn’t!”

He knows Dream isn’t genuinely upset by any of this, they’re not even fighting this is just the way they are. It’s also the DNF dynamic that the fans expect, so they give it to them. But it’s starting to feel like it's leaning too close to being real.

Sapnap nips the argument in the bud right before it spirals, reading chat to interrupt them, “‘When are we getting Dream Team Chrristmas photos?’ I don’t know about that one-”

“Tomorrow.” George cuts him off.

“ Tomorrow? When did we decide that?” Sapnap's voice peaks and cracks with a hint of stress. 

“When Dream tripped over the bags of Christmas decorations this morning and bitched at me until I told him we’d put them up today.” Dream slaps his arm and mumbles something about exposing him, George just brings his hands up defensively. 

Dream scoffs as he continues to make the situation about himself, “The tree is huge too! They made me take it in by myself as well, they’re just so mean to me.”

“Oh yeah, we were so mean to you that night, you’re right.” George says sarcastically, a devilish grin on his face. Dreams face flushes out of guilt and chat goes wild over the vague comment. He tries to stutter out some save face about how it’s not what chat thinks it is, but of course he’s lying. It gives him a moment to let the holiday dread flood his brain once again. It doesn’t hit him as hard as he would assume it would, just a brief wave of tiredness that slows the energy of the stream.

A couple minutes later they end the stream, waving goodbye and promising new photos tomorrow. They sit lazily in the now silent room. George stares at him intently while Dream has his eyes closed, tapping his foot to decompress from the chaotic stream. 

“So, decorating.” He says it like a statement even though he means it more of like a question.

“Yeah.” George responds with a tight chest, still staring at him with intensity. Long tense minutes pass over them as the stream chaos finally dissipates.

He feels like a ticking time bomb, the unsaid feelings about the Christmas activities being dropped onto him unceremoniously. He knows nothing will change if he doesn’t say anything to them but also the thought of bringing it up makes his head swirl with doubt. He can feel the strain he’s been putting on them, every moment of silence they have feels like this. It sucks, he’s sucked all the life and joy out of a fun holiday for them.
“I just,” they turn their full attention towards Sapnap as he speaks in an overtly serious tone, “wish you guys would give me a little more time to prepare for these things.”

Dream nods his head in total acknowledgement, “You’re right, we should- we will, sorry.”

“You guys have more planned?” 

“Just a little bit more, two things, Christmas Eve at my parents and then just Christmas day activities.” Tense silence overtakes the room again, “We’ll give you a heads up for those though, promise.”

“Thanks.” Sapnap whispers softly, “Can we nap before we start decorating?”

“You guys can, I should edit.” Dream rubs his eyes as he stands up, looking worn out as stretches to try and shake the sleepiness off.

“Aren’t you going to be tired after streaming then editing on top of it?” George is giving him a weird look, one that doesn’t match the words he speaks. Sapnap tries to not let it hurt his feelings. 

“I’ll be okay.” He gives them a tired smile, placing a kiss on the top of both of their heads before leaving them.

George stands up first, grabbing Sapnap by the wrists to pull him up.

“C’mon Sap, it's nap time.” He whines as he continues to yank on his arm.

He caves, letting George drag him into bed. He discards his pants in a flash and pulls Sapnap close. They’re laying down facing each other, fond looks being exchanged between the two of them.

George leans in and kisses him, soft and sweet. But nothing with George can ever stay soft and sweet, within a minute he’s deepening the kiss and grabbing at his hips. Sapnap swings his legs over George, essentially sitting on top of him. He’s letting out breathy little whines, tangling a hand in his hair as he lets him overtake the pace.

He pulls away after a few minutes of heavy kissing, ignoring the dissatisfied noise from George, “We’re never going to sleep if we just keep making out.”

George looks beautiful under him, messy hair and glossy lips that ached to be kissed again. His eyes are hungry, hungry to keep showering him in all the affection Sapnap will let him give, and if he wasn’t so tired he would give in.

“Making out is more fun though.” George groans annoyed.
“You’d choose making out with me over sleeping?” Sapnap rolls off George, wiping the spit from his lips as he tucks himself back into George’s body.

“Any day.”

Dream wakes them up almost 2 hours later, softly pulling them out of their slumber. George grumbles angrily at him as he tucks Sapnap under his chin to get him closer. He feels so safe in this moment in this half-hazed moment.

Dream eventually lures them from the bed with whispers of sweet nothings and promises of kisses, George shoots up and chases Dream while Sapnap mopes into the room behind them, shoulders slumped low and defeated. They sit on the couch opposite of Sapnap. Dream gives him concerned looks from where he’s sitting with George in his lap. Sapnap turns away from it, turning away from their problem.

Dream eventually speaks first, “You know you can say no, right?” 

Sapnap takes a deep breath, “I know, I just want to spend time with you guys.” He finally turns and both Dream and George are looking at him now. It feels like an interrogation and it makes him feel overwhelmed under their gaze.

“We can spend time doing literally anything else if this is upsetting.” George says softly, scooting himself closer to him. They’re just an arm's length away from each other, just out of reach.

He doesn’t want to be having this conversation. He’s scared, he’s so nervous of scaring them away with his emotions, but he also knows it’s only going to get worse if he doesn’t talk to them.

“It’s not upsetting per say, just strange,” he pauses, George and Dream leave the air open for him to continue, “Normally all this stuff makes me upset but it's not and I think my brain is just confused by that, or something I don’t know.”

“You’re not upsetting me, babe.” Sapnap says confidently, but it doesn’t seem to stick.

“What about at the farm?” George asks.

“I- that wasn’t you, I was being stupid and I zoned out.”

“It looked like you were on the verge of a breakdown.” Dream challenges.

“But I didn’t!” Sapnap says louder than necessary, “I didn’t break down, I was fine, I handled it.”

“ You handled it?” Dream snaps a little, annunciating the ‘you’ to point out how Dream was the one who had pulled him from the brink.

He’s right, right to be snappy and right in general, if Dream wasn’t there he would have had a panic attack. Dream was also right to take the keys from him the second he started to drift. He’s making it worse and he knows it, snapping at his boyfriends who just want to talk and make him comfortable.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to yell or upset you guys. I just don’t want to hold you guys back from doing all these Christmas-y things.” He slumps in his seat as he tries to avoid the knowing gaze of his partners.

George gives him a questioning look, “We’re doing this for you, you know that right?”

“What?”
“Well partially for you, yes.” Dream butts in, “ We thought, maybe, that some fun Christmas things away from them might make it easier to deal with. Something to think about that isn’t all the bad stuff.”

There’s the guilt again, creeping up and settling into his chest. They were trying to do something nice for him, going out of their way to handle a problem that wasn't theirs to begin with and he was being an asshole. And on top of that it was working, he could generally talk or think about Christmas without feeling like the world was ending. Even just seeing the silly photos George took in Target with the blow-up snowmen or thinking about the chase in the farm makes him want to smile. They not only knew what was going to work and Sapnap was being an asshole when it did work.

“Oh.” Is the only word that comes out with his jumbled emotions.

“It’s fine, I’m sorry- we’re sorry we should have talked to you before we started just doing things.” Dream sounds genuinely sorry when he speaks, paying the utmost attention to all of Sapnap’s details because he knows just how hard it is to be vulnerable about this.

“It’s working.” Sapnap whispers, low enough where they can barely hear it.

Dreams face lights up, “Really?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Christmas is still awful , but it’s more manageable now, I guess.” He mumbles and stutters off as his boyfriends stare intensely at him.

“So this is okay? The Christmas themed dates we’ve been doing?”

“Yeah, it’s gonna be rough though. He truly does feel bad about the problems he’s causing, “Because, I don’t really know what I’m gonna be like or if you’ll want to deal with it.”

“We’re not just dealing with it, we’re doing this because we want to, we knew what we were potentially going into when we planned this.”

He knows that means they’re not going to back down from this, that they truly want to spend some good holiday experiences with him. This means needs to control himself, he needs to be manageable. He can’t be a bigger stressor or problem to them. He needs to fix this trauma response he has before they get fed up with him. But Sapnap doesn’t want to think about this, so he redirects them.

“Okay, let’s decorate.”

George makes all of them change into some horrid matching shirts he probably purchased from Etsy, the red one he puts on says ‘Santa’ and the ones he hands Dream and Sapnap say ‘Santa’s favorite ho’s’. Dream makes a comment about how he should have never trusted George to pick their shirts in the first place. George is laughing endlessly at their grievances as  he takes photos of both Dream and Sapnap looking absolutely miserable in their shirts. 

George is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, as the decorating is officially on. A fake fireplace video is playing on their TV with old fashioned Christmas music softly in the background.

He puts Sapnap on hot chocolate duty, shoving 3 ugly Christmas mugs, the green tree marshmallows, and the chocolate packaging into his hands and shooing him off to the kitchen. Dream and George sit on the living room floor sorting decorations by the rooms they’re going into. 

The energy of the house feels good, soft and comforting like a good dream. He realizes just how good it feels to be in a nice environment when decorating. Decorating in his childhood home felt a lot like chess, any missteps lead to yelling or worse. But he feels fine, great even. He feels overwhelmingly loved even in this stupid sweater. It’s a safe feeling, a safe environment , like it finally hits him that all he has to do is say the word and Dream and George will pull the plug immediately.

Sapnap puts two marshmallows into each of their cups and walks all three of them into the living room. George bounces up to grab whichever mug he decides is his, scrunching his nose up when he sees the marshmallows in the liquid. 

“You said they were for the aesthetic, here’s your aesthetic.” Sapnap says teasingly as he takes a sip of his own drink.

George sighs, “Quick, let's take some photos so I can get them out of there.”

After a few cute photos George sticks his fingers into his cup to grab the marshmallows, putting one in each of their mugs.

“Gross, George.” Dream scoffs.

“Well you told me it would be a waste to throw them out, that was my other option.”

“I think I would rather you waste it.”

“Oh ok, I’ll throw them out.” He reaches his hand towards Dream's mug to pull them out.

“No!” he pulls his mug away, “I’ll deal with it.”

“You guys are such children.” Sapnap interjects with a soft smile.

They sip on their drinks while George talks about how he wants the house to look. 

It’s domestic, the detail he put into picking and planning their decor. Something so simple makes his heart so soft. 

They start in the kitchen, a bundle of fake poinsettias sit in the corner of the island beautifully. Dream had insisted on them having poinsettias because they’re ‘a Christmas staple’, but none of them are talented enough to keep it alive so they settled on a fake one. Dream washes a cat treat jar that says ‘Meow-y Christmas’ and fills it with overly expensive treats he had insisted they get last time they were out. 

It starts them out small, Dream and George have a trained eye on Sapnap the whole time, watching for any signs that he wanted to back out. Sapnap feels giddy, briefly wonders if this is what Christmas is supposed to make him feel.

The living room feels a little daunting compared to the small area and the limited decorations they have for it. Dream rubs small circles into his back that grounds him as they start the living room.

Plastic garland is fluffed and placed on the mantel along with 4 stocking holders. George unpackages the tree skirt, laying the soft white material at the base of the tree. It’s cute, minimalistic and balances with the mantel nicely. 

They make Dream winde the lights around the tree, partially because he’s taller and also so George could slap his ass for the hell of it. Of course Sapnap records it, it will be good blackmail for later.

They have permanent smiles plastered on their faces, soft unspoken words of how much they’re enjoying this. This is what Christmas is supposed to feel like, love and soft glances, he had spent so long thinking it felt like bruises and passive aggressive comments. Sapnap feels loved, and even better he’s letting himself feel loved. Embracing the endearing actions of his boyfriends rather than running from them. 

With the lights on the tree they can start with the ornaments.a they bought a big pack of solid colored orbs and settled on some novelty ones as well. George picked out a bottle of ranch and a Pickle Rick ornament, because that just sums his humor up as a whole, not even the relentless bullying from his boyfriends could convince him to put them down. Dream chose a cartoony lion and a solar system and Sapnap just picked a ramen bowl. 

Dream and George argue over whose special ornaments get to go at the front of the tree.

There’s a final ball at the bottom of the bag, Sapnap pulls it out with a confused look. “Where did this come from?”

“My mom dropped it off this morning when she found out we were decorating today.” Dream mumbles half embarrassed. 

The ball says ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ with a photo of patches, something only a cat dad like Dream would do. Sapnap shoots him a shit eating grin.

“No, don’t even say anything.” Dream shuts him down before he could make fun of him.

“It’s cute.”

“You’re so soft.” George interrupts. 

“She is my baby, dude, look at her, she’s so baby.” He speaks in his high pitched baby voice as he points to her sitting loafed on the couch. 

“She is baby I will admit.” George admits softly, admiring the cat and her obsessed dad.

They take turns putting decorations onto the tree, working in an efficient flow. Sapnap sees a green ball with an open branch next to it and he knows what he has to do. He pulls a blue ornament out of the box and places it next to the green one with a cocky smile.

“George look,” Sapnap giggles. When he turns around he sees Sapnap making that endearing pog face and pointing to the blue and green balls he’s placed next to each other. George giggles like a little kid, he picks an orange ornament out of the box and puts it next to the other two.

“Now it’s perfect” he hums offhandedly and turns away. It only takes that little bit of affection to make Sapnap’s heart flutter and his checks flush. 

The rest of their decorations are little things, little knit coasters, mantel pieces, pillows, little knickknacks, pretty much anything George saw and didn’t hate. His prized purchase was a cute candy bowl George puts on the coffee table and fills with Skittles, even though they try to tell him that Skittles aren’t really a Christmas candy he doesn’t listen to them.

The decorations are simple, noticeable enough but also not nauseatingly in your face about it. It’s tasteful and modern which lets it flow with the rest of the house naturally.

George and Sapnap sway to the music, and it feels great . He feels fulfilled and accomplished, full of love for his boyfriends and maybe, just maybe, some love for the holiday.

“This was also in the mix of stuff my mom dropped off.” Dream interrupts their moment, handing Sapnap a suspicious looking box, “Well go ahead, open it.”

“Me? Why am I opening this?”

“Just do it!” Dream exclaims, goofy smile on his face as Sapnap finally peels the tape off.

“She had them made for us when she realized we didn’t have stockings for the Dream Team house.”

There’s a note on top of the paper, it reads, “Boys, thank you for being so wonderful and so good to my boy, you all are family. I’m proud of each and every one of you and I hope your first Christmas together is magical. - Mama Dream”
The first stocking he pulls out is a red green and white fair isle patterned stocking with little animal paw prints lining it. Dream’s was solid red, a white bold letter ‘C’ embroidered onto it, George’s was the opposite with a white stocking and a red letter ‘G’. Sapnap’s looked a little different, he had a red cuff with the rest of it being red and white stripped, a proud letter ‘N’ embroidered white into a red square. He thinks somehow his mom understands their relationship better then Sapnap does because these stockings match their personalities so well.

Sapnap hands them their respective stockings wordlessly so they don’t see the tears welling in his eyes.

The stockings work so well together on display, obviously different but also obviously matching pairs. She probably doesn’t mean it to be but it’s almost poetic.

“

Well now we have to take photos.” Dream says as they stare at their stockings.

“Because someone decided to promise our fans photos.” Sapnap stares faux daggers at him.

“You’re pinning all the blame on me like we wouldn’t have posted Christmas photos anyways.”

“It’s much easier to blame you.” George scoffs at Dreams' comment.

“Don’t you want photos to remember our first Christmas together? Stop complaining and get the tripod.” George snaps at Dream as he pulls Sapnap in for another hug, fully embracing the boy. He holds him tight, tight enough for him to notice the excessive pressure.

“What do you think Twitter's response to these sweaters is gonna be like?” George asks with his head still buried in Sapnap's neck as Dream sets up the tripod with his phone.

“I say it’s gonna trend for 4 hours.”

“Just 4? We’re losing our relevancy.” Dream jokes lightly.

“Let’s just get these photos over with so I can take off this dumb shirt.”

“You don’t like the shirt? I thought of you specifically when buying them.” George pouts sarcastically at him.

The photos go well, they even manage to get Patches into a couple of them. Him and George sit on both sides of Dream as he scrolls through their photos. They agree on a photo to send to his mom, who makes a disapproving comment at the sweaters. They feel completely in sync for the first time since before Thanksgiving, that maybe everything is coming together and becoming easier.

Maybe everything will be ok.

Chapter Text

December 19th

The day before Dream and George had informed him that they would be going ice skating the next day.

Sapnap is ecstatic about this, they probably shouldn’t have told him while they were cuddling in bed because he jumps up and rips all the blankets off them out of excitement. He hadn’t been ice skating since he was so little, probably before some of his younger siblings were born. He was never, per-say, good at it but it was always tied with good memories.

Another plus is he knows George has awful balance, and Dream isn’t much better so bound to have the upper hand. 

Sapnap is excitedly pacing in the kitchen the day of, he has a pile of layers for himself neatly folded on the edge of the counter top. And since it’s George’s shot day he’s put together 3 plates of bacon and eggs for them. Sapnap is picking anxiously at his plate as he waits for his boyfriends to come down and join him. Patches watches him curiously from the corner of the couch. 

Dream trickles down the stairs first, looking shocked that he’s in the kitchen ready for them.

“Where is George!” He threatens Dream with the wiggle of a finger as he walks towards him.

“Chill! He’s getting dressed!” He slithers his arms around Sapnap’s waist, smiling down at him with admiration, “Are you excited to go ice skating?”

“Yes, I’m very excited to watch you two fall on your asses.”

“You think you’re gonna be any better?”

“Well first of all, I’m always better than you. I'll tell you that for free.” A goofy childish smile makes its way onto Sapnap's face as he teases him. 

Dream scoffs, “Of course you think you’re better than us, and I’m the egotistical Leo.”

Sapnap rests his cheek against his chest listening to his calming heartbeat, and they stay like that until George wobbles down the stairs still half asleep.

“George!” Sapnap pulls away from Dream to rush over to the other boy and pull him into a tight hug. He lets out a surprised noise at the contact but reciprocates almost immediately. He mumbles out a groggy good morning to his boyfriends as he accepts Sapnap's affection. 

He pulls his head away from George, “Eat and do your stupid shot so we can ice skate.”

“Wow, my stupid shot? I’m gonna get you canceled for that.”

“Cancel culture don’t scare me one bit, no-siree.” Sapnap puts on a thick southern accent and hikes up his pants to accentuate the joke. They both roll their eyes at his antics but laugh despite it. 

All three of them wolf down their food, George excuses himself after he is done eating to go do his shot. Dream and Sapnaps settle on the couch while they wait, peacefully scrolling through social media and occasionally showing each other funny memes. When George does show his face again around 20 minutes later Sapnap jumps up to cling to him again. George has a permanent smile on his face as he looks over to Dream as they embrace.

Sapnap makes sure everyone has warm enough clothes on as he grabs his pile of layers before rallying them to his car.

The drive is full of potential energy and hype for probably the most exciting date they’ve planned so far. And he practically jumps out of the car when he pulls in haphazardly into a spot in the surprisingly empty lot. 

It’s obnoxiously warm out for December, especially with all the layers they’re wearing for the rink. The other two get out of the car with no urgency at all and it pisses Sapnap off, groaning long and dramatic as he decides to go up to the building by himself.

He skips to the doors, barely looking to see if there were any cars before taking off. He’s giggling madly when he gets to the door, pulling at the handle but it doesn’t budge. His head cocks confused before he reads the sign taped on the inside of the glass.

“We will be closed December 19th, Sorry for the inconvenience!” 

His energy fades as he realizes he’s not going to be ice skating today, the one thing he was wholly excited for. That awful dread feeling tries to snake its way up into his head at the impasse. The first thing he really wanted to do and it wasn’t open.

“Dream it’s closed.” Sapnap says as he hears the footsteps of his two partners finally catching up to him. He tries to keep his emotions as regulated as possible to keep the other two from worrying but it’s getting increasingly difficult for him to do so with the locked doors in front of him.

“And why do you think that is, lovebug?” And as if on queue the door opens.

“Clay! How are you buddy?” The older gentleman opens the door, leaning it open for them to walk through. He stands there dumbfounded at the man and George has to herd him into the open doorway.

“I’m doing great Joe, thanks again for this favor.” He locks the door behind them. Sapnap’s face twists up in confusion as the two of them talk.

 “Anytime bud, and I’m assuming these are your partners?” His southern drawl soaks deep through his words.

“Yes, this is Nick and George.” He gestures to them respectively, they wave and mumble out pleasantries.

“Well it’s nice to meet you two gentlemen, I’ll leave ya to it. I’ll be in my office if you need anything.” He pats Dream’s shoulder before walking away from them. Sapnap’s joy returns as the situation settles over him.

“You’re telling me this whole place is ours?” The excitement in Sapnap’s voice puts a smile back onto the other boys' faces. 

“Yup!” His tone did nothing to hide how thrilled he was to see Sapnap so engaged. 

The halls and main lobby are set up for Christmas, long thick strands of red and green garland line the tops of the walls with ornaments and bells thrown in for color, wreaths are hung on every door and right in the middle is a giant tree. The lights and multi-colored balls make the tree breathtaking next to all the presents sitting at its base.

“How did you manage to rent out this whole place in the middle of December?” Sapnap stares up excitedly at the tree. It almost makes him feel happy, maybe optimistic is the right word for this feeling. That maybe one day he can always feel this way around the holidays.

Dream walks up behind him as he’s admiring the tree and wraps his arms around his waist, “I have a certain rizz about me.”

“He has money.” George says blankly, Sapnap is giddy as he laughs at George’s joke. 

He feels the best he has in weeks . He’s actually excited to be out and doing things for once. He turns around in Dream’s grip to plant a kiss on his nose before running towards the open doors of the rink.

The inside of the arena is decorated for Christmas as well, garland following in from the lobby. Soft music is playing over the overtly large speakers that hang from the ceiling.

Dream grabs him by the waist again as he’s staring at the enchanting arena, “Doing good, baby?” he whispers into his ear.

“So good.” He whispers back. Dream hums as he runs his hands up and down his sides.

Three pairs of skates lay on chairs for them to change into, they grab their skate size and put them on wordlessly. He swears he can see Dream taking photos of the both of them struggling to put the blades on. Dream ends up having to put his own on and also George’s because he can’t seem to figure out how to get the skates on tight enough to be able to stand.

Sapnap excitedly slaps his boyfriends as they get themselves ready to step on this ice. The ice is hard and untouched, not a single scrap across the whole expanse. Sapnap steps on the ice first, curiously testing his weight on the skates as he slides himself across the wall. Dream steps on next, almost eating shit immediately as he puts too much confidence into the first push.

And his initial thoughts were right, Dream and George cling onto the wall and each other in futile efforts to keep themselves upright. He gets the hang of it a lot quicker then the other two, picking up the pace dramatically down the empty expanse.

It feels great, freeing almost. He gains his balance and confidence almost immediately and glides across the ice effortlessly. He laughs manically as he skates circles around the other two. 

Dream gets a better handle on balancing on the blades but George does not. George is more often than not found either clinging to Dream or Sapnap trying to leach off their skill or on the wall trying to play it off that he’s not doing as terribly as he is.

They do try and teach George to skate on his own, but he has all the grace of a freshly born giraffe, except baby giraffes eventually get a handle on it. He’s got one of each of his boyfriends on each side of him holding his hand and keeping him afloat.

It’s the most fun he’s had in so long, like years of creeping through the window he was finally let outside to run free. It’s beautiful, the childlike glee coming from all three of them. It feels like love, like this moment could chase away all the bad thoughts he’s ever had.

Everything was fine until he asks Dream to time him as he skates across the ice. He starts off strong, picking up speed as he uses all his acquired skill to keep up a good pace. He’s almost at the end, the wall is a few feet in front of him when the tip of his skate gets caught on this ice.

The fall doesn’t hurt nearly as much as he thinks it should, just some pain where his face made contact with the ice, but something fragile in him breaks in that very moment, all the comfort and confidence he’s built up over the past few weeks shatters. The cold ice that makes contact with the front of his body makes him feel empty, like a single car in a parking lot during a snow storm, like the last person to be picked for dodgeball, like the only person without a prom date. He’s crying hysterically, unable to focus on anything but this terrible sinking feeling in his head.

He feels surrounded, like he’s drowning in an abandoned pool. He manages to pull himself into a sitting position when he realizes he’s crying, long consistent streams of tears pour down his face as he shakily tries to stabilize himself.

“Are you hurt? What happened baby?” Dream’s voice cuts through his warped perspective, Sapnap shakes his head through the tears. Nothing happened, just a simple slip and fall. He wasn’t even in pain anymore, well except the pain in his lungs from hyperventilating in the cold air. He feels hopeless again, even in moments of pure happiness he managed to fuck things up for the other two.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m being so dumb right now I’ll get it together. Please don’t break up with me, I'll pull myself together.” He can barely enunciate the words around the harsh sporadic breaths he pulls into his lungs. 

“You’re okay baby boy, I’m right here just listen to my voice.” He realizes that Dream is sitting next to him now, he buries himself into his sweatshirt with his hands gripping onto his back harshly. He rubs on his back as he feels himself calming down.

Dream pulls him away as he stands up on his own, “We’re gonna get you off the ice okay? That’s right you’re doing so well baby just keep breathing for me.” He pulls him up by the wrists and holds him close as they inch towards the gate. George is standing off the ice with his skates already off near the exit with a sad look on his face, Sapnap has to turn away from it before he breaks again.

He feels Dream sit him down and the pressure of the ice skates releasing from his foot.

He can’t make out the words his boyfriends exchange as they help him get into his own shoes, but he can make out Dream’s voice over the rush of his brain and feel the vibrations from George’s chest.

He feels helpless, like a washed up whale on the beach thrashing around in hopes to end up back in the water. 

Dream takes his keys again as he guides him to the passenger's seat.

George finally snaps the tension on the car ride home, “You said it was getting easier.” 

Sapnap sucks in a harsh breath, “It is.” The judging silence means they don’t believe him, “You saw me this morning I was so fucking pumped to go out.”

“You’re trying to tell me that was unrelated?”

“It,” Sapnap shakes his head, “It was a lot of things at once but 90% unrelated.” 

“Please don’t keep hiding away from us.” Dream’s voice is delicate as he confronts him, words holding so much emotion through them.

“We’ve got to talk about what you said, Nick.” George’s voice is agitated and borderline sad.

A bottomless pit has opened up in his stomach and it sucks all the words right from his throat. George never calls him by his legal name; it's always some variation of Sapnap. This would be the time to do it, to break up with him right after he wrecked their fun date night. He’s prepared for it too, to pack up all his stuff and move out, maybe Punz would let him stay at his place.

“You know we care about you and want you in this relationship right?” Dream hits the nail on the head of his problem. On paper, yes, he does know his boyfriends love him, but he’s been such a problem recently . He’s seen how he’s negatively affecting both of them as a whole. Their faux fights have started to feel more real, they aren’t sleeping very well, they’ve been streaming less, and it’s all his fault.
“I-I do.’
“Do you though?” Dream cuts off his lie, “Do you actually know how much we love and care about you?”

He’s been caught, Dream can see right through him, he knows he’s been lying and dodging how he really feels in favor of trying to keep them happy. He needs to say something , but he still doesn’t want them to worry too much about things they can’t fully fix or heal. His family life is a wound that will never heal but their relationship can grow from this.

“I just feel like, I don’t know, like a strain on the relationship sometimes.”

The tension in the car fills up and swells again. Wrong . He answered wrong again, hurting them further. He should have kept his mouth shut and dealt with it. Just dealt with it until he got over it or they broke up with him.

“We love you so much, Nick. I would do absolutely anything for you. How can we make you feel more, I don’t know, involved?” Dream’s voice wobbles as he speaks.

“That’s the problem, it’s not you. You two have done nothing wrong and everything right, which is why it’s so fucking unfair I feel like this. You two are so perfect and wonderful and did all this all just for me to come along and fuck this up, if I wasn’t here you two would of had a perfect date and you wouldn’t have to deal with this .” He spits venom as he refers to himself in such a negative light. 

The tense quiet is back, no one in the car seems to know where to go with the increasingly dark conversation. 

“This relationship wouldn’t work without you.” Dream says slowly and confidently, eyes darting between the road and Sapnap's hunched frame.

“What? No, that’s so wrong.” 

“He’s right, It’s a three way balance, the relationship would never work monogamously. I would have ripped Dream’s head off by now.” George adds in from the backseat.

Sapnap doesn’t think that’s 100% true. He sees how they interact without him, it’s beautiful and pure. The thought that Sapnap brings anything close to that to the relationship makes it feel like he’s being pitied. 

But he also sees how in each other's heads they can get, overly competitive and aggressive at times over things that don’t matter. It makes him feel so conflicted, was he keeping them civil when they get in that mood?

“You were also the one who got us together.” 

Okay that one definitely was true. He remembers how depressed and distant George had gotten when him and Dream had announced they were together. He remembers how scared he was when he realized he also liked George. Remembers how shaky his voice was when he admitted it to him, late at night admitting to his boyfriend that he liked their best friend , and in some strange coincidence Dream had also admitted to having feelings for him. They did research on polyamory that night, more than they probably needed to in all honesty, and then set a date to try and wow George and see if he showed any actual interest in them. They had thought it flopped until 2 days later they received a call from a very drunk George asking for answers on why they would get together just to rub it in his face that he couldn’t have them. They simply answered that he could have them, and the next day they asked George out formally.

“That’s true.” His voice trails off. 

“All of it’s true, every single thing we’ve said to you is true.” Dream puts a hand that’s not driving on Sapnap’s thigh to hopefully ground him, Sapnap flinches at the soft contact.

“I’m afraid.” His voice cracks, Dream's grip on his thigh tightens,  “I can’t lose you guys.”

“And you won’t.” George says confidently. He wants to look back at the boy in the backseat but he;s not sure he could handle seeing the way he’s wearing his emotions on his sleeve.

“How can you promise that?”

“Because everything you are feeling I’m feeling in a different way.” Dream’s voice falters again briefly, he clears his throat, “I’m so afraid I’m just another stressor on your life and that you’re going to see that and leave. But the only way I’m going anywhere is if you tell me to go.”

“You promise?” Sapnap’s voice cracks as well with the vulnerability. 

“I promise, your trauma doesn’t make you unlovable.” Dream’s words almost make him cry again, it’s so nice to hear after all his emotional turmoil over the past couple of weeks.

“Thank you.”

The silence this time isn’t filled with tension but it’s filled with relief.

“We should have had this conversation earlier.” George laughs lightly to try and fill the gaps.

“I’m sorry, I was hiding from you guys.”

“You’re okay now, honey.” Dream's voice comes out smooth and genuine, “Everything is going to be okay.”

Chapter Text

December 22nd

They announced the stream on twitter two days before it was set to happen. 

A cookie baking stream/cookie decorating stream, something Twitter has been asking for for a while now.

It’s Sapnap’s shot day and Dream cooks for him this time, well cook is a strong word for Doordashing McDonald’s breakfast. When he goes to tease him about it he points out that he didn’t get up early enough to actually get the food and he didn’t want Sapnap to miss out on breakfast menu hash browns. 

It’s little things like that that he’s been noticing more since their talk in the car.

Things have been looking up since then actually, it’s been a lot easier to shut down the mean voices in his head and also talk to them about his insecurities. They’ve also been more attentive than normal, watching Sapnap's every move so he can’t hide himself away again. In a weird way it feels more like love than anything else they do for him.

Dream even cleaned the kitchen for them after breakfast, leaving the other two to decorate to their own desire for the stream. Shitty dollar store pin ups and sparkly danglers infest the parts of the kitchen that are going to be visible on stream. It’s cheap and janky looking but it fits their stream aesthetics very well.

“Looks great, loves.” Dream comments as he re-enters the kitchen holding their Christmas hats. He hands one of them to George but takes Sapnap’s Balenciaga hat off of him and replaces it with the Santa hat. Dream cups his face softly as he admires his boyfriend and he leaves a flush on his cheeks when he turns away.

Dream and George set up the camera and lighting while he gathers everything they’ll need to cook and decorate. A rhythmic lull falls over them as they each do their own part to set up the stream.

Sapnap admires the other two from afar, and for once when he looks at them he feels no residual jealousy at their sweet interaction. It makes him happy to see how in sync they are with each other, and knowing if he were to join them he would fall right into it as well. He probably looks crazy staring at the other two plugging in wires with the biggest smile on his face but he could care less at this moment. He’s happy , truly without a doubt happy. 

The lights are set, the microphone is in place and the ‘starting soon’ screen is streaming to thousands of people already. 

While Dream is making sure they have everything they’ll need out and ready before the camera turns on, George slithers into Sapnap’s arms for a delicate hug. He looks tired, probably from staying up all night playing chess with Dream. He can feel the soft fur of his santa hat against the side of his face. 

“Awe, my baby.” Sapnap coos, George makes a hum of disapproval in his throat but doesn’t do anything to remove himself from the younger boy, “My sweet little sleepy baby.”

Dream adds himself to the hug, crushing him in between himself and Sapnap. 

“Are my two babies ready to stream?” George groans, throwing his head back to hit Dreams' chest.

“Fine, I guess.” The hug disperses but the warm feeling it gave him doesn't go away.  

George tries to shake the flush off his cheeks as hits the live scene, “Chat! Hello! Hi! How is everyone doing today?” They watch the subs and resubs pour in on the second monitor. It’s a feeling he’ll never get used to, the overwhelming support from their fans for anything they do makes him feel so lucky. And being able to do it with his two partners by his side makes him feel like he’s hit the lottery.

“Yes! We’re gonna be doing a cookie competition! We have these bags of, what’s this called, dry ingredients.” He holds the bags up to the camera, “And we’re gonna see which one of us can make the best looking cookies, and you guys are going to vote! But obviously I’m gonna win, it’s barely a competition at this point.”

He snatches the bags of mix out of his hands, “Yeah okay, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Lots of talk, not enough festiveness coming from ya Georgie.” Dream teases with the click of his tongue as he brings the bowl closer to himself. 

“This is plenty festive.” He swats at the end of his hat for emphasis. 

“Say’s the guy who forced me and Dream to wear shirts that said ‘Santa’s favorite ho’s’.”

“Yeah well, am I wrong?”

“You’re such an idiot, just hand me the butter so we can get started.” Dream tosses the two sticks of butter into the empty bowl, prompting Sapnap to open one of the bags of mix.

“Wait, I want to do it.” George whines with a pout on his face.

“No.”

“What? I want to pour it in.” George reaches his arms out to try and grab the bags out of his hands but he is quicker than him and pulls it out of his reach.

“And I said no, I’m doing it.”

“Why do you get to do it?” He avoids the grabbing hands once again much to George’s dismay, pouring one of the bags into the bowl.

“Dreammmmm.”

“Figure it out yourselves.” Dream says dismissively while he turns the oven on to preheat it.

“Sapnap pleaseeee.” George bats his eyelashes at him, and if he didn’t look so cute in his stupid hat he probably wouldn’t have given him the second bag.

With the ingredients in the bowl Dream takes over to mix it together, leaving George and Sapnap to talk to chat for a couple minutes.

“Someone else needs to take over, my arm hurts so bad.” He throws in the towel of hand mixing, stepping back to wash his hands.

Sapnap steps in front of the bowl, “It’s fine chat, Mr. Muscles is here to save the day, no biggie.” He flexes to the camera jokingly before rolling the sleeves of his hoodie up and digging his hands into the bowl. It was definitely harder than he thought it was going to be. The dry ingredients seemed to overwhelm the wetness of the butter by a long shot.

“How does this work! Is it supposed to be like this, it’s like so fucking dry!”

“Sapnap! Language!” George gawks, slapping Sapnap’s arm lightly at the profanity.

“Okay BadBoyHalo, whatever you say.” OmegaLUL’s fill the chat at the reference to their friend. George rolls his eyes, going back to talking to Dream and chat about whatever random topic Dream decided to bring up.

It takes him a while to finally have the dough fully mixed together and consistent. “Okay, well, it only took us 45 minutes to mix together pre-made mix and butter.” Dream says sarcastically as they roll the mixture into little balls.

“It was so dry! It was a fu-” he stops himself from cursing again, “a work out. It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in so long.”

Dream quirks an eyebrow at his choice of words, “Bro, stop dude! You know what I meant.” A flush falls over his face as ‘AYO’ and ‘SUS’ flood into the chat.

“Well if you wanted to do something harder-” Dream has a cocky smile on his face as George goes out of his way to fluster Sapnap. And it works, he’s flushed and trying to hide his face from the camera.

“George!”

“What!”

Sapnap tries to deflect, “Oh so I can’t curse but you can say that ?”

“Yes, it’s my job to make you as flustered as possible.”

“You’re really good at it, good job.” Dream gives George a kiss on the top of his head as he passes him with the trays of raw cookies to put them into the oven

“I’m being ganged up on.”

“That’s also our job.” Dream chirps in while he sets a 10 minute timer onto the microwave.

“Okay, I’m stopping this conversation.” They laugh at how quickly he’s trying to move on, “What are we going to do while we wait for the cookies to be done?”

“Do you know how you’re gonna make your cookies look?” George asks curiously as he picks up various toppings.

“Well, no I guess, I was just going to pander to the DNF crowd and hope they just vote for me.” Dream admits as he stands in George’s personal space. George doesn’t seem to mind as he keeps picking up bottles of sprinkles.

“Of course you were, is there anything else on your mind except George?”

“You.” Dream says with a sweet smile on his face.

Sapnap feels his face begin to flush again as he turns away from Dream, “You’re such an idiot.”

“Chat count it, that's blush number two, we’re going for a world record today.”

Sapnap dismisses them again as he plays with the strings of his hoodie. The energy of the stream is truly out of this world. It’s probably the most positive he’s ever felt about a stream in a while. They’re flowing so naturally, not just them as people but also the streaming energy doesn’t feel overly forced. He remembers when all streams felt like this, when he had a passion to do fun things and not just an obligation to show up and it feels so good to get back to that.

“Okay chat, I think the cookies are done. They’re done, they’re done! Dream, get them from the oven.” George yells after the timer goes off.

“What? Why can’t you do it?”

“Because I don’t feel like it, grab them before they burn.” Dream scoffs at him but follows his instructions anyways, placing the trays of cookies onto the cooling rack.

“Okay so there’s 24 cookies, so we get 8 each?”

“I think we should each eat one and make it 7.” George proposes.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why, I want a cookie obviously.”

They both laugh at George wanting to eat the cookies so fast, “Fine, okay fine, 7 cookies and we each eat one now.” Dream gives in as he grabs a cookie off the cooling rack. All three of them grab one, nodding and making happy noises.

“These cookies are good, we did a really good job.”

“Yeah we did a really good job mixing.” Dream says sarcastically again around a mouth full of cookies, “I mean, we would have to be really stupid to mess up box cookies .”

“Hey at least we didn’t get pre-made ones, we had to do some work to mix it.” George eyes another cookie on the tray and Sapnap moves it away from him.

“It was a lot of work, don’t discredit our hard work.”

“Whatever, let's just start.”

Sapnap’s sure he’s not going to win, most of his cookies are blue and green (he’s not immune to pandering) and just have drawings of penises on them. George’s barely looks better, more like an abstract painting of icing and random sprinkles. Surprisingly Dream’s actually look pretty put together, messy in an endearing way. He was obviously putting more effort into his cookies than either of the other boys were.

“This cookie icing sucks.” Dream sighs defeatedly as he uses both hands to try and squeeze the rest of it out of its packaging.

“Maybe you just suck.” Sapnap quips back.

“You would know.”

“Dream!” Sapnap stares daggers at him as his face heats up again, Dream’s smile grows as he realizes he’s blushing again..

“Third chat! Third blush!”

“You’re a tryhard.”

Dream ends up winning the chat poll, rightfully so. His cookies end up looking the best out of all of them. They interact with chat for probably longer than they need to but they’re having the most fun ever chasing each other around and humiliating one another and showing off Patches to the camera. After they’ve eaten most of their cookies they finally end the stream, promising more streams like this in the new year now that George is here to stay. George raids Punz, who’s playing Valorant and they all let out a collective breath as they get to turn their streamer mode off.

“I’m exhausted after that.” Dream shuts off the camera and the ring lights.

“So what I’m hearing is that it’s couch nap time?”

“Absolutely.” They all pile onto the couch, Sapnap huddled in between the warmth of both of his boyfriends. Dream has Twitter open on his phone as he winds himself down to sleep and Sapnap watches his feed. The fans were so happy with the stream, and all of them noticed how happy they were with each other. He watches Dream save screenshots and clips of them being cute together and especially of him blushing at their dirty flirts.

“I’m gonna get you back for all those comments.” Sapnap says grumpy, shuffling himself closer to his partners as he feels himself drifting.

“Yeah, I’m sure you will.”

Chapter Text

December 24th

Sapnap obsessively adjusts the collar of his sweater in the mirror as he waits for his partners to finish dressing. They were getting ready for Dream’s family Christmas dinner and Sapnap was taking this more seriously than his partners based on the amount of times he’s changed or cursed his hair out for not falling the way he wants it to. 

He’s had multiple dinners with his family, including Thanksgiving, but this one for some reason felt bigger than the others. It doesn’t really make any sense, he doesn’t really have anything to prove to them but it feels like a test.

A gentle knock on the door pulls him from his compulsion. “Yeah, come in.”

Dream enters his room, “You look lovely, honey.”

“My hair isn’t cooperating.” Sapnap huffs annoyed, trying once again to flatten the wild pieces of hair that are sticking up.

“Here, just-“ he licks the palm of his hand in preparation to smooth out a cowlick in his hair.

Sapnap pushes him away from him, “Eww dude, get the fuck away from me.” he yells, laughing slightly at the absurdity.

Dream holds his hands up defensively a little too close to Sapnaps face, “I was just trying to help.”

“Get that hand away from me or so help me god.”

“Fine, okay!” He drops his hands, but slots himself behind Sapnap to wrap his arms around his waist, “You doing alright?”

“Yeah, fine.” 

“Nick.” Dream says blankly, “You’re stressed, why?”

“I don’t want to screw things up in front of your family.” He sighs, leaning his weight into the man behind him to get impossibly closer.

“I promise you no matter what you do it won’t be worse than whatever my younger siblings probably have planned for the night. ”He tries to lighten the younger boy's mood with a joke but it wasn’t well received, his frown staying on his face. 

“I don’t want to cause problems.” Sapnap finally directs his eyes to where he can see Dream in the mirror. The bags under his eyes have lightened and seem to have transferred over to himself. 

“And you won’t.”

“What if I freak out again?” 

“Then me and George will handle it.” Sapnap doesn't seem satisfied with this answer, “We already have a plan if we need to get you away, and you know where my old room is. You can always go there to cool off.”

He rolls his jaw out of nerves as he thinks over Dream’s words, “O-okay.”

“Try not to stress yourself out too much, my family loves you and you’re gonna do just fine, lovebug.” He places a kiss to the side of his cheek. The affirmation settles his worries a little bit, enough to stop his compulsive overgrooming and stand still for the first time today.

Dream looks so right behind him, his shoulder is the perfect level for him to rest his head on. His hands are just the perfect size to grab both of his hips fully. They look good together in their matching sweater, no not the ones George got them, they look like a textbook couple. For the first time in forever Sapnap looks at himself next to one of his partners and sees a textbook couple.

“We look good together.” Sapnap’s words fall out of his mouth before he has any time to think about them.

He sees Dream’s face light up with glee, “Yeah?” He pulls his phone out of his pocket to take a photo of the two of them, “Smile, love.” The comedic iPhone camera sound rings around the room as the photo is captured, Dream opens it for them to look at.

“Yeah, I would say we look pretty great together.” Dream favorites the photo and puts his phone back into his pocket.

“You guys are gay.” George says from the doorway, startling the other two as they jump away from each other.

“Jesus babe, you scared the shit out of me.”

“It’s not my fault you were being gay.” He says nonchalantly, walking into the room and flopping down onto Sapnap’s bed.

“Well technically it is a little bit your fault.” Sapnap says matter of factly, going back to adjusting himself in the mirror but in a more collected way.

Dream snorts out a laugh, “Well he’s got you there.”

“You guys are idiots, idiots I say.” George babbles to himself mostly as he tosses in Sapnap’s messy bed, “Are you guys ready to go at least?”

Dream has a slight attitude about himself, one that he’s trying to cover up as he talks to George, “I know I am, did you put the gifts into the car.”

“No.”

“I asked you to do that like 45 minutes ago.” Dream says annoyed, fist clenching impatiently at his side and sighing dramatically, “Fine, I’ll go do it then cause I know we’ll forget them if we don’t do it now. And by ‘we’ I actually mean ‘me’ because you know, I’m doing it.”

“Are you going to stand there and stroke your ego or are you going to do it?” George shoots back from where he is buried under Sapnap’s bedding. He scoffs offended, shaking his head and walking out of the room to remove himself from George’s attitude. 

Sapnap walks over to the edge of the bed, looking down at George, “Why are you being so mean to him today?” George sits up so his feet dangle off the side of the bed.

“Just wanted time with you before we leave.”

“So what I’m hearing is you’re a simp.” Sapnap sits down next to him. A brief pause of silence washes over them before George speaks. 

“You gonna be okay today?” Sapnap looks up at him and there’s a small blush running across his cheeks, “I mean I know you’ve been better recently, it just seems to get worse when other people are added to the mix.” George stutters through his sentence. 

“Yeah, I mean I feel fine right now just some stress but not like bad . Plus I heard you and Dream have a plan if I freak.”

George smiles maniacally, “Yeah Dream is gonna pretend to choke and I’m gonna give him the heimlich while you run away.” Sapnap laughs loudly at the silly visual, George joining in on the laughter. 

“You’re such an idiot.”

20 minutes later they’re in the car, with the presents in the back seat and 25 minutes after that they’re pulling into the driveway.

Dream’s mom greets them at the door, leading them to the tree to place down all their gifts. She pulls each of them into a hug now that their hands are free, his dad does the same giving them all back slapping hugs and complimenting his beard.

The energy is more than Thanksgiving was, with more wine and more children running around. A lot of his extended family is there too, and somehow the more people makes it easier. The more one-on-one conversations with people who barely even know Dream are easier than one big conversation with the whole party. He easily gets lost in the conversation, drifting from one to another seamlessly. He eventually loses both of his partners in the mix of people, and he thinks it should freak him out but it doesn’t.

“Nick!” He hears the voice of a woman calling him from behind while he’s talking to a cousin, and when he turns around it's Dream’s mom, “Clay has been looking for you.”

“Oh, yeah! I got separated from him a little while back.”

“He seemed a little worried, just be on the lookout for him okay?” She places a hand on his shoulder, “Last I saw him he was in the kitchen.”

Sapnap nods, excusing himself from the conversation he was having to track down one of his boyfriends. His eyes scan over the people in the large kitchen, eyes spotting Dream hunched over the sink. Sapnap frowns, pushing through people to console his partner. 

“Clay, hey, what’s going on.” He wraps his hands protectively on his hips. 

He turns around at the sound of his voice, “Nick, oh Nick my love, I missed you.” He presses his face into Sapnap’s neck, wrapping one arm around his waist and holding his glass of wine up in the other.

“Is that wine? Babe, are you drunk right now?” Sapnap says in disbelief, rubbing comforting circles into his back as he feels Dream start to lean more and more of his body weight onto him subconsciously. 

“Maybe a little, my Aunt Carol offered me this wine. You should try it.” He holds the glass up to Sapnaps lips, he pushes it away. “And- and it's, like, really good, and like, I always thought alcohol was really bad I didn’t know it could taste good.” He puts a ton of unnecessary emphasis onto the words.

“I cannot believe you’re wine drunk at your own family's Christmas dinner, you’re such a strange man.” Dream giggles, leaving a trail of kisses up and down his neck, “Okay, yeah no I’m cutting you off.” He pulls the wine glass from his hand and sets it out of his reach. 

Dream whines, “Why, it tastes so good and I’m like, not even drunk.”
“Clay honey, you’re leaning your entire body weight onto me and you can barely keep your eyes open.” Dream groans far too loud in dejection. “Where is George by the way?”

Dream looks around lousily, “Oh, huh, he was just here.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re such an idiot. Let’s go find him.” He pulls Dream with him through the crowd, eventually finding George in the living room sitting and chatting with a bunch of people. He has a full wine glass in his hand, stirring it around in an avoidance of having to drink it. 

When George does catch his eye he gives them a weird look, and Sapnap nods his head yes. He points upstairs and George gives him a thumbs up. Sapnap walks them to his childhood room, flicking the light switch on. 

It’s oddly nostalgic, despite never actually stepping foot in this room when he lived here he knows this is the room they met for the first time online. It’s obviously a teenagers room, or was a teenagers room as it looks unlived in, it’s obvious his mom still goes out of her way to vacuum and dust even if he’s not here . He walks Dream to the bed, basically pushing him into the twin sized mattress.

“Lay down, now. Sober up.”

A strangled noise comes from the back of his throat, “Not without you.”

“Fine, but only for a little bit.”

Sapnap joins him in bed, it’s comical seeing the two fully grown men cuddling on a twin sized bed. It’s quiet, the hum of the party going on downstairs is barely present. Dream is tucked into his neck, leaving small kisses along his jugular. 

“Hey, psssss, Nick.” Dream pokes at his cheek, after a few minutes of peace, “Heyyyyy, pay attention to me.”

He holds back the roll of his eyes, “Yes my dear, what is it?”
“You see that chair over there?” He points to the shitty office chair that's pushed neatly into the desk, “I was sitting right there when I realized I loved you for the first time.” Sapnap’s face blushed furiously, it's crazy that his partner flirting can still make him feel this giddy and love sick. He can imagine a younger Dream sitting at that exact chair, playing games and talking on teamspeak until odd hours in the morning. Dream blows a raspberry onto his neck, leaving a small wet mark that brings him back to the present.

“Oh yeah? Tell me some other secrets about this room.”

“Hmmmm, I’ve jerked off in this bed quite a lot.”

He scrunches up his nose, “Eww, gross.”

“What do you mean gross, we’ve had sex before.” He pokes at Sapnap’s sides as he speaks.

“You know what, I guess you’re right.” 

They lay down for about 20 minutes, not saying anything as they both replenish their social batteries.

“Sorry, I don’t know what got into me today.” He mumbles embarrassed, Sapnap just hums at him.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Physically? No.”

Sapnap snorts, “Well, that’s what you get for getting wine drunk on an empty stomach.” He offers no sympathy to the other boys' mistakes.

“White women and their wine are so convincing though.” He’s still slurring his words as he talks, obviously not sober yet despite his joking.

Sapnap stifles a laugh, “We should get some water and food into you, people are gonna come looking for the big shot Youtuber.”

“Let ‘em come, I can take them.” Unsteady hands brace defensively in front of his face like he was going to fight.

Sapnap giggles, “No, babe, like to talk to you because they admire you.”

The hands drop clumsily after a few seconds to process his words, “Oh.”

“You’re such an idiot, I love you.”

“He loves me, he loves me.” Dream sing-songs to himself.

“Yes, yes I do,” he pulls Dream’s lip body from the bed as far as he can get it, “Now c’mon lets get downstairs.”

He was right, people were looking for Dream, and he had to politely push them all to the side as he pulled them along to the kitchen to get water for the both of them. After the water he starts to feel a little better and goes back to socializing until dinner is called.

Dinner and gifts are just as crazy as the rest of the day has been. Hungry hoards of drunk adults and bratty children dig into the meal. More alcohol is passed around, which both Dream and George accept as Sapnap is their ride home. 

Gifts are done quickly to sedate the bored children and the greedy adults, and before he knows it he’s driving them home again. 

Sapnap and George practically have to drag Dream into bed again before they bring the gifts they got  from the hood of his car and place them under the tree. 

By the time they finally get everything settled Dream is already passed out on the bed, mouth wide open and snoring. 

“I cannot believe he drank that much wine.” George says as they finally get to go down for the night. 

“I cannot believe she gave him a bottle to go home with.” Sapnap jokes back. 

“You did really well today, we didn’t have to have Dream fake choke.”

Sapnap giggles, “Yeah, today felt good.”

“That’s what it’s supposed to feel like, babe.” Is the last thing he hears George say to him before he falls asleep. 

December 25th

The first thing he hears when he wakes up is soft whispers from his partners, he’s not actually awake enough to understand what they’re saying but not sleepy enough to slip back under. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Sapnap says coldly

“Merry Christmas to you too, baby boy.”

“Baby boy wants to sleep.” Sapnap says as he tries to get comfortable again.

“Fine, then I guess he won’t be getting any gifts.” He feels Dream shrug, and then tiny kisses come from Dream and then from George. He giggles uncontrollably as they shower him in love. 

“Stop, leave me alone.” He tries to hide away from them by pulling the covers completely over his head. The weight on the bed shifts on both sides of him, indicating they have gotten up and off the bed.

“Okay, well we’re gonna eat cinnamon buns without you then.”

Sapnap pokes his head out of the sheets just enough to see them and his heart catches in his throat. Dream is shirtless, proud as ever showing his top surgery scars to the world, happy trail neatly groomed all the way from his chest to where his baggy sweatpants cut it off. George on the other hand is wearing an oversized Oklahoma Sooners sweatshirt, that obviously originally belongs to Dream, and no pants. The hoodie is big enough that he can barely see the colorful boxers poking out of the bottom.

It’s domestic , maybe even overly so. He wishes he had his phone on him so he could take a photo of them to never forget how they look right now. He loves them, loves them so unfathomably much he feels overwhelmed by it. “You bought cinnamon buns?”

“Yup, but they’re only for people who get up and open gifts with the rest of us.” George bargains with his sleepy boyfriend. 

Sapnap groans, throwing the covers off himself, “Fine, you’ve twisted my wing.

The smell of cinnamon pastry fills the house as they puff up in the oven. It brings the atmosphere of the day together.

When the pastries are done Dream brings them to the living room on a big plate. They eat in a surprisingly peaceful quiet, simply enjoying a domestic moment between them without any playful bickering.

“Okay, can we open gifts now.” George says once they all hadn’t picked up another cinnamon bun in a while.

“You’re so impatient today, Georgie.” Dream laughs at him as he stands to grab his presents for the other two. “I want us to do stockings afterwards.”

Dream hands out his gifts, a small bag with tissue paper going to Sapnap and a larger box going to George. George tears into his wrapping like an animal and tosses it onto the floor.

“A heated blanket?” George begins to read the features of his new blanket as he pets the soft fabric sticking out of the box.

“I don’t want to hear how cold I keep the house at night anymore, you can be nice and warm.” Dream explains as he watches Sapnap open his bag, he pulls a black baseball cap out, the Hunter X Hunter logo embroidered into the front. He smiles brightly as he puts the hat on top of his messy hair.

“You’re gonna be jealous when Patches starts cuddling with George now that he has that thing.” He points out as he adjusts the hat sizing on his head.

“You look cute in that hat.”

George’s gifts are next, a poorly wrapped box is handed to both Dream and Sapnap. 

Sapnap tears into his first, a brand new drone with a camera is waiting for him. He looks up at George with excitement in his eyes, “Oh my god drone vlogs! We’re gonna do drone vlogs!” He plants a sloppy kiss on George’s cheek that he tries to wipe off. 

“A neon sign! Where did you find this? I've been looking everywhere for one of these.”

“I hand made it, obviously.” George says sarcastically. 

Finally Sapnap hands two bags without tissue paper in them to his boyfriends. George reaches into the bag and pulls out a brand new webcam.

“A webcam! Oh my god, this is perfect, mine just broke.”

“Yeah I know, and I also know you would procrastinate getting a new one so i just got you the newer version of the one you have now.”

George places a soft kiss on his lips, “You know me so well.”

“A sweater?” Dream asks curiously.

“There’s more.” Dream reaches into the bag, letting out a gasp when he realizes what it is.

“Matching sweater for Patchy!” He holds up the green and cream striped sweaters next to each other, “I cannot wait to make her put this on, thank you Nick. Thank you both, this is the best Christmas ever.”

He gets up to grab their stockings next, George bounces excitedly in his seat clapping his hands together to let the energy out. Dream distributes the stockings and sits back down again.

George dumps the contents into his lap the second he gets his hands on it, a steam gift card, a small box and assorted Christmas candy lay in his lap. He picks up the box first, obviously curious over the mystery.

“Don’t open that yet! Let Sapnap get his too!”

Sapnap spills his into his lap as well, a steam gift card, a small box and a pack of Pokemon cards fall out. Sapnap rolls his eyes as he picks up his own box.

“Okay, so I was going to have this whole speech prepared but I kind of ran out of time so I’m gonna pull it out of my ass now,” Dream reaches into his own stocking with more grace than the other two and pulls out a third matching box.

“He’s gonna what ?” Sapnap teases him for his phrasing.

Dream rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyways, I was trying to figure out how I was going to give these to you guys because the second you landed in Florida I knew I needed to.” He begins to open his own box, prompting Sapnap and George to start unraveling theirs, “And I know we’ve only been together IRL for a little while but I don’t care I want to spend the rest of my life with you guys.”

Gold rings sit shimmering in the box, and Sapnap’s breath catches as he looks at it.

“We can’t all technically get married to each other, so just consider these promise rings. I promise to love you both for the rest of my life until my breath gives out. I’m so lucky and grateful I get to share my life with you two.”

Sapnap takes it out of its holder to observe it; there's an engraving on the inside of the band. It’s three hearts, the two on the ends are hollow and the one in the middle is filled in. When he looks over George’s shoulder to look at his ring he sees that the heart at the end is filled in.

“Dream.” Sapnap’s voice wavers at the display of love. He feels like a giddy teenager who got asked to prom, Dream got them promise rings . A promise that he will love them forever and always. He almost feels bad that all he put in Dream’s stocking was a fidget cube and a scratch-off lottery ticket.

“And they have a matching necklace that comes with it so you can wear it that way instead of your finger, especially for you Georgie ‘cause I know you’re not really a ring guy.” Dream adds on, rambling a little out of nerves.

George puts the ring on, watching it glide effortlessly down his finger, “I think I might be a ring guy now.”

Sapnap slides the ring onto his finger and it fits perfectly. He stands up, walking up to Dream so he can kiss him long and hard on the lips. It’s infectious, whatever weird thing Dream has for being overly mushy with them because all he wants to do now is wrap them up and take them to bed so they can spend eternity together.

“I feel like I’m gonna underwhelm you with what I got for your stocking, like this is so sweet and nice and mine is just, yeah.” George mumbles half embarrassed. Dream dumps the final contents of the stocking onto his lap.

“Oh hell yeah a scratcher and fidget cube! Oh, and lube, we needed that. Oh and it’s flavored, what are you trying to say there guys.” Dream smirks flirtatiously.

“Keep it in your pants for now, it's way too early for this.” Sapnap dismisses their behavior to defuse the situation as quickly as possible as he was not ready to deal with that this early in the morning.

“Fine, fine.” Dream holds his hands up defensively, “My mom told me she didn’t want to embarrass us with this at the family party but that this is for all of us.” He pulls the final gift out from under the tree, holding it in between the other two for the first taker. George snatches it before he can even think about taking it himself. He rips the paper off, revealing a collage wall piece frame. In between the rectangles of photos it says ‘Family’ in big bold cursive letters. Photos of the three of them are compiled together, even photos he didn’t know existed including one of the three of them ice skating.

Tears finally do fall from his eyes, and for once he’s crying on Christmas from love . The frame is tacky and quite honestly ugly but he can’t pull his eyes from it. Dream’s talking about what wall they’re gonna hang it on as he stares at the photos.

He might always have his memories with his blood family, and his resentment for the holiday might stay with him for the rest of his life. But he will also always have these memories, the kindness from Dream’s family, their lovely fans coming to their streams, and his boyfriends being so accommodating for him. He had a good Christmas for the first time in years.

Some sick part of himself almost wanted his family in Texas to reach out to him. He wants to be desired by them, he wants them to have to watch from the sidelines as he gets to live his life to the fullest on his terms knowing they missed their chance to live it with him. Deep down he knows they don’t care, they probably weren’t even thinking about him at all. It’s bittersweet knowing he will probably never have to see them again but also that he will never get to rub in their face how successful and happy he is without them.

But for right now none of that matters, he’s home for Christmas with his family.