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Tony’s Starkphone trills out AC/DC’s Get it Hot. For about seven minutes solid.
Bruce eyeballs it meaningfully. “I’m not saying ringtones are a specific bugbear, but they’re not exactly in my zen top ten.”
“It’s just Pepper. I’ll get it when we pull over next for gas.”
“We only just filled up.”
Tony shrugs. “It can wait.”
Bruce starts humming the ringtone under his breath.
Tony sighs. “Just spit it out.”
“Well,” Bruce says, “Are you sure you’re not punishing her for not picking up when you called her after piggybacking that nuke?”
Tony drums the steering wheel a little. “This is a thing we’re talking about? I didn’t realize we were that close.”
“We saved the world together and then I roared you back to life. Let’s call it an insta-bond.”
“Ugh, you’re adding too many feelings into what could have been our beautiful bromance,” Tony tells Bruce. “We could have been the Simon and Garfunkel of science.”
“I’m just cruel like that,” Bruce tells him. And reaches for Tony’s phone.
“Hey!” Tony says, “Any chance you could get pissed off? I’d love to test its durability in a Hulk smash-“
Bruce laughs, the sound devoid of humor. “They told me you were hilarious,” he says, pawing at the phone, “among other things.”
“All true.”
“They were bad things.”
“Still all true.”
“How does this even work,” Bruce says, pawing again at the screen. “There’s something to be said for third world countries and their tin cans and string, y’know.”
“This is spectacular design work,” Tony says, and reaches across to the phone to demonstrate, even though he’s driving, “here, you just slide your fingers across where it says slide and then it-“
“Connects automatically,” Bruce says, humming a few tuneless notes under his breath, pleased. “How about that.”
“That was way too well played,” Tony snarks, “and you’re forbidden from any further communication with Agent Hill. I can’t believe you found time to steal behavior from her in amongst all the chaos- Hi Pepper. Not you. Mr. Super Chinos here’s being a smart ass.”
“Well,” Pepper says, as Tony hits speaker, “I’m sorry to hear your ass has competition.”
“It better not have competition,” Tony says, instantly. “My ass as far as you are concerned is competition-free.”
“I’ll make an official note to that effect,” Pepper says. “Tony, I-“
“I could do with a quick update. I’m driving. With Mr. Jekyll’s delightful descendant. Speedy quick.”
“Just to let you know that the White House has passed an amnesty law. All the Avengers are free from any criminal retribution for the day. Thought you might want to know.”
“Appreciate it, Pep.” Tony hangs up, and throws the phone into the back of the car. For a moment, there’s emotion on his face and then it blanks away.
“That’s good, right?” Bruce says. “I mean, that’s good. Last thing we want is to be thrown in jail on top of everything we did.” Tony doesn’t respond. “It’s not good?”
“Not exactly.” Tony stares down the road, gripping the steering wheel. “The nuke would have wiped out Manhattan. The Chitauri would have taken over the world. The White House should have granted us Amnesty from legal retribution in minutes. There shouldn’t have even been a pause for Amnesty. So what happens next time? When the line isn’t so clear cut? When maybe we cause a little bit more damage for a little less reason?”
Bruce swallows. There’s nothing but the sound of the road for a while. Then Bruce can’t hold his smile in.
“What’s so funny?”
“Can you imagine,” Bruce says, his smile widening, “them putting me in prison?”
Tony considers it. And smiles. “Might almost be worth breaking the law.”
“Why do I get the feeling that’s not the first time you’ve had that sort of thought?” Bruce asks.
Tony shrugs, the picture of innocence. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating,” he lies. “But- it’s probably all true.”