Work Text:
Gansey felt like he was an expert in a lot of things, like traveling and Welsh kings and strong, professional handshakes. But there were also things he definitely was not an expert in, like cars. And feelings.
It wasn’t that he knew absolutely nothing about these things, because he did. He vaguely knew things at least about his own car, even if he couldn’t fix it on his own. He had to listen to Adam and Ronan talk about that enough that it was a big factor in that. And feelings were the same. It wasn’t like he hadn’t loved before, both platonically and romantically. He had loved Blue so much it almost hurt with how bright and hot and fast their love burned for each other.
He still loved her, he loved her so much in a way that he never imagined ever loving someone. But as time went on, as things calmed down, he had to wonder if everyone really only has one “true” love, or if there were different loves in your life. Is your first love your true love? Or can you have a love that’s essentially your true love, but it not be the true love that you’re supposed to spend your life with? Maybe some people were destined to love again and again.
Maybe he was one of those people.
There was a time where he thought he wouldn’t love, not romantically anyways. He was too busy traveling and searching and always just wandering and wondering. When he met Blue and really got to know her, he realized that he was capable of love, oh was he capable of love. And he had more love to give than anyone could have imagined.
Even with knowing that, he was still surprised when he found himself getting feelings for someone else.
As he laid in bed next to Blue in her room, he felt her shift to look at him.
“I can practically hear you thinking,” she said, laying on her side. “Talk to me, Gansey.”
“I think I like guys.”
Blue hummed, her hand on his arm. “Okay. Cool. Just guys, or…?” she trailed off, questioning but not pushing or accusing of anything. That’s one thing he always liked about her, she was a lot of things but judgy she was not.
Outside of their choices with their money, of course.
“Girls too,” he assured, staring at the ceiling. “Don’t worry about that.”
“I wasn’t worried. Though it’s nice to know that our whole relationship wasn’t a lie,” she said with a laugh, making him feel a little better already. She always knew how to help him calm down when he’s getting anxious, and was there anything more anxiety inducing than having a sexuality crisis? “Why do all of my boyfriends come out as bi?”
Gansey couldn’t help but laugh at that, as he finally turned to look at her. She was so beautiful and sweet, and he was always going to be thankful for her and always care for her. Even if their relationship was all but over.
Blue’s hand moved up to cup his face once he turned to her, a fond smile on her lips. “I’m so proud of you, and I’m glad you told me,” she said softly. “You’re strong and brave. And the same Gansey, nothing’s changed just because you like guys,” she assured. She knew she didn’t have to reassure him on that, but it needed to be said. “So is there a guy you like?” she asked, her smile turning a little more devious.
Gansey’s face heated up slightly at that, shrugging at the question. This wasn’t something he wanted to discuss with her, but she had that look on her face. That knowing look that Blue had down to a science. She always knew way more than she should.
“No,” he grumbled, looking away from her.
Blue’s smile just grew at that, sitting up. “You do!” she said eagerly. “Talk to me,” she said, nudging him.
Gansey groaned, putting his face in his hands. This was another thing he was bad at, talking about these kinds of things. He could go on and on about history, sure, but ask him to talk about his romantic interests and he clams up. “I-just as long as you promise not to judge me,” he started. He peeked over and noticed her staring expectantly, and he just sighed. She was one of his best friends, he could tell her. “Henry Cheng.”
“I knew it,” she said after a moment, a small smile on her face. “I fucking knew it,” she chuckled. “Come on, out of all the guys in the world you’d like, it’d obviously be him.”
“I don’t... what does that even mean?” he asked after a moment. “I don’t even really know how much I like him, if I really do like him. I think I do though,” Gansey rambled awkwardly. “I know I like guys. Guys are great. Now that I look back, I definitely like guys. Sometimes I thought about kissing guys. A lot. That’s not exactly straight, is it? But do I like Henry?” he wondered aloud as he looked up at the ceiling.
“That’s for you to figure out,” Blue said after a moment, her voice gentle and her hand resting on his chest. “You’re a smart boy, Gansey. You figured out your feelings for me, you can figure out your feelings for Henry Cheng.”
“And what if I can’t?”
“Then we’ll deal with that when we get there.”
One thing Gansey hated though, was uncertainty.
He loved mystery, he loved the chase, but fuck did he hate uncertainty. He hated being unsure about this, about his feelings. All he knew was that he didn’t want to mess up what he had with Henry if he didn’t like him back, Henry was someone he had grown to truly care about. Someone that he bonded with over so many things. Something that taught him how to be stronger even when he was terrified just by being happy.
That was one thing he admired about Henry, his philosophy of trying to be happy through the pain. That was still something Gansey needed to work on, using happiness to get through his fears, but it wasn’t that hard when he’s around Henry.
When he found himself at Henry’s a couple days later, he couldn’t stop his mind. What was new though? Henry was watching TV, and he was watching Henry. How did he feel about Henry? What did Henry feel for him?
Did Henry feel anything at all for him?
Thinking back, he didn’t even know what sexuality Henry was. He assumed straight, but now that he thought about it he’s never heard of him going out with anyone. Girl or guy. So really he could be anything. Straight. Gay. Bi. Ace. Who knows? It probably wouldn’t be polite to ask, how would he even do that anyways? ‘Hey Henry, what genders are you attracted to?’. Gansey would rather just die.
“What’s going on in your mind, Gansey boy?” Henry asked as he looked back at him, turning his body to face him better from where he was sitting on the floor. “You’re not even paying attention, are you? I’m hurt,” he said while he grabbed his heart playfully.
Gansey smiled slightly at that, he was always so dramatic and it was strangely endearing.
“Sorry, no,” he said after a moment as he glanced back at the TV. He genuinely had no idea what was going on, he only agreed because Henry seemed excited about it. And they had barely hung out since they came back from their roadtrip. It was lame, he had missed him.
When they had gotten back, they had all decided to take a little time apart. They had just spent a year together in a car, traveling, they had had too much of each other. But it hadn’t taken long for Gansey to start missing Henry. He had thought he wouldn’t want to even think about him, about either of them. But he found himself drifting towards Henry before he knew it, his mind on him all the time.
It wasn’t like he had felt the same way about Blue, when they took a few days apart after they returned from their trip he felt like he was missing something. Everyone kept telling him that they couldn’t handle being with people for that long, especially someone like Henry or Blue, but he really enjoyed it. They were probably two of the only people on Earth that could deal with his running around and his fascinations with all the history around them.
They really did love him, and he loved them. Both of them.
And fuck, maybe he was in love with Henry.
“I can see the wheels turning in that beautiful brain of yours,” Henry said, giving him a small smile as he paused the show. “What’s going on?” he asked.
Gansey took a deep breath, his head tipped back. It was hard to look at him, his smile made his heart beat hard against his chest, made his stomach flutter.
And it made him nervous.
“Nothing. Just… thinking. Always thinking,” he said softly, trailing off. He risked another peek at Henry and he felt his face grow warm at the sight of him.
“I have something that can help with that,” he said, standing up and offering him his hand. Gansey swallowed thickly as he took it, standing up himself. Henry’s hands were so soft, it was hard to stop himself from lacing their fingers together.
He led Gansey to his own car, motioning for him to get in. Gansey got into the driver’s side and started up the Camaro, and he started down the road. “Where are we going?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you when to stop,” Henry assured him. They drove in silence for a while, the radio playing softly to try to keep his mind focused. There was no one else out on the road, and when he asked him to pull over he did easily. They parked on the side of the road on the edge of a field, and he got out when he heard Henry’s door open.
“What are we doing?” he asked, and watched as Henry climbed up on the hood of the car. He patted the space next to him and Gansey quietly climbed up next to him. They leaned back against the windshield and Gansey looked up at the sky, all at once a calm falling over him. There was something about the night sky, it made him feel so… small.
He knew all the things that were out there in the world, he knew magic and psychics were real. This universe was so big, and he was but a tiny speck in it.
“What are you thinking about now?” Henry asked, breaking the silence of the night.
“How big everything is and how small I am in it,” he said, staring at the stars. “We live in a world of infinites, and yet here we are - living in the here and now. There’s a million different choices that could’ve been made by a million different people that could’ve changed the outcome, but still here we are. Everything in our lives has led us here, sitting under the moon tonight.”
Henry let out a small hum, his head turned towards Gansey. “You’re too wise for your own good, Richard Gansey,” he said softly. “You need to turn it off sometimes. Kiss someone, smoke some weed, drink a cocktail.”
“Well since the last person I was with couldn’t kiss me without killing me, I think that first one isn’t an option,” he pointed out with a small chuckle. That was one of the things that hurt about being with Blue. He loved her and they had a perfectly fine relationship without kissing, but kissing was very nice.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that,” he said, before his eyebrows furrowed. “Wait, the last person? What happened to you and Blue?” he asked. “Did you guys break up?”
“It’s… complicated. I guess,” he said, finally turning to look at Henry. “I love her. I’ll always love her. But…”
“I get it,” Henry said after a moment. “I do. So that means you're single, huh Gansey boy?” he asked.
“I guess I am,” Gansey said with a nod. “We had a long talk about a lot of things. I told her some… new things about me. She understood. We decided to just be friends.”
“What kind of things?” he asked carefully.
“Well for one, that I like guys,” he admitted, averting his eyes. Gansey made sure to leave out the whole ‘I have a huge crush on you’ part of it. He decided that would probably be overkill.
“You do?” he asked, a small smile on his lips. “I kinda had an idea. No one that’s straight has so many queer friends. Ronan, Adam. Me,” he said easily, and Gansey’s heart picked up again. Him?
“You?” Gansey asked softly. “So… what are you? I mean, what do you like?” he asked, a little embarrassed. Henry shrugged, taking Gansey’s hand in his again. This time he laced his fingers with his, and Gansey didn’t know what to think. He didn’t want to think. He just wanted to live in this moment.
“I like what I like,” he said, looking down at their hands.
“And what do you like?” Gansey asked carefully.
“Well for one, you.”
For probably the first time in his life, Richard Gansey III was speechless.
“You like me?”
“Of course I do. How could I not like you?” he asked, a confused look on his face.
“Well you’re so… you. And I’m so me,” he pointed out. “You’re so fun and loud and carefree. And I’m just boring Gansey.”
“You’re more than that,” he said, leaning his head against Gansey’s shoulder. “You’re the first person I ever felt comfortable enough around to open up to. Everyone just knew the loud, fun me. No one knew about what happened to me as a kid, about my anxiety and my PTSD. But I felt safe with you. I always feel safe with you.”
Gansey swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, Henry really felt that way about him? “I feel safe with you too,” he admitted.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked, and Gansey nodded without a second thought. Henry leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, and yeah - Gansey definitely knew now how much he truly liked Henry. And it was a lot.
Gansey’s free hand moved to cup Henry’s jaw, and when they broke the kiss he smiled against his mouth.
“So I guess you like me too?” Henry teased. Gansey chuckled, nodding before pressing his lips to his again.
“I really like you.”