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"U-um… can… can you stay? On the phone, while I have to go to bed?" The fragility of his boyfriend's voice made Aax's heart ache. "Cause I know I have to sleep, but it's really… getting harder to do that," The olm hybrid knew the scientist well enough to understand that he felt foolish asking, but the justification was unnecessary; the would stay with him no matter the reason.
"Yeah, of course, of course," Aax assured quickly, wishing more than anything that they were there in person instead as Rae let out a relieved breath. "I'm here," He added; they pretended that they couldn't hear the choked sob on the other end of the line.
Static crackled over the communicator. "Thank you." Rae's voice was broken, a mess of mumbled words as he clearly tried to get the tears to cease.
"I'm always here for you," Aax vowed. He could make out the rustling of Rae getting into bed. It made them wonder what the room looked like; was Rae's bed large like theirs at home? Was he comfortable? Was he all alone?
The rustling stopped. "Thank you Aax," Rae repeated. A sniffle followed his words.
"I love you, Rae." Aax had no idea how many times they had repeated those words tonight. For all they knew, those three words were tattooed on their tongue, and yet it hardly seemed like the scientist had allowed them to stick in his mind.
"I love you, too," Rae echoed back, voice trembling again. "Goodnight."
Aax swallowed roughly. "Goodnight." The house had never felt so cold. The pebble couch he prided himself on felt uncomfortable. The large living room that was once warm and spacious felt vast and cold. Everything felt wrong.
"Do you want me to keep talking?" Aax asked, hopeful that Rae would say yes just so that the man might keep replying, that he might get to keep hearing the other's voice.
A sharp inhale echoed over the line. A hoarse, "...please" followed soon after, and Aax felt their heart shatter.
"What about?"
"Anything."
"I can do that," Aax agreed, taking a moment to think before they continued. "I've been practicing reading more. With Caspian resting, there's a lot of signs in the house that I have no idea what they say," they began, picking a neutral topic; it wasn’t something interesting enough that Rae would get hung up on, but just enough to draw the occasional tired chuckle out of the scientist as Aax lamented on the complicated storage system Caspian adored.
Aax had no idea how much time he spent sitting there, talking of nothing to the little communicator in his hands. The sun had already set, so the world outside remained dark as Rae's replies slowly began to thin, and before Aax knew it, the only responses they were getting from the line were soft inhales and exhales as the scientist fell into slumber. The olm paused, questioning if they should end the call, but the idea of it almost physically hurt to consider. He didn't ever want to hang up. They wanted to wait and listen, assured that Rae was okay, that he was alright and alive and would be there if he woke up from his all too frequent nightmares.
A sound on the other end of the line broke his train of thought.
"Rae?" Aax asked, unsure of what exactly he'd heard. However, he felt his heart rate spike as he recognized the ragged breaths filling his ears. What were once slow, even exhales had become deep, hollow coughs that reverberated in his lungs, coughs that sounded sickly familiar and had Aax's hair standing on end.
"Rae!!" He cried, terror running through his veins. Was this one of Rae's dreaded coughing fits? Gods, a coughing fit while he was all alone, no one there to help him sit up straight or grab him potions or-
A wet tearing sound startled Aax badly enough to drop their comm as his stomach turned. A sound he knew disturbingly well; the sound of flesh being torn. A series of harsh cracks, of bones being broken and rearranged. Tears welled up in the hybrid’s eyes, trapped in place as they listened to their partner’s body rip itself apart.
All too quickly the visceral sounds faded, replaced with a low growling and a steady thumping. It took Aax a moment to recognize that it was a heartbeat. He could hear Rae’s heart beating, or whatever Rae had become. He had no idea what the creature looked like. Having never seen it, all he had now was the low, inhuman groan and heavy sniffing. Athena had mentioned the creature was blind right? Aax tentatively picked up his comm again.
“...Rae?” their voice was shaky, half afraid of what kind of answer they would receive. There was a snarl over the line and Aax flinched back. A moment later, the comm shrieked a crackling snap.
[ Call with Rae Morningstar ended ]
Aax stared blankly at the screen. Was this what Rae had been going through every night? How could he be okay after all of that? What was this doing to him? Why wouldn’t he let them come help?
A droplet hit the screen of his comm, quickly followed by another. The olm didn’t try to stop the tears, only tucked the device away in their pocket so they could bury their face in their hands. Finally, their own sorrow overwhelmed them and the olm broke down. His shoulders trembled as they tucked their knees to their chest and their tail wrapped around themselves. Only small hiccups and gasps escaped Aax’s lips, for, despite everything, they still didn’t want the others to wake up and hear him crying.
Right now, they need a moment, just one moment to themselves. He let himself grieve, grieve for himself and for his boyfriend and how screwed their lives were. The crushing weight that they had kept down while Rae was crying over the phone was crawling through the gaps in his ribs and squeezing past his lungs, pulling his body apart.
He felt like he was drowning. Aax slumped over themself and let silent sobs rack their body. They didn't know what to do; all he wanted was to grab the damn compass and fly as fast as their wings could carry them.
But they couldn’t-they won’t . He wasn’t going to leave Caspian; they would stay at the other’s side until either he was ready to fly, or Rae was ready to come home. Until then, he would be the strong one, the support they needed.
… In a moment.
Right now, he was just alone in the empty living room of a one-too-empty house, sorely missing the man he’d built this home with.
It didn’t feel much like home without him.