Work Text:
John Everett Millais - Ophelia
No obvious signs of distress. Classic hypothermic lethargy. This is why we DRILL, DRILL, DRILL, people. A man overboard means no time for dawdling. Say it with me: safety fucking first.
Jackson Pollock - Untitled
So this one time, I stabbed a clown—
Sandro Botticelli - The Birth of Venus
Put it away, love.
Guido Reni - Saint Sebastian
Yeah, been there.
Dirk Bouts - Mater Dolorosa
Oh, you’re a bit weepy are you, love? Try being becalmed in the Sargasso for eight weeks. Then you’ll have something to cry about.
William-Adolphe Bouguereau - Dante and Virgil
I miss Edward.
Theodor Recknagel - Portrait Of A Blonde Girl With Flowers
Bonnet.
Jean-Auguste Dominique - La Grande Odalisque
Not being funny, but there's a lot of tits in this place, right?
Maria Fortuny - The Odalisque
Just an unusually high concentration of tits for a public building, is all...
Raphael - The Three Graces
See? It's November, it's raining, these girls are going to catch their deaths—
Jean Fouquet - Mary and Child Surrounded by Seraphim and Cherubim
I mean, if you're into tits, far be it from me to criticise, but there's something demonstrably odd about this pair.
François Boucher - L'Odalisque Brune
And now, for a refreshing change: some bird's bare arse.
Follower of Pierre Narcisse Guérin - Study of a Nude Man
Oh, thank fuck.
Claude-Joseph Vernet - A Shipwreck In Story Seas
NonoNOnoNOgonnabesick—
Edward Burne-Jones - The Depths of The Sea
Everyone wants to be massaged to death by mermaids until they see the brutal reality.
Pablo Picasso - Dora Maar
There’s summink wrong with this woman.
El Greco - La Veronica
Creepy tea towel.
Unknown - The Barberini Faun
Fuck.
Edvard Munch - The Scream
I’ve had days like that.
Weeks.
Months, even.
Damian Hirst - The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living
Are you taking the piss?
The museum cafe
£3.50 for a teabag and a splash of hot water? Get fucked.
Thanks to glorious_void for this adorable art of Izzy understanding culture.