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Akito wanted me to tell Dad and Mom he’s trans
Mom said it was fine but we both saw the disappointment on her face
Now Dad
He was a different story
He was pissed off
“What do you mean?”
“I said you have a son and a daughter!”
“No.. I have two daughters, nothing is changing that”
Akito was behind me
He looked like he wanted to bawl his eyes out
“Dad just listen to-“
“Ena I’ve heard enough. I never thought I could raise such disappointments for kids. Akari, come here”
“N-no!”
“What..”
“I said no!”
“Say that one more time young lady”
“I SAID NO WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? I'M NOT A YOUNG LADY EITHER!”
Akito never yelled at Dad
Even when things got tense with me and Dad, he never raised his voice to protect me
“Dad leave Akito alone!”
“Ena, go to your room”
“But-“
I felt him slap my cheek
“Go to your room!” He stared me down and I started to run up to the stars, “Akari, come here.”
“No!”
“AKARI”
I heard him scream I just ran away
‘Ena this is about Akito not you, why are you such a coward?’
I ran into my room and fell to my knees, covering my mouth to prevent myself from crying
I heard Akito sobbing bellow my room
‘Ena this is your fault. You couldn’t help your baby brother now he’s suffering down there’
“…shit…”
————————————-
“ENAN!”
Akito came running into my room bawling his eyes out
“Aki! What happened are you okay did he hurt you?”
“H-he…”
He collapsed onto the floor next to me. I immediately dashed over to him and pulled him into a hug
“Shhh… it’s okay, you’re safe with me alright?”
He was sobbing into my shirt
“Would you feel better if we cut your hair now instead of waiting?”
“Y-yeah… thank you Enan”
“You’re welcome Lil bro”
———————————
‘Ena it’s not about you, it’s about Akito. He has it worse’
Dad was yelling at me for something
Probably because of my most recent art project
I got a 95 because some of my colors were muddy and sloppy
“I let you choose to try and be something you will never be and this is how you repay me? With a terrible painting and one of your disgraceful sister-“
“He’s not my sister! He’s my brother Dad, your son!”
“She’s not my son..”
“UGH WHY CAN'T YOU RESPECT WHO HE IS DAD?”
“ENA DON'T YELL AT YOUR FATHER!”
He slapped me across the face
“Go to your room, I’ll deal with you later”
I ran upstairs into my room and slammed the door behind me
I ran to my bed and huddled myself under the covers
I heard someone knock on the door but I didn’t respond
“Enan? I heard you and Dad fighting, so I wanted to check on you”
He’s too sweet
He’s dealing with too much already, yet he’s still worried about me
“Yeah… come in”
I heard the door open and close, then he sat down on my bed
“Enan come here”
I sat up and looked at Akito, then I put my head on his lap
“Akito… am I an artist?”
“Of course you are! You’re one of the best artists I’ve ever seen Enan”
“I just… Dad he..”
He put his hand on my head and started stroking my hair
“It’s okay Enan.. I get it. Just know that I think you’re extremely talented”
“Thanks Akito”
——————————-
I’m stressed now that I have to be in high school while Akito is still in middle school
I’m having An and Toya look after him at school and make sure he’s doing okay
I’m glad I’m doing night school
It was a great option, I’m happy that my school allows it
I got a call from Toya at around 12
“Hey Toya is everything alright?”
I heard Akito sobbing on the other side of the call
“Ena, he broke down during lunch. He texted me to meet him in the bathroom and he’s been sobbing on the
floor for a while now.”
“Do you know what happened?”
“He hasn’t been able to say much. An told me that in one class he looked like he was going to break down, but that’s all I know.”
Hearing Akito over the phone, crying his eyes out hurt me so much
“”Hey shhh it’s okay I got you, I’m not going anywhere”
“P-please… don’t… leave”
“I’m not gonna leave Aki.. I promise”
Hearing him broke me
“Thank you for telling me Toya, I’m gonna hang up now so you can focus on Akito. Bye”
“Goodbye Ena”
Toya hung up
“UAGH ENA YOU’RE SO STUPID YOU CAN’T BE THERE TO PROTECT HIM! UGH”
I threw almost anything I could find
Pillows blankets stuffed animals literally anything
“SEE NOW HE'S SUFFERING AND YOU CAN'T HELP HIM AGH”
I looked at my paintings
I wanted to rip them in half
I was working on a painting when Toya called
There was paint all over the floor now
“Ena be quiet”
Dad…..
I forgot he was here today
The door was open he was staring at me
“Ena what are you doing?”
“GET OUT”
“ENA DON'T YELL AT ME”
“YOU YELL AT ME ALL THE TIME PLEASE GET OUT”
“ENA SHINONOME”
He slapped my cheek
“Don’t yell at me ever again”
I started crying
“Ena”
“Get out”
“Why is there paint all over the floor?”
“GET OUT”
I started flailing my arms around, occasionally scratching my dad’s arms
“Ena stop”
“GET OUT THEN”
“ENA”
I’m sick of his shit
I went up to him and started pushing him out
After he was in the doorway I slammed the door in his face and locked it
“FUCKING HELL ENA OPEN THE DOOR!”
———————————-
“Ena?”
“GO AWAY AKITO”
I was trying to paint something
“Ena I can’t go to sleep if you keep yelling, I wanna know what’s wrong though”
He came into my room
I was sitting on the floor surrounded by a bunch of paint and crap
The canvas in front of me was ugly as hell
“Ena it looks great now can you please stop screaming?”
“GET OUT!”
“Ena, come here let me help you”
“NO GO AWAY!”
“Ena please I-“
“AKITO STOP! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA UNDERSTAND THIS PLEASE LEAVE!”
“Ena..”
I ran over to him and tried to push him out due to anger
“Ena please tell me what wro-“
I
Scratched him?
He winced at it
“GET OUT!”
He looked at me, horrified
“Akito…. I-I’m sorry I didn’t-“
“Fine…”
He walked away, slamming the door behind him
‘Look what you did Ena, you just made his life worse. He hates you now, he’s never gonna talk to you again. This is all your fault.’
I started crying
Akito…
I hurt him?
“Akito I’m so sorry…”
We started becoming just a little more distant
We didn’t hang out anymore
He only ever came to me when he had a problem
Whether it was school or dealing with the people who would make fun of him
That was really the only time we ever talked
He came to me about his crush on Toya once, but he stopped asking for advice after I told An
He was mad I get it
———————————-
“Who is it?”
“Ena, can I come in?”
“Uhh.. sure?”
I opened his door and I saw him at his desk
I’m not sure what he was working on but it definitely wasn’t school related
“Why are you here?”
“I wanted to talk to you..”
“Okay then..”
He took his headphones off and I sat on the bed
We were silent until I finally said something
“You remember when you used to call me Enan?”
“What when I was in middle school?”
“Yeah, I thought it was sweet. Why’d you stop?”
“I guess I thought it was kind of childish.. besides you stopped calling me Aki at that same time too”
“I thought that was reserved for your boyfriend”
“Shut it”
He playfully hit my arm and looked away all embarrassed
“Was that really what you wanted to talk to me about?”
“No actually I uh… wanted to apologize for the times I scratched you. I get it I was mad but you were just trying to help, I get that I was terrible to you… I’m sorry”
His eyes widened, almost as if he thought I would never say that
“Ena it’s fine, I get it. We all get mad and I guess it runs in the family for us to lash out like that. Remember that day I came home early for no reason?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“Punched a kid in the face. I don’t want you to feel bad about hurting me when you’re mad, because I’ve done it too, maybe not to you but I’ve done it.”
“Heh… I’m not surprised you punched a kid. Transphobe?”
“Yup, I’d do it again too”
“Akito your so stupid!”
“Well I guess it runs in the family Enan”
Enan…
“Shut it you!”
“Make me!”
It’s like we were little kids again. Playfully chasing each other around
He grabbed a pillow and threw it at me
“How DARE you!”
I grabbed one and threw it at him
It turned into a full on pillow fight
We ended up running around the whole house, throwing pillows at each other
‘Thanks Lil bro…’