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My life has always been accompanied with odd ringing in my head. It was unbearable at first; that I even planned to say goodbye to this cruel world.
"Just hum this song and you'll be fine, Merci." he said that sentence as if it is the last thing that he wants me to remember for him.
How I wish I didn't take those words seriously as now. As if it is etched in my head, I unconsciously hummed the song he taught me. The corridors being filled by my continuous humming were empty and silent. Accompanied by the echoes, I relaxed my mind away from the ringing that's happening in my head. It's been three years since I always find myself catching these fleeting moments, away from the sounds that my head is making and to the surroundings that I always hated.
Minutes pass by and I finally finish my humming, even though there's really no certain end of it. It was just a melody that Arth sang on me before. Speaking of him, I should receive it right now.
"Dingg..." My phone rang. This is annoying since it has the same tone and pitch on what I am experiencing right now. Ironically, this is the only notification sound that I find myself attentive to my messages; especially messages from him.
At 7:30 sharp, his name popped out on my screen. As if my body is being controlled at this moment, my thumb still freezes before finally tapping his name. "Arth.." I mumbled. I can feel my voice was heavy as I pronounced his name. Either it's because I haven't spoken up to anyone before coming here or because of the emotions that I have when receiving his messages every morning.
Arth's typing is still the same after those three years, even though we humans can adapt someone's typing habit. But Arth didn't. His email is still beautiful and lovely as ever. Well maybe I am the only one who finds it very lovely 'till now.
As I read his email, I let out a mirth of face followed by a hollow laughter that resounded for those people who were near me.
How on earth will he know about this? I felt my eyes were getting soaked so I immediately rubbed it. It was embarrassing but I felt rather relieved by its content. I’m anxious and excited too.
"Tiiiiiiiiiii" the odd hearing is back again. And my surroundings got noisy with a lot of clattering and voices of children in every crook and cranny of this place. The supposed narrow hallway became big, or it was really big in the beginning? My field of vision was immediately filled with people having a lot of baggage and a mix of emotions plastered on their eyes and eyebrows. Some were talking with each other, others were leaning on someone with a phone to watch or gossip something, and some were looking real pissed just like me.
"I hate this" I said it my mind of course. I hold tight with my small backpack behind me. It was filled with my only essentials. I roamed my eyes once again at this place before lining up.
Is this what Arth saw before? For sure it was worse than this. Maybe he also felt much more anxious than me, not knowing if he could come back.
As my footsteps immediately increased—as if it was waiting to come back in my head, my mind finally succumbed with my nightmare's echo.
The trip was nice…. Just kidding, it was still the same. I can't even find myself excited on the way here in Cameron, knowing the reason why I need to go to this city. It is 6:40 A.M. and I still felt sleepy despite my daily routine to wake up at 5 A.M. I yawned while opening the window of the car that picked me up. Desperate for fresh air, I let the wind greet my yawning face despite it being very dangerous to do. For sure, Arth will get mad at me, but he's not here so it's my only chance.
I saw the driver looking at me from the front mirror through my peripheral vision. I slowly close the car window and behave normally. It was embarrassing.
I looked at him again on my side. His suit was standing out in the crowd when he greeted me. But I guess that it is not really the suit that made others look at him in the airport a while ago. The sunrays penetrate the car's window, making his brooch on left pocket seem to light up. I looked silently at his brooch longingly and decided to take my eyes off it before I could hear myself crying silently.
I got out of the car and was greeted by humid air, making me want to take off my mask.
As machine like noise pierced in my ears. "Merci, I know it's hard but… “ I looked again inside the car with its lowered window. As if his throat is being choked, he still continued to speak his mind to me. “He… your father… Asked me to say to you that you should travel more..." The man who picked me up, Gwaine, said to me as he pointed his index finger towards the door of the hospital.
I smiled. "I know sir Gwaine. And I was supposed to read it with him now." He let out a sigh inside his mask and smiled at me before waving his silent goodbyes. As if he understood what I meant, he drove away. I finally had a chance to look at the place in front of me. It was the hospital that I always visited before coming to the Philippines.
The ringing of my ears became more ecstatic and loud that I wanted to puke it out. As I stepped inside the hospital, the noise was once again replaced by the noises of the nurses and doctors murmuring along with the patients in the hospital. It was much more crowded than before when I came here.
Someone called me and I saw a nurse coming to greet me. She said she's been waiting for a certain someone who said that looks like someone who got lost in the woods. It earned me a chuckle. The nurse named Joy said that she was just kidding and was assigned to look for someone at 7:00 on someone with a brownish and black spotted backpack. So she came over to me.
Joy guided me into some room that was filled with the air of extravaganza but as I examined it with my eyes, the room seemed to be in storage for a while. We got in and she picked up a tightly ribboned box on the desk. The red box was covered with a little dust around it, so I looked again at the table where it leaves a tiny spot of cleanliness where the box was placed. The desk and the chair were the only ones left untouched. She lent out the box to me with her sympathizing eyes, as if saying I should take care of it. As I hold the box, my tinnitus becomes annoying again. "Guess I'm still helpless." I silently said.
As I said goodbyes to Joy and the staff from the hospital, I got out and sat on the bench that was just in front of the hospital. I got my old man's box and stared at it for a minute before saying that “You are still acting like a King in your hospital room.” The supposed silent place is once again filled with odd ringing followed by my heavy breathing as I open his box.
My phone rings with the same notification for my messages, it was from Arth at exactly 7:30 A.M. "Are you at the hospital now?"
Unsurprisingly, as if I already anticipated, another message popped up by another person. "Merci, this will be at least the last letter and message from me. Please take care."
It was just a simple message, different from the first ones that he sent but I felt an excruciating pain in my heart followed by the ringing in my ears. As if it wants me to deafen my surroundings. So I immediately calmed myself down.
But the rain started, no rather it was my tears falling faster as I stared at the opened box. Silly me wanted to pass out but I couldn't, my brain is shutting me up so I could read it, to confront it.
The opened box is filled with letters neatly placed on top of each other. Each letter was glued with our pictures together. From the day when he adopted me as his son, when he taught me with the books about infections, when he teased me about being a troublemaker at my school because of my ego, when he happily took a picture of us going on a trip, when he sent me off to the university where he also got his PhD, and there are also pictures when I finally graduated and got a job working with him.
There's no way my tears won't stop. It was his last parting gift. "Gaius…" I sobbed his name. He was the man who taught and first gave me everything. The father that I wished for was suddenly molded by this old man.
As I continued to look through it; the letters were filled with my past father who died while serving his dear country. Suddenly, some shadow blocked the light that I needed to read the letters. It was already cloudy and someone really dared to interrupt me! I angrily looked up to see who it was but it suddenly faded away as I saw the blonde man that had been messaging me for the past 2 months at exactly 7:30 A.M. every single day. I can't clearly see his face with the mask on, but I can picture his smiling face beneath his medical mask. His brooch on his left pocket suddenly reflected a light making me twitch my eyes.
"Hey…" he said with his usual voice as far as I can remember. I just nodded with the same ugly face because I cried. He silently sat beside me. "I guess this will be the last message from him?" He paused on his breath. "As well as mine too huh…" Arth said, sighing while staring at these letters in my hand.
I fixed the box again in its original state and looked at the guy beside me. "Thanks Arth, you don't know how much I owe these past months with you." I said sincerely, despite having a raspy voice.
Arth took off his mask and plastered his face with a flat smile. "No, we both loss someone important to us… This is at least what I can do while I'm far away from you." He said sincerely.
"I thought I'd be gone for good too, but I made it… We made it Merci." I once again sobbed, I definitely looked like a child who got comforted after hearing those words. Once again, Arth gave me reason to face my day– the ringing subside down as it got drowned by the sobs that I've been holding on. Soon, I felt Arth's arm around my shoulders, his heat from his body gave me comfort as we continued to mourn. He held me tightly in his warm arms as he hummed the melody that keeps me away from my nightmarish echoes in my head.
-
It's been three months since I got here in Cameron City. My mind felt refreshed after what happened in the hospital where Gaius resides after his last mission as a doctor.
I felt the breeze touched my dried lips as soon as I saw Gauis's tombstone. I heard the grass being stepped on beside me so I spoke without looking. "When I first got to the airport, I hummed your melody that you taught me." I said as I reminisced about that event. "People can go out now… They can finally, at least, enjoy being out of the country." I said finally looking at Arth. "But it also took other lives. It was a bitter truth for us who needed to go in front to prevent it…" I faked a smile but immediately raised my brows. "Again, thank you for doing what Gauis usually does to me. You're more consistent than him." I joked.
Arth chuckled. His pointy ears became peach as I said that. "It was nothing. 7:30 A.M. emails are important for you and Gauis." He smiled though I couldn't see his mouth. "I could do it again and again until you can finally move on…" He sighed. "Those three months that I'm away and when Gauis resigned are such a short time for me, unlike you." Again, I saw those sympathizing eyes. "I was afraid when I also got called here to replace his position. But emailing you every single day is what gave me a reason to continue fighting these hard times."
I felt my heart becoming numb as he said that. "Mine too… Being away with Gauis knowing that the Grim Reaper might be behind us made me feel anxious." Along with the breeze as if it is listening to our drama, enveloped our body. "Then there's you, the other person who's giving me strength got to go where he finally rests and made these ringing much louder than before…"
I hold his hands. It is still warm which signifies that he's alive with me. "Thank you for being alive today with me. For humming me those melodies to comfort me from Gauis death; and thank you for fighting alongside us, the people who're ready to sacrifice their lives for the other. I just simply want to thank you."
“Thank you too.” he replied.
Despite my raspy and rough voice while talking with Arth, I didn't cry. Maybe the water in my body got tired to go into my eyes. But I'm glad. I know we are both glad. To be together just like this is important for people like us.
As we candle Gauis tomb, the morning sunrise finally greets us. "Tinggg." My phone rang. Arth and I looked at each other with surprised eyes. I opened my phone and saw the email. An email from the person that is six feet underground under our feet now. We read it silently and felt the sunlight touching us. The noise that I've been hearing slowly died down and was replaced by the wind who accompanied us today. As the minutes went by, the sky gradually lost its clouds, as though implying that today will be a chapter for both of us.