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Anakin Skywalker was in deep, deep shit.
Now, when one finds out that Anakin “I’ve-Got-A-Bad-Feeling-About-This” Skywalker is in deep shit, they generally are not too surprised. This time, however, was a completely different type of deep shit.
Anakin wandered through the open door of Ahsoka’s quarters on the Resolute, his eyes resembling that of a tired high school student after a particularly challenging calculus test. Ahsoka, leaning back in her chair, watched him walk straight forward into the bed and collapse face down into her tooka-patterned blanket.
“Dude, what the fuck?”
A sound somewhere between a kicked animal and a slowly deflating balloon came from the bed.
Ahsoka nodded. “Oookay. What happened?”
Anakin turned his head to face her, his features smushed against the bed. “Do you think Master Windu will stab me in the face if I ask nicely?”
“I think he would stab you in the face for fun, but why, exactly, are you asking?”
Anakin groaned. “I want to leave behind this mortal plane and become one with the Force.” He still hadn’t moved from his prone position on Ahsoka’s bed.
Snorting, Ahsoka replied, “You say that, like, three times a week.” Her master made a sound of dissent, which went ignored. “Well, you’ll get plenty of chances in our next battle, so have a little patience. Mind explaining what brought on the sudden suicidal thoughts?”
“I have a crush.” He turned his face downwards and pushed it harder into the covers, as if he could push hard enough and be absorbed by the blankets.
“Aren’t you, like, married?”
At that, Anakin looks up in horror. “I haven’t been married for, like, a year! And the marriage was only six days!”
It was Ahsoka’s turn to stare in horror. “What. The. Fuck. I thought you were married to Padme??”
“I used to be! Not anymore!”
“Why the hell aren’t you then?”
“Because we’re both gay!”
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!”
Anakin looked incredulous. “YOU JUST SAID YOU THOUGHT I WAS MARRIED TO PADME!”
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE BI OR SOMETHING!”
“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”
Ahsoka’s jaw dropped. She stood there, gaping like a fish, for a good ten seconds. “Anakin. I need you to be more honest with me now than you ever have with anyone in your entire life. Who in the hell do you like?”
The knight stared at a spot on the wall behind her. After a few moments of careful deliberation (or processing; she wasn’t sure his brain was in its best shape at the moment) he opened his mouth to speak.
“I. Um. Wow. Well, uh.”
Ahsoka raised a single eyebrow.
Burying his face in Ahsoka’s pillow, Anakin let out another groan. His voice was muffled when he finally got out the words. “It’s Rex.”
He heard Ahsoka scream behind him. “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!”
Without moving his face from the pillow, he ground out, “Snips, language,” and for the second time in an hour she ignored him.
“It was so obvious it was actually causing me physical pain. Like, every time you two are in a room together, I get a migraine from the obliviousness.”
That was the final straw. Anakin let out a guttural scream into his pillow, and his entire body went limp. After about ten seconds of Ahsoka giving him peace, she leaned over and began poking him.
“Hey. Skyguy. Skyguy. Anakin. Dude. Anakiiiiiin.”
Barely looking up at her, he made a noise somewhere between a cow giving birth and a baby being electrocuted.
“Are you gonna tell him?”
As a response, Anakin attempted to flop over onto his back, but severely misjudged the amount of space left on the bed, landing ungracefully on the floor. He hoped he was concussed. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to deal with this banthashit.
Grinning, Ahsoka replied, “I guess I’ll take that as a yes.” Anakin was on the verge of tears, because why was his padawan such a kriffing pain in his ass, when, blessedly, his comm rang.
“Skywalker,” he spoke in his business voice (which really wasn’t that different from his regular voice but really, Ahsoka knew he liked to think he kept up appearances) into the comm.
A familiar voice crackled back. Anakin froze. “General, we’re coming out of hyperspace in ten minutes. We need you on the bridge.”
“Uhhh, yeah. Yep. I’ll- I’ll be right there. Thanks, Rex.”
He could hear Rex’s confusion through the comm. “Um, see you soon, sir?” Hanging up, he turned to Ahsoka, who was doubled over in silent laughter that had her face turning entirely new shades of orange. Gasping for air, she sat back up and grinned, making a shooing gesture towards the door.
“Well? Go get your man!”
Anakin was going to kill her.