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If Kaeya could love anyone, he would choose to love him. He loved Albedo, but he didn’t know what way he loved him.
Do I love him, or am I in love with him?
Kaeya didn’t get crushes. That much he knew. In a city of freedom and romance, symbols of love could be found everywhere. There were poems and festivals and art dedicated to the subject. He had learned early on that no matter how much he learned about romance, no matter how much effort he put into his charade, it wouldn’t change who he was.
He didn’t get butterflies. His nerves didn't light up, his heart didn't skip a beat. Kaeya had grown close to Albedo in the short few years the alchemist had called Mondstadt home. Between taking care of Klee and helping out with the odd requests Albedo asked of him, they had spent a good deal of time together. They’d fought alongside one another, they’d shared meals and evenings, they’d celebrated together.
Albedo was intelligent, passionate, and determined. Kaeya loved talking with him. He loved listening to him. Time would slip by in Albedo’s presence, even in the moments that they merely existed together in the same room.
Kaeya could spend the rest of his life with Albedo. He would accept that fate in a heartbeat. He wouldn’t even need to think.
He laughed to himself.
Now I’m just breaking my own heart.
There were so many feelings mixed in, a jumbled mess that he didn’t have the necessary tools to untangle. If he did, he wouldn’t have these types of crises.
He felt so much , it just wasn’t a feeling that he could place. Albedo was his friend, a very close one. Kaeya had no issues with remaining strictly friends. He didn’t need, or particularly want, any of the physicality of romance. What he wanted….
What did he want?
Kaeya wanted to remain by Albedo’s side. He wanted to continue their relationship as it was, where they would continue to learn, live, and grow. For the rest of their lives. That’s what he wanted.
Emotional attachment. That’s what it was.
The first day he had met Albedo, he couldn’t look away.
Kaeya may not experience physical attraction, but he was by no means blind. Albedo was beautiful. Like lovingly sculpted marble, a surprising amount of softness and life carved into stone. In short, he was truly a work of art.
But it was more than that. Invisible strings tugged at him, willed him to look. It was almost overwhelmingly insistent.
This person. You need to be close with this person.
Those were the thoughts that had run through his mind, despite him not knowing the first thing about the mysterious alchemist. There was also a healthy amount of wariness, considering the very obvious symbol of a ruined nation located clearly on his neck.
In the end, Kaeya had let himself be guided by that inner voice. Which landed him in a strange limbo.
It was more than enough to be Albedo’s friend. He knew this well. However, there was another part of him that wanted a guarantee. Something permanent.
Realistically, Kaeya knew that there were no guarantees in life. Even the strongest bonds, the ones forged in fire, could be broken. A Prince Rupert’s drop. Strong enough to withstand even the toughest of blows, until the thin tail snaps and it shatters.
He’s sure that he would shatter in much the same way if Albedo was somehow removed from his life.
Maybe it was his anxiety. Maybe it was his past. Maybe that was why he was terrified.
Kaeya took a deep breath.
No guarantees. He was happy with the way things were, despite the inner turmoil.
He enjoyed his time with Albedo, no matter how it was spent. Whether that be Albedo lecturing, or Kaeya sharing the hottest gossip, or their collective efforts to stop Klee from burning down the countryside. Kaeya posing in various states of dress as Albedo’s muse, playful flirting that goes nowhere and is simply for fun, or reading books silently in the same room.
Time. Kaeya just wanted to spend his time with Albedo.
If he could choose to love anyone, he would choose to love Albedo. In some ways, he felt fortunate to have that sort of choice. He loved Albedo, but he didn’t know how to categorize it. It was simply a friendly, lasting, soft yet striking type of love.
It was Kaeya’s type of love. And that was good enough for him.
“Kaeya?”
The knight looked up to see Albedo raising an eyebrow in his direction.
“Yes?”
“You’ve been staring at the same page for the last…three minutes or so,” Albedo calculated.
Kaeya smiled softly, “Just have a lot on my mind, that's all.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
He hummed, making an overly exaggerated thinking gesture.
“All I would end up talking about is you,” Kaeya said. He grinned at Albedo’s playful eye rolling.
“Should’ve known.”
Kaeya laughed.
Yeah, this was all he really needed.