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Tony wasn’t naïve, he knew that a relationship with Loki wasn’t going to be all flowers and sunshine. The mage wasn’t the kind of person you picked for happily ever after.
He was vicious, mercurial. Brilliant in bed. Chaotic, creative… quickly becoming the love of Tony’s life – but, again. He wasn’t naïve. He knew that he was a passing fancy, at best. Or rather, he was the best bet from a bad lot.
Loki didn’t have a lot of options for ongoing lovers among the Revengers. And while Tony was reasonably sure the mage wasn’t getting anyone else in his bed off-world, Tony also wasn’t looking too closely.
It… hurt, to think about that. And he’d had enough emotional damage over the years to want to avoid it at all costs.
He didn’t have his head in the sand, he was just pointedly keeping his gaze elsewhere whenever Loki wandered off from the rest of them and was gone for a few hours.
He always came back. Sometimes, he even had something for Tony to experiment on.
Those were the best moments, when Loki dropped something on his desk or in his lap, a small smirk curling his lips. It always made Tony’s heart thump and encourage him to kiss the mage.
So, yeah, he wasn’t naïve, but he was also pretty sure they were in some kind of relationship.
Loki even stayed the night most of the time. In fact, they were some of the best parts of his day. The first time Loki had stayed over, Tony had felt like he’d had nothing to lose. He’d shuffled across the bed until he'd pressed against the mage.
Loki had cracked open one eye, giving him a look that had Tony feeling like a deer in the headlights. But, in the end, he’d shut his eye, opened his arm and Tony had snuggled up against him.
When they were alone, just the two of them? It almost felt like love.
(Or maybe Loki was just as touch-starved as him and simply didn’t mind a little bit of cuddling under the sheets.)
Tony wasn’t a cynic by nature, merely by experience. So when they ended up on a planet whose punishment for "accidentally knocking into a dignitary and sending them into the mud" was to have Tony literally sitting crouched in a cage, hanging above a court-room that looked a little bit like a cathedral. The pews filled with unimpressed inhabitants, worried Revengers and more than a few sharp and pointy objects on a table. It left Tony only hyperventilating a little. (Or maybe a lot.)
Loki was giving it his silver-tongued all. Shutting up Thor with a wave of his hand whenever he might make a misstep. The mage was the best person to defend him, but not even the best wordsmith in the universe was going to budge a judge and jury that were hell bent on holding onto their centuries-old laws.
He’d accidentally embarrassed a rich and influential figure; no one was going to cut him any slack.
Tony could see it on Loki’s face, his pinched brows and downturned mouth, the way he flicked his gaze up to Tony every few seconds and then down to the weaponry that would be used on him. Weaponry that Tony knew he wouldn’t be able to survive.
“We have listened enough to your words,” the woman in charge said. “The punishment is not negotiable.”
“And what about the recipient?”
She frowned, as did Tony and everyone else in the room. Thor moved to speak to Loki, but he held up a hand again, silencing his brother.
“What about the recipient?” Loki repeated.
Her brow puckered further. “And who would take his place?”
“Me.”
Loud murmurs filled the hall as the spectators expressed their confusion and surprise. Tony just stared at his lover. Loki, by nature, wasn’t the self-sacrificing kind.
“And why would you take his place?” she asked. Loki went to answer but she held up her hand. “This is an unusual request. I will give you one chance to plead this case. Be advised, I am tired of your twisting remarks.”
Loki pressed his lips together, clearly thinking it through.
“He doesn’t deserve this,” Loki finally said.
“And you do?”
“Many would say I deserve worse,” Loki said. “But what I do not deserve is him.”
Tony’s eyes widened and he gripped the bars of his cage, leaning forward and making it tip, but Loki didn’t look at him.
“It is strange,” Loki said. “For you see, he loves me.” Loki smiled faintly. “Loves me at my worst, in fact. He is… beyond anything I should have.” Loki stepped forward. “I would see myself suffer, rather than see it befall him.” He nodded at the weapons. “Take your pound of flesh. Take it twice, but let it be my skin you brand, not his.”
Tony made a pained sound; he couldn’t help it. He saw Loki’s head tilt ever so slightly to the side, but he didn’t raise his head, didn’t let their gazes meet. The judge however, did. She looked up at him, scrutinising him thoroughly.
She tapped her fingers against her side, and, miracle of fucking miracles, she looked back at Loki and seemed to soften just a little.
“We accept this stipulation.” She held up her finger. “But you will all leave our planet within an hour of completion. And he will not be released until the due is paid.”
Loki nodded his acceptance. He also took off his jacket and shirt, handing them wordlessly to an aghast Thor. Tony was forced to watch with agonised guilt, his fingers aching from how tight he clenched the bars. Loki slowly knelt down before the table and bowed his head.
The first weapon was raised and Tony couldn’t bear to look away. It was brought down and Tony flinched, choking down on a cry as Loki cringed and blood erupted on his pale skin.
This is all because of me.
And as the rage, guilt and pain intensified inside him, all Tony wanted to do was leap from his cage, stop everything and grab his lover until he could wipe every bit of pain away.
Tony’s stomach churned with bile by the time they were finished. Loki’s back was a sea of red and he’d end up on his hands and knees, muffling his cries of pain as the punishment was given. Tony couldn’t have survived, it was fucking obvious that he wasn’t sturdy enough.
When it was finally over and his cage was lowered, he leapt out of it, rushing to where Thor and Valkyrie were carefully raising Loki to his feet. His eyes were shut, his face drawn with pain. Rhodey had Loki’s clothes and was doing his best to calm a green-tinged Bruce.
Tony’s hands hovered near his lover, just wanting to touch him. Although he knew they were on a time limit, he still stepped close and cupped the mage’s cheek. Loki opened his eyes to mere slits.
“Loki,” Tony choked out.
He didn’t quite smile before his eyes shut and his head fell as he passed out. Tony bit down on another sound. Loki was fucking sturdy, it took no small amount of injury to knock him down. But this had done it.
He did it for me.
Tony didn’t know how to feel about that, but it wasn’t the time. They all scurried out of the court, Tony wincing with every jostle to Loki’s wounds.
When they got to the ship, Bruce was the one to take control, getting him to the makeshift medical bay and instructing Valkyrie to help him dress and bandage the wounds. Tony would have helped, but he found his hands were shaking too much to let him.
Rhodey had to pull him out of the room.
“Get your bed ready for him.”
“Mine? But he-”
“He just went through all that to save you. He’s going to want your bed and you when they’ve finished.”
Tony had nodded and hurried to do as ordered. It gave him something to do, and when Thor and Valkyrie carried in the bandaged but still unconscious mage, Tony had immediately helped them settle him and went to fussing with the pillows and sheets before just giving up and laying down beside his lover, one hand carding through his hair and the other curled around his lax hand.
“Banner has given him something for the pain,” Thor said.
Tony nodded, but didn’t look away from Loki. Thor lightly squeezed his shoulder.
“Take heart, Stark. Loki will recover from this. He also would have taken it a thousand times over, rather than see you as the one laying in this bed.”
It made the words rattling in his head crawl out of his throat, “He did this for me.”
“Aye,” Thor said quietly. “To have my brother’s love, it is a potent thing.”
Tony made another sound, he also shifted closer, needing to press as much of his body as possible against the mage. Thor, in response, said nothing more and left the room, shutting the door softly behind him.
Closing his eyes, Tony pressed his face to Loki’s hair, breathing him in and trying to calm his racing heart.
He’d always thought he knew the situation, that he’d read everything perfectly. But how fucking wrong had he been?
Tony hadn’t realised he’d drifted off, not until he felt movement and heard hissing. His eyes snapped open and he sat up immediately. His body coming back online before his brain had, but the moment he realised it meant Loki was awake, he was whispering, “Loki.”
His lover stilled and opened his eyes. He still looked exhausted, still looked pained, but he wasn’t as pale and he actually managed a faint smile.
Tony cupped his cheek and bent down, needing to press his mouth to Loki’s. He didn’t really kiss back, but that was okay, the angle was shit and his back was a mess. He didn’t want anything else to hurt him.
When he pulled back, he thumbed the man's cheek. Loki’s brow puckered.
“What is wrong?” he asked, his voice rough.
Tony laughed, wretched and a little crazed. He closed his eyes and shifted to press his forehead to Loki’s hair.
“Fucking idiot,” he forced out. “You… you did that for me.”
“Of course,” Loki said, his voice a little muffled. “Did you expect me to stand back and watch someone beat you to death for a mere jostle in the street?”
“You… you did it for me.”
He felt something in the room, in the mood change. He pulled back and was able to meet Loki’s suddenly wary expression. Tony didn’t like that. He better cupped his lover’s cheek and laid down on the mattress, keeping them face to face.
“You never said anything like that before,” Tony said quietly. “You never… you never said you knew about me.”
Loki’s expression, if possible, got more complicated, but he shifted his hand just enough to brush Tony’s wrist.
“No one has loved me as you love me,” Loki said softly. “No one has dared to accept me as I am. For you, Anthony, I would suffer untold agonies.”
He smiled faintly and shut his eyes; his exhaustion clear. He still curled his fingers around Tony’s wrist, holding on tightly.
“Words can be lies,” Loki mumbled, his voice growing soft. “You… I would act a thousand times for you.”
Tony felt the warmth of the words, of the love flow over him. It did not erase his pain or his guilt, but it said a lot more than the entire relationship ever had – or maybe, it explained it in a way he’d never been noticing.
Keeping his hand on Loki’s cheek, Tony shifted even closer and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t fall asleep again, but that didn’t matter. It wasn’t the quiet, soft moments he favoured when they were laying in bed - but they were together, alive and the love of his life had admitted it back.
It wasn’t perfect, but Tony would take it. He’d take it with both hands and grip so hard neither he or Loki would ever have to let go.