Chapter Text
“Excuse me?” A voice said, pulling Remus’s attention from where he was quite busy looking out the window and feeling melancholy for himself. “Mind if I sit here?”
Remus shrugged. The flight was pretty empty as most people weren’t flying on Christmas but instead spending it with family and he guessed he didn’t need both empty seats next to him.
“Thank you,” the man said as he sat down. “The person next to me was watching one of those Hallmark Christmas movies and I think she was going to punch me if I groaned or rolled my eyes at it one more time.”
“Ah, those woefully heterosexual nightmares.”
The man nodded in agreement, “So, what has you flying on Christmas?”
Remus took a moment to decided whether or not he wanted to answer honestly. The truth was he was dying to talk to someone about it and with no cell service he was kind of trapped in his own thoughts. Worst case scenario if this man didn’t take well to him dumping all of this on him, he could wave goodbye in the airport knowing he’d never see him again. “Well, my now-ex decided to up and disappear on me out of nowhere so after deciphering her very cryptic social media posts and hearing nothing for two weeks I got concerned enough to go after her. I find her back in her hometown looking a little too cozy with her high school boyfriend. Two cancelled flights later I’m on my way home to a very upset three-year-old to have to explain why a) I am late for Christmas and b) why Tonks isn’t joining us even though it was supposed to be our first Christmas as a family.”
“Wow,” the man said, reaching up to press the button for service.
“Changing seats already?” Remus asked.
“Oh no, I wanted to get a drink, but clearly you need one a lot more than me.”
A little while later with painfully small plastic glasses of whiskey in hand, the man, Sirius as he had introduced himself, explained his own reasons for being on a plane on the holiday. “Everything had been going perfect with the two of us, but she wanted to spend the holidays in his little Christmasy village. I told her I couldn’t go. I’m a music producer and we were about to close a huge deal that would let us take over one of our competitors. It would mean more money for our future. She said she was fine with it until she ran off to the village herself. I got everything squared away in time and thought I’d go out there to surprise her. Even brought the engagement ring and everything. Found her having a bit too intimate of a snowball fight with the guy who owns the Christmas tree lot.”
“Ah,” Remus said, taking a sip of his whiskey. “The classic innocent snowball fight that turns into something flirty when they just happen to fall into a snowbank together.”
“That’s cheating, right? I mean they were basically eye fucking each other that has to be considered cheating.”
Remus shrugged.
“Three years for nothing,” Sirius grumbled.
“Tell me about it,” Remus said. “Took over a year for me to even introduce her to my son and then we slowly build up to him getting more comfortable with her being around and finally she agrees to Christmas only to up and leave the both of us.”
“Yikes, I mean that’s shitty enough to do to your parent let alone to a kid.”
Remus made a noise of agreement but was otherwise silent, staring into his drink.
The rest of the flight passed relatively quickly with the two of them trading off stories about the nonsensical situations that had somehow ended them up here and complaining about the worst Hallmark Christmas movies they’d ever seen. Before he knew it, they were coming in for a landing and Remus found he was a little less eager to wave goodbye to this stranger.
“Hey Sirius, do you have anywhere to go for the holidays?”
“My brother and his family went on vacation for the holidays. I could have went but I thought I’d be here celebrating with my new fiancée. So an empty flat, a tub of ice cream, and a pile of Christmas films paired with too much wine is all I see in my future.”
“Why don’t you come back to my place? I live with my mom and my son Teddy if you’re okay with that. It sucks spending the holidays alone let alone when you’ve just been dumped on Christmas Eve.”
“You sure? I don’t want to intervene.”
Remus waved him off. “I don’t think Teddy can get madder at me than he already is and my mom is always happy to have company around. She thinks I spend too much time by myself.” Remus blushed, hoping he could blame that slip up on pure physical and emotional exhaustion.
“Yeah, that would be lovely actually. Thanks Remus.”
“No problem at all. Merry Christmas, right?”
“Merry Christmas.”
It took them over half an hour to shovel out Remus’s car from all the snow that had fallen while he was away and then even longer for the car to warm up to a temperature that wasn’t ‘holy fuck it’s cold.’ But soon enough, they were on the road heading for the little cottage that Remus lived at with his mom.
“Wow,” Sirius said as the house came into view. It was all lit up with Christmas lights that made the freshly fallen snow sparkle.
“Sorry, should have told you we’re out of the way a bit. I promise I’m not taking you into the woods to murder you.”
“No, out of the way is good. I honestly could do with as few people as possible right now.”
“Well, then you’ve definitely come to the right place,” Remus said as he stopped the car and unloaded his bags. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to my mom.”
Remus’s mom turned to a short stout woman who Sirius could only describe as homely. She immediately wrapped her son up in a hug and started apologizing to him and complaining about Remus’s ex with what Sirius could only assume were Welsh curse words.
“Okay, Mom. Okay, no murdering anyone on Christmas,” he said as he pulled out of the hug. He stepped back to give Sirius a bit more room to step into the house and out of the cold. “This is Sirius. We met on the plane and well, he got dumped yesterday like me. Told him he could come here so he doesn’t have to spend the holidays alone if that’s alright.”
“Oh my, now I have two people to murder,” Hope exclaimed as she pulled Sirius into a crushing hug. “The nerve of some people on the holidays of all days. Come come let me get you some hot chocolate with a little something extra in it.”
“Sorry,” Remus mouthed to Sirius over his mum’s shoulder and Sirius approximated the best version of a shrug as he could with his ribcage being rearranged. “Um, Mum,” Remus said, clearing his throat. “Where’s Teds?”
“Ah,” she said, releasing Sirius. “I was told to tell you that Teddy is very angry and does not want to speak with you.”
“So the closet?”
She touched a finger to her nose and gave him a wink.
Remus started off towards the closet and then turned back remembering Sirius, only to see his mom already dragging him off into the kitchen. He hoped he would be okay. His mom could be a little overwhelming with her love sometimes.
Remus stopped outside the closet, taking a steadying breath. Teddy had gotten really into Narnia a few months ago and ever since then whenever he needed to get away he’d hide behind all their all coats in this closet, looking for another world to escape to.
Remus pulled the door open and pushed the coats out of the way. Crawling into the closet so he could sit on the floor across from his son.
“Merry Christmas Teddy.”
“I’m mad at you,” Teddy said, turning away from him to face the wall.
“I know. Grandma told me and you have every right to be mad. But can I tell you a secret, I’m pretty mad too.”
“At me?” Teddy said, quietly.
“No darling, never at you. I’m mad at Tonks. She promised to spend Christmas with us and now she isn’t. I think it’s a pretty fair thing to be upset about. Are you upset about that?”
Teddy deflated a bit. His anger softening into sadness. “She doesn’t want to be my Mommy either?”
“Oh sprout, come here,” Remus said reaching out for Teddy who quickly crawled into his lap. “She didn’t leave because of you darling. Honestly, I don’t know if she left because of me either. I think she just needed a new adventure, but she should have talked to us about that. Both of us.”
“She didn’t say goodbye,” Teddy mumbled through tears into Remus’s chest. “No one ever says goodbye.”
Remus brought a hand to his mouth to stifle his own tears as he worked to get his emotions under control. “Would it help if you could say goodbye to her?”
Teddy nodded, smearing snot on Remus’s shirt.
“Okay, I’ll call her and hopefully, we can schedule some time so you can say goodbye to her, okay?”
“I’m sorry for being sad,” Teddy said.
“Never apologize for that darling. Being sad is totally normal even if it isn’t fun to feel that way. It’s okay to ask for what you need to feel better about Tonks leaving, okay?”
“Can I – can I sleep with you tonight?” Teddy asked, looking away from him. A scar left behind by his birth mother that Remus was still trying to heal. He knew Teddy was expecting to be rejected and told off for wanting comfort.
“Of course, darling. We can wear our matching footie pyjamas if you want.”
Teddy smiled a little bit and nodded at that before his face fell again. “We missed Christmas.”
“Hmm,” Remus said, putting on a quizzical expression. “I’m pretty sure today is December 24th.”
“Silly Daddy. It’s not. Grandma showed me the calendar and all my chocolate is gone so today is Chris-mas.”
“Who says?”
Teddy opened his mouth and then his forehead wrinkled as he made his adorable concentration face.
“How about we pretend tomorrow is Christmas?”
“Is that allowed?” Teddy asked.
Remus laughed. “Yes darling, no one has to know. If anything it will be more special cause it will be a holiday just for us. Our own secret Christmas.”
“But what about Santa?”
“Well, I called Santa on the way here.”
“Santa has a phone?”
“He does and he was very sad to hear there was a little boy who had been so good who didn’t get to have an extra special holiday so he told me he could do one more special trip just for you.”
“Won’t the reindeer be tired?”
Remus felt a familiar pull at his heartstrings about how kind Teddy was. Always thinking of others before himself. “They’re going to use the training reindeer. It will be a good learning opportunity for them and then the others can rest.”
“Okay,” Teddy said, hopping up and pulling on Remus’s hand. “Come on then. We need to go to bed so he can come. He won’t come if you aren’t sleeping.”
“We can head to bed Teds, but there is one other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You know how we talk about being kind to others?”
Teddy nodded.
“Well, I met someone on the plane who was going to be alone for Christmas so I invited him here to share our holidays with us, is that okay?”
Teddy did his little nervous dance.
“Do you want to meet him first and then you can decide?”
Teddy nodded and stuck his thumb in his mouth. Yet another habit left over from she-who-must-not-be-named.
“Okay, come here,” Remus said, scooping him and carrying him out of the closet and into the kitchen where he found his mom and Sirius sitting with two steaming mugs and a box of tissues between them. She was holding Sirius’s hands and patting them reassuringly. Leave it to Hope Lupin to get someone to open up in two seconds flat. “Sorry for interrupting. We’re just saying hi and then heading to bed so Santa will come for Christmas tomorrow,” he gave them a wink and hoped that they’d catch on. “But we wanted to say goodnight and someone wanted to meet you.”
Teddy immediately buried into his side and refused to look at Sirius.
“Sirius, this is Teddy.”
Sirius eyes were red-rimmed and he’d clearly been crying but he quickly schooled his face into a smile. “Hey Teddy, Merry Christmas Eve. You excited for Santa to come?”
Teddy just buried himself deeper against Remus’s side as if he could just crawl inside him.
“You know, we have a tradition with my nephew where we let him open one present on Christmas Eve. Maybe if your Dad was okay with it, you could open mine?”
Teddy peeked his head out briefly glancing at Sirius before looking up at his Dad.
“What do you say Teds, one present before bed?”
Teddy nodded and Remus brought him over to the table and set him down on his booster seat as Sirius got up and started rummaging through his things.
“Here,” Sirius said as he produced a slightly dented box that was wrapped in red paper.
Teddy looked up at Remus nervously.
“Go ahead sprout. You can open it. Sirius got that for you.”
Remus was pretty sure that Sirius had gotten it for his nephew and made a mental note to reimburse him for it later. Either way, he hoped it went a long way into helping Teddy feel a little more comfortable having a stranger in the house.
Teddy started tentatively with the wrapping paper before getting the hang of it and starting to rip into it more. “Twain!” He yelped excitedly. “It’s a twain Dad!”
“So, it is Teddy. What do we say to Sirius?”
“T’ank you, Sirius.”
Sirius sidled up next to him as Teddy excitedly showed off the train to his grandma. “Please tell me you didn’t get him a train for Christmas,” he whispered.
“You’re lucky. The train phase started about a week ago after I got all his gifts. That was for your nephew, wasn’t it?”
Sirius nodded. “Kid is spoiled enough anyways and with the family being on vacation I’ve got plenty of time to pick up something else.”
“That was really sweet of you. I appreciate it. Teddy has a tough time with new people.”
“I get it. I’d be stressed if a stranger showed up at my house on Christmas.”
“Listen, I hope my mom didn’t – “
“Daddy, Daddy, can I set up my new twain?
Remus’s eyes flickered to the clock. It was getting well past Teddy’s bed time already but that familiar parental guilt was welling up inside of him. He already missed the whole day already. “Okay, just for twenty minutes then stories and bed, alright? We have to go to sleep so Santa can come.”
Teddy’s eyes lit up as he remembered the existence of Christmas. He glanced back at the box and then his eyes darted over to the chimney clearly torn between playing now and the promise of more gifts tomorrow.
“You can play now if you want Teds. It’s early still. Santa won’t be here til later.”
“Okay Daddy, will you come play with me?”
Remus glanced over at Sirius. He had already neglected his guest enough already. Sirius jerked his head in the direction of Remus’s Mom and then gestured for him to go. “I’m sure he misses ya,” he whispered.
“Thank you,” Remus said and he truly meant. Sirius had been nothing but kind and understanding since they had met and to be honest, Remus had started panicking when Teddy’s new train interest popped up the week before Christmas. What a perfect miracle that Sirius had happened to buy one for his nephew.
Teddy’s motor skills weren’t quite refined enough for sliding the wooden train tracks together but he sat on the floor with a resolute determination on his face, tongue peeking out of the side of his mouth in concentration. Just like his Dad. It was moments like this Remus was overcoming with the feeling that Teddy was his child. It hit him like a punch to the chest and made him believe that maybe, just maybe, whatever bond they had could rule out whatever his mother’s DNA and early parenting had left in him.
In the end, Teddy only probably put together three train tracks with Remus covertly putting the rest together behind his back to make sure they could get done before it was time for bed. Remus was grateful that he stocked up on batteries in anticipation of Christmas and they were able to put a couple triple As in and get the train going. Teddy stood next to his dad. One hand holding onto his and the other thumb in his mouth as he watched the train move around the track with rapt attention.
Remus felt a swell of love and calm fill his chest. This was only his second Christmas with Teddy and he was still overcome with the need to make up not being there for the first two. To try and get this right for him. He knew he wasn’t a perfect parent. He knew he made mistakes. Today was a staggering example of that, but sometimes amongst all the storm there were these beautiful moments of silence where Remus just got to bask in the joy that was his son.
“Ready for bed darling?”
Teddy nodded letting go of Remus’s hand to rubs hi eyes sleepily.
“Up you come,” Remus said, bending down to pick him up and he felt Teddy snuggle right into his shoulder. He walked briefly by the kitchen but saw his Mom and Sirius still in deep conversation. He figured he could leave Sirius a note in the guest room and they could catch up tomorrow. He hoped it helped Sirius to have someone else to talk about it with. He could say from experience that getting dumped on Christmas Eve was unpleasant.
He managed to keep Teddy awake long enough to get into their matching footie pyjamas as promised and brush their teeth together in the bathroom. They made a quick pitstop by his room to get his blankie and his Octopus Inky before getting him settled. He snuck out to leave a quick note for Sirius and then curled up next to Teddy who moved instinctively towards his warmth. Remus leaned down and gave him a kiss. “Merry Christmas sprout. I love you more than all my mistakes.”