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[crackle of static]
Tim: Hey, Wing.
Dick: What?
Tim: I’ll race you to the Clocktower.
Jason: [scoffs] Nightwing’s gonna whoop your ass, kid.
Dick: Hood’s right, that doesn’t seem fair.
Tim: [indignantly] What is that supposed to mean?!
Steph: Nightwing’s been doing this longer than you’ve been alive.
Tim: First of all, he has not, and second of all, even if had, that doesn’t make him better than me.
Damian: It definitely does.
Tim: Who asked the rest of you?! Nightwing, you on?
Dick: [pause, sigh] Alright, but remember that you asked me to do this.
Jason: So, bets? Anyone, bets?
Cass: Wing get there first, five bucks.
Jason: That’s it, five?! We gotta up the ante, y’all. Dickwing, have y’all started yet?
Dick: Not yet.
Tim: Nightwing has to stretch out his old ass muscles.
Batkids: Oooh…
Jason: That is tough talk for a kid who’s about to get his ass whooped. Wing, sweeten the betting pool for us.
Dick: Uh, let’s see. Red, are we grappling or only using rooftops?
Tim: Grappling.
Steph: Are you trying to lose?
Jason: You’re challenging a fucking acrobat, idiot.
Tim: I know.
Dick: Well, alright. There’s your sweetened betting pool, Hood.
Jason: Hey Black Bat, wanna up your bet?
Cass: Fifteen.
Jason: That’s more like it! Blondie?
Steph: Twenty on Nightwing.
Jason: There’s twenty. Baby Bat?
Damian: This is ridiculous.
Jason: Not my question. You putting money down or not?
Damian: In a show of protest for this stupid game, I will not.
Jason: Your loss, kid. Red, would you like to bet on yourself?
Tim: Actually, yes. I’ll put $50 down.
Jason: [chuckling] I forget you rich kids aren’t afraid to lose money. Alright you two, get at it.
Tim: Are you ready, Nightwing?
Dick: I think the question is are you ready?
Jason: Alright, fifteen to Black Bat, twenty to Spoiler, and hey, Red? You just wanna split the fifty between both of them?
Tim: I hate you.
Jason: I’m taking that as a yes.
Dick: I tried to warn you.
Steph: I didn’t think you’d get beat so fast.
Tim: It wasn’t that fast…
Steph: So, Venmo? Or do you have cash on you now? I assume you can’t fit a wallet in that tight little spandex outfit.
Tim: Bite me.
Jason: Well, good game, everyone.
Dick: I don’t get anything for winning?
Steph: How’s our undying affection?
Dick: …Fine.
Jason: Where’s Bats?
Damian: Father is talking with Commissioner Gordon.
Dick: Did something happen?
Steph: Where are you two?
Damian: Outside GCPD. I believe Father is speaking with him about an old case.
Barbara: Hey, loudmouths.
Dick: Oracle!
Jason: Rude, first of all.
Barbara: The six of you are making good use of your downtime I see.
Tim: ‘Good use’ is a stretch.
Jason: Red Robin challenged Nightwing to a grapple race. Which went about as well as could be expected.
Barbara: [winces] Yikes, Red. How bad?
Tim: [hesitates] Thirty seconds.
Barbara: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Jason: Got anything good for us?
Barbara: Spoiler, got a mugging a block away from you and Black Bat.
Steph: On my way.
Barbara: Thank you. Nightwing, would you like a robbery or a drug dealer?
Dick: Drug dealers are Hood’s domain.
Jason: [overly sweet] Oh, Nightwing, you shouldn’t have.
Barbara: Coordinates are on their way to you, Hood.
Jason: Thank you, ma’am.
Dick: Guess it’s just you and me now, huh, Babs?
Barbara: Robbery. Two blocks away. Stop-N-Go Convenience Store.
Dick: Right, right, right.
Jason: --And the guy looked me dead in my face and said, ‘It’s not heroin!’
Tim: [laughing] Oh, Jesus
Jason: To my face, Red! He looked me in my eyes!
Tim: Sometimes I wonder if we’re getting smarter or if they’re getting dumber.
Dick: My robber had a fake gun. Orange tip and everything.
Jason: And the attendant still called the cops?
Dick: Just to get the guy out of his store.
Jason: Ladies, how was your night?
Cass: Good.
Steph: Black Bat got to kick some serious ass.
Jason: Ah yes, her favorite pastime.
Steph: We had a nice time. Grabbed some food on the way back.
Dick: Is there a reason we couldn’t all congregate on the same roof?
Bruce: Because having you all spread throughout the city makes the most sense.
Jason: Have you been listening to us this whole time, old man?
Bruce: It’s hard not to when the six of you seem to be physically incapable of shutting up.
Tim: Does that mean you heard me—
Bruce: I thought I taught you better than to challenge Nightwing to anything, much less grappling through the city.
Jason: It should comfort you to know that your parenting skills are lacking in multiple areas.
Bruce: I’m aware.
Jason: As long as we’re all on the same page.
Dick: Hood.
Jason: Yeah, yeah.
Steph: You and Robin get anything good?
Bruce: Wrapping up some loose ends on some old cases with Gordon.
Damian: I did not get to do anything.
Bruce: Until you can learn to speak respectfully to his detectives, I’m not letting you give reports.
Jason: In Baby Bat’s defense, speak with his detectives for more than seven seconds and tell me you don’t want to walk straight into the ocean.
Bruce: Not helpful, Hood.
Jason: Thank you.
Barbara: And how are my favorite vigilantes?
Dick: But I’m your most favorite, right?
Barbara: No, darling, sorry. Who’s up for a little stakeout?
Bruce: Where?
Dick: Let it be known I am very hurt.
Jason: Heard, Dickhead.
Barbara: Big weapons shipment coming in at the harbor. I’m sending the coordinates to everyone now.
Dick: Hey, should we text Signal?
Bruce: Quiet.
Jason: Why would we do that?
Dick: I don’t know! Just in case we’re in over our heads or something.
Jason: And he’ll do what, exactly, besides haul his exhausted ass down here and probably get himself injured?
Bruce: Both of you, quiet, now.
Dick: I’m just saying. I think he’d like to be included.
Stephanie: I think he’d rather sleep.
Bruce: Shut. Up.
Jason: [gasps dramatically] Father, how could you say that to us? Your beloved children?
Cass: There’s movement.
[Silence.]
Bruce: Nightwing, you and Hood move to the south end of the warehouse. Spoiler, Black Bat, Red Robin: you three come in from the east entrance. Robin and I will come in from the skylight.
Stephanie: When do the rest of us get to crash through a skylight and save the day?
Bruce: When I’m dead.
Jason: I can make that happen.
Dick: Hood.
Jason: Oh, keep your panties on, Wing, I’m kidding. Mostly.
Damian: Well, that could’ve gone worse.
Jason: That’s the spirit, baby bat.
Dick: Anyone hurt?
Cass: No.
Damian: Fine.
Stephanie: I’m fine.
Tim: Just my pride.
Jason: I just assumed your pride was shattered after your big race earlier.
Tim: Fuck you.
Jason: Oooh, testy.
Bruce: Knock it off you two.
Barbara: GCPD has taken everyone into custody. Nice work, everybody.
Stephanie: Can we go home now?
Dick: I could very much use a shower.
Jason: I can confirm that. Wing smells.
Dick: So do you, ass.
Stephanie: Hood smells the worst of all of us.
Jason: Excuse you, princess, I smell fine.
Barbara: Oh god.
Cass: No.
Damian: Absolutely not.
Tim: You wear a leather jacket and a full-face helmet. Every time you take it off, I swear I can see those green smell lines like in a cartoon.
Jason: Hey, fuck all of you!
Tim: Are we good here, B? Hood needs a shower.
Bruce: You all are free to head back to the Cave. I’ll meet all of you there.
Stephanie: Woo!
Dick: Oh finally.
[Brief silence.]
Tim: Hey, Hood.
Jason: What do you want, brat?
Tim: I'll race you to the Cave