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“Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.” Steven was trying not to laugh, but failing.
“It is not funny.” Khonshu would have scowled if possible.
“No, no, of course not.” The man smoothed his expression into calm. “Um, d’you mind telling me exactly what happened here?”
“Jake was protecting the travelers of the night.”
“Right, I got that. So…why…”
Why was the other man a chicken?
Khonshu was holding the angry rooster in the crook of one arm. A rooster he had declared to be Jake. “He was…less than cordial with one of the Scarlet Witch’s ilk.”
“Oh, my God. He pissed off an actual witch?”
The rooster was small, brown, with a shock of stiff black tail feathers. It was pecking at Khonshu’s arm, trying to get free. If it knew they were talking about it, it made no sign.
“Correct. As you and Marc were innocent of causing offense, he was…quarantined.”
“Um. You can change him back, right?” Comedy aside, Steven didn’t like the Alter being separated from them.
“It will wear off.” Khonshu sighed. He tried to stroke down Jake’s neck with his free hand, but the bird let out an angry cry.
‘Does he understand us?’ Marc was watching with a similar mix of laughter and concern.
“His brain isn’t all birdy, is it?” Steven peered closer at the crowing bird.
“It would hardly be a punishment if he did not recall that he is a human.”
“Oh, I see.” Steven snapped his fingers in front of the bird. “Jake. Jake! Throwing a tantrum isn’t going to help.”
He could swear the bird scowled at him. But he stopped shrieking.
“How long will he be stuck this way?”
“No more than a day--spells thrown in the heat of anger rarely have a lasting effect.” Khonshu set the slightly-less-incensed bird on the table. Jake ruffled his feathers, trying to…what, seem more dignified?
‘Not a chance.’ Marc nudged Steven. “So, you pissed off just the wrong hag, huh buddy.”
Jake tried to shout at them, but ended up making some very strange garbled clucks. Marc reached out and stroked along his feathered back. The feathers were soft and smooth. Jake jerked away from the touch with another angry noise. Marc pulled his hand back to avoid the angry pecks.
‘We better look up what chickens eat.’ Steven made a thoughtful noise in their head. ‘I know we’ve got some veg scraps. I was going to make broth, maybe that would do.’
“What exactly did he do?”
“He took umbridge at being called a chicken.” Khonshu shook his head. “Jake is not a coward, so the insult itself made little sense. I suspect the witch was…displeased that Jake was preventing her from eating a child. Especially since he chose to utilize mortal weaponry instead of magic to subdue her.”
Marc stiffened. “He stopped a witch from eating a kid?”
“Yes.” Khonshu ran a fingertip down Jake’s side; he didn’t seem to mind the god doing it as much as the Alters. “She will not be able to make the attempt again.”
Jake picked his head up and made a few proud noises.
“Yeah, I guess you do have crowing rights.” Marc sighed. “And…when it’s over we’ll all be back together?”
“Of course.”
‘Cheers to that.’ Steven’s mood was also subdued; the whole thing was a lot less funny now.
Marc nodded. “Okay, good. We can cope with this for a day or so.”
Jake, apparently satisfied that everyone was on the same page, hopped off the table. Chickens were notoriously bad flyers, but he was able to slow down the fall to the floor with frantic wing fluttering.
“Hey, hey, easy!” Steven reached to snatch him back up, but he sprinted away. “Oh, great. Jake, if you shit on anything that’s not hardwood I’m leaving it for you to clean up!”
Khonshu watched the man chase the chicken around the flat. If he’d had eyes, he would have rolled them. “Has chasing Jake ever worked, Steven Grant?”
“Either help me catch him or find a way to change him back!”
The god blinked out of sight. “I believe Marc said you could cope.”
Steven finally snatched the Alter up. “Right. Thanks, you decrepit pigeon. No Moon Knight for a week once he’s human again, I mean it.”
How Jake managed to crow in a way that conveyed laughter was anyone’s guess.