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Her bones all ache from the battle, joints creaking as she stumbles from the kitchen. The adrenaline rush demanded for food so she stopped by for a quick snack, not like it did much to help her though. Suletta winces as she stretches, all of her muscles protesting for rest, so she lugs herself to the lounge room’s couch.
Today was so intense that it’s almost unreal. She could barely remember the details of her fight with Elan, a blur of green beams and random cuts between the comms.
You have everything. Friends, family… A past and a future… A wish list of things to do… Even hope!
Back then, he was so angry that it scared her. It was a primal fear, fear towards a genuine hatred that she never held in her heart. The loath loaded in his screams is alien to a simpleminded girl like her, too slow to wrap her head around it.
But at the same time, she wanted to reach out for him. He was a looming danger, but somehow sounded so… hurt. He reminds her of nights she was younger, when she sobbed inside Aerial. No one was there to comfort her except for the low hum of machinery and her own cries echoing inside the hull.
Her train of consciousness slowly lulls her into sleep, into a dream of barbed words and Pharact's rain of red lines. A faint voice phases in and out, yelling from afar, It's just unfair!
It takes her a while to be roused from the buzzing in her pocket, pulling her out of her would-be-nightmare. Her student ID lets out desperate pings.
PM 11:49
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Suletta Mercury
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Suletta Mercury
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Suletta Mercury
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Suletta Mercury
PM 11:50
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Suletta
He’s clearly urgent for a reply, so she rips out a response at the spot.
PM 11:50
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I'm here!
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Elan san! Is something the matter?
PM 11:50
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'm leaving school
What.
PM 11:50
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: What?!!
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Where are you going???
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: And at night?????
PM 11:50
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I can't go to our date tomorrow
She lets out a crestfallen noise, prompting for Martin to stare at her. At his concerned gaze, she turns back with a sheepish grin. “I’m fine…” she says, trying to laugh it off. He doesn’t look convinced by her forced chuckles, but he shrugs and heads upstairs.
Returning her attention back to their conversation, she reads what he sent.
PM 11:51
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Peil called for an emergency
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'll have to stay until the situation's over
PM 11:51
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Oh..........
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: When are you returning then?
PM 11:51
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'm not sure
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Sorry
PM 11:51
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: That's okay Elan san! :)
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: We can always meet up later :)
PM 11:51
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'm sorry
PM 11:52
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: No really it's fine Elan san
PM 11:52
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: For lashing out at you
She nearly drops her ID card in surprise. An apology was expected for their future meeting, but she didn’t expect him to say this right now.
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I shouldn't have lashed out for something that's not your fault
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I was being spiteful
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I can't excuse my behavior
This is one of the few times Suletta has been on the receiving end of an apology. She only heard ‘I’m sorry’s from when her mother missed her birthdays. As for the others, she could count them on one hand. Most of the time she’d be the one saying sorries, from broken tea cups to the cold glares from the Mercurian elders.
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: It's selfish of me to not apologize to you in person
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'm sorry for that as well
It's a spiral of self-deprecation, one that she’s too familiar with. If she can’t be gentle with herself, at least she wants to be gentle for others.
PM 11:52
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Nonono It's perfectly fine Elan san
PM 11:53
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I’m glad to accept your apology :)
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: If you want to apologize in person, we always have our next meeting
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: And we can talk about it
For a several seconds the chat goes silent and Suletta worries if he already left. The messages she left are read, but there’s nothing new coming up.
PM 11:53
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Thank you
She lets out a sigh of relief.
PM 11:53
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: The ship arrives at 12
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: You wished to learn more about me yes?
PM 11:53
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Yes
PM 11:54
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: But today I want you to learn about me Elan san
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: You can ask me any question you'd like :)
They don’t have much time left, so she expects maybe three or four questions, enough for a light conversation. Besides, when they meet later, they’ll have all the time in the world.
PM 11:54
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: You?
PM 11:54
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Mhm!
Excitedly, she waits for her first message. Maybe he’ll ask what her favorite food is (tomatoes). Or her favorite color (no answer for that, but she’ll choose red if she has to). Or her birthday!
PM 11:54
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: What is :) supposed to mean?
All of the answers she prepared disappears. Her head goes blank as she tries to process the text.
PM 11:54
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: You don't know what they are?
PM 11:55
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Yes
A giggle bubbles up from her throat. She saw Elan as a regal prince, refined and dutiful, that she didn't expect such inelegance from him. It excites her, to see a naive side she never would have imagined a few seconds ago.
PM 11:55
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: They're supposed to be faces!
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: ) is the mouth and : are the eyes!
PM 11:55
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Oh
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: It's a smile
PM 11:55
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Yep! :)
PM 11:55
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: (:
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: ):
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: |:
This time she lets out an unrestrained laughter. That last emoticon looks so much like him.
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: This is fascinating
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I wish I knew this before
PM 11:55
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I can show you more later :D
She erases the ‘<3’ before she hits the send button. Would that come off as too upfront? It’s still a delicate line Suletta's standing on, she doesn’t want to disrupt what little calm kindled from the wall of screen.
PM 11:55
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I would like that
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: It sounds nice
It does sound nice. Maybe next time she could show Elan all the ones she knows, sitting side by side as she asks questions about him.
PM 11:55
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Why did you come to this school?
If it weren’t for the previous banter, his question would have come off as an interrogation. She's taken back to Miorine's private garden in the chairman's office, dim lights and green leaves. Slowly, she writes out the dreams that she already recited to Miorine, and so many times to herself.
PM 11:56
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I want to make Mercury a better place to live
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Build a school there
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: If I do something for the community I’m sure more people will live there
PM 11:56
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Is that part of your wish list?
PM 11:56
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Nope!
PM 11:57
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: My wish list is for what I want to while at school
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: We already achieved two of them! :D
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Make friends and have a friend’s number
There was a third, go out on a date, but she doubts that either of them will appreciate bringing up the sour topic.
PM 11:57
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: So you consider me as a friend
PM 11:57
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Of course Elan san!
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: You were the first person to send a text to me!
Up above in their first log, there is still his congratulations. Sometimes she goes back to look at it, the first ever message she had.
PM 11:57
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I’m your first?
PM 11:57
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I don’t think I’ll ever forget how I felt when I saw it haha
PM 11:58
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: It's nice to have evidence that someone cares about me
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Your message is kind of a memento
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Something I could look back when I feel sad
It was true, that she will never forget that warmth in her chest when she first saw that 'Congratulations!'. That day before she went to bed, she stayed in Aerial’s cockpit, staring at the two numbers she had in her hands. One was Elan and the other one was Miorine.
Now she has so much more contact numbers in there, all people who care for her. It’s a kind of love that she isn’t used to, she's still unsure of how she should feel about this overwhelming amount of attention. It's such a stark contrast to the isolation back at Mercury that she's terrified of it. All unfamiliar sensations that she still can't comprehend because the affection makes her dizzy.
But she doesn’t want to pull away from that feeling. She wants to learn all about that love and how to love back as well.
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I just want to say this again
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: But you’re never alone
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Like you care about me, I care about you
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: So you don't have nothing
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: You'll always have someone who'll think about you
She feels red rushing up her face as the writes each message, but she will not allow herself to get embarrassed. Each word is filled with the love the received from others, the flowers Miorine let her take care of, the helloes Nika says each morning, Chuchu's awkward high fives, all things she were so scared of but now are part of her. She wants to share the compassion she received from them to someone who needs it.
PM 11:58
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Thank you
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Thank you so much
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy before
She's happy too. She doesn't know if it's true, but she hopes that her sincerity made it through.
It's only until that the chat goes eerily silent that her hope is slowly contorted into dread.
PM 11:59
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Elan san?
PM 11:59
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Sorry
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: The ship arrived
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I have to go now
Ten minutes have never felt this short.
PM 11:59
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Oh
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Have a safe trip Elan san!
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Don't forget about me!
PM 11:59
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: I'm truly glad I met you
PM 11:59
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: I'm glad I met you too
LP041 [Suletta Mercury]: Goodnight Elan san! <3
AM 12:00
KP002 [Elan Ceres]: Farewell Suletta Mercury (:
He hands over the ID card to Belmeria. “I didn’t disclose any private information. You can check if you want to make sure.”
The dour shadows under her eyes are deeper and her worry lines are pronounced. An apology is trapped behind her eyes, but he doesn't need consolation from her. This conversation is her last saving grace, after all. Had it been someone else, he wouldn’t be allowed to send anything out of fear of leftover evidence.
Outside the windows of the ship is the fortress of Asticassia, growing smaller and smaller as they head to the burning stake. He leans on the cold glass, his eyes on the four golden petals of the school. He wonders if Suletta has already fallen asleep there, dreaming about teaching him how to smile and frown through letters and numbers.
“Sweets dreams, Suletta,” he whispers. “I hope I can see you soon.”
He left those parts out when he sent his last message. It would be too cruel if he didn't.