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Diluc sighed as he opened the door to his former brothers apartment, stepping over the threshold. He hauled Kaeya in the door, dropping him off on his couch.
The place seemed barren, no decorations or any personal touches anywhere. Except, of course, the empty wine bottles.
The red haired man had tried to limit his brothers alcohol intake tonight, as he always does, but it didn’t work. The man seemed intent on getting drunk, going as far as to swipe glasses when the other wasn’t looking.
Kaeya fell onto his cushions, allowing his muscles to relax as a drunken smile overtook his features. “I’m so happy.”
“Good for you.” Diluc muttered, turning to leave the apartment.
“It’s my last day.” Kaeya whispered, a sound that the former would have usually missed if he wasn’t already concerned about the amount of alcohol his brother had consumed.
Diluc paused in the doorway, shoulders tense.
Kaeya let out another alcohol induced laugh as the red haired man turned to face him once again. He was too tall to fit sideways on the couch, his feet hanging off the edge as he kicked them happily.
“Your last day?” The winery owner mused, keeping the worry out of his even tone. “Care to elaborate?”
“Sure,” Kaeya grinned, his eye never leaving his former brothers. “You’re not real anyways, ‘suppose it won’t hurt to tell you my secret, fake Diluc.”
That was the last thing he expected the calvary captain to say, even while under the influence of alcohol. “You don’t think I’m real? You’re more wasted than I thought.”
Kaeya hummed, his cheerful gaze turning somber as his eyelid drooped. “I wish you were real.”
“I am.”
“You’re not.” The blue haired man said with conviction, as if he was stating an obvious fact. “Diluc wouldn’t care enough to bring me home. He’d be too disgusted to be seen with me, let alone be in my house.”
Diluc bristled, shifting his weight at the accidental accusation. “I would not.“
Noticing the strange stare he was receiving from the other, he quieted down. Instead opting to study his brother as well, an uneasy feeling growing in his chest.
“I’m planning to kill myself.” Kaeya whispered, turning to gaze up at the ceiling, letting his arm hang off the small couch.
Diluc’s blood ran cold, his jaw clenching. Crossing his arms, he let out a huff of air. “You’re jesting, surely.”
“Well, not really planning anymore, I suppose.” He mused, as if it were nothing but day to day chit chat, instead of a more serious topic. “I’ve decided. Today is the day.”
Kaeya didn’t smile, didn’t even turn to look at him. “I bet Diluc will finally be proud of me.”
“What?” The winery owner responded, horrified that his little brother could ever think that. “Why would I be proud of you for killing yourself?”
“Maybe you’re not quite up to speed, Hallucination Diluc,” Kaeya shifted his head so that he could better see the other.
“The real Diluc hates me. Wishes I was dead, so...I’ll give him his wish. I’ll disappear from his life, and everyone else’s. That way I can’t screw anything else up.”
Diluc frowned, shaking his head and swallowing hard. “He...he cares about you. He just doesn’t know how to express it. You’re hard to get along with sometimes.”
Kaeya’s eyebrows furrowed, his expression thoughtful and resigned. “I bet he wishes that I died that night, instead of Father.”
Diluc looked away, making up his mind and approaching Kaeya. Moving his legs so there was room on the couch for him to sit.
“You’re an incredibly real hallucination.” Kaeya noted dreamily, leaning against the other with sleep pulling his eyelids down.
Diluc turned to face him. “I’m not a hallucination, Kaeya, I’m real. And under no circumstances are you committing suicide.”
“If I have to, I’ll drag you back to the Winery to make sure you don’t get the job done. Adelinde and I will take shifts watching over you.”
Kaeya blinked heavily, a small smile still etched onto his face as he nodded, clapping his hands halfheartedly. “Okay, Mr. Darknight Hero. Come to save the day, hm?”
”Promise me.” Diluc demanded, ignoring the others attempt to rile him up. “Make me a promise right now that you won’t end your life.”
Kaeya sighed quietly, leaning heavily against the side of the couch. His fingers shakily played with the buttons on his jacket. “Too late. I’ve already broken it.”
Diluc eyed his brother with cleverly disguised concern, noting the way his forehead shone with sweat despite the cool temperature. “Kaeya...”
“Yes?” Kaeya hummed, traces of a smug grin plastered on his features, almost mocking the other.
”What did you do?” The red haired man whispered, hands clenched into fists in his lap. They weren’t shaking yet, but they were certain to begin soon. All of the stress and worry would easily cause those symptoms to start.
Kaeya closed his eyes, a laugh bubbling out of his chest and into the air.
“Tell me I’m wrong!” Diluc shouted, unable to hold all of his anger in. He was never good at that, but he knew that Kaeya was easily startled, hence why he still tried to reign it in.
Not this time. Not when the man in question looked a little too smug, a little too happy and Diluc was afraid that he knew exactly why. He grabbed his brothers shoulders, shaking them a little too hard.
Kaeya’s head lolled with jarring movements, his hair falling in front of his face and covering the grin that fueled the others rage.
Diluc didn’t stop, continuing to shake his brother until he realized that the latter had never responded.
He let go of Kaeya in horror, ashamed at himself for possibly hurting him more and losing himself to anger and fear.
Moving the cryo wielders bangs out of the way revealed that his uncovered eye remained open, though glassy and unseeing.
“Kaeya?” Diluc whispered, voice shaking.
Kaeya blinked, his hand unconsciously coming up to get the rest of the hair out of his eyesight. He didn’t say anything, a breath slowly escaping through his slightly parted lips.
Diluc could only watch as his brothers eye focused and unfocused, not trusting himself with this delicate moment.
“Don’t know why you’re so upset.” The blue haired man mumbled, his hand resting above his head.
A ghost of a smile formed on his lips, closing his eye slowly. “After all, I didn’t even tell you that the sleeping potion will kick in soon.”
Diluc widened his eyes, wrapping his hand around the others wrist with force. “Sleeping potion?”
Kaeya grimaced in pain, trying to shove the man off unsuccessfully. “Let go of me.”
“Is it a lethal dose, Kaeya?” He demanded, leaning closer until a curtain of red was framing the captains face.
“Well, yeah.” Kaeya said, his alcohol induced state not letting him see the problem in that statement or why the winery owner wouldn’t be happy about that. “Made sure of it.”
“Fuck.” Diluc wasted no time in throwing his brother over his shoulder, ignoring his protests as he booked it out the door. He couldn’t think, wouldn’t allow himself too. Not when Kaeya didn’t have much time left. It wasn’t certain when the potion was taken, but he couldn’t risk it.
The potion by itself likely wouldn’t harm a fly, probably made by Albedo, the chief alchemist. However, mixed with all the drinking that the captain had indulged in tonight, it would almost certainly result in death.
“Diluc, what the hell?” Kaeya mumbled as the Cathedral came into sight. He began to squirm in the others grip, kicking his feet in a vain attempt to get away. “No, don’t bring me in there.”
Diluc didn’t grace him with a response as he shoved the doors open, immediately spotting Barbara who was chatting with another nun.
Kaeya shifted to see better, spotting the two nuns and their increasing concern. He groaned miserably, accepting his fate and allowing himself to be brought to the healers.
“Diluc!” She shouted in alarm, taking in the familiar man draped over his shoulder. “Oh my god, what happened?”
“He tried to kill himself.”
~~~
Diluc sat next to the sleeping man, shifting once again in the uncomfortable chair.
It took almost a full week for the captains vitals to return back to normal. It had been a constant back and forth, his condition becoming better then suddenly crashing.
Everything was on a strictly need-to-know basis. Only Diluc, Barbara, Rosaria, and Jean knew why the calvary captain was temporarily out of commission. The rest of the people were told that he had gotten sick.
Barbara had given him a warning as well, seeing that Diluc did not leave Kaeya’s side. Since he was out all week, if...when he woke, he would be experiencing withdrawal. He might be irritated or just outright erratic. She said there was a chance that he could be dangerous to himself or others.
None of that swayed the winery owner. After all, Kaeya was his brother, it was time he took care of him like he was supposed to.
Diluc had been here all night, anxiously tapping his foot as he prayed for the first time in his life, that Barbatos would save his brother.
Luckily, he had caught it in time and the Deaconess Barbara was able to reverse the effects. Although, she said that if he had waited even half an hour more to bring him in, she wouldn’t have been able to save him.
Just knowing that fact put him on edge. It made him nauseous. His little brother had almost died. It was almost just unbearable.
Rosaria had visited again last night, climbing in through the window and startling both herself and Diluc since she thought no one was with the captain.
She didn’t stay long, apparently not happy about the red haired man’s presence, glaring at him every few seconds. They never talked when she visited. And she visited a lot. Every night at the same time.
She had planted a kiss on Kaeya’s forehead, smoothed back his hair and straightened his eye patch before climbing back out the window. This time though, she popped back in to make Diluc swear that he would notify her if anything changed.
Diluc wasn’t sure what to think of that, but frankly he was too tired to care.
A nagging thought in the back of his mind told him that it was his fault that Kaeya attempted. If he had never disowned him, injured him as bad as he did, if he had never left, then maybe his little brother would be okay.
For the first time in a while, he stopped trying to dodge his emotions and actually found himself wanting to make things right with the current calvary captain.
Speaking of the calvary captain, he was beginning to wake up. His fingers twitching, eye opening.
Diluc rushed over to him, hands hovering over the man uncertainly. “Kaeya? Are you awake? Are you okay?”
Kaeya blinked blearily, attempting to make sense of his surroundings. His skin still looked too sick, too pale for his usually chocolate tone and he somehow still gave off an aroma of alcohol. “Diluc? Why am I in the church?”
“You don’t remember?” It wasn’t too surprising that he didn’t recall the events, after all he was very drunk, but Diluc was hoping that he might. Only because he didn’t want to have to explain it all again. It was too painful.
The blue haired man shook his head, his mind clearly running through all the possible reasons he could have ended up in the cathedral.
“You...” Diluc steeled himself, out of habit already starting to shut off his emotions. “You took a lot of sleeping pills, got drunk, and confessed you were suicidal to me when I brought you home.”
Kaeya sighed, glancing down at the IV in his hand with defeat. His eye still took too long to open after blinking, a side effect from the sleeping potion he had taken. “Oh. I guess now I kind of remember that. How embarrassing.”
Diluc blinked, temporarily lost for words. “Excuse me, embarrassing?”
The calvary captain brought his hands in front of his face, twisting them to view his wrists more clearly. “I should’ve gone with the wrist option. More efficient. Though quite messy. My apologies, I’ll try harder next time, Master Diluc.”
Diluc scoffed, shoving his brothers wrists back onto the bed. “You will not be trying again. Ever. You’re going to stay with me at the Winery.”
Kaeya frowned, sitting up on his elbows and giving the other a confused look. He brought his hand up to rub his eye again, propping himself up against the wall. “That’s strange, Master Diluc, I was under the impression that you hated me.”
Diluc rolled his eyes. “You’re a danger to yourself. I can’t risk you actually figuring out how to properly end your life. Too bad you didn’t do it the first time.”
Immediately, he widened his eyes, bringing his hand up to his mouth in regret. “Kaeya, I-“
Kaeya waved him off, his face scrunched up as a hint of tears dotted his eye. “No, no, you’re right. Stupid old Kaeya, messing things up so bad he managed to screw up his own suicide!”
”No, listen, Kaeya, I’m sorry.” Diluc said, genuinely. The expression on his face enough to draw the other out of his self deprecating rant.
”Okay, I’m listening.”
Diluc sighed in relief, clasping his hands together as he worked out what to say. “In order for you to get better, Barbara recommended that I watch over you at the winery until you’re deemed safe to be left alone. So, you’ll be staying there for a while.”
“Like hell I will.” Kaeya seethed, scooting away from his former brother as if he had burned him. He threw the covers off of him, unsheathing a small knife that was hidden in his boot, so tucked away that even the nuns hadn’t noticed it. He brought it to his wrist, his hands shaking so much that the knife would not stay in one position for long. “I’m not going to let you take this away from me too!”
Diluc grabbed Kaeya’s hand before he could harm himself with the knife, knocking it out of his hands with ease. He dragged the man into his chest and held him tightly. “I will not let you destroy yourself.”
”Let me go.” The blue haired man fought his grip, twisting his wrists to try and find a weak point. His arms were pinned at an awkward angle, causing his shoulders to pinch together. He attempted to force his way out of the others grip although it seemed hopeless.
”Please stop fighting, Kaeya, I don’t want you to injure yourself.”
”Screw you!” He screamed, his voice likely startling anyone who was in the vicinity of the cathedral. “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”
”Kaeya-“ Diluc tried, finding it hard to restrain the man and reason with him at the same time.
“No! No! You’re ruining this!” Kaeya wailed, still flailing in a defeated attempt to shake the other away. “You’re taking this from me just like you’ve taken everything else!”
”Kaeya, I can’t let you kill yourself.” Diluc said, the tears trailing down his cheeks unseen by the other. He allowed them to fall, promising himself that no one would see them.
”Why?” Kaeya cried, his chest heaving with sobs as his voice took on a more desperate tone. “Why not? Why, Diluc? Why?”
Diluc didn’t answer. He couldn’t trust himself to. If he responded, he knew he would start sobbing with his brother and he really didn’t want to do that right now. Kaeya needed him to be strong.
After a particularly loud sob, Kaeya went limp in his hold, giving up on fighting back. He couldn’t help the pathetic cries that escaped him, wracking his frame and wetting his eyepatch.
Diluc sniffled, praying that the other didn’t hear. He bit his lip, deciding to try comforting his brother, even though he was never good at it. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Kaeya let his head fall, now fully supported by his brother holding him up, his back to his chest. The sobs kept coming, draining his energy and his heart.
“I’m here now.” Diluc whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry I wasn’t before.”
“I can’t do it, Diluc. I can’t do it alone.”
“You don’t have to anymore, Kaeya. I’ll catch you when you fall.”