Work Text:
In the train station where we drop everything about us, is also the same place where I meet you again. You change a lot. You became better without me. Tell me, have you move on? Did you forget about me?
"Hey"
"Oh, hey! It's nice to meet you again" You smiled at me. The way you smile before. When you are happy.
"Yeah same, anyway, how are you?"
Do I have the right to ask you this when I was the one that hurt you?
"I'm good. How about you? It’s been long since we've seen each other"
You are so nice. How could you do that?
"I'm good too, sorry about what happen. You know"
I'm guilty and I want to show you that I regret it.
"Nah, forget about it. It's all in the past now"
It hits me. I was all in your past. Can I still be a part in your present or maybe your future?
"Right"
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It started from cancelling dates, keep telling you that I'm busy, that I have something important to do but the truth is, I'm slowly falling out of love on you.
Cold replies, fake smiles, less laugh, less conversation. I know you weren't happy about it but hadn't said anything.
"Bun, are you free tonight? I just need someone to be with me"
"I'm sorry but I'm busy right now"
No, I’m not busy at all. I was just lying on my bed doing nothing but to laze myself.
"Bun, Happy anniversary!! Can we go celebrate somewhere?"
"Happy anniv. Can we reschedule that some other time. I'm working on important things right now"
"Okay"
It was supposed to be a special day for us but I ruined it. Because I don’t feel celebrating it with you.
"Can we go to that place? I really like to see those flowers. Jisung hyung says it’s beautiful"
"If you want to go then go, I don't want to go anywhere! I'm tired"
All you want is to see that place. I should have brought you there but all I did was to yell at you.
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You waited longer than expected, I’ve said many excuses. I know that you already feel something about this. But afraid that what you were thinking was true.
"Bun, do you want to break up?"
You suddenly asked that makes me look at you. Your face was serious but there's fear in your eyes. Then you smiled and shake your head.
"Please don't. I'm just kidding. I can't accept break up. Not when I love you so much"
I only let out a sigh. I thought I can be free but I guess not.
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The excitement lost, I feel bored and decided to have fun with others, I play with fire while you cried every night to sleep. I make myself happy while you we’re there slowly breaking inside, I forget about the one who's waiting for me.
I meet a girl, she's fun and exciting. She does all I ask her to do. Giving everything, I want. Playing dirty in bed all night. Completely forgetting about you.
You were curling up alone in your bed crying. Your pillow was the one to wipe your tears, your blankets was the only thing that makes you warm. In a cold dark room where your sobs and sniffs are filling. Sorry I wasn't there when you need me.
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In the train, we called it quits. You said you were tired and you felt that I’m not happy with you anymore. It’s true, your eyes were filled with tears while your lips curl up to give me a smile.
“When we meet again, please don’t forget about me. Please smile or talk to me. I’m not mad for doing this. I just want us to be free, and if being far away from each other is the aid. I’ll do it. Please be happy with your life. I’ll do the same in mine” you hug me one last time before exiting the train that day.
I just stared at you. Feeling nothing, I don’t know if I did get hurt when you left. I didn’t even cry about it.
I continue ruining my life not even affected by your lost. I thought I can live without you but I made a mistake. I just realized it when I was all alone, on my own.
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When you left, I miss you, your texts, calls, reminders even the way you cuddle close to me, burying your face on my neck every time. Clinging on me like you're so afraid to let me go. I miss how you laugh freely when you see something funny. I miss your presence beside me.
I miss you so much. I wish you back but it won't be happening. You’re happier now. I bet someone was already taking care of you, you deserve it. It’s just I'm too late for you.
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"So where are you heading now hyung?" you asked
"Oh, I'll go home and take some rest. I got a hectic schedule ahead. How about you?"
"I'll just have some business to do here and probably visit some friends on the way" you smiled. You really get better after I break you.
"I see. We’ll have a great time visiting" I said and smile too, like what you’ve asked when you are breaking up with me.
You just nod and smile. But you look at me with worried face, I don't know why, but it made me feel happy that you still care about me.
"Hyung please take care of yourself, you look like you hadn't sleep at all"
you still know me. You still know my habits of overworking. And still reminding me that line.
"I'm kinda sleep deprived these past few weeks, but I'm fine. Don't worry"
Just by that, you hug me tight patting my shoulders. I tried to stop myself to cry for how I misses your presence close to me. Can we stay this close again?
"Please take care don't overwork yourself. You don't have to do much effort. You are enough. Everything you do is good and enough"
your words and praises break my control then there it was. Those tears that I restraint from falling all those years. I didn’t cry when you left, when I felt alone, when no one cares about me. But I cried because I was guilty of doing so many bad things to you and still you are here to lift me up. You are so precious, how did I even hurt you when you are like that?
"of course not. I did get hurt you, cheated on you and forgets about your existence. This was just my punishment for hurting a precious person. I'm sorry, I know those pain hurt you so much and my sorry ain’t enough to all of those things."
You just pulled the hug, looks at me and smiled. You even wipe my tears.
"I told you it doesn't matter, it’s all in the past now. But if you want, we can do some memories again together. A good one"
I blink. It felt so good to hear but it’s so unreal. Was this a dream.
"No, it’s not. This is true" You smiled knowing me too well
I grab your face and kiss you. I miss the scent of your perfume dancing around my nose when we're close, the scent of your shampoo when I buried my face on your head, your soft lips that tastes like a strawberry because of that lip balm you're still using until now and I miss the way your arms wrap around my neck when we kiss. I miss everything about you.
You pulled away, out of breath. I was thankful that it was just us inside the train. You won't be embarrassed of the thought that we kiss on a public place. I know it very unlike you. But you smiled.
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"buuuuuuun~"
"Wae?"
I was working in the room finishing up my project to present the next day after tomorrow. Someone wraps their arms around my neck and rest their head on my shoulder.
"I want to cuddle"
I smiled. You seem to love cuddling on me.
"Give me a sec"
"nooooo~ I can't wait any longer" You whined. Its past midnight but you're still awake waiting for me to be done.
I close my laptop and take off my glasses. You unwrap yourself from me happily clapping even you are in a sleepy state.
I walk close to you and kiss you before getting you off your feet to carry you on bed. You giggled which made me smile.
We lay down next to each other. Your head was buried on my neck hugging my waist eyes closed. I hug you tight too so I can't let you go planting soft kisses on your head.
"I love you Innie"
"I love you too Seungmin hyung"
you kiss me softly before settling down on my neck once again.
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Memories with you are better than anyone else’s. I always treasure those good and bad things since I learned from those. I know that when you read this I'm probably gone now, but please be happy Innie. I don't want you to stop from loving again. I’m still here guarding you and watching you every time. Just keep that heart beating. It was mine that I give to you. You owned it anyway. No one has the right to have that but you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you woke up. I just can't lose you again so I decide to donate my heart to you. I want you to explore more things even without me by your side. Soon there be a lot of letters you're receiving. I made it when you were in coma, I wrote it with love and smiles. This would really sound so cliché and cringy to you, I can imagine your face already. But each letter will surprisingly come to you at the time I set to send it. This is not the last letter you'll be receiving from me bun. There’s more just wait for them until on the last letter I wrote although these days. There are also surprises included. I’ll end this here my love. Remember that I'll be waiting for you always. I love you. Bun.
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Jeongin wipes his tears. If it wasn't for the accident, he could still be with Seungmin. If it wasn't for the reckless driver, they maybe still get to travel the world but everything was too late. His heart become too weak that he needed to connect to life support just to live. And there's no possibility of him waking up without a donor and Seungmin donate his own without hesitation.
They were happy driving back home, singing songs that the car radio was playing. Jeongin felt perfect from that very moment. But everything goes too fast, it was a light. A very bright light and a loud sound of a horn and everything becomes dark and painful. Jeongin wakes up in the hospital and the first thing he asks was ‘where is Seungmin?’ the nurse explains everything and hands him the letter.
Seungmin wakes up a week before Jeongin, he only got wounds and bruises since the truck didn’t hit him but on Jeongin. When he heard the truth, he tried to look for a possible donor but nothing was available. He wrote the letters after he said he’s willing to donate his heart.
Jeongin just hugs the last piece Seungmin left for him crying his heart out.
After he get out of the hospital, he visited Seungmin in the cemetery bringing him flowers.
“You shouldn’t decide so easy like that. You should let me sleep forever instead of you, sometimes you are so selfish. But I can’t hate you for it. How am I supposed to live now?”
Jeongin’s tears continuously streaming down his face.
“Why does this so hard? Please come back now. I miss you so much”
Jeongin only feel a cold breeze wrapping around his body. And he wished Seungmin was there to make him feel warm.
"I'll promise to do our dreams. To make memories like we talk about... but this time it’ll be me. I love you, bun, I miss you so much. I have to go now"
Jeongin wipes his tears walks out of the cemetery to start doing what they promise for each other.