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Their transition from ‘friends’ to ‘roommates’ had been quiet, unannounced, simple. Kanade’s apartment just happened to be closer to Mafuyu’s university than her own home, so she’d packed up her things from her childhood bedroom one night and moved in. While the boxes were still strewn across the living room floor, Mafuyu had taken it upon herself to pile Kanade’s empty ramen boxes into a bag and replace them with the aquarium from her former home, and she’d vacuumed the floors and shelved a few of her own books beside Kanade’s.
They were subtle changes, but to Kanade, they freshened up a home that had been overburdened by loneliness and stress for far too long.
As for their transition from ‘roommates’ to ‘lovers’, that had been even more unannounced. One day while they were on the couch, watching the news, Kanade had bent her neck upwards to kiss Mafuyu on the lips, and Mafuyu had returned it. From then on, things had pretty much been the same - just with hand-holding in public and date nights sometimes. That was all.
-
They’d changed since high school.
They still composed from time to time, but the Nightcord server rarely lit up these days. Mizuki was keeping busy, choosing to skip a college education in favor of working alongside their sister at her fashion company, and Ena was Ena. Well - more specifically, Ena was working through her art degree through an online college. Whenever she messaged - which was sporadic in and of itself - she always provided everyone with tidbits of information. She’d started therapy. She’d moved out of the house, and was crashing on Airi’s couch for a bit while she figured things out. Slowly but surely, she was mending her relationship with her younger brother … Akito, was it?
That was okay; they’d been there for each other during their darkest respective falls, after all. If that hadn’t been enough to tell them that they’d always be bonded, even in that strange, unconventional way, nothing would be, right?
So they called whenever they were able to call, and sometimes Kanade would pop into the voice chat whenever she had a free moment and Mizuki would notice and jump in, eagerly gossiping about people they used to know and chatting up a storm. Every now and then, Mizuki would text Mafuyu, who would then tell Ena about it, who would always be confused but somewhat glad that Mafuyu was texting her.
Even then, in those rare moments when Nightcord at 25:00 found the chance to be Nightcord at 25:00 again, things felt the same.
… Not exactly the same. They were healthier, both individually and together. But their closeness, the fact that they had all sort of saved each other in a way and were eternally grateful to each other, still remained.
-
Sometimes, the differences were a nice reminder of how much they’d healed since then.
Kanade was still composing, working hard. Her fingers would tap away at that keyboard, searching for melodies that lingered behind a bit of brain fog and a lot of emotional pain. Still, it wasn’t the desperation of five years ago with which she wrote songs, tears in her eyes as she tried desperately to summon the image of the one she wished to save in her head - but rather through shut eyes and a relaxed posture. Her shoulders slumped slightly as she scribbled notes down on a blank staff, the burdens of the past years, of those she felt she’d failed so long ago, dripping off of her back like perfect droplets of water.
She’d sometimes ask Mafuyu for help with lyrics, who would gladly provide. At first, this arrangement had been a bit strange for Kanade; they’d worked together for years, but her primary desire long ago had been to save her. As such, she’d treated Mafuyu’s advice more as gospel than … well, advice. Now, however, they were true collaborators. If something didn’t click, Kanade would make a quick vocal note of it, to which Mafuyu would let out a slight snort and joke. “Why ask me, then?”
“Because it’s a love song. Who else would I ask for help with that?”
She never brought up Yuki and her lyrics anymore. She’d healed a bit more since then, her heart’s palace of ice slowly melting in the sunlight, allowing Mafuyu to emerge from within it.
As for Mafuyu, nursing school hadn’t always been kind, but it at least gave her a purpose. Her long-forgotten ambition, now coming to fruition … she certainly couldn’t say it was what she’d expected to grow into, but this certainly beat feeling empty about her education, without any passion.
Nursing school wasn’t something she’d always been expected to do, but rather something she’d found that made it easier for her to get out of bed most mornings.
If only for that, she was grateful.
-
Even then, progress wasn’t linear.
Things would go south from time to time. Mafuyu had certainly put effort in, through therapy and medication and countless, countless hours of just talking to people - but she was still fragile. A throwaway remark, a phone call with mom … these alone could set her off on occasion.
On one of these bad evenings, Kanade was stepping into the foyer after a grocery run, arms laden with bags full of fresh vegetables and fish - so unlike the cup ramen and microwave meals she’d raised herself on through her adolescence. She prepared to call out to her partner to let her know that she was home, but -
“I really don’t think that living with that Yoisaki girl is conducive to your development, Mafuyu. Are you sure that taking care of her isn’t slowing you down?”
Kanade didn’t know whether to tighten her grip on the bags or to let them fall. All she knew was that her legs were numb, and she was unsure as to whether or not they were shaking.
A short, scared breath sounded from the other room. “I -”
“Oh, I didn’t realize it was that time already. Well, I’ll let you go - I need to drive your dad to his appointment. Keep studying hard, okay? I’m sure you’ll have no trouble with med school if you keep doing what you’re doing.”
A dial tone sounded, and Kanade heard the phone clatter to the ground.
The groceries fell to the floor with a thump, and she barely heard her footsteps ringing against the ground before she saw Mafuyu in the living room, purple updo trembling with her as she stood, blank eyes barely processing the wall in front of her.
Then she crumpled, and Kanade was there to catch Mafuyu in her arms
as she cried and cried and cried and cried
and cried and cried and cried
and cried
until her eyes ran dry and snot was flowing freely from both nostrils
staining Kanade’s new jacket
her breath heaving, hitching, causing her throat to stutter
her hair everywhere, falling in curls all around her face
eyes desperately trying to wipe her tears before they fell
and eventually calmed down, breathing slowing, sniffs coming far less frequently.
“I don’t understand.”
Mafuyu’s small, choked voice emerged, finally drowning out the empty silence of the living room.
“I know, I know.”
“You don’t know -”
“But I know how hard you’ve been trying. And how much better -”
“I haven’t gotten any better, Kanade.”
“You have.”
“I thought I had it - I just talked to my therapist - I thought she couldn’t get to me anymore.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“But it is.”
“She just knows how to get under your skin. It’s not your fault that you want her approval. It’s what everyone with a parent strives for -”
“Kanade … how much did you hear?”
“Just the last bit.”
“So you heard …”
“Yes.”
“I …” Mafuyu’s voice trailed off, a sniffle sounding as she shook her head. “I just -”
“I didn’t think your mother would ever like me. That’s alright.”
“But there are so many people you could love who won’t cause you this much pain.”
“I don’t care.”
“Kanade -”
“I’d never care.”
“Are you going to think the same in five years? Ten? When all you’re seen as is -”
“I don’t care how people see me. Being with you is enough to make me happy.”
“But what if I’m never happy?” Mafuyu’s voice was louder this time, combative. “What if I’m just miserable, wretched- for forever? I did all this therapy - I’ve done everything I know I should do, I take my medication, I exercise frequently, I have more friends I can be honest with - and I’m still overreacting over something that seems like more of a problem for high school me.”
Kanade’s arms tightened around her.
“Then I’ll wait,” she murmured, closing her own eyes.
“I can’t expect you to.” A choked sob escaped Mafuyu’s mouth. “I constantly waited on you to save me through high school. I can’t do that anymore - it gave us both a purpose then, but it’s bad for you, and bad for me.”
“I know.” It was all Kanade could do to keep her voice steady. “You’re not the only one who’s been to therapy since back then, you know.”
“... Right.”
“I can’t save you anymore. But I can be there to support you. Just like you’ve been for me. That’s part of the reason why we moved in together, yes?”
Mafuyu laughed, but through the tears, it sounded a bit congested and watery.
“You’re right.”
A sniff indicated that she had pretty much cried herself out. Pulling away from the hug a little, she was able to smile at Kanade once more - perhaps the brightest smile she’d ever given her. It was a little bit tired, and her eyes were red and puffy, but her hope shone right through, piercing through the despair that had just been consuming her.
“Thank you, Kanade. You’ve given me so much hope …”
“And you gave me a purpose when I needed it most.”
-
They took a long bath together, as they usually did whenever things for one of them got bad.
That night, with her face clean and her hair slightly damp, Mafuyu dry-swallowed a couple of the pills that sat on their nightstand before curling in towards Kanade, smiling as she felt one of her arms curve over her.
They were going to be okay. If not okay, they’d at least be here for each other through it all.
-
Just as they comforted each other through tough times, they celebrated together when the occasion called for it.
Mafuyu’s last year of nursing school had taught her that working as one of the nurses she’d seen in hospitals … wasn’t exactly for her, per se. The hours were too inflexible and while she didn’t like to think of herself as money-focused, with Kanade’s meager salary, she’d needed to look into something else.
So she’d searched. And searched and searched and searched, until the clinic at her university had called, asking if she’d like to work with them after graduation.
She’d said yes, and beaming for the first time in over a decade, she’d hung up the phone and kissed Kanade square on the lips.
Her graduation was a rather jovial affair. Her parents had come - with lots of things to say as always, but despite a question regarding why she wasn’t choosing to pursue medical school, Mafuyu was fairly pleased that her parents were proud of her. They took the customary photos and shared a dinner, and then she’d arrived back at the apartment only to find that Kanade had bought her a bouquet of flowers.
Carnations , Mafuyu thought to herself, holding the blossoms close to her chest.
They put the bouquet in a vase and set it upon the kitchen table, and it was still there when Emu came for dinner, a little calmer than she was in high school but still as optimistic and hopeful as ever.
“Your home really is beautiful!” Her eyes darted around the dining room, her expression still radiating nothing short of the purest joy - as always.
Mafuyu could only put a hand to her cheek, fondness written all over her. “It’s just a humble kitchen that Kanade and I made our own.”
“No, really! And the flowers , they’re gorgeous!! Wonderful and pretty~ did you know that different colors of carnations symbolize different things? Pink symbolizes gratitude, dark red means admiration -”
“Oh - sorry, Otori-san, do you mind if I take this?”
It was surprising for Kanade to be the one to speak up. This must have been important. Mafuyu and Emu nodded in unison, instinctively falling silent as she picked up her phone. “Hello?”
A light pause. “Yes, I’m Kanade.”
Another much longer pause.
“What?”
Kanade turned to Mafuyu, her eyes filling with tears.
“Yes - yes - two weeks from now? Okay. I’ll see you then.”
She hung up.
“What is it?” Mafuyu’s eyes were wide. “Is something wrong?”
“No. It’s just … my dad is finally ready to come home.”
Emu let out a little squeal and kicked her legs about, despite her lack of knowledge of Kanade’s father’s situation. Mafuyu, a hand to her heart, pulled Kanade into a tight hug with her free arm.
“I suppose we need a bigger apartment.”
“Yes. Yes, we do, don’t we?”
“Wait - are you sure you’re willing to leave this place behind?”
Kanade let out the softest of chuckles. “It’s just a house. I’ve learned since then that you make it a home.”
-
Their transition from apartment to house went largely unspoken. It wasn’t either of their faults, really, nor was it done out of malicious intent towards anyone; they’d just forgotten to tell anyone. It was only after Mochizuki sent Kanade a rather frantic text, asking why their apartment had been completely deserted, that they realized they ought to speak with those they cared for about their move.
Kanade’s father moved in with them as soon as he was able. Mafuyu’s first impression of him was that he seemed like a rather tired fellow - though perhaps that was to be expected, given that he’d just been hospitalized for years upon years. Even then, he greeted her kindly, even going so far as to thank her for supporting his daughter when he couldn’t.
She hadn’t been able to accept that. Still, their relationship had grown and developed … and now, they were finally at a point where they truly supported each other as equals .
Not all of her angst had resolved itself since high school. Not even love could cure a mental illness. Not Kanade’s, not Mafuyu’s.
Even then … having someone to weather the waves with could make all the difference.