Chapter Text
Spencer Reid loves his job. At least, he thinks he does. He knows he likes being in the B.A.U. and working with this team. He likes being able to use his knowledge to help people and keep serial killers off the street. There are, however, things about his job that he doesn’t like but he knows that, eventually, these things will happen and there is no sense in attempting to prevent them. He knows that he won’t have time for anything or anyone else, and they would be jeopardized if he had them. For now, he pushes it back into his mind, preferring to focus on finishing up a previous case file. Morgan had come around to bother him earlier, which Reid didn’t mind. He found he thought of Derek as an older brother figure, and the rest of the team was the closest thing to a functioning family he’s ever had.
Speak of the devil, Morgan made his way over to his desk once more. “So, Pretty Boy got any plans for this weekend? A special someone you’ve got hiding from us? Maybe a date? Maybe a very relaxing night?” Spencer shook his head no telling him about his plans to visit his mother tomorrow afternoon. “Come on, Spencer. You can’t be single forever. And if I have anything to say about it, you won’t be. What’s your type? Maybe I can get you set up with someone.”
The truth was, Spencer did in fact, want someone in his life like that but he didn’t know where to start. He didn’t know anyone outside of work and god forbid his only options be his coworkers. Don’t get him wrong, he loved them but he couldn’t feel like that about them.
Then, some sort of feeling washed over him. It made him feel sort of hollow, empty. It wasn’t until after his conversation with Morgan had ended that he realized what that feeling was exactly. “You’re so lonely all the time, Reid. I’m just trying to help you put yourself out there.” Alone. That’s what he felt. Spencer Reid was alone.
As he walked home that night, that feeling washed over him again. He had no one to go home to, and no one to come home to him. His head hung low, watching his shoes as he made his way up the stairs. As he unlocked the door to his apartment, he felt the stinging feeling in his eyes and he sighed, stepping in and shutting the door behind him. He hung his keys and his bookbag on the hook by the door, kicking off his shoes and leaving them against the wall.
That night, he indulged in the same routine of picking three random books off of the shelf and sitting on the sofa to read them before he started dinner. It was always something simple, seeing as he had no reason to cook something that wasn’t. Away from work, his life was simple. He followed this routine to the dot, never straying because it was easy.
It was easy to follow this day-by-day-somewhat-schedule instead of doing something different, something new. He knew he was avoiding it, but he didn’t care. He was alone because it was easy. He knew Morgan would try to change that, try to find him someone that would change his life for the better but he didn’t want him to. His life away from work is his life and his life only, no matter how much he desired someone else to live this life with him.