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The quiet sound of Led Zeppelin music drifted through the air, emanating from a small radio in the corner with a bent antennae. Dim light filled the room from a single lightbulb on the ceiling and the haziness of the smoke made the room look like it was cast in an unnatural glow. Every few minutes, the lightbulb would flicker, but it still shone through the darkness, even if it wasn't all that bright anymore.
It was a cramped space, definitely not the coziest place on earth, but it still belonged to them. It felt safe. They'd been in this position many times before when they were kids, playing DND after school and smoking weed. Now, even though the three of them had a harder time lounging in the small attic (Kian's head hit the ceiling whenever he tried to stand up), it felt wrong to exist in any other room of the mostly-empty house.
A quiet clicking sound was barely distinguishable underneath the sound of guitar, a sound that abruptly quieted whenever Rolan noticed he was making it. Ever since he's discovered what he was, the sound had become a subconscious tick, something that came out whenever he felt too relaxed or too anxious.
It was funny how, even though the sound scared them at first, it had quickly become a comfort to Rand and Kian. It was almost like a cat purring, though it was more similar to echolocation, at least according to Rolan. Without the rest of the hive to respond to the sound, the vibrations were merely an extension of sight, the clicking noises mapping out an area in a way that his human eyes couldn't.
"It's almost- grounding." Rolan had explained nervously, when Rand had asked him about it once.
Kian, knowing intimately what it was like to be one of those things, hadn't had to ask. Instead, he would simply stop moving whenever the noise came from Rolan's throat, wanting to be considerate enough to let him get a detailed view of his surroundings, of the senses he couldn't fully see with his eyes.
Rolan seemed to be appreciative of that fact, relaxing at the confirmation that he and his friends were safe, that the danger was far behind them. Knowing that Rolan could see what they couldn't, Kian and Rand usually relaxed too.
Unfortunately, despite Kian's experience inside of the hive, Rand's knowledge of DnD, and Rolan's newfound bughood, none of them knew a ton about the biology of the creatures they wiped out a few months ago, about what Rolan now knew he was. Without being connected to the hive anymore, it was doubtful if Rolan Deep would ever get a full explanation as to where he came from, what he had been made for.
The clicking sound started again, and abruptly quieted, the expression on Rolan's face one of annoyance. The lawyer sighed, and laid down next to Rand, looking defeated. Rand pulled out a smoke and Rolan took it from his hand, lighting it without a second thought and taking a deep breath.
"You didn't do it for a good five minutes that time! I feel like that might be a record, dude." Kian spoke up, strumming a few chords on his new electric guitar to punctuate the end of his sentence.
Unfortunately, the attempt at comfort didn't do much. Rolan still looked frustrated with himself, like he'd lost some invisible battle to a creature they couldn't see.
The three of them sat in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of Led Zeppelin and contemplating their situation.
Then, Rand spoke, causing Rolan to look up in confusion.
"I mean, as freaky as it is, I still think it's kinda sick."
"You-what?" Rolan asked, sitting up, completely baffled by that comment. "You think the eldritch bug creatures that almost took over the town were kinda sick???"
"Just, the clicking thing's cool! You're like a fuckin bat or something. You won't need flashlights when you go outside anymore. Could be helpful for- for camping maybe" Rand explained awkwardly, taking another hit from the blunt.
It was hard to spot it in the dim light of the attic, but Rolan and Kian could see a faint blush on Rand's cheeks, an air of nervousness that was abnormal on their stoner friend. The two of them looked at each other as memories came rushing back from their time in high school together.
Rand showing Rolan and Kian the low budget alien horror movies he got from the video rental store, the large collection of alien and supernatural novels with suspicious covers that Rand never let them near, some of the monsters that he'd put in their dnd campaign.
Rolan put his head in his hands, already hating this new information. "Oh my god, Rand, please tell me you don't think the bugs were hot."
"I didn't- I didn't say that!" Rand protested, sitting up with a start, his face bright red. "I'm just- I just think it's kind of cool, man! Don't get fuckin' weird on me..."
"You're the one that wants me to go bug mode!!" Rolan argued, glaring at him, and with the expression on Rand's face after those words, all doubt was out the window.
Kian looked between the two of them, mouth agape at the revelation. "Dude… That's gnarly. Should I have stayed a bug?"
"No! No, you shouldn't have, Kian. You tried to kill us back then and we're very glad we don't have to deal with that anymore. Besides, I don't- I'm not-" Rand stammered for a while, then narrowed his eyes. "Okay, so what? Maybe I do! It's- it could be research! What if those things come back? We could- could figure out how they work!"
Rolan groaned loudly, putting his face in his hands and wondering how the hell he was in this situation now. Only a few months back, he was in court getting people out of traffic tickets and now he was back in the small town where he grew up, living as the love interest in a shitty alien romance novel.
"Yo, that's true, dude." Kian spoke up. "I mean, I don't remember a ton from being in bug mode… Well, I do, but it's hard to wrap my brain around, y'know? You've been a bug for a while though and you've probably done some serious repressing" He looked over to Rolan, putting a hand on his shoulder sincerely. "We could talk about it, man. Do some bug therapy."
"I don't need normal therapy, let alone bug therapy!" Rolan protested, slipping out of the rockstar's grasp.
Kian put his hands up, as if to calm him down, and Rolan realized he had quickly backed himself into the corner of the attic, a quiet clicking bubbling up in his throat and his eyes pitch black. He swallowed and concentrated on making his appearance more human again, feeling the second set of eyelids he now knew that he had slide into place, his eyes returning to their human shade. "Ok… so maybe I have some bug-related problems, but I can deal with them myself." He said, as if trying to convince himself. "I don't need to see a- a fucking shrink."
"It could be healing." Kian pointed out lazily from his spot sitting on the floor.
Rolan ignored him, continuing his paranoid rant as he got up from the floor, pacing around the small attic. "Besides, what therapist would believe half of the things I've been through? I'd just get sent to an insane asylum. Or- or experimented on! Or put in prison! I mean, technically I committed a murder, Kian!"
"You don't need to see a therapist, man." Rand interrupted him, sounding exhausted. Then, he stopped for a moment, reconsidering that statement. "I mean, you probably should, but…I think what Kian is trying to say is that you should be honest with us. You're kind of just ignoring everything right now and I don't think it's very healthy."
Rolan turned to argue with him, but, upon seeing the sincerity in his friends' eyes, he froze. He couldn't deny that deep inside of him, on a primal level, a part of him was a bit curious about what Rand and Kian were saying. It was the same human curiosity that led to him undoing the cast his arm was in, wondering if it was really broken. The part of him that still subconsciously clicked, trying to spread out his sight, to make sure he was safe.
Rolan quickly stamped that curiosity down though. Every other time he'd listened to his newfound instincts, it led to black eyes and clicking and all kinds of horrific shit. It took him weeks to figure out how to make his arm and eyes look human again and the fact that he now knew innately how to regrow the cells of his skin? How to recreate his own bones atom by atom? That was terrifying in itself. He was worried about what would happen if he gave further in, if he went too far.
"What if I hurt you?" He asked, the words coming out of his mouth before he could even think about them.
Rand's face softened. "Hey you- you don't need to do anything you don't want to, dude. But we're not- we're not scared of you or anything. This isn't just because of…'' Rand hesitated, obviously embarrassed about his interest being discovered. "...you know… Honestly, it just feels like since the whole bug thing, you've been trying to act like everything's fine. Hiding parts of yourself. Afraid to scare us or-or to act too much like one of them. But you're still you. Doesn't matter if you're not human, man. You're still Rolan."
The words were unexpected, but it was something that Rolan needed to hear He felt his eyes well up with tears. Against his will, a quiet clicking sound came from his throat again. This time though, he didn't try to silence it. "I uh-" He swallowed, closing his eyes. "Thank you. I think I really needed that, man."
"Yeah, no problem." Rand replied, casually lighting up a blunt. "Besides, if things go wrong, we'll just spray you with some raid or something til you chill out"
"Like spraying a cat with water!" Kian chimed in with a grin.
Rolan stared at the two of them blankly, the emotional moment gone in an instant. "Wow. Thanks. You guys are such great friends "
Kian either didn't seem to pick up on the sarcasm or didn't care. "Hell yeah we are!!" He said, taking the blunt from Rand's hand and holding it out to Rolan, waiting for him to take a hit.
The lawyer sighed deeply, but reached out and took the blunt anyways, breathing it in and hoping it would settle his nerves for what was about to come.
"I don't- I don't really know how to uh," Rolan swallowed, feeling suddenly embarrassed about the topic. "...be a bug really. I don't think I'm able to lose myself to the hive now that it's gone though so I can uh, try to do the, the arm thing. And the eyes? Please stop me if you get scared or anything though or if I- I do anything weird. I really don't know what I'm doing."
Rand lit up, giving a thumbs up and leaning back once again to get comfortable. Kian strummed a few chords on his guitar, looking at him eagerly as the two of them waited to see what would happen.
Rolan took that as an opportunity to close his eyes and delve deep into his mind, into his brand new senses, the connection to the hive that used to exist.
It was a bit easier to switch his mindset now that he knew his limits, to think of his human body, not as a static object, but as a malleable form that could be changed at will. His skin no longer felt real.
His eyes opened again and the room was tinged with a sheet of black. Instinctively, he knew that his eyes had changed color again and the sight they were giving him didn't feel like it was enough anymore. He made a few clicking sounds, feeling his senses bleed out into the room around him.
He could pick up the heat signatures of his two friends, something that was familiar at this point. Something inside of him, like always, started repeating a mantra when it noticed their presence. Heat. Warm. Flesh. Hive. Build. Meat.
He was able to dismiss it though, especially without a chorus of hundreds of voices to accompany it. Still, the intrusive thoughts unsettled him and he breathed in deeply, trying to ground himself in the moment. He reminded himself for the millionth time that Kian and Rand weren't building materials, weren't a food source, weren't a resource for the hive. They were his hive now.
With that, he delved deeper into his mind, the instincts he'd pushed down for so long, trying not to think too much about the snapping of bones, the transition from skin into keratin, the new limbs breaking their way out of his flesh. It all felt disturbingly natural to him, like he was removing a costume.
He let out another string of clicks and realized that he still couldn't see as well as he wanted to, as he needed to. The clicking wasn't enough for him, so he opened his eyes and-
A sudden burst of fear from Rand and Kian.
Rolan tried to ask them what was wrong but only clicking came out of his throat. That was when he realized he had his mouth wide open, stretched wider than should be possible. He closed his mouth and the limbs retracted.
"What's wrong, are you guys okay? Was that too much?" Rolan asked, suddenly worried.
Rand and Kian stared at him, wide-eyed for a little bit before Rand spoke. "I didn't know you had eyes in there" He said slowly.
Rolan was confused for a second before he remembered his parents house, the creature on top of the kitchen island, the infinite number of eyes hidden within it's maw. He'd seen it when the hive took over Galloway too, creatures with glowing yellow eyes inside of them, peering out from their stolen flesh.
"Wait did I-" Rolan swallowed nervously, feeling like there was something in his throat. "Did I have…eyeballs in there?"
After a moment of hesitation, Kian nodded slowly. "Was that- uh, not on purpose, dude?"
"No, it just- it just felt like I was opening my eyes." Rolan said, feeling a little bit sick at the realization. "It felt natural."
Rand nodded slowly. Then, laughed a little, "I mean, you have beautiful eyes? Very uh- glowy. It was just unexpected, man." He thought for a moment. "So are the ones you have right now not real?"
"I can see out of them." Rolan said slowly, but then thought about the difference in perception, the new sensations that he saw for only a moment when he looked outside of his form. He thought about the patterns on butterflies and moths. Mimicries of eyes, used almost exclusively as camouflage. "I…don't think they're my real eyes though. Which is, really weird to think about."
"You're telling me, dude." Kian sighed. "Does this mean we can't make out?"
The unexpected comment caused Rolan to choke on laughter. It was so out of the blue, but it was comforting that that was the only worry Kian had at the moment. No matter the new revelations he was having about what he was, he knew he could always count on Kian and Rand still seeing him as a person.
Rand however, just stared at Kian in shock, "You're into the eldritch bug thing too!?" He looked over to Rolan, still standing there in his half-bug form, and then back to Kian. "Well, now you guys definitely can't judge me for it."
"I was a bug for a while, dude!" Kian pointed out. "And I mean, despite how bogus it was being stuck like that after I kissed her, Becky was a bodacious babe. She just had a few extra limbs."
Rand sighed, putting his face in his hands and wondering how the hell the three of them got into this situation.
Speaking of extra limbs, Rand and Kian turned their attention back to Rolan, who still seemed morbidly fascinated with the way his body had changed, hesitantly moving one of the insectoid arms that had formed from his ribcage.
It didn't feel as horrifying as he was expecting it to. Just like opening his mouth and looking around with what he now knew were his real eyes, the extra limbs felt normal. They weren't anywhere near as awkward as human fingers were and overall, they seemed to be designed for much simpler purposes. He wondered if he could use them for things now that he knew they were there. They might come in handy if he wanted to learn how to knit. The razor sharp appendages, normally used to tear and build with webs of flesh, could even be repurposed for organizing files and shredding documents in his office when he went back to Chicago.
Rolan realized, with amusement, that that thought was very indicative of the person he was on a fundamental level. Kian and Rand might make fun of him for it sometimes, but he was content to be a boring defense lawyer who sorted paperwork for fun. The fact that he was also a bug monster didn't need to contradict with that.
Folding the extra limbs closer to his chest (but not getting rid of them even as he switched to a more human appearance), he sighed. "Well, that's about as far deep as I want to go right now."
"Did it help?" Rand asked.
Rolan thought about it for a second, a content clicking noise voicing his thoughts before he could say them aloud. "I uh, I think it really did."
Kian cheered. " Yay!! Told you, dude, bug therapy! You're gonna be collecting pollen and doing bee dances before you know it."
Rand laughed. "I don't think they do that, man."
"I dunno, dude, when I was a bug, I was dancin' all over the place."
Rolan sat back down on the ground between them, listening as their banter continued, wondering how he had gotten so lucky. He leaned against Kian, closing his eyes and humming contently, the warmth and safety of his friend, his hive, comforting to him.
Rand, noticing that a cuddle was forming, quickly closed the gap at the other side, leaning against them both.
"I love you guys." Rolan said quietly.
"We love you too, bug boy."