Chapter Text
Max reached towards Jacob’s cap that Kaitlyn had stolen and reached into it. He grabbed a folded piece of paper and opened it up excitedly. “Kaitlyn,” it read, in Laura’s neat handwriting. He folded the paper back up and stuck it in his pocket, walking back over to his seat on the ground.
“Everyone picked now?” Kaitlyn inquired, raising a brow and casting a glance around at everyone. Getting various murmurs of agreement, she tossed Jacob back his hat and went to go sit back at her spot.
Max leaned back on Laura, who was sat next to him. “Who did you get?” He whispered into her ear. She turned to look at him and smirked. “I’m not telling.”
Max stared at her, horrified. He was betrayed in immeasurable ways.
She laughed again at his expression and turned to her left to continue her conversation with Dylan, “So, your cat climbed up into your tree? How did you-”. He shook his head and stood up to go talk to someone else, still feeling horrifically betrayed.
He dragged his feet over to Emma, who was on her phone at the time.
“I’ve been betrayed.” He said, crossing his arms. She looked up from her phone and raised an eyebrow.
“How so?” She asked, shutting off her phone and placing it on the side table next to the arm of the couch she was sitting on.
“Laura won’t tell me who she got for secret santa.”
Emma rolled her eyes. “And what if she got you? ”
Max pouted and tossed his arms up. “She didn’t! I know because Dylan got me!”
She sighed and raised an eyebrow, “How do you even know that?”
“He winked at me when he pulled his slip out. That’s secret code for ‘Hey my absolute bestie Max, I just got you in Secret Santa!’, obviously.”
She rolled her eyes again. “Right. Now why, exactly, is Laura not telling you who she got such a horrific offence?”
Max frowned and crossed his arms. “Because it’s a betrayal! How am I supposed to live when she’s keeping such a horrific secret from me?!”
Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Not telling you who she got in secret santa is not ‘a horrific secret’, Max.”
“It is!” Max protested. “It is..” he said to himself quietly.
Emma looked at him judgingly.
He looked back sadly.
“Why are you even bothering me with your sob story? Why not your ‘absolute bestie’?” She inquired, leaning back slightly and crossing one leg over the other.
“ Because, Dylan has gone to the dark side! He betrayed me to talk to Laura .” He hissed, stomping his foot.
Emma’s eyes trailed down to his feet,raising her eyebrows mockingly before looking back up at him. “And I was your second option? Wow Max, not even your first option…” She feigned offence, covering her heart with one hand.
Max pouted and got down to his knees, putting his hands together and looking up at her with a pleading expression. “Please, Emma? Will you please help me snoop- Uh, I mean… investigate who Laura’s Secret Santa is?”
Emma pretended to think for a moment, tapping one finger on her face. “Hm… Let me think… Nope.” She smirked at him and patted his head mockingly. “Good luck, buddy.”
Max fell back onto his knees and stared up in betrayal. “How could you? I trusted you!”
“Yep.. Good luck with that, Max. Have fun!” She waved her fingers at him teasingly.
Sighing, Max got up again and dragged his feet over to the corner of the room. He moped over there until everyone had gone home.
Lying in bed several hours later, Max glanced over at Laura. She was asleep, her hair covering half her face. Max smiled sappily until he remembered that he was supposed to be mad at her and quickly changed his face to a scowl. Clicking his phone on casually, he flipped to his other side and opened up his messages with Dylan.
DMs with Maxie_Kitten and PecryPirate
Maxie_Kitten: DYLSDMN
Maxie_Kitten: DYLAMN
Maxie_Kitten: DYALM
Maxie_Kitten: DYLAN
PercyPirate: u got there eventually
PercyPirate: so proud
Maxie_Kitten: thx my 1 true love <3
PercyPirate: np bbg
PercyPirate: why are u texting me at 4 am
Maxie_Kitten: pls I need answers
Maxie_Kitten: who does laura have 4 secret santa
Maxie_Kitten: tell me pretty pls with kisses on top
PercyPirate: srry max I’m on strict orders from miss trunchbull to not tell u
Maxie_Kitten: NOO
Maxie_Kitten: my one true love why
Maxie_Kitten: how could u do this to me
PercyPirate: im sorry maxie boy
PercyPirate: I was threatened with dismemberment of my other hand
PercyPirate: I need at least 1 hand to pet Schrödinger
PercyPirate: she’ll come for my toes if I dont
PercyPirate: nd she hates the prosthetic sm 4 some reason
Maxie_Kitten: :(
Maxie_Kitten: this is the 3rd betrayal in 24 hrs
PercyPirate: srry bbg
Max sighed and turned off his phone, plugging it in and closing his eyes in an attempt to get some rest.
Two weeks later, after interrogating various members of his friend group, he was reminded that he still hadn’t bought his own gift. His eyes went wide as he stared at the reminder on his phone labelled “buy gift 4 secret santa on monday”. He quickly got up from his spot on the couch, ignoring Laura’s curious look as he hopped around to put on his shoes and coat.
“I’m going shopping!” He called out from the hallway.
Laura shrugged and gave him a thumbs up. “Okay then. Love you, get me a coke. I want one.”
“Love you too!” Max shouted back from the doorway, running down to their car. He hopped in and started the ignition. Backing out of the driveway, he put on his playlist and smiled as the music turned on.
Singing along to Taylor Swift, Max put the GPS on to the local Walmart. The best place for last minute gift shopping.
Pulling into the Walmart parking lot, Max switched off his music and slid out of the car. He locked it and switched on his phone quickly, feeling it buzz against his thigh.
The Gays + Jacob… kaitlyn wtf Shut up Jacob ur straight
Three: hey guys
Three: so
Three: problem
MrsStealUrBitch: what now
MrsStealUrBitch: did you get your head stuck in the railing again Jacob.
Three: no
Three: no I didn’t
Three: um
Three: so
MrsStealUrBitch: spit it out omfg
Three: there’s a cat
Three: on my bed
Three: it is not mine
Max, confused, stared at his phone. Then he shrugged, turning on Do Not Disturb and putting it in his pocket.
Max entered Walmart, looking around desperately for anything that would help him in his quest for a gift.
He passed through several aisles in his search, investigating each object he thought was slightly interesting. He was passing through an aisle with a large number of mugs when he spotted a mug that was labelled “Keep Calm and let Jeremy handle it!2 He stared at this mug and slowly smiled. He grabbed the mug and put it into his cart, strolling on through the store.
While passing through the kids section, Max saw a large selection of Nerf Guns. He starred in contemplation before grabbing one that had a Fortnite label on it. He tossed it in his cart and then stopped and slowly looked back over to the shelf. Max looked at the cart, then back to the shelf, before grabbing eight other guns and several packets of Nerf bullets.
Max was satisfied with his shopping. He headed over to the tills, and then remembered that Laura asked for a coke. He quickly switched directions to go and grab one, but while doing so, he passed the vegetable aisle. He quickly noticed an absurd amount of cilantro and stared at it before slowly picking it all up and tossing it into his cart with the guns and mug.
He then went back to his actual task, getting Laura a coke.
Max returned to the tills, smiling awkwardly as the Walmart employee looked at his purchase and desperately hoping they didn’t judge him. After finishing his daily dose of social anxiety, Max returned to the car. He put the gifts into the back and then got into the front seat. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, turning to the groupchat and turning off Do Not Disturb.
The Gays + Jacob… kaitlyn wtf Shut up Jacob ur straight Hah u have rabies too
BlondeBitch: can’t believe jacob got fucking rabies
Max stared at his phone in confusion.
The Gays + Jacob… kaitlyn wtf Shut up Jacob ur straight Hah u have rabies too
Maxie_Kitten: what the actual fuck happened while I was at walmart
BlondeBitch: OHOHO maxie guess what
BlondeBitch: Jacob thought a raccoon was a fucking cat
BlondeBitch: and it bit him
Maxie_Kitten: WHAT
Maxie_Kitten: is he like
Maxie_Kitten: okay????
BlondeBitch: yep
BlondeBitch: probably
BlondeBitch: jk
BlondeBitch: Kaitlyn is taking him to the hospital he’ll be fine
Maxie_Kitten: well okay
Maxie_Kitten: hope he’s okay soon
⋆｡°✩Abi✩°｡⋆: I hope he’s okay too!
⋆｡°✩Abi✩°｡⋆: Hopefully he won’t miss Secret Santa :(
BlondeBitch: I’m sure he’ll be perfectly fine by then Abi
KittenTamer5: He’s already on his way to the hospital, he’ll get treated and be fine by Monday.
MrsStealUrBitch: you text like my mom
MrsStealUrBitch: also Jacob update
MrsStealUrBitch: we’re in the waiting room now
Maxie_Kitten: thats good to hear
Maxie_Kitten: im going to drive home now
Maxie_Kitten: bye guys
Max switched off his phone and switched on GPS, driving out of the parking lot. He hummed along to his music, tapping the steering wheel absently as he sat in traffic.
When Max finally got home, he hopped out of the car, locking it and getting the bags out of the trunk.
“Honey, I’m home!” He called out as he opened the door and set the bags down beside it.
Laura walked out from the living room. “Did you get my coke?”
Max pouted and folded his arms, “What am I, chopped liver? Not even a ‘Hi Max! My lovely boyfriend who I adore so mu-’” He was cut off by Laura rolling her eyes with a smile, walking forward to kiss him softly.
“Hi, Max.” She said, pulling him into her embrace.
“Hi, Laura.” He responded, leaning into her. She pulled back, a sly smile on her face as she spoke again.
“Now, did you get my coke?”
He sighed dramatically and laughed, bending down to grab it. “Yes, I got your coke.” Laura smiled and took the can, before pausing, a confused expression on her face as she stared back down at the bag.
“What’s with all the cilantro?.. And the Nerf Guns..?” She inquired, looking at him in confusion. He shrugged, changing his weight from one foot to another. “Secret Santa.”
He looked back at her then, glaring jokingly. “And you still haven’t told me who yours is!”
She smiled, bringing him to her arms to press a kiss to his forehead. “It’s Secret Santa, Max. Not Everyone-Knows Santa.” He sighed dramatically but relented, leaning into her warm embrace again.
“I’m tired…” He whined into her shoulder. She huffed out a laugh, stroking his neck lightly. “What are you, five? Take a nap, Max.”
He pulled back slightly to send a pleading look at her. “Come with me, please? I’ve missed you lately, you’ve been too busy.” She smiled at him, stroking his face lightly and letting out a defeated sigh. “Oh, alright then.” He beamed at her and grabbed her hand to lightly drag her into their bedroom.
Max pushed Laura down onto their bed gently, climbing on top of her so that he could cling onto her. She turned on the TV and they laid there, cuddling, as they watched it for the rest of the day, forgetting about anything else they had to do that day. Max closed his eyes and hugged her tighter, drifting off to sleep.