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Sanji was hiding in the kitchen all along, because where else could he have been? He was curled up in a corner, staring at the floor and not doing anything else.
Usopp opened the wooden door slowly and quietly stepped inside.
It was the middle of the night, and he was supposed to keep watch, but when he had woken up he didn’t see Sanji in his bunk nor on the floor.
He saw his blonde hair perk up a little when he heard the door close, but he didn’t move from where he was.
“Hungry?” Sanji’s voice was barely above a whisper.
“Not really, just have to keep watch,” Usopp mumbled, walking over to where Sanji was sitting.
“I could make you a coffee?”
“Hm, I’m good.” He noticed how the other didn’t even turn his head to look him in the eye. It was obvious he was trying to act cool. “What about you? You good?” But when you spend the majority of your time living with the same people every day, you begin to notice when things are off.
Sanji shrugged and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. He smoked too much. “Just… tired, I guess.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping then?”
Sanji sighed, flicking the lighter to try and make a flame. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping watch?”
“I am, but I checked and there’s no one around us.” Usopp said, just a little bit louder than the metallic scrape of the lighter. The flame wasn’t catching, just like always when Sanji was nervous.
Usopp stretched his hand towards him. “Give me one too.”
“You smoke?” Sanji raised his eyebrow barely, before handing him what was apparently the last cigarette of the pack.
“Sometimes, just for fun.” Usopp explained with a shrug.
“Hm, I could have never told.” Sanji gave Usopp the lighter too, seeing how he didn’t manage to light his cigarette.
“Why not? I’m seventeen you know?”
“I know I know. You don’t have the face of a smoker, is all.” Sanji was trying to be sarcastic, but the tremble in his voice made it obvious that there was something wrong, and the way he went quiet after only confirmed it.
Usopp breathed out and watched as the cloud of smoke floated in front of him for a few moments, before it disappeared.
He caught Sanji doing the same, except he had a certain glisten in his eye and his fingers didn’t seem to have quite a solid grip on the cigarette. His cloud of smoke came out wobbly and not all at once.
“So… care to tell me what’s wrong?”
Sanji flinched as if someone had poked him with a nail, and inhaled an ever larger breath from the cigarette.
He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again a few times. His hair was messier than usual. Usopp caressed his knuckles on his bangs, to straighten them a little.
“I just had a nightmare…” Sanji muttered, bringing his head closer to Usopp’s hand. “I had a nightmare.”
“Oh? That’s fine, everyone has them once in a while.”
“It’s not that, I’ve had this nightmare before like a thousand times,” Sanji explained, dragging another breath from the cigarette. “It’s just me on the island with that old man, and we’re both starving to death.”
Usopp kept caressing Sanji’s hair in thought. He supposed that left a certain toll on Sanji’s shoulders if he dreamt about it so often.
“But that’s not the point, it’s not like I’m scared or anything,” Sanji tried to hide the trembling in his voice with a cough.
Usopp slid his arm around Sanji’s shoulders, pulling him closer. Sanji was taller than him, yet in that moment, he looked smaller than he ever did. “Then, what is it?”
Sanji squeezed his eyes, pressing himself against him even more. Usopp was surprised to feel the weight of Sanji’s head on his shoulder.
It was true, they were friends, everyone on the ship often danced together when there was something to celebrate, and they were quick to hug or high five whenever they succeeded in something, but he had never caught Sanji be so intimate with anyone really.
So Usopp just tightened his hold, and rested his own head on top of his.
“It’s just that I miss him, I miss Zeff.”
Both of their cigarettes still hung from their lips, because they couldn’t exactly throw them on the floor, and the ashtray was too far away, and the other’s presence felt so warm and comfortable that they didn’t want to stand up just for that.
“You really care about him, don’t you?” Usopp whispered, caressing his hair once more. His head looked so small and round, and his hair was thin and fragile.
“He raised me for half of my life. It’s not like… I feel guilty for leaving, or anything.” Sanji dried his cheeks a little. “I mean, he told me to go after all. It’s just this, it’s not that deep. I miss him.”
“I guess you could call it homesickness?” Usopp asked, rubbing Sanji’s arm tenderly, as if to warm him up, because he knew what it felt like.
“Maybe. It makes me feel sad.”
It felt like standing in a cold field miles away from a house, with only light clothes on, with goosebumps all over your skin and a tight, raw longing for something warm.
He knew too well what it was like.
Though Usopp never envied those who had no nostalgia of home or of people.
If he was homesick, then it just meant that he had something to come back to, and someone who cared for him, and he cared for them too, and he’d be happy when he finally came back.
And while it made him have goosebumps when he was far from it, it also made him feel safe, to have those things.
Sanji snuggled closer, clinging to Usopp’s shoulders, and drying his sobs and tears on the boy’s chest.
“Sometimes being sick is the best feeling of all.”