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Porrim is not perfect. But it feels like the humans around them, her own dancestor, and even some of his group thought she was. Kankri wondered if it was the mother thing. A pervasive and terrifying role when you are nine sweeps old and never had even a human teen pregnancy.
He hated the moment in eternity where she embraced that role. She had no business to make a fuss about sexism, misogyny when she herself placed herself in a role heavy of sexism.
Where it's her role to care for the grubs and the disabled. Where somehow he fitted both. Instead of all the orphan trolls and humans surrounding them, the ones who actually wanted it.
Kankri felt choked up when she tried to talk about her pet issue.
It's not that she is not respectable. But if Kankri is hypocrite, so is she.
But of course. It's his fault. It's always his fault. It's almost funny, how every single discussion where he doesn't agree, if someone is wrong it will be him. Doesn't he and Porrim know each other for long? Has she never realized?
How can one complain about Beforus' sexism, angry at him, and embrace it at the same time? Perpetuate it through her own dancestor? Isn't that quite wrong? He hates seeing her miserable like that, her actions and words are incongruous.
And why must Kankri of all people lower his head and accept, even join this misery of hers? She isn't his lusus anymore.
Being a culler is not being a lusus anyway. She herself taught him the difference.
The worst is that he still cares for Porrim, and something inside him still pushes him back to their level of intimacy. If only she didn't push against it.
If only she didn't ruin her own life to save his own, and then blamed him for being quiet when needing help or not, specifically in Beforus. The universe frogs were never finished. Damara is probably mad at him for that, but it wasn't even his conscious fault.
Kankri missed the lusus who accepted when he grew up, and didn't berate him for being young.
That might be the biggest difference. Like seeing her in afterlife as a human funhouse mirror. Clownish distorted. Ha.
Yet, he also hated Beforus' Dolorosa. The way she threw her whole life away for a fucked up grub and ended as a slave, why should he be happy about that. Just like before, her life is used up for him.
But he's the sexist one who doesn't deserve her kindness, when he doesn't want it! He hates her kindness wasted on him! Kankri just wants Porrim to live her own life without being his culler, without wanting to strike a moirallegiance, anything!
Her life just gets worse whenever she bothers with him. So it's better if she just doesn't. If they must have a relationship, it doesn't need to be romantic.
Besides, time is the enemy, and time is ticking by.
It's not the human Dave's fault, of course. But the way they can only escape what dooms them by letting it go forward, Kankri doesn't like it, this hurry to grow up where the oppression always gets worse, never better. Lord English is a grownup, and look where it leads him, the end.
Bratty. A ageist slur used on Kankri by Porrim, and most people she speaks with, despite how he had already told her it's a slur.
It's almost confusing the metaphorical nature of how he's by his mother figure both urged to grow up, stop being bratty and fighting back against grown up subjects, and denied, if he stops being bratty and grows up, he can let the grown ups talk, in which group he's also not included.
It's sick. Kankri is not a person by their eyes no matter what he does.
Maybe he just has to explain once more to her. But as Porrim speaks down at him in front of his own terrified dancestor, Kankri realizes she doesn't understand.
Even though he suggested to speak later about it at deep, away from the eyes of time, she still bristles as if hurt, upset.
She could get personhood if she had a child. And he's the child. That's how her feminism works, and he's so tired of being her crutch when she's amazing by herself. Why can't she see, despite how ableist that expression is.
Fuck. #cursing, frowns all around, frown town
When Kankri thinks about it, she reminds him of Cronus. He doesn't owe her anything she gave away by herself. Slutshaming her is wrong, but telling her she's acting like Cronus would break her, so he rather be gentle.
He doesn't mean to upset her as she stomps away to Latula's. Yet, he almost smiles. Kankri's oldest friend is so entitled and childish, #ageist slur. Does Porrim look at herself sometimes? It's unbelievable. Her ageism is infecting him.
He would be more fine with her childishness if she wasn't mad at him for not going along with it.