Chapter Text
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Tuesday, September 28 – 5:45 pm
At Home
OMG! omg. Oh my god. I have just learned the most jaw dropping information. Ok well, not just but it did happen a few hours ago while I was at Fuzzy Friends. Lemme start from the beginning.
So it’s a regular afternoon right? Like normally, I went to work my volunteer shift at Fuzzy Friends after school. Of course me and Brandon started slacking off a bit. We probably spent two hours playing with the puppies. Just as they began to get sleepy, we did too. You seriously CAN NOT underestimate the energy capacity of a puppy.
Giving into our exhaustion, the two of us just collapsed onto the grass, puppies lying on our laps and around our heads. It was an incredibly cute scene but also incredibly gross. It’s not like I could care about all the dead leaves in my hair though when the slightest movement would initiate another hour (or more) of an endless fetch.
So the only other thing we could do was talk, not like I was complaining. Brandon is the type of person you can just have a conversation with forever. It flowed from stupid inside jokes, petty gossip, listing off all our dream venues for the band, trying to schedule plans but failing horribly.
Recently all our conversations have been circling back to the same subject—our batshit insane newspaper advisor.
“I seriously never thought I would meet a guy more crazy than Mr. Zimmerman,” started Brandon with his rant, “When I tried proposing that we should hold a contest to create a new cover for the paper, he threatened me with a stapler if ‘I ever said anything like that again’.”
I instinctively sucked my teeth as I always do when I hear about Mr. Busselman, “I swear to god that guy needs to get his ass out of the 90s.”
”And I’m not even hating on the decade, I literally heard that they haven’t changed the layout of the paper since 1998. And then he wonders why no one cares about it anymore, like why does there need to be a ‘new technology’ section?! There’s no need for it, you can just look that stuff up!” I exclaimed and threw my hands up in frustration.
“Right? The paper needs to be current, it needs to be about the students and stuff that’s going on at the school.”
“Exactly! But there’s no way we’re gonna be able to do that with Mr. Busselman running the paper. Do you think there’s any way we can stage a forced retirement…?” I say half-joking.
A part of me was lowkey starting to plot different ways we could get Mr. Busselman ‘out of the picture’ without anyone calling the police on us. I won’t go into detail in case this diary gets confiscated as evidence.
Brandon let out that signature charming laugh, “God I wish! Wait hold on, do you remember that Miss-know-it-all bit you used to do in middle school?”
I awkwardly turned my head to look above me and tried to scrunch my nose at him without disturbing the fluffy sleeping beauty on my stomach, “Oh my god not the Miss-know-it-all column. That thing is definitely the reason why I’m growing grey hairs at 16.”
“Nikki, everyone loved that section. It’s actually the only reason why anyone read the paper, the only reason my photos started getting noticed.” He said somewhat vacantly, a gloomy undertone in his voice.
Brandon has an awful habit of undermining his talent, and you know I was not about to let Brandon go down a self-depreciating spiral, “No way, people loved your photos even before my column started. Besides, it’s not like I was noticed for it anyways. Everyone knew you as the Peter Parker of Westchester.”
He let out a long drawn out groan, “Noooo please don’t bring up that nickname it was so embarrassing.” Covering his flushed face but unable to hide his amusement.
I ignored his protests and continued more with my teasing, “Wait no no no, do you remember when you wrote to Miss-know-it-all?” That memory made us both almost lose it. But we immediately got quiet when the puppies started to rustle around. Thankfully it was just a false alarm.
“Nikki. You have no idea how embarrassed I was when I found out I was asking you for crush advice about— you .”
“You’re lucky I was so stupid back then because I had no idea.”
“Too bad nothing has changed though…”
“Oh my god I hate you!” I tried sounding angry through my smile but we only laughed harder that time.
The two of us have had some crazy awkward moments in the past. Actually it hasn’t been that long since we dated now that I think about it. Weird to think our relationship blossomed and withered away all within freshman year.
But I guess that’s what highschool will do to you, make you think you’re straight until you actually get into a relationship and have that “Oh shit” moment where you start questioning every person you were into throughout your whole life.
What’s really crazy though is that we had that moment at the SAME TIME. He admitted that he wasn’t into girls like he thought and I was incredibly relieved because I had just realized that I was well, crushing on my current crush.
I’m still in denial about it, I won’t be writing the name down.
Ever since though we’ve still been like, best friends. Hating your ex is so juvenile anyways, there’s absolutely no bad blood between us.
You’d think we were lying but Brandon and I are legit so close, I trust this guy with my life.
And the feeling is mutual…
Well at least I THOUGHT so.
Brandon started getting kinda quiet and a silence fell over us. I personally didn’t mind it at all, peaceful silences like this also felt comforting when it was with Brandon. But even though I couldn’t see his face and only had the clouds above to entertain me, I got the sense he still had more to say.
“I just kinda wonder…if you were to start it back up again,” the words took forever to get out of his mouth but I let him take his time, “would you still give crush advice? I mean, are you still good with that kinda thing?”
That question had me stumped. For other people I could probably do it again but god I do not practice what I preach when it comes to my own crushes, “I hypothetically could,” I thought, “but it’s not like Miss-know-it-all exclusively handled crush problems.”
“Yeah I know that but…” again it took him a while to continue, “I’m kinda having my own—problems—right now.”
I blinked, “Wait, your own problems?”
“Yes, please don’t make me say it out loud.”
I forced myself up despite the poor puppy who rolled onto the ground—no, I didn’t wake her up—and I looked down at Brandon who remained lying down, avoiding eye contact. “Are you crushing on someone? OMG you totally are! Brandon why didn’t you tell me?!”
He looked kinda guilty and still refused to look at me. I leaned back and tried to give him some space but I couldn’t suppress my nosy self.
All he had to say was, “It’s just way, way too embarrassing.”
“Brandon did I hesitate when I told you about my current crush?”
“Yes, you did. You won’t even say her name out loud and you’ve sworn me, Zoey, and Chloe into secrecy. Nikki, you really can’t be the one talking here.”
Touché, but at least I actually told him.
“Ok ok, but you should learn from my mistakes and tell me all of your crushy secrets! Come on it’s what friends do, confide in one another’s painfully heart wrenching unrequited loves! Now tell me, who’s the lucky guy of Brandon Roberts’ desires?”
He rolled his eyes (rude ass), “I changed my mind, I’m not gonna talk about it. I’ve remembered that you’re actually kinda the worst person to ask for relationship advice.”
Again, RUDE!
I, at least, know people who are good at giving relationship advice! I could totally get Chloe to funnel me some tips, even track down all the gay and bi guys at school. But I digress.
“Wait hold on, you can’t just leave me hanging! At least give me a chance to guess!”
“No.”
“Ok I’m guessing it’s someone we both know since we’re in the same circles…”
“Nikki—“
“Max Crumbly? The classic childhood friends-to-crush pipeline!”
“No, Nikki—“
“Ok then Theo? Nerdy guys are your type right?”
“Ni—“
“Nah you’re totally into jocks, it’s Jason right?”
“Nikki!” He got up on his knees and dramatically dropped his hands on both of my shoulders.
I’ll be honest I might’ve gone a bit far at this point. But can you even blame me? When a friend admits that they have a crush you’re practically obligated to know! And then you can proceed accordingly with the making fun of said crush. It’s like the number one rule of friendships.
I kinda took the hint though and gave up on my line of questioning, “Ok ok, if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to. I’ll just think every guy you make eye contact with is a potential suspect.”
“Why do you have to make it sound like a murder case?”
That’s when Mrs. Roberts called out to us from the back door, “Nikki you’re still here? You know it’s way past your shift and I’m sure you’re busy. Brandon, why are you keeping this poor girl hostage?!” she teased. But also might’ve been serious.
“Grandma we were just hanging out-“
“Nope, Nikki you’re leaving. I appreciate the help but it’s important you have time for your studies too!” Mrs. Roberts quickly picked me up and ushered me out the door, I didn’t even have time to get a word in. Gotta write down a reminder to make it look like me and Brandon are studying the next time I wanna stay late at Fuzzy Friends…
But yeah, basically I found out that Brandon TOTALLY has it bad for someone.
I mean if he was considering asking me of all people for advice, it must mean he hasn’t told anyone else about it. Which makes me so sad! To allow him to only dream of his Prince Charming from afar without ANY attempts in seeing if those feelings are mutual would just be a disservice as his EGFTBFF (Ex-girfriend turned best friend forever).
And well, it’s not just that. It worries me too that Brandon never told me in the first place. I always thought we could be so open about people we’re into since we’ve dated before. He’d always tell me about the cute guy who delivered their mail that morning or a hallway crush that made us change our entire route to chemistry just so he could say hi to him. And I would do the same with him.
Actually, he was the first person I told about… the girl who shall not be named. I didn’t even think about telling Chloe or Zoey about it in fear of whatever judgy reactions I’d get. Which yeah, makes ME sound like a hypocrite but Brandon is just different. I knew he would be genuine about what he thought. Even though he DID kinda seem appalled at first, he still let me explain my feelings. He made me feel like I wasn’t losing my mind for falling for someone like her. I only want to return the favor to him.
There has to just be some way I can help him get with his crush. But something as big as this… I can’t just do it alone. I’ll definitely have to consult some crush experts tomorrow. I mean, it’s not like Brandon would care if I tell his business to other people right???
…
Ok maybe I just WON’T mention his name.
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Wednesday, September 29 – 12:15 pm
My Locker
Ya know, I might not be the most academically smart person in the world—we won’t talk about my pre-calc grade right now—but I’m DEFINITELY the best at coming up with convoluted plans to help a friend in need!
Especially when it comes to matchmaking. I mean was I NOT the one who got Zoey with her current man?
Anyways lemme not get off track, I need to write down everything we talked about so I don’t forget the plan.
So during our lunch shift in the library, I told Chloe and Zoey everything that happened without saying any names. But of course they had to just remind me how many friends I DON’T have.
“Wait, we totally know the person you’re talking about right?” Zoey blurted out during the middle of my explanation.
“Look it doesn’t matter who it is, I just need to figure out who the crush is!” My attempts to avoid revealing Brandon’s name were hopeless.
Chloe whined. She was DESPERATE to know, I’m sure that if other people weren’t around she would’ve started begging on her knees and hugging my ankles until I told her. “Girl do you not trust us?! We swear we WON’T tell… ok I can’t speak for Zoey but I definitely won’t. You should just whisper it to me instead.”
“Thanks for throwing me under the bus,” Zoey amusingly rolled her eyes, “It probably won’t be that hard to figure out who it is anyways. We all have the same friends.”
“You’re right! Oh my god it’s a good thing we’re a bunch of losers.” Chloe grabbed onto the bookshelves for support as she curled over laughing at her own joke.
Zoey couldn’t help but smirk too.
Can I remind you just how much I hate these dorks?
Then Zoey casted her “I’m totally sussing you out right now” glare on me and I literally thought I was gonna piss myself. Like I know she’s never serious, but I still shiver just thinking about her death stare! Her eyes scanned every inch of me. She didn’t say a word but I could tell her mind was searching for any tells.
I stood there stiffly trying not to give away anything, Chloe in between us sweating bullets and swinging her head back and forth as she spectated the mental battle.
Until finally she came to her conclusion, “It’s Brandon isn’t it?”
“GODDAMNIT ZOEY!!” My yell was promptly shushed by the librarian and Zoey stifled her laughs as I profusely apologized to her. Looking back, I totally could’ve lied but maybe that would’ve just made it even MORE obvious. I am a notoriously bad liar.
“Whoa Brandon? Wow I never thought of him as the type to be coy about a crush…” Chloe paused for a moment, I’m guessing that she tried thinking of a time when Brandon did act like that. Then me and Zoey proceeded to do the same, racking our memories for a hopeless romantic Brandon. But we couldn’t think of anything, even now I can’t remember Brandon acting like this in the past.
When we were dating Brandon didn’t get flustered that easily, believe me I tried. The most you could get out of that boy was a light pink shade spreading across his cheeks but it was unnoticeable if you weren’t looking for it.
Majority of the time he was always chill, calm, collected, nothing like the Brandon now who can’t even mention the person he’s fawning over.
Since the not-so-secret identity of my “friend” had been revealed I had no choice but to just be upfront about how I needed their help, “Who do you guys think it could be? I’ve already ruled out Max, Theo, and Jason—wait actually he never said no when I brought them up…”
“Brandon knows wayyy too many people, we gotta organize this somehow,” Zoey suggested.
She rolls over a whiteboard—I’m hoping Ms. Daisy didn’t mind us slacking off and misusing library materials—and started writing down names.
We all yelled out names of possible targets, Zoey recording them as they came. After like, 20 people maybe, we had this huge confusing web of everyone Brandon knows, his relationship to them, and how likely we thought it would be for him to crush on them.
The red lines connected him to people we personally hated but he might be into (basically any CCP guy), yellow were the unsure ones, his friends were the green lines, and then pink was SUPPOSED to be the highest possibility. But we couldn’t agree on any definites so the pink marker went untouched.
We stood back and took in the large social web we created. “This… this really doesn’t make anything easier,” I muttered in defeat.
“Aah my brain can’t comprehend all of these people! We need to prioritize, cross out all the reds!” Chloe demanded of Zoey while doing a beheading motion across her neck.
“And we should probably get rid of all the girls too…” I thought but Zoey didn’t think it’d be a good idea.
“We can’t just rule out a girl because he’s gay. He could totally be having a major sexuality crisis right now,” was her reasoning. At first I thought she was being crazy but after I thought about it for a minute, I couldn’t deny that it would explain Brandon’s weird behavior.
“Then we gotta figure out if Brandon is into girls at all,” Chloe says. Then almost simultaneously their eyes lock onto me for an answer. As if I would know…
but I can definitely find out.
“Ok—I’ll see if Brandon is having a sexuality crisis by tomorrow! Without being all weird and suspicious. Then I’ll report back to your guys and we’ll proceed further with our investigation.”
Zoey narrowed her eyes at me, “Why are you talking like we’re on a detective show.”
Chloe though, she gets me, “Because that’s totally what’s going on! Oh, oh—we should give this whole thing a cool name.”
“No we shouldn’t—“
“Operation get-this-hopeless-man-his-man!” I excitedly suggested.
“Or girl.” Zoey reminded.
“Operation get-this-hopeless-man-his-man-or-woman!”
And that’s what we’re calling it. Until someone thinks of a shorter or better name. We agreed to not talk about it over text since the possibility of written info being leaked is far too high, but my diary is the one exception. Not like anyone would or SHOULD be reading this. But I’ll record any updates as the investigation continues.
Agent Nicole signing out!!