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they’re close, really close. they tell themselves it’s because of the cold, that they’re both safer if they can still hear the other’s heart beating. well, that second one is still true. it’s comforting to know someone hasn’t been killed in their sleep, comforting to be able to wake up and immediately tell that everything is okay.
ghost pretends he isn’t completely focused on the feeling of soap’s hands resting on his chest, arms wrapped around his side. soap pretends to not notice the way his lips press into the back of ghost’s neck, a tiny gap of skin between the balaclava and shirt.
soap tugs on ghost’s shoulder whispering, “turn over.”
ghost complies without questioning it, his eyes staring directly into soap’s. “yeah, johnny?”
soap smiles softly, putting an arm over ghost’s side again. his over hand rests between them, less than an inch away from touching ghost’s face. “just wanted to see you.”
they hold eye contact as if in a trance, unable to look away. ghost’s fingers fiddle with the edge of his balaclava.
twist, pull, push up a little, pull back down and twist back around his finger.
soap would be watching the action if he weren’t so busy staring into ghost’s eyes. still he’s aware of the action, the idea of ghost even thinking of taking it off nearly takes over his mind.
“you nervous, fiddlin’ with your mask like that?” soap thinks the nighttime makes him a lot more bold. this situation is so intimate it’s hard to help himself.
ghost breathes something close to a laugh, “if i am, no one would ever believe it.”
soap tilts his head to the side the slightest bit, studying ghost’s eyes, “i’d believe it.”
ghost doesn’t respond, he doesn’t have anything to say. he just keeps pulling, twisting, pushing, pulling, twisting, pushing.
“you know, that wasn’t a no.” soap once again finds himself bolder than he ever would be. something about being in an unfamiliar bed with nothing to do but wait in the middle of the night is messing with his filter.
“it wasn’t, but wasn’t a yes either,” ghost replies. he’s less filtered than he would usually be too, although it’s less bold and more comfortable. loss of composure, perhaps. or maybe he just wants soap to actually see him; actually him, not the persona. simon, not ghost.
“aw, don’t be like that. ruins all the fun,” soap fake pouts. he doesn’t miss it when ghost doesn’t pull the edge of his balaclava all the way back down. he doesn’t want to mention it, he doesn’t want to scare ghost into closing off again.
ghost wants him to mention it. it would be easier that way. instead he just whispers back, “what fun again? thought we were just tryin’ to sleep.”
soap almost stops himself, but it amounts to not much more than a momentary pause. “could feel your heart racing under my palm, you sure you aren’t nervous?”
“never said i wasn’t.”
“never said you are either.”
silence falls again. it’s not uncomfortable but the tension is unavoidable. especially when ghost has twisted the edge of his balaclava all the way up his neck.
soap really can’t help himself, ghost is too much. “what’re you doing there? looks like you’re trying to take it off.”
ghost is silent long enough to make soap worry but not long enough for him to start apologizing. when ghost speaks, his voice is barely audible, “maybe i am.”
“ghost-“
“please, my name.”
“simon.”
“johnny.”
soap just stares at him, unsure of what to say. his eyes are hard to read, somewhere between anxious and frustrated and comfortable. there’s a glint of something soap can’t quite explain, but it makes his heart flutter.
ghost is just tired. of so many things. it’s late and he’s been closed off for so long. soap makes him want to break down his walls and that’s terrifying. but it’s also relieving. ghost feels comfortable for the first time in a long time.
the tension is so thick it’s hard to breathe, or maybe that’s just their nerves. either way, it feels like they’re both holding their breath and waiting for the other to do something. eventually soap whispers, “are you really?”
“well i, um, you’re-” ghost stumbles through his words. soap watches him so closely, the intimacy of this all scares him. soap wasn’t wrong about him being nervous. “yeah,” he eventually says, more of a breath than a word.
a small smile takes its place on soap’s face, “never thought i’d see the day simon riley couldn’t get his words out. seems i really have made you nervous.”
“shh,” ghost can’t help but smile back. it shows in his eyes, even though his mouth is covered.
they stay quiet for a moment longer before soap brings his hand up to hold ghost’s; the one that had been fiddling with his balaclava. ghost’s breath catches in his throat. soap looks down at their hands and then back up at ghost; the question is clear on his face. ghost nods minutely, but it’s enough.
soap pulls the balaclava up just a bit, pausing to give ghost time to object. but no objections are made so soap continues to pull it up. he almost wants to close his eyes until it’s all the way off, but instead he just watches the edge of the fabric as he pulls it higher up ghost’s face.
ghost helps to tug it off the rest of the way, since it’s an awkward reach for soap. once the balaclava has been discarded, soap just stares. he’s trying to connect the face to the voice, and it doesn’t quite fit. he’s not used to it. soap chuckles under his breath saying, “i take back that time i implied you were ugly, you are actually quite the opposite.”
“told you so,” ghost tries to sound like he’s gloating but his voice shakes. he’s sure that soap can tell how nervous he is, it feels so forgein to have someone looking at his face. but he trusts soap so he just keeps trying to level his breathing.
“you really are beautiful, simon,” soap murmurs, his voice light as if it were a moment of inspiration.
it takes all of ghost’s willpower not to hide away. soap puts a hand on his cheek and feels how warm it is. ghost wants to say something cocky, but he can’t get it out of his throat. instead he just says, “you can’t just say that.”
“why not? it’s true.”
ghost closes his eyes, as if he’s being caused pain by the restraint he’s showing. in all honesty, he just wants to tell soap that he’s in love. “might compromise me, johnny. not sure that’s what you’re looking for in the middle of a mission.”
“hmm, and why would i be compromising you; got something to share?” soap isn’t thinking before he’s speaking, he’s so distracted by watching ghost’s face move as he speaks. it’s mesmerizing, having a face to match with the man he’s spent so much time with.
ghost swallows the lump in his throat and tries to brush off his nerves. now is probably the best time he’s gonna get to say this. “you might make me fall for you,” he paused for a moment before adding, “more than i already have.”
soap can’t help the way his eyes widen in shock. he hopes it doesn’t read as a negative reaction, but judging by the look on ghost’s face it might have. after the few moments it takes him to process the words, he scrambles to make his reaction clear, “i was not expecting that, but-”
“sorry, i shouldn’t have said that. i don’t know why i-”
“simon. let me finish.”
ghost nods, looking regretful.
soap takes a deep breath and continues, “i might have already fallen for you too. pretty hard not to, actually. especially now that i know you’re this beautiful.”
“are you trying to compromise me? you keep calling me beautiful.”
“i think we’ve both already compromised each other, if we’re going off of your definition,” soap laughs. the air feels much lighter than it had just moments before, the tension that had previously been resting so heavily now lifted.
neither of them know what to say. everything that they’d been holding in had been let out and now it’s hard to find anything else. well, all but one thing that’s been on ghost’s mind.
“can i kiss you?” ghost still sounds nervous when he speaks, something soap will never forget. he’ll also never share it with anyone, except maybe to remind ghost every once in a while if he’s being a cocky ass.
“i think i’d be a little upset if you didn’t.”
ghost wraps his arms around soap, one hand going behind his head and the other on the small on his back. soap puts his bottom hand on ghost’s face, his other arm already resting over ghost’s side. ghost pulls soap in while also moving closer himself.
the kiss would best be described as soft. soft lips, soft hands, softly holding each other. they’re both a little tentative, still unsure of the situation at hand. but it’s nice, comfortable. they hold each other closely, almost scared that the moment will shatter if they allow any space between them.
they pull apart slightly, faces still an inch or two apart. there isn’t anything left to say for the night. they’ll have to talk in the morning, but for now they can just settle into the bed and sleep more sound than either of them have for a while.
when soap wakes up first, he’s momentarily surprised by ghost’s face. then everything comes back to him and he just smiles dumbly at ghost until he wakes up.
then he tells ghost the sunlight made him even more beautiful and ghost looks away before soap can catch the blush on his cheeks.