Chapter Text
December 1945
They first met on a cold december night.
Peggy had had a long day at the office. She was still getting used to the new job, the new city, this whole new life. Being transferred to the SSR office in New York, she never guessed her most thrilling mission would be taking lunch orders. She was worth more than that, she had proven what she was capable of during the war. She had hoped that would have been enough.
It clearly wasn’t.
She was tired and cold. Snow had started to fall on the city, making its inhabitants seek warmth wherever they could. For Peggy, that was a small dinner she hadn’t noticed before. It was almost empty, only a couple of people sitting in booths or at the counter. It looked quiet and Peggy needed quiet.
Angie had been on her feet all day and she was ready to kill a man. She had endured sexist remarks and inappropriate comments the whole day, she was ready to get home and forget about the disgusting men and this disgusting dinner and her disgusting life.
Okay, maybe she was being a little dramatic here.
The dinner wasn’t that disgusting and her life was pretty nice when she wasn’t wearing this damn uniform. Sure, her life wasn’t perfect, by far, but it was simple. She had a roof over her head, countless italian relatives, friends and dreams. Those dreams did drive her nuts sometimes, especially when she went to auditions with - once again - disgusting men telling her she could get the acting job if she just did a teeny tiny thing for them.
Angie frowned. She was angry now.
She went back to cleaning the counter, passing all of her frustrations onto her scrubbing. That’s when she heard the door being open and felt the cold air rushing in. It left her with a chill as she looked up to see who had just come in.
Her scrubbing stopped.
She didn’t expect much from the people who came into the L&L Automat. Most of the customers were men, some of them were nice, the others she’d rather not think about. Women came in too, obviously, each beautiful in their own way. Angie had seen her fair share of gorgeous women in her life but the one who had just entered the Automat?
Angie had never seen anything like her.
Peggy took in her surroundings before walking to the counter where a waitress was already smiling at her. She had light brown hair and something around her was just… bright. She seemed to lighten up the whole place, even the darkest corners. She felt familiar and comfortable, and right now, that was what Peggy needed.
“Hey there! What can I get you?”
Sitting down, Peggy thought for a few seconds before answering.
“A warm cup of tea would be nice, please.”
A flash of recognition seemed to appear on the waitress’ face upon hearing her accent. Her smile got a tad bigger and she nodded.
“I’ll be right back, English.”
The nickname felt natural and it wrapped around Peggy like a warm blanket. She watched as the waitress made her tea and moved effortlessly around. Her eyes only left the petite form when she got out from behind the counter. That’s when her body seemed to remember how tired she was. It was becoming more difficult with each passing second to keep her eyes open. She felt the beginning of a headache throbbing behind her eyelids and she internally cursed all the paperwork she’d had to do that day.
A pleasant smell - rhubarb? - broke her away from her thoughts. She watched as the smiling waitress placed her tea in front of her and pointed to the pie she had just brought back.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but it looks like you could use it,” Peggy was about to protest when the waitress leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, “Don’t worry, English, it’s on the house,” she winked and Peggy smiled gratefully, taking her first bite and relishing in the taste. After that, she ate the whole thing at a rapid, almost worrisome, pace, earning an amused look from the waitress. Peggy thought about apologizing for a second. She knew her eating manners were nonexistent as her mother would say. But she was tired and so she simply shrugged.
Angie kept observing the English woman then. Not in a creepy way, no, she was just curious. That woman, Angie had decided, was like an onion. Peeling the surface would only result in being faced with countless layers of mystery. She’d probably make Angie cry, too. Yet, that didn’t stop her from approaching her again, hoping to strike conversation.
“So, have you been in the city long?”
The English woman took a sip of her tea before answering.
“No, only a few months. I was recently transferred in one of the offices here.”
“Oh! Where do you work?”
The woman looked down at her cup, taking another sip, “the phone company.” She looked back up at Angie who just smiled and nodded politely.
“Well, I hope the city’s been treating you well. I know some of the folks can be rude but you just need to find the right crowd.”
Peggy stared at the waitress. She let her words make their way around her head a few times before smiling and extending her hand.
“In that case, I’m Peggy. Carter, Peggy Carter.”
Angie took the offered hand with a smile.
“I’m Angela Martinelli. Although, only my ma calls me Angela, everyone just calls me Angie.”
From that day on, The Automat became part of Peggy’s routine and Angie, part of Peggy’s life.
December 1946
Angie shook the snow that had fallen on her hair and sighed. Her shift at the Automat had been boring. With all the snow that had been slowly piling up outside, not a lot of customers had dared to make their way outside. She shouldn’t have either, Angie told herself. Her feet were completely wet, so were her clothes and her hair. She was cold and grumpy. She took off her coat and shoes not noticing that her roommate’s were already at their usual place next to hers.
What Angie needed right now was to relax. She needed to clear her mind and make herself feel better. She was about to make her way to the library when she heard a voice and some cursing coming from the living room. She frowned and made her way there instead.
“Peggy? You already home?”
They had been living in Howard’s mansion together for a little over five months now. Angie still didn’t know everything about Peggy and her mysterious work, but she knew enough. They were friends, close friends, who vented after a long day of work and shared stories of the past. The past few days though, Peggy had grown distant, not staying up as late with Angie as she used to, avoiding Angie as much as possible.
“Yes, Angie, I’m in the living room. Don’t come in!” Angie frowned. She was good at pretending she wasn’t bothered by whatever was going on with Peggy but truth was it hurt. It hurt that she was clearly hiding something from her and instead of owning up to it, she was avoiding Angie.
The Italian woman was about to go into the living room anyway and speak a piece of her mind when her roommate appeared in front of her. She blocked her way and looked sheepishly at her.
“Close your eyes.”
“Peggy, what?”
The English woman just walked behind Angie and put her hands on her shoulders. Leaning in, she whispered, “do you trust me?” to which Angie nodded and finally closed her eyes. She felt Peggy guide her into the living room and stopping when they get to the middle of the room. Peggy went back to standing in front of Angie.
“You can open your eyes, now.”
Angie’s first reaction was surprise. She didn’t know exactly what she was expecting but it certainly wasn’t this. The room was decorated with countless fairy lights. A tall Christmas tree proudly stood in the corner of the room, tastefully decorated with gold and red. Angie was shocked to see that a few presents lay underneath it. She looked around the room some more, trying to take it all in and understand what was being presented to her. After a few minutes, her shiny eyes landed on Peggy who hadn’t moved and was contentedly watching Angie’s reaction.
“Since we won’t be spending actual Christmas together, I thought I’d surprise you with an early Christmas celebration.”
At that, Angie could feel her eyes start to water but, truth was, she didn’t give a damn. Her adorable and reserved English roommate had planned an early Christmas celebration for her. They had been talking about it a lot. It was Angie’s favourite time of the year and, as excited that she was to spend Christmas with her crazy (but very lovable) Italian family, she was sad she wouldn’t be able to share it with Peggy.
And so they spent the night in, sharing food, wine and more stories. The lights in the room reflected on their smiles and made Angie’s eyes even brighter than usual. Everytime Angie started laughing, Peggy felt pride swell in her chest. She was the one to bring that happiness to Angie and right now she couldn’t ask for more. She wanted to keep this moment in mind, cherish it forever. The lights, the woman, and the feelings growing stronger with each giggle, she wanted to frame it all.
She knew she’d need to remember this.
January 1948
Peggy sighed, closed the file she was currently reading and put it on the bedside table. She took off her glasses to rub her tired eyes. She put them back on and looked around her bedroom. It felt empty.
Empty is how she felt most of the time since her move to Los Angeles. Leaving New York behind was much more difficult than she expected. It wasn’t as much the city she missed, but the people. Sure, Howard was here, so was Jarvis, thank god, and she was desperate enough to be glad that Daniel and Thompson had also been transferred to their new office in LA. If Peggy were to be perfectly honest, she missed one person in particular.
Without thinking about it, she reached for the phone on her bedside table and called the number she knew by heart. She heard it ring once, twice, to finally be picked up on the third ring.
“Angie Martinelli speaking!”
Peggy held her breath, a sudden rush of emotions leaving her speechless. She wondered how it was possible to miss a person as much as she missed Angie. Simply hearing her voice brought the biggest of smiles on Peggy’s face. Yet, she could still feel sadness creeping behind it.
“Peggy, that you?” She could hear Angie’s frown in her voice and imagine her nose scrunched up in that perfect confused expression of hers.
“Angie, hello, I hope I’m not bothering you,” she seemed to suddenly realize that she had no idea what time it was, what day it was, maybe Angie had something planned. Everything blurred together, leaving Peggy only certain of the fact that she needed to talk to Angie.
“It’s only eight o’clock, grandma!” She smiled fondly at Angie, imagining the smirk the younger woman was certainly sporting.
“I was just about to crack open a book. What have you been up to?”
“I was just reading over some case files. Nothing fancy,” She heard Angie hum on the other side of the line and then silence filled the miles separating them. Peggy remembered a time when those used to be comfortable. How they could simply enjoy each other’s company and it wouldn’t feel forced or anything. It felt like home, it was easy. Right now, Peggy came to realize, they just didn’t know what to say. It had been months since they last saw each other in person, and even though they still made a point to call each other as often as they could, they were losing touch.
Peggy missed being able to go to the dinner to quickly catch up on what was going on with Angie before going back to work. She missed coming home at night to a nice dinner, sometimes a bottle of schnapps, sometimes wine, but always countless stories of disgusting men and 'can you believe he did that?'
Peggy missed Angie.
She wanted to tell Angie. She wanted to tell her how many empty spaces were left around her now that Angie wasn’t with her. Most of her missions felt pointless without Angie around to tell her about them. Her injuries didn’t hurt as much without Angie to tend to them in the dark of night.
She didn’t say any of that.
Instead, Peggy took a steady breath and asked about Angie’s most recent audition. Angie reminded her she had been cast in an off-Broadway show a few weeks ago. Peggy knew that, of course she did. She simply forgot.
With Angie talking about dance rehearsals and stuckup directors, Peggy was left to wonder how on earth she could forget such an important detail in Angie’s life.
December 1948
Angie looked amazing, if she said so herself, and smoking hot, if Howard’s words were to be believed. The point was, Angie felt good in her strapless black dress. It hugged her in all the right places giving her a lean and elegant figure for the evening.
She arrived at the party with Howard Stark as her date and when they started walking the red carpet, the cameras went off, blinding and overwhelming. Really, Angie should have been used to this by now. She had lost count to how many parties she went to in the past couple of months but working with Howard, she guessed, this was bound to happen.
Her move to Los Angeles had felt like natural progression. Howard for some reason had decided to open a movie studio and asked Angie to be a part of it. To say Angie was surprised was an understatement. Howard and Angie hadn’t talked in a little over a year when the offer came in. Yes, Angie had still been living in Howard’s mansion, but the only person she had been in contact with was Jarvis. He had encouraged her to take the job. She hadn’t hesitated.
Much.
Okay, she had almost declined, because her taking the job meant moving to Los Angeles and Angie wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She was a New Yorker, born and raised. Broadway had been her dream. She was afraid of missing her home and yet, after two months that hadn’t happened. At least, not yet.
The party in celebration of the New Years was being held in some fancy hotel Angie hadn’t bothered to remember the name of. She was only here because Howard had insisted and because it was a good way for her to get her name out there. His winning argument, though, was the dress. No one could say Howard Stark had terrible taste in fashion. He had terrible taste in women but that was another thing entirely.
Upon entering in the large ballroom where the party was being held, Howard scooped up two glasses of champagne, handing one to Angie. She smiled gratefully while scanning the room and the people present. Politicians, actresses, actors, singers, models, more politicians, rich white men. The usual. And so they started walking around, making small talk with people they barely even knew, talking about Howard’s new studio.
The party didn’t get interesting until an hour later, when Howard was approached by a man in military uniform. Angie could almost see his mustache buzz with excitement as the man started shaking his hand and patting him on the back.
“Colonel Philips! It’s so nice to see you again,” While Howard looked like a small kid in a candy store, this colonel Philips looked like a bored dad who wasn’t capable of smiling in fear people might discover that he actually had feelings.
“You too. Stark,” turning to Angie with what she guessed was his pleasant face, he offered his hand. She took it and tried not to wince when he squeezed it a bit too hard. She was about to find some excuse to leave Howard to deal with the colonel when his words made her stop in her tracks, “I was talking to Carter earlier about your new studio. She told me it was starting to become quite successful.”
Carter.
Howard shot her a quick look before charmingly smiling back to Philips, “Yes it is, sir. She came to visit a few days ago, said it looked perfect for some spy movies,” Philips looked unimpressed at Howard for some reason. Angie didn’t really care about that.
Peggy Carter had come to the studio a few days ago, the studio Angie worked in. Angie hadn’t seen her which wasn’t surprising considering the studio was huge but still. Peggy could’ve asked Howard to see her or she could’ve looked for Angie herself, she was a goddamn spy, for Christ’s sake. While she internally continued ranting to herself, she failed to notice the couple advancing towards them. It was Howard’s excitement, once again, who brought her out of her reverie.
“Well if it isn’t Margaret Carter, gracing us with her presence.”
Angie almost fainted. She was pretty sure she went brain dead for a second because she hadn’t seen Peggy or heard from her in months and the woman looked stunning. She was wearing a red dress and some fancy jewelry but what struck her was her smile, broad and beautiful. She was looking at Howard like he was an idiot (which he was) and walked up to him to greet him with a hug. That was when Angie looked at the man accompanying Peggy. She recognized him from somewhere but she couldn’t for the life of her remember his name. He must have felt her eyes boring holes on his head because he finally turned to her, extending his hand.
“I’m Daniel Sousa. You’re Angie Martinelli, right?” His smile was charming. Not the same charm as Howard, no, his felt kinder, sweeter. She nodded and suddenly it hit her.
“You’re that Agent that was looking for Peggy. At the Griffith!” He laughed, looking at Peggy like he couldn’t believe that had really happened. If Angie were to really think about it, it didn’t feel real to her either. Finding Peggy outside her window, lying to federal agents to protect her, it all felt like some vivid fever dream she’d had. It felt like it had happened in another life, in a life where Someday had felt like a promise of Forever but looking back at the woman in red in front of her, that hopeful feeling she had felt that day seemed foolish. Peggy was staring back at her with a warm smile.
“It’s nice to see you again, Angie.”
The accent, the brown eyes, Angie forgot where they were for a moment and it was just the two of them, back in her room at the Griffith, drinking schnapps and laughing at terrible jokes in the middle of the night. That felt old too, a distant memory before they each chose different paths. Everything rushed back to Angie and she was suddenly aware of everything around her. The reason she was feeling so strongly right now, why the sight of Peggy in that dress caught her breath and she was suddenly angry. Her fists twitched and a perfectly shaped eyebrow shot up.
“It’s nice to see you too, English.”
It was nice. Angie really was glad to see Peggy in one piece and alive. Yet, she was angry and her voice let Peggy know that. Peggy, at least, had the decency to look guilty. It only lasted a second though, a second, before she went back to standing next to Daniel and let him sneak an arm around her waist.
The conversation started up again around her but she couldn’t make out a single word. All that her senses could make out was that arm on Peggy’s waist, Peggy’s arm around Daniel’s waist and the occasional sickeningly sweet look exchanged between the two. It became too much for Angie and she finally excused herself.
She didn’t know how much time had passed until someone joined her on the empty balcony she had isolated herself in. It didn’t take her much to guess who was standing a few feet behind her, what with the clicking of heels, the familiar perfume and the sudden thumping of her heart.
“It’s a beautiful evening, isn’t it?” Angie scoffed. It got away from her. Peggy was walking again, towards her, slowly, as if to not startle Angie. She ended up standing next to her, both hands on the railing in front of her, looking out to the city. She seemed at a loss of what to say, opening her mouth several times before closing it again.
After a couple of minutes, Angie got tired of watching her poor imitation of a fish and took it upon herself to start a conversation.
“It’s nice to know you’re still alive,” She watched as Peggy winced, that same guilt from earlier making a new appearance. Angie decided to keep going, “I got a little worried with the lack of calls and letters.”
“I didn’t mean to-”
“Of course you didn’t, Peggy!” She finally turned to face the English woman, meeting her brown eyes. She let out a mirthless laugh, shaking her head slowly, “I don’t want you to apologize. I just-” She shrugged. She didn’t know what she wanted. What she knew was that she was glad Peggy was here now, that they’d get a second chance. At friendship.
“So, are you and Howard…” Angie looked at Peggy, waiting for her to finish her sentence. When she didn’t, Angie just looked at her confusedly.
“Are we, what?”
Peggy arched an eyebrow and made a vague hand gesture. Angie kept frowning until she noticed the slight blush on Peggy’s neck and it suddenly dawned on her.
“Oh no! God no! I’m still sane, thank you very much,” Peggy sighed and nodded, muttering a small “thank God” that Angie chose to ignore.
“No, I’m just his date. His friend date. We’re friends. He’s still a womanizer,” a small pause, “but you probably know that since you visited the studio a few days ago.” She watched as a sheepish smile made its way on Peggy’s face. She looked like she was about to try to apologize again so Angie said the first thing that came to mind.
“What about you and Daniel. You looked pretty cosy out there.”
She regretted her words as soon as she saw that broad and beautiful smile again. Peggy was happy and for some reason, it hurt Angie. Just like that, Peggy started filling her in, telling her how they’d only been dating for four months, how great Daniel was and how good she felt. With each smile, each endearing story about Daniel, Angie gripped the railing tighter, until her knuckles turned white. Her jaw was clenched and her smile felt fake. She needed to get away.
Thankfully, Howard chose that exact moment to interrupt them. He escorted them back to their table where Peggy sat next to Daniel and leaned in for a kiss on the cheek. She noticed, with relief, that she wasn’t sitting next to Peggy. Howard was between them and kept making inappropriate jokes as if sensing the tension in the air. He also kept throwing looks at Angie, worried looks, pitying looks, she didn’t really know.
Once again, she found herself staring at Peggy, tuning out the outside world. She shouldn’t have been surprised that they’d lose touch. Peggy had been out here, chasing bad guys or whatever it was that she needed to do. Angie had been in New York, working on the show. They each had gotten busy and drifted apart. It was normal, it happened. It didn’t mean it had hurt any less when Angie found herself awake in the middle of the night, wondering if Peggy was still okay, if she was injured or worse. Yet, she hadn’t called. Peggy hadn’t called either.
Neither had dared.
During her move to L.A, Angie had thought about seeking out Peggy. She was working with Howard who she knew still talked to Peggy from time to time. She could’ve asked Jarvis. She would’ve if it hadn’t felt like she would’ve been bothering Peggy. What would she say to her? They hadn’t shared anything in months, would the English woman still care?
“Angie, you didn’t tell Peggy about your grand Hollywood debut?” She looked to Howard who was staring incredulously back at her. Angie shrugged, smiling shyly at Peggy.
“It’s no big deal, I’m only playing the lead’s sister.”
Peggy’s eyes went huge before her face took on the warm look Angie was so used to back then. Back then, sitting in an old dinner’s booth, looking at Angie like she was the single most important thing in the world.
“Angie, that’s wonderful.”
Her voice was soft and it squeezed at Angie’s heart, leaving her breathless for a second.
Maybe Peggy still would’ve cared. Maybe she should’ve called. Maybe they could try again. Angie swore to herself, then, staring at Peggy’s proud eyes, that she wouldn’t let the English woman go again.
February 1950
It turned out that keeping touch with Peggy was made much easier than she thought. Apparently Howard, Peggy and Colonel Philips had decided to found this new secret agency that used Stark’s Movie Studios as a cover for their Los Angeles’ offices. Angie wasn’t even supposed to know at first but a little added sway to her hips, a wink and a pout worked wonders on Howard Stark.
And so, Angie got to see Peggy everyday, join her on her lunch breaks she wasn’t sharing with Daniel. They slowly fell back to the rhythm that had been theirs before Peggy’s move. They were friendly again. They were back to sharing schnapps on some nights and laughing at terrible jokes. It felt good to have her best friend back
But it seemed that their friendship was bound to end.
A year went by and Peggy was back at being busy. She seemed to be spending more time in the office and when she wasn’t on missions or doing paperwork, she was with Daniel. Angie didn’t blame her, he was her boyfriend after all. Sure, it sucked when Peggy brushed her off with some lame excuse, yet, Angie started doing the same thing. Her own career was slowly picking up and soon she found herself busy with rehearsals and days spent on sets.
Still, she tried to find time for Peggy. She remembered the promise she made to herself and she was willing to do anything to keep it but Peggy made it extremely difficult.
That’s why Angie was currently striding purposefully towards Peggy’s office with Howard on her toes repeating how much of a bad idea that was. She ignored him and opened the door to the office, going in without knocking or permission. She crossed her arms when a confused Peggy looked up from the file on her desk.
“Angie? Is everything alright?”
Angie walked to the desk and slammed both of her hands on it. The sudden noise made Peggy jump slightly as her left eyebrow twitched. She stared Angie for what felt like hours but were probably only a couple of minutes. She got up and swiftly closed the blinds on her office’s windows. She then turned around to face Angie again, standing a few feet away from her.
“Can I help you with anything?” Annoyance poured from Peggy’s words and that only made Angie angrier than she already was.
“Oh, you can act as annoyed and important as you want, Margaret, you’re not getting out of this.”
“Angie, I’ve got work to do,” she gestured to the files still on her desk, “I’m sure whatever got your knickers in a twist can wait until later?”
Angie scoffed, “No, I’m done waiting, Peggy, I’m done waiting for you to make time on your busy schedule for me.”
“Is that what this is about? A cry for attention.”
Angie was offended. Peggy made her sound like a petulant child.
“You know what, yes, this is a cry for attention because you have been ignoring me for the past couple of months,” She saw Peggy open her mouth, “and yes, I know, you’re busy, so am I but I still make time for you, hoping that for once you won’t blow me off!”
She was shouting and to be honest, at this point, she didn’t care anymore. She was fed up. All her frustrations from the last two months, probably even from two years ago, had all piled up and were ready to be spilled.
“I thought we were good, back to normal. I mean we were until you decided that I wasn’t worth your time anymore,” she paused hoping Peggy would interject but all she did was look at the ground, “I should’ve just taken the hint two months ago and back off. Or maybe all those years ago at the Griffith. Maybe I should’ve just drank the whole bottle of schnapps by myself but I didn’t, come un’idiota non lo fatto.”
The Italian meant trouble. Peggy knew it but she found herself unable to move or say anything. She didn’t know what to say or where to start. Angie had basically just confessed to regretting their whole friendship. Her silence wasn’t helping her case and she needed to say something.
Anything.
Angie shook her head and kept muttering in Italian, turning to the door, ready to walk away.
“You’re too much,” Peggy literally facepalmed herself. That had sounded terrible and she cursed her inability to function normally. Still, it had stopped Angie from leaving, even though she looked ready to bite Peggy’s head off.
“You’re too much, you make me… You make me feel too much,” Peggy turned to her desk, slowly walking to it and leaning against it. Angie, for her part, leaned against the door. She tried to make sense of Peggy’s words but the thumping of her heart kept her from focusing on anything.
“Is that,” she started with a small voice, “a bad thing?”
Peggy shrugged.
She looked at her feet then, incapable of maintaining Angie’s gaze, “It shouldn’t be. It isn’t. It feels nice when I’m with you, Angie,” she took a breath and looked up, “It feels nice until I remember that I am supposed to feel that way around Daniel.”
Angie’s heart stopped thumping. She stopped breathing. Everything just stood still. Peggy was still looking at her, begging her to say something.
Anything.
But Angie couldn’t because she had thought of this moment, she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t. Except, when she had imagined it, she was the one confessing her feelings and Peggy was the one rejecting her. She had never dared to hope that her feelings were reciprocated. So she stood, speechless, in front of a tearyeyed Peggy, without a clue as to what she should do.
She took a decision then, and strode to Peggy and took her in her arms. She embraced her as tightly as she possibly could, kissing Peggy’s cheeks catching the tears with her lips. She kissed her forehead and her nose, she kissed fiercely and with all that she had, each kiss telling Peggy something new.
I missed you.
I’m sorry.
I need you.
I care too much too.
The one message she didn’t get was the one Angie desperately wanted her to know. She wasn’t the one who got to tell her. She wasn’t the one Peggy would get home to that evening. She gave her one last kiss on her forehead and separated their bodies. She shook her head, smiling sadly up at Peggy.
“Take care, English.”
She walked away then. Got out of the office, out the Movie Studio onto the busy streets of Los Angeles. She didn’t look back, kept her breathing even. She didn’t tell her everything. She could have.
A kiss on the lips. I love you.