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The light from the lamppost outside of Street’s bedroom filtered through the curtains, providing the only bit of light in the room. Chris could feel the rapid rise and fall of Street’s chest against hers, as he laid on top of her and let out a satisfied sigh. It was a couple of hours after she showed up at his and Luca’s place, demanding Street cancel his date.
Earlier that afternoon, as she paced up and down her living room, Chris couldn’t get the image of an unconscious Street out of her head. Luca’s words echoed through her mind, You keep everyone at a distance like it’s an insurance policy on not getting hurt, but you can’t go through life like that and expect to ever really live. What you and Street have…the risk of getting hurt, that is nothing compared to the pain of never experiencing it. She’d told Luca off, demanding he keep his nose out of her business, but deep down she knew he was right. She was scared and even though she knew undoubtedly that Street would never hurt her like she’d been hurt in the past, she had still convinced herself they would both be better off not being together. Giving them a shot and it ultimately not working out, would mean ruining their relationship and losing the most important person in her life.
Seeing Street out cold, had erased that fear almost instantly. He may have only been down for a few seconds but all Chris could think about during those horrendous seconds was how she had probably lost him before she was able to tell him how much she loved him and how much he meant to her.
Street’s loud gasp for air, after her trembling hand had reluctantly checked for a pulse, meant she might not had missed her chance just yet. But how could she tell him now? It was too late. Besides a grunt, “humph'' or some one-worded responses regarding cases at work, he had barely spoken to her the past two weeks and had made it very clear he was done talking about them.
Chris felt like the walls of her apartment were closing in on her and she had to get out of there. She had to see him, talk to him. Suddenly it felt as if her brain was trying to play catch up with her body, because she had grabbed her keys and headed out the door before she was able to stop herself or talk herself out of what she was about to do. She could hardly recollect the drive over there or the fifteen minutes she sat in her car outside of his house, before eventually knocking on the door. Street had let her in and suddenly the words were flowing out without her being able to stop them.
She had his lips against hers only a few seconds later and it felt better than she could’ve ever imagined. Chris thought she knew the touch of Street’s lips against hers from memory, but this time was unlike the previous times they’d kissed. What started off as soft, gentle kisses, soon turned into hungrier, sloppy kisses. Completely wrapped up in the moment, their emotions guided them, from the living room, to the hall and eventually Street’s bed, as they finally acted on the feelings they’d kept hidden from each other for so very long.
Street gently brushed his lips against Chris’s, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
“Just this? Wauw, okay.”
Chris made a lazy attempt at getting out of his arms, but his muscular body on top of hers made this difficult. Not that she minded, since she had plans on leaving his bed any time soon.
“You know what I mean. I’ve wanted you, all of you, for a really long time.” He snickered, emphasizing he didn't just mean the sex but finally taking the next step in their relationship. No walls up, no pretending and no lying to themselves or each other.
Street’s eyes had adapted to the darkness in the nearly pitch black room and he saw a soft smile appear on Chris’s face.
“Me too.”
“I love you.” He whispered against her lips before perking up, resting his chin on his knuckles. “So now that we’re finally here, can you tell me how long you've wanted this?”
“What do you mean?” Chris pretended not to know what he was getting at.
“We both know I’ve been crazy about you, pretty much from the first conversation we ever had.” Street started.
The casual manner in which he said this, caused a fluttery sensation in Chris’s stomach and she could’ve sworn he felt it too, as he laid on top of her.
“But when did you realize you wanted to be with me?” He continued.
“Oh please, you just wanted to sleep with me when you first met me.”
“That’s not true at all.” He feigned offense.
Chris just glared at him, without saying a word.
“Okay, fine. I did want to sleep with you, but can you blame me? Have you seen yourself?” He relented, getting a small chuckle out of her before continuing. “But even so, that wasn’t all I wanted. I just knew you were unlike anyone I had ever met before.”
Then in one swift motion, with both palms pressed against Street’s chest, Chris pushed him onto his back and straddled him, totally catching him by surprise. She brought her face distractedly close to his, before speaking up in a sultry voice.
“So you're telling me if I had given in to one of your many passes back then, you would have wanted a serious relationship and not just a one‒nighter?”
“Hell no, I would’ve messed that up before we even got started. I can admit that.” He replied with a hand on his chest.
“Good, so then I don’t have to say it.”
“Hey!” Street squeezed both her thighs in a playful manner, eliciting a soft squeal from her. “And don’t think I didn’t realize you avoided answering the question.”
“Come on, you knew I had feelings for you, long before I ever admitted it.” Chris said, as she gently ran a hand through his hair. “You even called me out on pretending a couple of times.”
Street had always worn his heart on his sleeve and had never been afraid of expressing how much he truly cared for her. He knew her through and through, always saw the best in her and stayed, no matter how many times she tried to ice him out or tried to push him away and that terrified her. No one had ever been this bold and forthright about their feelings regarding her and in some way she always felt like he was too good for her and she didn't deserve him.
“Yes, that’s because I wanted you to be honest about your feelings, but you were always very good at shutting me down.” Street let out a nervous chuckle and felt Chris shift uncomfortably on top of him, but he continued. “I mean, there are only so many times someone could tell you it's not going to happen before you actually start to believe it. So I always held out hope, but there was also doubt.”
“You always held out hope, even after…?”
Chris couldn’t bring herself to finish her question and didn’t need to, because Street knew exactly what she meant to ask. Their fight in the SWAT motor pool, right after she had quit, had led her to believe their bond might had been severed forever. She had quit SWAT and there was nothing standing in their way anymore. Yet when he brought up the fact that they finally stood a chance and he was prepared to do whatever it took to be together, she watched the light in his eyes be replaced by soul crushing sadness as she told him she didn't think they were meant to be. After pleading with her to tell him she didn’t love him and getting complete silence in return, he declared he was done . Done talking about them and any potential relationship they could've had.
“Let's just say I really tried to convince myself I had moved on from you, after that day.”
“It really seemed like you had.”
“I canceled my date, didn't I?” He smiled.
“You know there's no reason to have doubts anymore, right?” Chris caressed his face.
“Easier said than done…”
“Street…I'm here, I'm right here.” An almost stern tone to her voice, as she laid her head on his chest and kissed it softly.
“Yes, you are right here. You told me you loved me, I can hold you, I can kiss you and it still doesn't feel real.”
“But it is and I'm really here.”
They stared at each other for a bit, eyes piercing into the other's soul before slowly capturing each other's lips. Pretty soon the mood in the room had changed, as they got carried away and their hands tried touching everywhere at once. However before they could go any further, Street reluctantly pulled away, leaving them both out of breath.
“I hate to ruin a perfect moment, but I really have to pee.”
Chris burst out laughing, burying her face into Street’s chest and he felt the vibrations of her laughter travel through her stomach on top of him.
God, there was truly no better feeling in the world than what he was experiencing in this very moment.
“Seriously, dude?”
“One minute!” He declared while holding up his index finger, before giving her a quick peck on the lips.
Chris quickly dismounted him and rolled onto her back as Street got out of bed and took his time putting on his boxers. Chris let her eyes wander, admiring his sculpted body as much as she could in the dimly lit bedroom. Street noticed her checking him out but decided not to say anything about it, instead he just smirked at her and left the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Once Street disappeared behind the door, Chris slowly started taking in her surroundings. She’d been in his room before, usually to grab his wallet on the nights he treated her to dinner, during one of their after work gatherings at his and Luca’s. But she’d never been in his room for this long, thus never fully being able to take it in. Her eyes immediately caught the yellow candles placed on both his bedside tables, then the television on his dresser, which works perfectly fine but he rarely turns on, because he hates watching television by himself and the book on his bedside table he swears he's been reading, but that has been sitting unopened on his bedside table for months now. His soft bed linen was covered in Street’s smell and Chris reveled in the fact that she was now also completely covered in it. It unnerved her how at peace she felt with being there, in Street’s bedroom, in his bed, after the night they'd spent together. Chris’s train of thought was interrupted when Street reentered the bedroom, a huge grin plastered on his face as he held up two pieces of garments in either hand.
“We left these in the hall.”
It didn't take Chris long to recognize her blouse and Street’s shirt in his hands. They'd been in such a rush to get out of their clothing earlier, they’d ditched their tops in the hall.
“Oh God!” Chris pulled the covers over her head in embarrassment as she stared at the tops in his hands and remembered their earlier activities. She's pretty sure his jeans, along with other items of their clothing would have probably come flying off, if Street hadn't somewhat still been thinking straight and picked her up to carry to his bedroom. Which Chris was grateful for, since she had very clear recollection of unbuttoning Street’s jeans in the hallway and could not have been held responsible for whatever would have happened if he hadn't stopped her. She would however make him pay if he ever dared to utter a word about carrying her to his bedroom and how much she enjoyed him doing so.
Street smiled mischievously, before dropping the clothes on his bedside table and climbing back into bed. He'd only been gone for a few minutes, but she was already desperately craving his body against hers again and it felt so good having him next to her again. He wasted no time wrapping his arms around her, spooning her as he laid a soft kiss on top of her head.
“So about tomorrow, should I just call in sick, to keep you from getting distracted by me on your last day?” Street eventually said.
“You think you're that irresistible, huh?” Chris turned to face him, clearly unimpressed by his comment.
“I mean, I clearly am. I saw you checking me out a few seconds ago.”
“Shut up!” She gently elbowed him in the chest.
“What? I'm just making sure you’ll be okay on your last day.”
“God, am I regretting this yet?” She exasperated as she covered her head with her pillow.
Street just stared at her for a bit, with a soft smile on his face as he enjoyed their little banter.
How did he get so lucky to have met her, have her friendship and now her love?
“I love you.”
“Glad you do, because I'm starting to question if I still love you.” Chris mumbled from under the pillow.
“Too late. You also haven't answered my question yet.” Street nudged her, while he gently tried removing the pillow she was hiding her face under. “Just tell me when you realized you wanted to be with me.”
“Tell you what, since you're the talker, you go first then I'll tell you. And don't say from the moment you first met me, because wanting to sleep with me and wanting to be in a relationship with me are two very different things.”
“Well, you’re pretty fucking hot so of course I was instantly attracted to you.” He smirked. “But as far as my feelings for you go, those developed over time. I've told you this before, but besides Buck I’d never had someone look out for me, the way you have. Then sometime after being kicked off and getting back on SWAT, I realized there were feelings there. But I would never act on those feelings, not just because you were with Ty and Kira at the time but also because you were very clear about never dating a cop, let alone a team mate and I would never want to compromise everything you had worked so hard for. And even putting all of that aside, I honestly never thought you’d feel the same way anyway. That was until we kissed...That night was the first time I thought maybe I wasn't the only one who felt this way and my feelings might be reciprocated but we both know how that turned out...” His words trailed off, as he felt a bit embarrassed to continue.
“Street, I‒” Chris began, the pain in her voice evident, as she remembered how cold she’d been towards him after their first kiss. She immensely regretted the way she handled the aftermath of that kiss, but dealing with her guilt over cheating on Ty and Kira and having to unpack her feelings for him, had almost broken her. The only way she thought to handle the situation best, was to shut him out and not risk any further damage than she had already cost.
Street interrupted her, taking her hand in his and softly rubbed the back with his thumb.
“Hey, we’re here now, so I don't care about all of that anymore.” He reassured her. “But after you made it clear that we were just teammates and nothing would ever happen between us, I told myself I had to move on and I tried, really tried.” He nervously chuckled. “but then Erika got shot and I just couldn't pretend anymore. I had to tell you how I felt.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Chris hesitated a bit.
“Shoot!”
“That night you came over, you know…after Erika died…Would you have told me you loved me, if I hadn't kicked you out?”
Street took a deep breath and looked away for a brief moment, feeling guilty for what he was about to say.
“Probably, which is more than a little shitty, considering Molly…and I know it's not an excuse but I saw Erika’s lifeless body laying on the ground in front of me and it was as if I lost all common sense. I had to tell you how I felt and I didn't care about the repercussions. Listen, I handled the whole situation wrong. I know that. It was unfair to both you and Molly and I've apologized to Molly, but I've never apologized to you and I need you to know how sorry I truly am. I never meant to put you in the middle.” He finally said, his eyes full of remorse.
Chris had been furious with him at the time, for confessing his feelings to her while he was still in a relationship with Molly but tonight, probably for the first time since he showed up at her door after Erika’s funeral, she understood why he did it. Earlier today, she too was confronted with the fear of possibly losing him, confronted with what that fear felt like and that same fear had ultimately brought her to his doorstep tonight, just as it had done him at the time.
Chris drew Street’s face closer to hers and the two shared a languid kiss, as she ran her hand through his soft hair, before she spoke up. She knew he wasn't letting this go and as much as she teased him about it, she did want to tell him when everything changed for her.
“I knew I had feelings for you, even before you got kicked off SWAT but I was very good at lying to myself about it. Then I started dating Ty and Kira and told myself I couldn't possibly have feelings for both you and them and since I met them after you, that meant my feelings for them had to be stronger than my feelings for you. Obviously I learned the hard way after you and I kissed and I still wanted you, maybe even more than I wanted them. But since us wasn't an option, I convinced myself it had to be them and the only way to protect that relationship from my feelings for you, was to fully commit to them and ice you out. That's also why I moved in with them.” Chris sighed a bit embarrassed but continued anyway. “And this sounds really awful but as long as you had no one serious in your life, it made dealing with the situation easier for me. Then Molly showed interest in you and I knew I had no right keeping you from being happy, just to protect my feelings. So as much as it hurt, I helped set up the two of you because I truly wanted you to be happy, especially because I knew I'd broken your heart after our first kiss. Selfishly, I also thought you having someone serious in your life would make it easier for me to stay away from you. Except that wasn't the case at all and seeing you with Molly just hurt, it hurt more than I could’ve ever imagined. I guess that's when I realized, I was just kidding myself into thinking I wouldn't want to be with you, if the circumstances were different.”
They were both silent for a bit, as they processed what they’d both confessed to each other, until Chris playfully pinched Street’s arm, snapping them out of the somewhat serious moment.
“There! Happy now?”
“See, that wasn't that hard, was it?” Street teased, before Chris smacked him across the face with a pillow.
They playfully wrestled each other for the pillow before eventually ending up in the same position they were in earlier, with Street spooning Chris while their hands were clasped together on her stomach. They laid there in comfortable silence, before Chris spoke up again.
“Thanks for being so patient with me all these years.” She said barely above a whisper.
“I would do it over and over again, if it meant ending up with you here every single time.”
“You're such a cheese ball.”
“A cheese ball you love.” He smirked.
“That I do.”
Chris doesn't know when she fell asleep but the next thing she remembered were his soft lips on her body, as he laid a trail of kisses from her neck to her shoulder while his hand slowly made its way up her inner thigh.
“You don't stop, do you?”
No, he simply couldn't. Not when he was finally waking up next to his dream girl. He'd been waiting all of these years and had no more time to waste.