Archive of Our Own

When he is roughly six or seven, he is taken to a taekwondo dojo to learn self-defence.

His mother told him it was to allow her child to open up a little bit. Socialise with kids his age instead of his own older sister who seems mildly annoyed by his presence sometimes.

On the first day of his lessons, Yang Jungwon doesn’t move from the teacher’s office at all. He stays put, kicking his legs up and down and staring at kids who come and go.

His mother was displeased. But having paid for at least a term of lessons, she had no choice but to send him off every Sunday morning to a place where her son was going to do nothing at all.

That is until one fine day when Jungwon decides to stand up for once. His little legs waddle over to the glass walls that overlook the floor where other kids train. It is that day when Jungwon, at seven, finds himself opening the door at last and finally learning the sport.

It was better than he thought. He makes friends, he wins a few mini-competitions. He gets a black belt, no big deal whatsoever.

On the other hand, his sister went through the same thing. Only instead of heading down to dojos, she walks into music rooms to learn the violin.

“Mom?” He asks one day. “Why didn't you make me learn violin instead?”

His mother shrugs. “It just didn't feel like something you would want to do.”

So that was that. But it did make Jungwon wonder, what if he had taken violin lessons instead?

He could have had a choice between sports or music. It was his mother who made that choice for him. It was his mother who chooses once again when she tells some guy who works for BigHit about her talented and handsome son. It was his mother who chooses to drive him to his auditions when he could have easily taken the bus.

This time around when Jungwon gets the e-mail about passing the audition, it is his hands on the reins. He is the one who gets to choose.

So, what will it be?

The idolised life where fame dictates each step of your way. Days of endless hard work all poured into being able to see the people you love smile, sing, dance, Hell maybe even rap. All of this together with people you probably won’t even remember years from now.

Or will it be him never stepping out of his room, unless for the rare family dinners? Going out of the house only to attend school and maybe hang out with friends once or twice. Only having to learn to be a bit more mature and responsible when he’s forced to leave for college?

At sixteen, Yang Jungwon chooses to spend his days and nights surrounded by six boys.

Boys like him trying to figure out their place in the world. Growing an identity is challenging, but somehow, they all make it work.

The company is nice, Jungwon notes. But sometimes, he likes being alone.

Today, he’s taking advantage of his off day and Heeseung’s Netflix account. He’s watched all of the K-dramas on his watch list. Recently, he’s decided to explore Western media. Somehow, he has settled into the “high school drama” genre.

Boy, is he hooked.

“What are you watching?” Heeseung asks as he settles down next to him on the sofa.

“Never Have I Ever. It’s about this First Generation Indian-American girl who messes up a lot, but she still tries. I like the development,” Jungwon answers.

“Cool.” Then Heeseung adds, “Kind of reminds me of my high school days.”

It’s a simple statement. Just Heeseung being a little nostalgic and reminiscing about his high school life. No big deal.

But it becomes a big deal when you’re seventeen and barely even have what’s considered the life of a high schooler.

Jungwon knew what he was signing up for when he was younger. But even when you’re an idol, education is still pivotal. The company knew this.

On the other hand, his parents forbid the idea of dropping school altogether. So twenty per cent of the time, he’s studying in school. Fifty per cent goes to his idol activities. Thirty per cent consists of school assignments from home.

That was basically his high school life.

Hanlim Arts has had idols attend their school. So really, it wasn’t exactly such a vast problem to tackle or anything.

The only issue Jungwon had was lack of… what do you call it, experience?

He doesn’t really know. Maybe all he wants to be is a normal teenager. It’s a thought that recurs from time to time. What if he just dropped the idol gig all of a sudden? What if he’d rather struggle over a complex Maths problem than stress over the well-being of six other people? Why does it always have to be him to cover for others?

Why couldn’t life just give him a break, for God’s sake?

Ha. That’s funny.

“Due to Sunghoon’s health issues, it seems that we may need a replacement for this Friday,” Their manager announces first thing during the meeting.

(The truth is: God has given him ample chances of a break.)

“Now, we’ve narrowed it down to Sunoo because he has more experience but if anyone else wants to take up the offer—“

(He just refuses to accept any of them.)

“I’ll do it,” Jungwon declares.

All heads turn to him immediately. Including the little boy younger than Jungwon himself.

“You’re joking,” Nishimura Riki blurts out.

Their manager raises an eyebrow in Ni-ki’s direction. “Or it seems you’d rather do it yourself, Ni-ki. Is that what you’d like?”

Ni-ki’s eyes remain fixed on Jungwon.

It’s nothing but extremely painful silence on the ride back home. When Jungwon turns, he sees Jake softly raking his fingers through Sunghoon’s hair. He also sees Ni-ki’s eyes boring into his soul.

Jungwon frowns. Strange.

They all reach home in no time. Sunghoon decides to bunk in with Jake for the night. The others file into their rooms. All that’s left is Ni-ki and his eyes full of emotions Jungwon can’t figure out.

So, like the true leader he is, he probes. “Ni-ki, is something the matter?”

No response.

Jungwon sighs. “Hey, I’m sorry. I know we usually spend our Friday evenings together but Sunghoon needs me, okay?”

Ni-ki’s eyes twitch. Then he shoots the question:

“Hyung, what’s your problem?”

To put it simply: they fought.

Ni-ki doesn't talk to him the next day. Or the next. Neither does he even spare a glance in Jungwon’s direction when he leaves for Music Bank.

Whatever.

On another note, emceeing isn’t the most difficult thing to do. As the leader, he’s had to make important, notable speeches in front of large audiences before. So really, it’s not that big of a deal Ni-ki is making.

To be honest, Jungwon barely even has the heart to try to think about Ni-ki’s recent attitude towards him. But he supposes it has been affecting him greatly to the point that Wonyoung asks him about it during their breaks together.

“Nothing, it’s just something with my members,” Jungwon tells her.

Wonyoung raises an eyebrow. “Let me guess. Is it Ni-ki again?”

“It’s not my fault I never know what goes on in his little brain whenever we argue,” Jungwon complains. “And I want to talk to him about it so bad but I also know that it's better to give him his space.”

“There, there. He’ll talk to you eventually.”

“That's what Sunoo-hyung said. And Heeseung-hyung. Jay-hyung too. But it's literally been like almost a week and we're still not talking.” Jungwon sighs. “Do you think he hates me?”

Wonyoung laughs, which she fails to cover up with a cough. Jungwon shoots her a quizzical look. She clears her throat. “Sorry, that shouldn't be funny to me. But um, no. He doesn't hate you. Trust me.”

“That sounded convincing,” Jungwon scoffs.

“I’m serious, Wonie.”

“I’m serious too, Wonyo.”

“Whatever. Believe me or not, do you still want my advice?”

“Not really actually.”

Wonyoung ignores him. “Just wait for when the time is right. You’ll know when that is. I’ve been in his position before so I know what it’s like. People like me and Ni-ki, we’ll come out of our shells when we're ready.”

Jungwon nods, taking in Wonyoung’s words. “But how will I know when he’s ready?”

Suddenly, Wonyoung’s phone pings. On the screen, it displays a notification that Sunghoon had sent her a message.

Wonyoung smiles. “You just do.”

Jungwon finally reaches home at around 9 pm. By then, the other members are usually in their rooms doing their own things. The lights in the living room should not be switched on now. If they are, one of the boys must have forgotten to switch them off.

Of course, that infuriates Jungwon. He hates to be a nagging bitch of a leader but alas, that's what he is.

“Hey! How many times have I told y’all to turn off the lights before you enter your rooms!” He shouts at the top of his lungs.

No response.

Jungwon groans. Typical.

He kicks off his shoes and is about to march down the hallway to bang on each door. But he doesn't. He stops on his steps when he notices a figure lying on the living room couch.

When Jungwon steps forward, he immediately makes out who it is.

“Ni-ki, what are you doing here?” He calls out to the younger boy.

Asleep, Ni-ki only twitches at the mention of his name.

Jungwon sighs. He moves towards the couch, closer to Ni-ki and starts to shake his shoulders a little. “Ni-ki, wake up. The couch isn't a good place to sleep, you know this.”

Ni-ki hums, stirring himself awake. After a few moments, his eyes finally fly open, meeting with Jungwon’s dreary ones.

“Hyung,” Ni-ki says. “You’re home.”

“Yeah, I am.” Jungwon takes a pause. “Were you waiting for me to get back? Or did you just happen to fall asleep on the couch?”

“I don't really want to answer that, to be honest.”

“You know what, just to save your ego, I’m not going to force an answer out of you,” Jungwon says.

Behind them, the microwave dings. Jungwon swerves around, catching sight of the already-cooked ramyeon sitting in the microwave.

“That’s for you,” Ni-ki says quietly. Then he gets up. “Um, goodnight, hyung.”

Then he dashes into his room before Jungwon can even register what happened.

Wow.

Surely, you must be thinking: well that can’t be right. A sixteen-year-old boy can’t exactly be this angsty and messy at the same time. Well, yeah, he’s a teenager, but he’ll at least know how to talk.

Honest to God, Jungwon has always found Nishimura Riki a little bit…

Complicated.

The beginning of the two starts out in a black room with eye-straining white lights. Lo and behold everyone, Belift’s unfinished dance studio. The air conditioning had barely worked, BigHit had barely acknowledged the label as one of their own and Jungwon was barely keeping it together. Everyone was feeling the same way, really. Everyone except the quiet, deathly intimidating fourteen-year-old.

Unfinished or not, Nishimura Riki practically dominated that small studio. There was this sheet they had to sign every time they used the studio so that they could void any potential virus cases. Every single time Jungwon wanted to sign his name, just above his would be the signature of none other than Riki himself. That just terrified him truly.

It’s not only just the sudden gist of hard work and dedication that kid stored in his tiny body, it was also the fact that he was a crazy fucking good dancer.

Jungwon has heard it all. The rumours, the facts, the hearsays, whatever.

“Nishimura Riki is a legend. Seriously. Watch out for him.”

“He’s a little bit scary though.”

“Think anyone has tried to be friends with him?”

“Doubt it.”

The last statement was a lie. For the first time in his life, Jungwon meets Riki when he and another kid are going through their recent routine taught by their trainer.

When the door opens, a head whips then another. The kid next to Riki, for some reason, laughs. His face goes slack when Riki glares at him. Then it’s back to two boys staring at him like he’s the newest animal brought into the zoo.

“Um, hi?” Jungwon manages to say at last.

“Sorry. Hi. Are you using the room too?” Riki is the one to speak up. He has a grip on his friend, tightening as he says, “We can leave if you want. Doesn’t matter. Lots of other rooms to use.”

“No there isn’t–”

Riki nudges his friend in the arm. Jungwon blinks.

“Sorry. Ignore him. Taki’s being weird. He’s always weird. Right?”

“You’re the weird one.”

Riki nudges him again. Jungwon blinks again.

“It’s okay! You guys don’t have to move out. I can just join you guys,” Jungwon says.

Silence.

“What,” Taki says.

“What,” Riki agrees.

“Yeah, it’s the new routine the trainer taught us, right? I thought I recognised the beat,” Jungwon continues. But he’s starting to get wary. What if he just made things awkward instead?

But then Riki smiles at him. A smile. It’s not as bright as the other trainee’s is… what was his name again… Hanbin? But it still suffices.

“Alright. Show us what you got,” Riki invites.

Jungwon doesn’t have much to show. He fumbles a lot because he’s completely forgotten at least half of how the choreography goes. But not because he’s a person to forget half the choreography after a day of learning it. Please, give him some respect. He’ll forget at least a quarter at most.

It’s because Riki is the one instructing him the entire time, with that same smile on his face from earlier. People have said that the boy can be a little mean when he’s teaching, but the kid before Jungwon is laughing it off every time he trips off his feet? What?

Also, there’s the fact that Riki’s friend, Taki, is staring at them the whole time. As well as, giving them this look Jungwon can’t exactly figure out. Ugh, Jungwon’s going to need to decipher that another day.

At the end of the day, the lesson is learnt. Riki isn’t as bad as the rumours say.

But then again, you only get half the story. You weren’t there when Jungwon sees him turn from Riki to Ni-ki. Or when the smile on his face becomes rare each day he danced like his life depended on it. Because it did. The votes got consciously higher, then lower, and then it’s Ni-ki getting sent to Ground.

They never really talked, to be honest. There was casual, lighthearted, small talk. There was the strategy talk. There was the good teamwork talk. You know, workplace buddies talk. A little bit strange to call another boy around your age a ‘workplace buddy’ but that was basically what they were.

Being vulnerable? Jungwon was barely even that open with his closest friends. He wasn't like Jongseong, who was so notoriously known for having his heart stitched on his sleeve. He wasn't like Heeseung whose feelings were easy to read even when he tries to hide them. Even Sunghoon was a more open book than Jungwon ever was.

To be more honest with you, Jungwon didn’t even reach out to Ni-ki until the very last second. It is something he regretted— no, still regrets — up until this very day.

Ni-ki was out on the wooden balcony, practising his moves for the millionth time. Why he decided to vigorously dance in the middle of a summer’s heat is something Jungwon refuses to know. But he doesn’t want to ask, either. Moving on.

Jungwon doesn’t exactly recall the details of the conversation that played out that day. But he does remember one thing.

“You’ll come back, won’t you?” He had asked.

Ni-ki. That poor little boy. Sweet, innocent, naive. He faces Jungwon, tears already on the brink of spilling.

“I don't know,” he mumbled.

Jungwon had no idea what to say. Sixteen, and honestly still so lost about whatever he’s doing in this fucked up place, of course, he had no fucking clue what to say.

So he did what he did best. He wrapped his hands around Ni-ki and pulled him into a hug.

On multiple occasions, Jungwon has been referred to as Ni-ki’s favourite hyung.

Ni-ki hasn't confirmed it. Mostly because he’s a pathological liar and has called each of the other five boys his favourite hyung. But even so, the others have all said something like:

“Nah. You’re his favourite hyung. Trust me,” Jake tells him, even when Jungwon has been convinced all his life that Jake is the one who Ni-ki considers his favourite.

Are there any pros to being Ni-ki’s favourite? Probably. Ni-ki smiles at him the most. Ni-ki gives him the best hugs. Ni-ki steals his food the least often. He gets pranked on the least too, thankfully. Jungwon has seen how livid Jay had gotten when Ni-ki had pulled that shoe stunt on him. (Spoiler alert: the situation was not pretty to deal with.)

So what about the cons then, you may ask?

“Hyung, what’s your problem?”

Ah.

That.

Somehow, by being the favourite, Jungwon also has the most, the worst, the biggest fights with the only member younger than him.

“Okay, first of all, that’s rude. Second of all, what do you mean by that?”

“Like, this. Why are you doing this?”

“Why am I doing what?”

“This!” Ni-ki shrieks out in exasperation. “Putting yourself over others again. Or whatever. I don't know.”

“So you have a problem with me being selfless? Is this what this is?”

Ni-ki doesn't respond. He gives Jungwon a look he can't comprehend. Then he turns and leaves.

Jungwon sighs.

Later after Jungwon washes up, he enters his room only to find Ni-ki curled up under the blankets watching a video on Youtube. Sunoo is still outside in the living room watching Heeseung play a game on the switch. Sunghoon’s in the other room with Jake doing whatever couples usually do.

So the only roommate left is the one who is clearly mad at him. For no reason at all.

“Are we seriously not talking?” Jungwon asks.

Ni-ki’s frown is the only response he gets from the kid.

Jungwon rolls his eyes. He moves towards Ni-ki’s bed.

“What.”

“Don't be rude to me.” Jungwon gestures his head to the side. “Scoot over.”

“No way.”

But Ni-ki does, in fact, shift so that Jungwon can lie down next to him.

“What are you watching?” Jungwon asks.

“Some guy playing this indie horror game.” Ni-ki turns to Jungwon. “I would let you watch but I’m still mad at you.”

“For a reason, I still don't understand,” Jungwon counters.

Ni-ki grimaces. Jungwon mirrors the expression.

“Maybe, you would understand if you left me alone and thought about it,” Ni-ki murmured.

“Come on, Ni-ki. Let’s be mature about this.”

“Yeah, maturity.” Ni-ki shoots Jungwon a glare. “That’s all you ever know how to be.”

Jungwon scowls. “Now what's that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” Someone else cuts the conversation from behind. Next to the bed, Sunoo gives Jungwon a look. “That you should leave our dearest Ni-ki alone.”

“But—” Jungwon tries to protest.

“Out. Now,” Sunoo warns. Jungwon pouts. Nonetheless, he gets out of bed and follows Sunoo out of the room.

“Hyung, where are we going?”

“Away from Ni-ki so that you can stop bothering him,” Sunoo simply replies. “You know how he is when it comes to fights. You really should learn to give him some space.”

“Yeah but that’s not how I like things to go,” Jungwon replies. “I mean, with our schedules and everything, it’s better to resolve things from the get-go.”

“I know and while I respect your way of things, you do realise that Ni-ki isn't anything like you, right?” Sunoo says. “Give him some space and….”

“And?”

“He’ll talk to you eventually.” Sunoo nods towards the door to Heeseung’s room. “Now, get in. You know the drill.”

Living in a room with three other people can be a hassle. Fights tend to break out mostly between the younger ones so one of them will retreat to one of the two other rooms every once in a while. Though when it comes to Sunghoon, it is usually Jake’s and Jay’s room, much to the latter’s annoyance.

Jungwon reflects on Sunoo’s words again. “You think he’ll talk to me?”

“Of course, he will, Wonie.” Sunoo ushers Jungwon into Heeseung’s room, who perks up at the door opening. “You’re his favourite hyung out of all of us, after all.”

There it is again. Yang Jungwon, Ni-ki’s favourite hyung. Ironic. Because at this point, Jungwon is starting to believe that “favourite hyung” is just a synonym for “the person I hate the most”.

Is he being dramatic? Yes. Definitely.

Is Ni-ki being dramatic? Absolutely.

Huh.

Maybe that’s why he’s the favourite hyung after all.

Ni-ki finally starts talking to Jungwon again.

Okay, talking is an overstatement. Ni-ki is acknowledging Jungwon. Whatever their state is, Jungwon thinks it's better than nothing.

For instance, Jungwon can sleep in his original bedroom now. A good thing, too, because Heeseung has been noticeably getting slightly aggravated at having his personal space invaded. He can hide it all he wants, but Jungwon tends to see through him as a leader anyway.

Another thing, Ni-ki’s starting to let him join in during his Fifa sessions now. While he was busy avoiding Jungwon, he would ask Sunoo instead. Over time, Jungwon guessed Ni-ki was getting tired of Sunoo playing one game and leaving right after. Also, perhaps that Sunoo would always win every game they play.

Today would have been no different. Except it wasn’t.

When he enters the dining room that morning, he notices a note placed next to a large cake on the table.

Happy birthday, Wonie!

Sorry most of us couldn't be there. Work calls and everything.

Enjoy the day off, though! We’ll be there for your birthday dinner.

Promise.

Jay and Co.

Today is the ninth day of February in the year 2022. Also known by many as Jungwon’s eighteenth birthday. He’s legal.

Internationally, that is. In Korea, he’s officially nineteen and not yet an adult. But he can do all sorts of adult stuff if he were to travel to the United States or something. That’s pretty crazy if you ask him.

Anyway, it’s not like he planned to do much on his birthday. It’ll just be like any other day where he’ll cook himself some rice and chicken soup. Then eat his lunch in front of the TV playing another one of those US Teen Dramedys he’s invested himself in. Just a normal, typical da—

“Go to the movies with me,” Ni-ki states simply.

Jungwon exits the bathroom right after a morning shower. The first thing he sees is a tall figure standing right in front of him with a GoPro camera in his hand.

Jungwon blinks. “Well isn't this a nice birthday greeting?”

“Please, we can roam the mall right after. I’ll get you a birthday gift or something there. I promise,” Ni-ki adds. “It’ll be pretty empty too. Please, please, please—”

“Okay, okay!” Jungwon cuts him off. “Is this for your en-log vlog?”

Ni-ki nods. “Please. I really want you to be in it.”

Jungwon raises an eyebrow. “You know, we still have things to talk about very much. You know that right?”

“I know.” Ni-ki doesn't say anything for a moment. “But it’s fine. I was just being dramatic.”

“Just being dramatic?” Jungwon almost shrieks.

“Yes. Dramatic. Now can we please move on?”

Jungwon regards Ni-ki. “I just want you to know that I can be someone you can talk to. Like, properly. Like, I know I haven't always been the best but I’m trying and I—”

“I know, I know, I know. But I’m serious about how I was being dramatic the other day. But also, are you following me to the movies or not?”

That honestly sounds so much like bullshit. But Jungwon doesn’t even have it in him to argue. He heaves a long, breathy sigh.

“Fine. I’ll go. But!” He waggles a finger under Ni-ki’s eyes. “We’re still going to have a conversation right after all that. Deal?”

“Deal.”

For further emphasis, they even shake on it.

Ni-ki shoots him a large grin. “I knew you were my favourite hyung for a reason.”

Jungwon rolls his eyes.

The movie that Ni-ki drags a very dazed and confused Jungwon to is the newest Spiderman movie. You know, the one with the other Spidermans and such.

“Haven't you watched this already?” Jungwon asks him right after they get their tickets.

“Yeah but it’s okay. You haven't watched it, right?” Ni-ki replies.

Jungwon nods. “Don't spoil the movie, okay?”

“I won’t. I swear.”

True to his word, Ni-ki doesn't spoil the movie at all. Because midway, he literally falls asleep. Now that's not exactly something Jungwon should nitpick on. The boy can sleep all he wants. Jungwon would also care less if he started dozing off during the advertisements.

The problem is that Ni-ki’s head literally drops onto the right shoulder of Jungwon himself. It would have been completely fine if Ni-ki’s hair strands weren't practically tickling Jungwon’s cheeks. Along with the fact that Jungwon’s heart was literally racing at a million miles per hour.

It’s weird. It’s odd. Jungwon doesn't understand his increased heartbeat. Neither does he comprehend why deep down, he had secretly wished the movie never ended so that Ni-ki could continue sleeping on his shoulder longer.

The feeling washes away the moment Ni-ki wakes up from a jolt by Jungwon.

“Wh… oh, it ended,” He mutters. Then, he turns to Jungwon to flash a smile. “See, I told you I wouldn't spoil the movie.”

“That’s because you slept, dumbass,” Jungwon retorts. “Get up. You promised me we would go shopping. Birthday boy treat and all that.”

“No, I said we could explore the mall. I never said a word about shopping.”

“Whatever. Same difference. Let’s go.”

“Sheesh, annoying much?”

“Ni-ki,” Jungwon hisses.

Ni-ki only sticks out his tongue. Jungwon swears he will get that little shit for good one day.

Much to Jungwon’s delight, Ni-ki allows him to explore the mall just as offered. They window shop at various clothes stores and even a bookstore, which Ni-ki doesn't seem so thrilled by.

“I should bring you to a library one day,” Jungwon remarks when he exits a bookstore with two books in his hand, both recommendations from Sunoo.

“Hard pass,” Ni-ki replies with a crinkled nose.

As they’re walking down the hall, a very large, dark room with bright neon lights hanging from the ceiling catches Ni-ki’s attention.

“Let’s go,” he prompts Jungwon immediately.

“Ni-ki, we just spent so much money on waffles.” Jungwon frowns. “You can't seriously be thinking of spending any more money.”

“But hyung.” Ni-ki gestures to the room. “It’s the arcade.”

Jungwon turns to look at their manager in charge of babysitting them that day. He only shrugs.

“Do whatever you want. I don’t care,” he mumbles.

Jungwon narrows his eyes at him. “Wrong answer, sir.”

“Well, looks like there's no saying no to that.” Ni-ki chuckles. He grabs ahold of Jungwon’s arm. “Come on!”

Admittedly, spending time at the arcade with a friend by your side is undoubtedly fun for any other eighteen-year-old teenage boy. Jungwon has lost count of the number of rounds he’s had at racing cars, punching bags, shooting pucks into goals, shooting mini footballs into goals, shooting hoops into goals… Hmm, it seems that many arcade games are catered to sports for some odd reason. Anyway, the point is that Jungwon had fun.

And it seems that Ni-ki also knows that from how he smiles brightly at Jungwon.

“Hey, how many tickets do we have now?” Ni-ki asks after winning a game of Dance Dance Revolution. “I think we should have enough to get us something.”

Jungwon only pants in response, gripping the bar for his dear life. “Check with… the manager… holy shit….” He shoots Ni-ki an exasperated look. “How the hell are you not tired at all?”

Ni-ki shrugs. “They do call me the 4th Generation Boy Group Dancing Prodigy for a reason.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Jungwon spits out.

Ni-ki grins.

After Ni-ki counts how many tickets they have altogether and Jungwon is finally able to catch his breath after what feels like forever, they have enough to buy a small little plushie at the gifts counter.

“Here,” Ni-ki says, passing the Kuromi plush doll he had chosen to Jungwon. “It’s for you.”

Jungwon blinks. “But most of these tickets are from your winning games. You should keep it.”

“Eh, it’s fine. Take it as my birthday gift for you. Plus, Kuromi suits you better anyway.”

Deciding there's no more arguing with the boy, Jungwon takes the Kuromi plush into his hand. He gives it a little squeeze. Kuromi’s face gets squashed making him giggle a little.

“Thank you, Riki.” Jungwon is so engrossed in the face the Kuromi plush is making that he doesn't even realise the fond smile on Ni-ki’s face as he watches him.

“Ehem,” the manager clears his throat at the side. “Jungwon, Ni-ki, the driver is waiting for us.”

Jungwon and Ni-ki perk up at the mention of their names. They give each other looks before bursting into fits of laughter.

“You know, this is probably the most fun I’ve ever had in my life so far,” Jungwon tells the other boy later when they're in the minivan.

Ni-ki beams. “Nice.”

“To be honest, I really needed that, y’know?” Jungwon adds. “I think you know how to make me feel my age again. It’s not every day where I don't have to act like the leader or just someone with authority in general.”

Ni-ki simply looks at Jungwon.

“When I’m with you, I truly do feel like a teenager again. So, thank you for that. Really.”

Ni-ki doesn't say a word for a while. Then, he says, “You’re welcome.”

Jungwon hums. “But also, not to contradict myself, I must say that we still have things to discuss, Riki.”

“Ah. Right.” Ni-ki’s fingers tap against the minivan seat. “Well, you know what you said about being a teenager again?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.” Ni-ki smiles. “Well, bye.”

And then the boy turns in his seat, plugs in his headphones and doesn't utter another word for the rest of the ride.

Jungwon scowls. He can be so weird sometimes.

It’s what the inner voice says. But Jungwon knows the truth. He knows the point Ni-ki was trying to make the entire time and the worst part is that he also knows that Ni-ki was right.

He sighs. But then he looks back at the Kuromi plush toy in his hand and the frown slowly curls into a smile.

“Hey, Ni-ki?”

Ni-ki hums.

“Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. I was honestly just planning on just spending it alone at home. So it was nice not to be. You know. Lonely.”

Ni-ki nods. “And?”

Jungwon frowns. “And…”

“Go on.” Ni-ki leans forward. “Apologise.”

Jungwon cringes. “Ew, not the TikTok reference. I thought you were better than this?”

“For the record, Disney’s Encanto is its own standalone animated film and not a TikTok thing but go off I guess.”

“Fine. I’m sorry,” Jungwon huffs in retaliation at last. “You were right the entire time.”

Ni-ki smiles. “I knew you were my favourite hyung for a reason.”

Jungwon doesn’t mean to lump a group of people in a hive, so he doesn’t. Instead, he categorises them. He categorises all of his friendships, relationships, and whatever he has with a person. He describes every person in his life with different words and different emotions. It brings him comfort in a sense, to know exactly who to go to for advice on different occasions. Or maybe he just likes reminiscing how someone could mean to him in a way another person couldn’t.

There’s Jay, who says that Jungwon is his lifeline. Jungwon doesn’t want to admit it, but he thinks Jay is his lifeline too. They both know that Jungwon would rather die than ever speak the truth into it. But it’s there like it’s already been spoken for when Jay spends ever so lavishly once again on Jungwon or Jungwon teases the hell out of Jay because he knows the latter would never stop him.

There’s Heeseung, possibly one of Jungwon’s longest friends. Even despite the age gap, he regards Heeseung as an equal. Sometimes. There are times when Heeseung’s opinion on things is different from his. Maybe it’s why Jungwon goes to him the most out of all the other boys for advice on his problems. It also helps that Heeseung is more of a quiet listener too because Jungwon has way too many thoughts for his own good.

Jake and Sunghoon mean the whole world to each other. Jungwon would honestly hate himself for the longest time if he were to ever get in the way of whatever they have. They’re sort of similar in their separate friendships with Jungwon. They take care of him, dearly. They’re there for hugs, for crying into shoulders, for piggyback rides. All that. Jungwon cherishes them too.

Four friendships, all boys slightly older than him. What about the ones closer in age, one might ask?

That’s where Kim Sunoo and Nishimura Riki come in.

Now, Sunoo’s an easy one to decipher. Jungwon has respected him and his skills for the longest time. Screw whatever the producers say about him, he knew from the long run that Sunoo was the hidden ace all the time. But other than that, Sunoo is just great to talk to about anything. He also gives such great advice. He’s honestly a little bit underrated in that area.

That leaves none other than… Nishimura Riki.

The day the three of them first did their live together as a subunit, Jungwon first establishes what he is to both of them. He’s not dumb. He’s sixteen. He knows that Ni-ki and Sunoo are closer to each other because they’ve been allowed to spend more time with each other. Jungwon has never once stepped foot into Ground. Sunoo and Ni-ki had spent at least half the show together in that small little black box. They were probably everything to each other the same way that Jake and Sunghoon were everything to each other.

Jungwon is just there. He just happens to be there. Right now, he doesn’t want to be anywhere but there.

Funny. Should Jungwon even be jealous of a trauma bond?

“Hey, you okay?”

Jungwon looks up. He’s been fiddling with the little noodle straps dangling from his blue hoodie near the end of the live. That’s over now. Sunoo is behind the camera, talking with the staff and receiving feedback.

It’s Ni-ki who asks the question. Nishimura Riki has removed the hood of his green hoodie, now revealing his dirty blond hair. At his age, Jungwon’s mother would have had his head if he ever returned home with his hair like that.

“Um, yeah. I’m fine. Just tired from practice. You know how that went,” he answers.

“Definitely. It was fucking brutal, don’t you think? Probably our worst session yet,” Ni-ki agrees.

Huh. Interesting. Jungwon didn't think Ni-ki would swear so openly in front of him. In Korean too. Should he be worried?

“Hey, are you doing anything later once we reach home?” Ni-ki asks.

“I don’t think so.” Jungwon frowns. “Why?”

“Do you want to watch Formula One with me?” Ni-ki offers. “Tonight’s the qualifying round in Germany.”

Jungwon has no idea what the hell is a qualifying round. He also has no idea how Formula One worked, other than a bunch of cool cars going round and round in circles on a track.

“Don’t you usually watch those with Heeseung-hyung?” Jungwon says.

“Oh, yeah. He does. And they constantly fight over the podium rankings too,” Sunoo suddenly inserts himself into the conversation.

Jungwon gives him a look. Sunoo returns it.

“What, I like to watch the races too. It’s fun to see our eldest and youngest brawl over their favourite teams.”

“Wait, so you're watching?”

Sunoo shrugs. “Why not?”

“See, Sunoo-hyung’s watching. You should watch it too. In fact, we can get all of the boys to watch and get them to support Red Bull,” Ni-ki throws in the idea with a huge grin.

“Heeseung-hyung will kill you for that,” Sunoo points out. Ni-ki waves him off. Sunoo turns back to Jungwon. “Hey, it’ll be fun. Get the boys to gather around. Quality bonding and all that. Isn't that what you always preach about?”

Well, can’t go wrong with that.

At around 9 pm after all of them had finished dinner which Jay had cooked (rather costly, in Jungwon’s opinion), Heeseung had run straight for the television in the living room. He is followed by Ni-ki who is barking away about how Red Bull will definitely be on the podium for tonight and Sunoo who is giggling at the whole ordeal.

“Another race? Again?” Jay speaks up from behind Jungwon. “They’re watching damn cars go around and around instead of helping me out with washing the dishes?”

“Not a race, actually. Qualifying,” Jungwon points out.

Jay gives him a look. “Don’t tell me you’re going to get pulled into that shit too.”

“Oi, don’t swear in front of the kid,” Jake pipes up from next to him. Jay glares at him.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes. “Like you’re any fucking better, Jake.”

Jake’s mouth drops wide open. His eyes dart back and forth between Sunghoon and Jungwon. “The kid is right there!”

“Relax, Jake. I’m sixteen,” Jungwon says before Jake can say anything else about how that’s still a child in his eyes. “Anyway, I think it would be quite fun to join the boys in front of the TV today.”

Jay purses his lips. “I guess…”

Jay’s scowl disappears the moment Jungwon offers to help him with washing the dishes. The two yet-to-be lovebirds, Jake and Sunghoon on the other hand have already taken refuge on the couch next to Sunoo who is simply observing the quarrelling between Ni-ki and Heeseung.

“Jungwon-hyung! Hurry up with the dishes! Red Bull is winning!” Ni-ki shrieks from the living room. This is met by Heeseung throwing a hissy fit and defending his own favourite team.

“Are you really going to watch the race?” Jay asks.

“Qualifying round,” Jungwon reminds. “And yeah. Right after all this, of course.”

Jay gives him a look.

“What? Ni-ki asked. I can’t exactly say ‘no’ to him.”

“But you say ‘no’ to me all the time.”

“Yeah, because it’s you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The two of them finally get done with the dishes after a while of bickering. As Jay takes in the sight of Heeseung complaining over how Red Bull is winning, Jungwon takes the seat in between Sunoo and Ni-ki.

“You look very happy for once,” Jungwon remarks.

Ni-ki grins. “Best day of my life.”

Turns out, Ni-ki can be a bit of a huge jinx. Because Valtteri Bottas from Heeseung’s favourite team, Mercedes, ends up snatching the pole position. Jungwon has no idea what the Hell that means. All he knows is that it’s Heeseung 1 and Ni-ki 0.

He climbs into bed that night with Ni-ki already in it. For some reason, whenever the boy has a mini tantrum he goes straight to Jungwon’s bed to sulk.

“That bad?” Jungwon asks.

Ni-ki gravely nods.

Jungwon hums. However, he doesn't join Ni-ki in bed.

Instead, he finds himself heading over to Heeseung’s room who is still up and cheering over his win.

“Hyung.”

“What the— oh. Jungwon!” Heeseung scowls. “Oh no. What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” Jungwon taps his fingers against his shorts. “Can I ask a favour?”

Heeseung nods.

“Can you teach me all about Formula One?”

That night, Jungwon finally learns what the hell a qualifying round is. He learns all the terms, how many teams there are, and how many drivers there are. Heeseung tries to give an unbiased view on introducing the drivers and teams, but Jungwon can hear the slight excitement in his voice when he talks about Mercedes in general.

“I’m going to be honest. Why are you suddenly so interested in the motorsport?” Heeseung asks him in between explaining the type of tyres and races.

Jungwon thinks. He thinks about Ni-ki’s big smile seeing those silly cars go around the track. He thinks about Ni-ki jumping up and down when Verstappen gets the fastest lap at one point. He thinks about how he’ll get to see Ni-ki’s happiest whenever he gets to start a conversation about racing cars, of all things.

But to answer Heeseung, Jungwon just shrugs.

The next morning after breakfast, Jungwon finds Ni-ki still sulking. This time around in his own bed. By the looks of it, he has resorted to playing Kart Rider on his phone.

“Hey, Ni-ki,” Jungwon greets.

He gets back a grunt in reply.

“So, I got some news,” He continues. “I got Heeseung-hyung to teach me all about F1.”

Ni-ki’s head shoots up faster than lightning. “What?”

“Yeah. I finally know what a qualifying round is. But bad news, my favourite drivers and team aren’t Red Bull…”

“That’s okay. I’ll fix that later. But holy shit! Finally!” Ni-ki’s eyes are sparkling. They're literally sparkling. “Now we can just reel in the others now! I think Sunoo-hyung’s getting there. He called Alex Albon kinda hot.”

“He what now?” Jungwon sputters.

Ni-ki chuckles. “You should have been there! Jay-hyung’s face was priceless.”

There it is. That smile of his. The one Jungwon wanted to see from the moment he asked Heeseung to literally speedrun a lecture about Formula One at midnight. Clearly, there was no need to do so. Why had he done it?

That day, Yang Jungwon establishes what Ni-ki is to him.

With Ni-ki, it’s learning that sometimes you do silly things your brain would hate for you to do but still do for another. Because it brings the other person so much joy. And it brings Jungwon so much joy too. He loves to see Ni-ki smile all the damn time.

And he realises, with a pang, that he loves to be the one to make Ni-ki smile all the damn time.

It’s been a while since they’ve all hosted one of those Dance Jam Lives. Since Heeseung, Jake and Jay are all busy with their own schedules, that left the roommates to entertain fans with their spectacular dancing skills. Ni-ki’s words, not Jungwon’s.

Today’s playlist isn’t all that terrible, considering that it’s finally Sunoo’s turn on the aux. Jungwon was starting to get sick of the heavy rap songs Jake and Jay always put on. Nothing against the genre, but the obscene lyrics had caused him enough headaches. So naturally, he feels very much relieved when he hears the tune of (G)I-DLE's Tomboy.

“Oh, I know this song,” Ni-ki remarks.

Sunoo beams. “Wanna learn the choreography?”

Jungwon watches the two from behind, where he’s warming up with Sunghoon. It’s a known fact that Sunoo is the Resident Girl Group Stan of the group. Not far behind Sunoo’s rank would probably be Ni-ki. Then Jungwon himself and maybe Sunghoon, since he likes Red Velvet so much. Then, Jay, Jake and Heeseung all share the rank of dead last. Pretty pathetic, to be honest.

“Hey, Jungwon-hyung,” Ni-ki suddenly calls out. “Learn this with us.”

Jungwon shakes his head violently. “No way, I’ll just embarrass myself!”

“Come onnnnn.” Ni-ki then grabs Jungwon by the hand, pulling him to the front of the mirror.

Despite his reluctance, Jungwon learns the choreography pretty quickly thanks to Ni-ki’s instructions. Though granted, Ni-ki was very much snappy in the way he instructed the moves. Jake says it’s because of his inner edgy girl group stan (read: orbit) persona coming out, whatever the hell that means.

(“Why can’t he just say I like Loona and leave it at that?”

“I have no clue.”)

Anyway, he gets it after a while. Then, they do a little TikTok to celebrate the moment. Sunoo decides it’s time for a song change and something… unexpected happens.

Instead of another song by a K-pop girl group, what instead blares is noisy guitars, bass and drums.

Next to Jungwon, Ni-ki gasps. “You listened to my Babymetal recommendations!”

“Of course I did,” Sunoo says as if that was obvious.

Ni-ki swivels around, back to Jungwon. “Hyung.”

“What.”

“Dance with me.”

“But Ni-ki,” Jungwon sputters. “It’s heavy metal.”

“Exactly.” Ni-ki grins. “Just copy whatever the hell those two are doing!”

Ni-ki gestures to the older boys in the room. Sunghoon and Sunoo are… not exactly…. dancing. Sunoo is doing his usual shuffle with his hair swishing from side to side and his hands flailing about. Sunghoon is…

“Is that supposed to be Sunghoon-hyung doing a headbang?” Jungwon squints.

“I guess. I don't know. You know how Sunghoon-hyung is.”

“As the leader of the group, I am deeply concerned.”

“Well as a Babymetal enthusiast? I, for one, am deeply concerned about why you’re not dancing!” Ni-ki exclaims.

So Ni-ki pulls Jungwon to the middle of the room. With his hand still holding on tightly onto Jungwon’s, he throws his hand up a little, giving Jungwon a spin. Jungwon, as the little music lover he made his career to be, ends up giving in to the music. The painful, headache-inducing music somehow can sound so good even if it’s fucking with his head.

Jungwon giggles at Ni-ki when he does what Sunghoon did, headbanging. He claps his hands in delight, and in the end, he does it too.

Then it hits Jungwon. In front of the staff’s phone camera, for thousands of their fans to see, are a bunch of teenagers literally making a fool out of themselves on Youtube Live. To heavy death metal. The least idol thing an idol should even think of doing.

But Jungwon knows the staff wouldn't really care unless they repeat the swears in songs or say something completely inappropriate.

Quite frankly, Jungwon doesn't really care that much either.

Not when midway while dancing, he has this big smile on his face, all thanks to the serotonin boost in his body. That, plus this giddy wave he’s feeling, is mirrored by the boy next to him.

Nishimura Riki is… pretty.

Yang Jungwon isn't blind. He isn't one to lie either. He doesn't know how the hell he ended up debuting in a group with six other good-looking boys.

But Ni-ki’s beauty has always been something he’s been enamoured by, even if the other doesn't know it yet.

The music changes. Jungwon’s haze abruptly ends. The adrenaline stops kicking in and his legs give into lethargy. He falls to the ground. Next to him, Ni-ki follows.

“I don't think I can dance anymore.”

“Me too,” Ni-ki agrees.

Jungwon faces him. Ni-ki faces him too.

Just like that, the giddy feeling returns. Nishimura Riki, that sick, oblivious fucker, gives him a wide smile that Jungwon knows shouldn't be making him want to bang his head against the wall so that he can experience the feeling of seeing it again for the first time. Jungwon is not entirely sure how that will work but whatever.

“We should end the live,” Ni-ki says.

Ah. “Right.”

Jungwon instantly gets up on his feet. Anything to get him to stop looking at the boy in what is probably awe, much to his embarrassment. He gives the fans a bunch of vigorous waves and flying kisses. He shouts, “Goodbye, Engenes! See you! We’re ending the live now!” He turns the camera off, then the phone then it’s Sunghoon asking if anyone wants drinks from the café.

“I don’t mind getting one,” Ni-ki says. He turns to Jungwon. “You coming?”

“I wish. Caffeine’s just going to make my headache stronger,” Jungwon replies. “Plus, I have a meeting with the manager anyway.”

“Okay. Well, we’ll see y’all at the dorm, yeah?”

With that, the other three leave the room. Jungwon is alone with his thoughts once again. He reaches for his chest and feels his beating heart. Huh, that's weird. The giddy feeling, it’s still there.

Suddenly, Jungwon’s phone rings. When he picks up, it’s his manager.

“Hyunhee-nim! Sorry, I’ll be there in a while. I’m just wrapping it up in the studio.”

“That’s okay. Take your time.” Pause. “Just that there's something else.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Kind of missed a super important detail out.” Another pause. “Could you bring Ni-ki with you later?”

Jungwon doesn't know how he ends up in situations like these.

Turns out, the meeting with Hyunhee wasn't just a normal ‘going-over-schedules’ meeting. It involved one of the people working at Mnet. More specifically, Studio Choom. They wanted Ni-ki to be the first to lead their new series. One that highlights the dancing skills of duos, or whatever.

So that's where the problem comes in, a duo.

Jungwon foresaw the maknae choosing anyone else but him. Perhaps Sunghoon, since they're a well-coordinated pair when it comes to dancing. The answer was obvious.

Yet, who did Ni-ki pick?

“You,” Ni-ki says one night as they're getting ready for bed.

“I’m sorry?” Jungwon probes, despite knowing already what Ni-ki meant. He just wants to make sure his life isn't this crazy yet.

“I choose you,” Ni-ki adds, like Jungwon’s some fucking pokemon. “Do the Mix & Max thing with me.”

Jungwon sighs. “‘Ni-ki…”

“Come on! We’ll have a lot of fun and…”

“Ni-ki, it’s not like I don't want to do it. It’s just there have been so many other things I have to do as a leader. Our schedules are already as hectic as they are, I don't know if I want another thing added to the pile.”

“Yeah but, it won't be a ‘schedule’ thing.” Ni-ki gets up from his bed to pounce onto the space before Jungwon on his. “It’ll just be you and me, having fun.”

Jungwon scowls. Ni-ki grins.

“I don't know,” Jungwon mumbles.

“The other hyungs know what to do. I mean. They're hyungs,” Ni-ki points out. “Besides, when have we ever done something together for fun on camera?”

“I mean, there was en-log.”

“Besides en-log, that is.”

Jungwon’s lips press into a thin line as he thinks. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

Ni-ki smiles. “I couldn't be more excited.”

Jungwon hates to admit it, but Ni-ki was right.

He’s missed dancing. He’s missed finding the pulse in a song and being able to groove along to it. He’s missed the silly notion of counting to four in his head every time he takes a step forward. He’s missed the very thing that made him want to be an idol in the first place.

Jungwon has watched the choreography sketch a million times. He’s memorized the little details, added his own things and has been praised for executing it perfectly.

But even so, nothing ever compares to Nishimura Riki and his own craft.

Watching Ni-ki dance never fails to give Jungwon whiplash. It’s like he was the one who invented dance eons ago. How the Hell some guy around his age can control his body with such ease is simply astounding.

But that wasn't the only thing that was making Jungwon stare at Ni-ki longer than he ought to. Oh no.

You see, Ni-ki has started to grow out his hair. Not by a lot, but enough for him to get sick of the damp hair on the skin of his neck. Jungwon can only watch with gritted teeth as Ni-ki reaches into his pocket to fish out a fucking hairband, then run his hair back, then uses said hairband to tie his hair back into a ponytail.

He looked exactly like that boy from the anime, Horimiya. The same exact character that Sunoo laughed at because Jungwon called him “fine as hell”. He isn’t blind, alright. He’s clearly gay with a pair of working eyes.

And right now those pair of eyes are transmitting the nerve signals to his brain, where the thoughts simply scream: Pretty.

That’s it.

Pretty.

Nishimura Riki is pretty. He is so pretty that when he dances, Jungwon can barely even move. And he needs to move because this is a dance practice. And if he doesn't move he can't practise. If he can’t practise then the rehearsal is fucked, leading to a fucked performance and then he is fucked for life. He’ll be kicked down from the leadership position then kicked out from the group then—

“Hyung, are you okay?”

Ni-ki is staring at him all concerned. Nishimura Riki with the pretty hair and the pretty face and the pretty voice and—

“Jungwon-hyung?” Ni-ki repeats.

Jungwon finally snaps out of it by clearing his throat. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine. Good. Just a little tired. Probably a headache or something. All good.”

Ni-ki stares at him for a while. Then, he moves over to the stereo speakers on the other side of the room and switches the music off.

Jungwon frowns. “Why’d you turn off the music? We’re still practising, aren't we?”

“Yeah but, you look really out of it. So, we’re taking a break.”

Jungwon blinks. “What.”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I know I did. It’s just.” Jungwon gives him a look. “You absolutely hate breaks.”

“So do you. But I want to be better than you at that, so we’re taking a break.”

Jungwon takes a while to process Ni-ki’s words. “Yeah, I have no idea what you just said.”

“Come on, we’ll practise again in the evening or something!” Ni-ki assures. “Now, how about bowling?”

“Bowling,” Jungwon repeats.

Ni-ki nods.

“Ni-ki, my body feels like it’s literally about to break anytime soon.”

“Fine! Not bowling then.” Ni-ki thinks. “What about a Netflix binge?”

“Yeah, I guess that works.” Jungwon shrugs.

Ni-ki grins. “It’s a date then.”

Jungwon’s head swivels faster than lightning. “What?”

“Hm?” Ni-ki hums.

“The thing you just said. What did you say?”

“Nothing,” Ni-ki replies. “I said nothing.”

Jungwon scowls. “Liar.”

Ni-ki cackles. Jungwon lets him win, knowing full well what he just said and how it’s definitely making him blush like absolute crazy. Ughhhhhhh.

So that’s basically how Jungwon finds himself in the lounge with Ni-ki by his side. They got some chips from the nearby vending machine to snack on as they watched the fourth season of the Formula One documentary, Drive to Survive.

“Thought you said you already binged the entire season in one sitting,” Jungwon says later when they’re done with the first episode.

“Hey, I can get through this without being bored. I did the same with Spiderman,” Ni-ki reasons.

“You literally fell asleep halfway through the movie,” Jungwon recalls.

“Oh yeah…”

On-screen, Mercedes manages to overtake Redbull before losing that position to Redbull again. There’s a bundle of swears being hurled from the Mercedes garage and not in a fun way.

“Who’d you say your favourite was again?” Ni-ki asks.

“Charles Leclerc. CL16. Ferrari,” Jungwon answers like it's a fact he recited by heart. “And yours is still that Dutchman?”

“Nah, I’m over him and Redbull. That is until they get their shit together.” Ni-ki laughs. “Alphatauri is where it’s at, now.”

“Ah. So like… another Redbull team?”

Ni-ki blinks. “No…? Wait. I don't know. Maybe?”

Jungwon hums. “Redbull has you in a chokehold, admit it.”

“Maaaaaaaybe,” Ni-ki says with that annoyingly teasing tone which somehow sounds like flirting to Jungwon.

Wait. Is he flirting? Is Nishimura Riki capable of having romantic feelings? Scratch that, is Nishimura Riki even capable of having feelings for him?

“You know what I just realized?” Ni-ki exclaims out of the blue. “Gasly and I have the same official numbers. It’s like, we’re meant to be.”

“Well, I guess I do like Lando. Maybe we're meant to be too, going by your logic,” Jungwon points out.

“What? No. You can't have Lando.”

Jungwon raises an eyebrow at him. “What why? Do you like Lando?”

“What? Please,” Ni-ki scoffs. “I like you.”

Jungwon instantly turns. The tips of Ni-ki’s ears burn.

“Sorry, not what I meant. I mean—”

Whatever explanation or excuse Ni-ki was going to give, Jungwon didn't hear it. Because the next thing he knows, the gears in his mind have stopped working and his lips have crashed into Ni-ki’s.

Jungwon has no idea what has gotten into him. He’ll probably blame it on the fact that the dim, warm lighting in the lounge makes Ni-ki somehow glow brighter than usual. Or that he couldn't take just seeing Ni-ki with his hair tied up and not kiss him on the spot.

Jungwon declares that it’s probably all of the above.

Sometime after processing whatever the hell just happened, Jungwon feels Ni-ki kiss him back. He’d be lying if he said it didn't feel nice. Ni-ki’s lips tasted like strawberry chapstick, which Jungwon knows was definitely stolen from Sunoo’s side of the makeup table.

Jungwon pulls away first. He looks at Ni-ki who looks at him back with a small smile curled into his face. It’s like he knows. It’s like he wants to say something. Only, the moment he opens his mouth, Jungwon’s phone suddenly rings.

“Hello?” Jungwon answers after picking up his phone from his lap. He looks at the caller’s ID. “Jay-hyung?”

“Where the hell are you? You’re not in any of the dance studios,” Jay yelps on the other line.

“I’m in the lounge with Ni-ki,” Jungwon replies. “Why? Did something happen?

“It’s Jake. He had another one of his meltdowns.”

Jungwon’s eyes widen.

“We need to get back home immediately. I’ll meet you upstairs at the lounge and pick y’all up. Stay there.”

Jay hangs up right after that.

“Hey, you alright? What happened?” Ni-ki asks.

Jungwon hates how soft his voice sounds.

“Jungwon?”

Jungwon hates how he’s dropped the honorifics for him.

Jungwon clears his throat. “We have to go home. Now. It’s Jake-hyung.”

Ni-ki nods. “And then we’ll talk, right?”

Jungwon doesn't reply.

Jake has taken over Heeseung’s room when Jungwon reaches the dorm later at night. He heaves out a sigh of relief when he sees Jake leafing through a magazine with his ANC headphones tucked onto his head.

Heeseung himself is preparing to sleep in a bed that isn't his own and Jay, Sunoo and Ni-ki had gone downstairs to buy extra snacks for the team. That leaves a very anxious roommate for Jungwon who is sitting on the couch with his eyes trained on the door to Heeseung’s room.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?” Jungwon asks.

Sunghoon sighs. “That one stupid dance instructor was being a bitch again. He was singling Jake out a lot for the pettiest reasons. We all defended him, of course, but the instructor only ignored us and he hit the breaking point and… yeah.”

Jungwon frowns. “We need to get him fired soon.”

“You really think we could do that? He’s been teaching for so long.”

“Doesn't matter. I’ll figure something out,” Jungwon says. “If our staff is all for advocating for neurodivergent rights, then they would have no problem with me voicing out a heavy complaint.”

“Jungwon, I really don't want to get Jake’s hopes up or anything. You sure you can do it?”

“I’ll talk to Manager Kim. She’ll understand. She better understand or so help me God,” Jungwon adds. “I promise.”

Sunghoon gives him a soft smile. “Thank you, Leader-nim.”

Jungwon’s nose crinkles. “Ew, don't do that.”

“What? Thank you?”

“No! If anything you haven't been thanking me enough. I meant that stupid title.”

Sunghoon raises an eyebrow at him. “But you are the leader though, right?”

“Well, yeah but it’s cringy.”

“You know, embarrassing is a word. Like, an actual word.”

“Shut up,” Jungwon hisses.

Sunghoon chuckles.

The front door clicks open. The next thing that happens is Sunoo dashing into the living room with a frantic Jay running after him and Ni-ki casually strolling from behind with a strawberry lollipop in his mouth.

“Kim Sunoo! You’re going to regret this, I swear!” Jay yells.

Sunoo has somehow managed to take refuge behind Sunghoon and Jungwon on the couch. He’s standing on the surface, the red plastic bag full of the snacks they bought dangling low from his elbow. He pokes his tongue out at Jay, taunting him menacingly.

Jungwon laughs. Jay is not going to win this one.

How right Jungwon was. For Jay stops dead in his tracks, right at the edge of the couch. His eyes go slack, sharpening a glare.

“Why, you insufferable—”

“Oi,” Jungwon warns. “No swearing.”

“Fuck off, Wonie,” Sunoo yaps from behind.

Jungwon rolls his eyes. Be a leader, they said… it’ll be fun, they said…

“Leave them be. They're just bickering because Jay-hyung asked Sunoo-hyung to buy snacks with his money while he went to withdraw cash,” Ni-ki explains. “Sunoo-hyung did that, but also not really.”

Jungwon stares at Ni-ki, trying to process what he meant. Then, he snatches the plastic bag from Sunoo and opens it.

“No fucking way,” Sunghoon breathes out.

“No fucking way indeed,” Jay huffs.

Inside, Sunoo had bought an array of snacks to choose from. Pocket sticks, cookies, every snack you could basically name. However, Jay had forgotten to take into account who Kim Sunoo was exactly.

“It’s all mint chocolate,” Jungwon states the obvious observation.

“And you’re all going to enjoy each one tidbit!” Sunoo exclaims. He snatches back the plastic bag from Jungwon and prances into the kitchen before anyone could even protest and beg him to get a refund from the store.

“So. I’m definitely going down to the store again first thing in the morning,” Jay declares.

He leaves after that. Followed by Sunghoon who shudders at Jay’s statement and says he’s going to check on Jake for a while.

So that left Nishimura Riki with a lollipop no more in his mouth sitting beside Yang Jungwon whose heart feels as brittle as said lollipop from how much it’s been shaking.

“You didn't give me a response earlier,” Ni-ki breaks the silence first.

Jungwon raises an eyebrow at him. “Pardon?”

“Back at the lounge after Jay-hyung called. I asked if we could talk after we find out if Jake-hyung’s okay,” Ni-ki elaborates for Jungwon.

“Oh. Right.”

“Or,” Ni-ki leans forward. “We could just sit here in silence. Your choice.”

Judging from the short distance between them, it’s clear to Jungwon what the younger one was trying to initiate. But Jungwon’s head was barely even working. Even if he could practically tell how red Ni-ki’s lips were all thanks to him earlier and how badly he wanted to do it again—

A door clicks open. When Jungwon turns, it’s Jake still having his headphones on and walking towards the kitchen.

I should have been there.

That’s all that echoes in Jungwon’s head.

He should have been there in the studio for dance practice. He should have been there to snap at their dance instructor before things took a downward turn. He should have been there to take the fall instead of lazing around on a couch in the lounge, having an attempt at the teenage coming-of-age romance he was doomed to never have.

“Jungwon?”

Jake goes back into the room.

Jungwon’s head swerves to the front. “Um. Maybe not now.”

“That’s okay, we can—”

“No, I mean.” Jungwon takes a massive breath in. “No.”

What?

Ni-ki scowls. “What?”

“This.” Jungwon turns back towards the other. “This can't happen. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.”

What am I saying? Jungwon has no idea who’s taking the reigns at the top of his head. Jungwon has no idea who’s jamming the buttons manned by logic in his brain. They're not taking into account the yearning of his heart, and they certainly never will.

“But…” Ni-ki’s voice has lost its pride. It’s lost its usual bright tone, full of colour. It’s losing its pitch, its volume, its recognisability. “You kissed me.”

Those three words were dropped to a muffled whisper, yet they still sounded like a piercing siren cutting through Jungwon’s eardrums.

He squeezes his eyes shut, praying that the tears won't fall.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s all Jungwon manages to whisper. Until he’s rushing out of the room and has to now live with the fact that he’s definitely fucked up.

Look, it may seem like it but Jungwon swears he’s not scared of love.

When he is still sixteen and none of them has even hit the age of twenty yet, he watches a K-drama on his phone. It’s a pretty cheesy one. But it does make him wonder about a few things.

“Sunoo-hyung.”

“What.”

“What would your opinion be if.” Jungwon hesitates. “I got together with someone.”

“That depends. Who’s the someone?”

“Um, anyone I guess.”

The truth is, not to anyone’s surprise, there is someone Jungwon had in mind. He’s been living there rent-free for the past eight months or so. For you see, Jungwon hasn't exactly been retelling everything.

So we’ll do the honours of rewinding back to none other than the day in the studio.

Riki’s name filled above Jungwon’s. Jungwon checking if the studio was free to use. Cut to Taki’s wide-eyed and agape expression. Riki’s surprised look that was quickly replaced with a small smile.

Riki who was a great teacher. Riki who had always struck him as the most amazing dancer to ever grace this Earth.

Riki, who after all that endless dancing and practising, bids goodbye to Taki and invites Jungwon out for lunch.

Honestly, Jungwon basically had to do a double-take when he first heard Ni-ki’s offer.

He follows him out. They get lunch at the nearest ramyeon shop which Jungwon didn’t even know existed. Probably because he usually eats in the canteen every day. They have a daily schedule for the food rollout so Jungwon would have been eating fried rice instead if not for Riki.

It was quiet when Jungwon settled into the booth, sitting opposite Riki. He drummed his fingers against the tabletop, looking at Riki who was looking somewhere else. Jungwon shifts his eyes to find out what Riki’s looking at only to find a board.

Oh, right. The menu. Riki was looking at the menu. So Jungwon also looked at the menu because he needed to know what food to order. Though, there was a slight problem: Jungwon’s nerves were starting to get to him. The words on the board started to jumble and Jungwon was barely making sense of what food the shop was actually serving.

“Do you want to get the same thing I’m getting?”

Riki’s voice shakes Jungwon from the sudden spiral. He turns to look at the other boy, who seems to have caught onto Jungwon’s frenzy judging from his look of concern.

“Uh, yeah. Sure. I don’t mind.”

So Riki helps to order for both of them by getting two bowls of Chicken Ramyeon.

Thankfully, Riki has quite the taste when it comes to food for Jungwon finds himself very much enjoying the food before him. He’s always been such a picky eater. It’s something his older sister nags him about constantly. So it comes as a surprise that the moment he takes a bite, he feels his face suddenly light up.

“Wow, this is really good,” Jungwon comments. He looks up, expecting Riki to agree or give him a smug look. But the other doesn't.

Instead, his eyes are trained on something somewhere else. Or rather, someone else. Jungwon watches as Riki begins to rise from his seat, trying to take a glance at the other BigHit and Belift trainees who are seated near the front door.

Curious himself, he decides to really take a look at who those trainees are. He almost laughs when he realizes who they are.

Lee Heeseung, the well-known ace who took after Choi Yeonjun’s role the moment he debuted, accompanied by the likes of Park Sunghoon, Jay and more.

Jungwon looks back at Riki, who leans forward to probably try to make out what they're saying.

“I could introduce you to them, you know,” Jungwon decides to offer.

Riki instantly looks at him. Jungwon notes the small twinkle in his eyes.

“You’d do that for me?” Riki’s voice has dropped to a whisper.

Jungwon can’t help but smile. Cute.

“Yeah! They’re my friends. I’m sure they’d like to know you too. Do you want to shift to their tables?”

Riki looks back at the older boys. For a moment, he does consider the idea. But then he looks back at Jungwon and shrugs.

“Maybe another day. I’d rather eat lunch with you anyway. You’re nice to be around,” Riki says.

Jungwon is amused. Slightly. But mostly, he feels the rate of his pulse suddenly shooting up. For some reason, he can’t really put a finger on it. Regardless, his voice is somehow steady when he asks:

“Didn’t we just meet?”

Riki nods. “Well, yeah.”

“So how can you be so quick to know what my company feels like?”

Riki looks like he wants to answer, judging from the look he gives Jungwon before looking back down at his food.

“Just a hunch,” he mumbles.

Hm. Interesting. Very, very interesting.

They continue their lunch. There's a bit of small talk here and there. But really it’s mostly just silence. Mostly because Jungwon is savouring every bit of his food. Also, Riki seems to be more content with the silence.

“So, are you going back to practice now?” Riki asks Jungwon once they’re heading back to the company.

“Are you going back to the studio?” Jungwon decides to ask back.

Riki nods. “I got some moves I still need to practise.”

Wow. He must really live in that studio at this point.

“Well, I would love to join but I, unfortunately, have vocal lessons to attend to,” Jungwon says.

Riki pouts. “Aw.”

Cute. Shut up.

Jungwon goes through the vocal lessons pretty easily. His teacher gives him some warmups to do. They practise singing the notes at higher interval jumps. They go through the importance of tone and dictation and that’s it.

He thanks his teacher and leaves the small room. When he steps into the hallway, he can roughly hear the bass bouncing off walls from dance studios. The entire level was dedicated to training rooms. Hence, while you were probably practising your scales in one room, be it on the keyboard or by singing it, you were bound to hear a raging EDM Hip Hop track regardless.

Jungwon prays for the day the company gets better budgeting for soundproofing.

He walks down the hallway, peering into glass windows to see trainees like him practising as a way of fighting for their dreams. Then, he stops at one door which belongs to none other than the dance studio itself.

From where he stands, Jungwon can see Riki still dancing with all of his might. He’s dancing to some hip-hop track he has never heard of. It must be a song not taught by their teachers. Riki could be freestyling or maybe choreographing. Should he ask?

So there he is. One hand on the handle. He’s about to enter when suddenly, he sees it.

Her, more rather. Another figure appeared at Riki’s side. It’s a girl. She looks to be around their age and she’s right next to Riki, laughing at something he says.

Jungwon has never seen her before. He didn’t even know Belift allowed the male and female trainees to be able to practise together. He didn’t even know that Riki was able to smile as how he did with Jungwon with another person.

Deciding he would hate to provoke whatever the Hell is going on in that studio, Jungwon leaves.

Strange. He doesn’t remember his heart feeling this heavy before.

It doesn’t click in his head when Jungwon sees Riki for the first time after a long while in the black room when the survival show that must not be named finally begins. Riki with his cute haircut, and his mischievous smile all decked out in an oversized pink shirt. Riki introduces himself as Ni-ki. Jungwon wonders why his heart is basically doing all kinds of acrobatics whenever the younger decides to join him for practice.

When Ni-ki comes back after being sent to Ground for God knows how long, Jungwon is relieved. When he’s certain there are no cameras around, he finally does say something to him.

“Congratulations, you’re back.”

Three words. Three pathetic words. That’s all Jungwon knew to say. But even so, Ni-ki still smiled. Then, it was Jungwon’s heart going back to being a world-renowned gymnast.

When he watches Ni-ki perform DNA for one of the final remaining challenges. He did exceptionally well, obviously. He had easily defeated his own performance with I Need You. The judges may not have agreed but whatever. Jungwon knows the real truth. (Not really. But, anyway.)

Jungwon had asked to take a selca with the other, and Ni-ki agreed. So they did. Jungwon throws up a peace sign with a smile. Ni-ki follows.

It is only then, it clicks in his head as to why he’s been acting differently around Ni-ki as compared to the others.

It clicks when Ni-ki brushes his shoulder against Jungwon’s as he leans in closer to have a look at the gazillion selfies they took. Ni-ki is quite literally so close next to Jungwon that he can get a whiff of the strawberry shampoo Sunoo had managed to snag for all of them. Ni-ki must have stolen it from him. No surprise there.

“Cute,” Ni-ki suddenly remarks. He zooms in on Jungwon’s face and taps it repeatedly as if to emphasize his comment.

“No way,” Jungwon responds after a while of processing what the hell the boy just said.

Then, Ni-ki turns to face Jungwon and Jungwon has to force himself not to keel over on the spot. He can practically feel his cheeks burning up from how close they are, along with his heart suddenly twinging with ache.

It clicks when he realizes that he may or may not have a small, tiny crush on Nishimura Riki since forever.

But anyway, back to where we left off.

Back to where Sunoo hums at Jungwon’s vague response. It seems like he knows that Jungwon evidently has someone specific in his mind. But Jungwon would rather die than admit some little crush to Sunoo of all people. He loves him, he respects him, he’s fond of him. But Kim Sunoo has been prone to be a little gossiper. As Taylor Swift would put it, an Inez.

“Well, if you are willing to ask out who I think you will ask out then honestly I would think you're insane and you can do better.”

“Hyung.”

“Kidding. Sort of.” Sunoo laughs. “But if he makes you happy, then sure. Go for it. I’m sure he can be the one for you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

So there we have it. Yang Jungwon, is ready to anticipate all kinds of people to love. Whatever God has in store for him, be it a Prince Charming or a soulmate or even a boy-next-door type. Jungwon was prepared.

Though, that wasn't until October came along.

It starts with Heeseung carefully opening the door to check if anyone else was there in the room. His face was nothing short of grave fear as he stepped towards Jungwon. They talk for a while, mostly about F1 and that turns into soft chuckles. Then the laughter dies and Heeseung says it straight-up:

“Jungwon-ah, I think it’d be in the group’s best interest if you were the leader.”

It doesn't take Jungwon by surprise that much. He’s kind of been expecting it ever since their manager brought it up. The process was long and dreary. Heeseung had been fighting an internal struggle in his mind if he even wanted to carry yet another weight on his frail shoulders. Jay had assured them that he wouldn't mind leading the team and Jake and Sunghoon both came from two different worlds where the concept of being an idol was still very new to them.

That left them with the remaining three, where Sunoo looked just as anxious as Heeseung was at the idea of the given responsibility. On the other hand, Ni-ki was still so young.

Technically, so was he. Yang Jungwon. Sixteen. Leader of Enhypen, the 4th Generation Rookie Boy Group soon to lead the entire world by storm.

But then it also leads to arguments with well, who else?

Screaming and fighting. That one time it was raining like crazy and Jungwon had stormed out of the restaurant, only to hear the scampering of feet stepping on puddles and then he was being embraced from behind. To add on, the countless nights which still did not end at 2 am when he was cursing the other boy’s name.

Yet. Despite all this, Jungwon finds himself falling.

Jungwon wakes up with Sunoo sitting at his own bunk scrolling through TikTok. He knows what app it is because the sound of annoying short audio was exactly the thing that woke him up. Sunghoon’s bed is empty, meaning he’s probably having breakfast and Ni-ki…

Well, to put it simply, his bed is still made. This means he could have either slept in Sunoo’s bed last night or didn't even enter the room at all.

Jungwon assumes it’s the latter. He sighs.

“Morning, Jungwon-ah,” Sunoo greets from where he is.

“Morning,” Jungwon replies. “Say, you don’t happen to know if Ni-ki—”

“He slept with Heeseung-hyung last night,” Sunoo answers before Jungwon can even finish. “Sunghoon slept in Jake’s room. Separate air mattress on the floor.”

So Jungwon was right then. He groans, burying his head into his hands. “Hyung, I think I fucked up.”

Sunoo scoffs. “You think?”

Jungwon groans again. It is way too early for this. He needs to take a shower, clear his head and then figure out what the Hell to do about the boy he clearly likes but doesn’t allow himself to. Then he needs to explain why he did what he did. Now that’s going to take a while because, to be honest? He doesn't know. That’s the most frustrating part of it all.

“Fuck. My. Life,” Jungwon says.

Sunoo agrees. He puts down his phone and faces Jungwon. “Not that you need it or anything, but do you want my advice?”

“No, not really.”

Sunoo ignores him. “Before you even think about talking to Ni-ki, maybe you should think about the real reason why you’re hurting yourself this much to the point that you had to hurt my dearest Riki.”

Jungwon scowls. “I’m not afraid of love if that's what you’re insinuating.”

“I wasn't. I don't think it ever was either.” Sunoo gives him a look. “I know how much you like him, you know. In fact, how long has it even been? Like, two years?”

Two years. Technically. If you count the day he officially met Ni-ki in the studio and all that followed after. But if you want to know the exact day he started to fall way deeper than he should, then…

“Oi, are you guys not up yet?” Jay pops his head into the room. “We got practice in like, half an hour. Did you forget?”

Jungwon did in fact forget. But he’s not going to admit that to Jay. That would be embarrassing. So he instead asks, “Is everyone going?”

Jay shakes his head. “Just us three and Ni-ki. Sunghoon and Heeseung-hyung’s gonna stay at home with Jake.”

“Damn. Heeseung-hyung's about to be a third wheel,” Sunoo pipes up from the other end of the room.

Jay shrugs. “Whatever it is, we need to move. Now.”

So there goes whatever plan Jungwon had in mind about fixing things with Ni-ki. Now they’re going to have to hurdle through another wave of awkward silence during yet another dance practice. It wouldn't have mattered too much to Jungwon if it weren't for the context behind it.

Today’s dance practice is simple enough. At least, that’s what Jungwon had hoped for. No. It’s fucking torture. It’s a whole new challenge full of footwork that feels impossible to memorize and has sharp moves that are a nightmare to execute.

As if Jungwon’s head didn't feel muddled enough with the sudden information overload, Ni-ki obviously picks up the new dance routine with ease.

It doesn't come off as a surprise to Jungwon. I mean, come on. It’s Nishimura Riki. He’s the 4th Gen Dancing Prodigy or whatever the fans say. Of course, he’s going to be able to learn a new dance that quickly.

But alas, that’s not the reason why Jungwon feels so put off by Ni-ki’s presence in the room.

It’s the fact that he had tied up his long hair again. Jungwon could have beef with him but he’s still just a man. A simple man who loves other men. Yang Jungwon, a simple man, is so whipped for Nishimura Riki and his pretty long, black hair that he stares at him instead of dancing… and trips and falls.

“Jungwon-ah!” Jay yelps.

Jungwon winces, clutching his ankle. He looks up, expecting Jay to fuss over him and nags about the importance of staying focused whenever they dance. Only, instead of Jay, another figure takes his place.

Pretty. It’s all his stupid gay brain can think as he looks up at Ni-ki. Ni-ki, who’s looking all concerned, is studying Jungwon carefully.

“Jungwon-ah, can you please answer?” Sunoo quips from behind Jungwon.

“Huh?” Jungwon blinks.

“I asked if you’re okay,” Ni-ki repeats.

Jungwon looks up at Ni-ki again. Bad mistake. Pretty. So pretty. Jungwon looks back down, knowing fully well how hot his cheeks are from burning up.

“Well?” Ni-ki asks. “Are you okay?”

Jungwon nods.

“Okay.” Ni-ki’s voice is soft. “Mind telling me what happened, then?”

“I tripped,” Jungwon mumbles. Because I was staring too hard at your pretty face.

“Sorry, what?”

And then.

Oh.

That fucker.

You know what the fucker does.

He fucking leans in. Closer. So close that Jungwon wants to yank him by the hair and pull him in for a kiss right on the spot.

But Jungwon still has some form of dignity in him it seems. He takes a deep breath in and repeats himself. “I tripped and then I fell. I think I might have sprained my ankle or something.”

Ni-ki looks down at Jungwon’s ankle which he has been trying to soothe the pain for a while. Ni-ki nods.

“Okay, you stay here. Sunoo-hyung, help me get Jungwon up onto the couch. Jay-hyung, could you get Olivia-nim back here?” Ni-ki starts to order.

“Ugh, who made you the boss?” Sunoo whines. But he helps Ni-ki anyway.

Jungwon manages to pull himself up somehow. His ankle hurts like a bitch but he makes it towards the couch at least.

Sunoo begins to yap away about how it’s not Jungwon’s fault the choreography is so hard that he fell. Meanwhile, Ni-ki gets the first-aid kit from one of the cupboards.

Jungwon watches as Ni-ki presses a bag of ice against his ankle. He realizes with a pang how close they were on the couch. The moment felt eerily like deja vu, bringing Jungwon back to the day when he somehow had the guts to do the unimaginable.

Watching Ni-ki take care of him makes him want to do it again. Pull the other closer towards him. If it weren't for his sprained ankle and their current circumstance, Jungwon might have just crawled into Ni-ki’s lap and kissed him senseless right on the spot.

Maybe, if Sunoo wasn't around, he would have done just exactly that. Maybe, if he didn't fuck it all up, he could be having Ni-ki’s hands wrapped around his waist and his own hands all curled up in Ni-ki’s hair.

“Your face is red,” Sunoo suddenly remarks, pulling Jungwon out of his daydream.

“No, it is not!” Jungwon quickly denies it. Even though he knows Sunoo is just stating his observation. He buries his head into his hands. “Leave me alone, oh my God.”

Sunoo hums.

Jungwon peeks through the holes of his fingers, seeing if Ni-ki had any sort of reaction. But he must have not heard Sunoo at all. He’s still tending to Jungwon’s ankle, applying pressure with the ice bag in his hand.

Their dance teacher finally comes into the room with Jay following not far from behind. She checks on Jungwon and deduces that it would be better if they all had gone home early for the day, considering the string of events that had happened consecutively in a row due to dance practices.

When they finally reach home, Ni-ki has helped Jungwon onto the couch in the living room. He has refused any sort of help from the other hyungs whenever they offered, saying that he could handle it and that he’s strong enough to carry Jungwon around or something.

“Riki?”

Ni-ki hums.

“Why are you even helping me?” Jungwon asks. “Don’t you hate me for what I did?”

Ni-ki chuckles. “Jungwon, you know I could never hate you.”

Honorifics dropped. Jungwon is so confused. “But I hurt you.”

“Not intentionally.”

“But—”

“Jungwon.” Ni-ki sighs. “I can handle rejection, you know. Besides, I already know why you did it.”

“For the record, I’m not afraid of love or getting into a relationship if that’s what you figured out.”

Ni-ki scoffs. “Please, we both knew from the get-go that you’re massively head over heels for me.”

“Excuse me?” Jungwon gives Ni-ki a look.

He brings his hands up as if to surrender. “Hey, I’m just stating facts.”

Jungwon rolls his eyes. “I guess you are,” he admits. “So, what is it exactly that you figured out?”

“Wonie. I think you’ve forgotten how well I know you. Do I have to say it out loud?”

“Yeah. What if you get it wrong? What if you don't know me as much as you think you do?”

“Okay, now we’re just derailing.”

“Spit it out, man,” Jungwon commands.

“Fine.” Ni-ki leans back on the couch. “You like me.”

“Yes.”

“And I like you. You want something to spark between us, that’s a given. I do too. I always have. But you lived for the thrill of the chase. You were perfectly content with pining after me because nothing was ever going to happen anyway.”

“Until I kissed you,” Jungwon adds. “And you kissed me back.”

“That confirmed that it was time for the next stage, a relationship.”

“Which I’m not afraid of having.”

“Yet, something holds you back,” Ni-ki points out. He moves in closer. “It’s not the fear of love or the fear of commitment. It's the fear of control.”

Jungwon casts a look at Ni-ki. From the look on his face, it seems that Ni-ki knows he’s got it right.

“Or rather, a lack of it. Getting into a relationship with me just meant another responsibility to uphold on your sexy, broad shoulders.”

Jungwon blinks. “I mean, you’re right but why the hell are you calling my shoulders sexy.”

Ni-ki raises an eyebrow at him. Like as if Jungwon is the one being ridiculous during such a serious moment. “Because they are?”

Jungwon doesn't know what to say. So he lets his blushing red cheeks do the talking for him. “Okay, um. Go on.”

“Right. Sexy shoulders. Huge responsibility. Question is, could you handle that? Or will everything just spiral out of your control?”

Jungwon doesn't know what to say again. Because Nishimura Riki has gotten it all down to a T. But he still tries. “Ni-ki…”

“Jungwon, did you ever consider that maybe in the future there would be a chance that things would get a lot less messy and you’d be able to achieve the dream of being with me?”

Jungwon stills. “No, I didn't.”

Ni-ki turns. “Hyung, I hope you know that I’m completely fine with waiting. Whatever timeline you’re on, I want to be there right by your side still. No matter how long it takes, I want to be there to catch you when you fall.”

Jungwon wants to make a joke about how ironic Ni-ki is saying that. Considering, he did fall earlier and Ni-ki wasn't quick enough to catch him.

But Ni-ki was quicker than anyone else in the room to run to his aid. So maybe there is some truth to his statement.

Before Jungwon can even muster a reply, Jay and Heeseung are debating over who is going to win the first-ever Formula One race of the 2022 season that night. Heeseung, the devout Mercedes fan, is already having his bets set on either Hamilton or Russel. Jay, also a Mercedes fan, doesn't want to get too hopeful and hopelessly says that Red Bull was probably going to win anyway.

Heeseung looks at the two of them on the couch. He looks pretty amused. “So you guys thought you could beat us to the best seat on the couch, huh?”

“Ooh, is the Bahrain Grand Prix already starting?” Sunoo suddenly exclaims. It’s not long before he dives into the space next to Jungwon. “Did you guys know that Albon is back for the grid this year?”

“Yes, you told us like. A million times,” Sunghoon says. Behind him is Jake, already pulling on his Mclaren hoodie.

“Hm, I don't remember all of us liking to see racing cars go around a track this much,” Ni-ki says. He looks at Jungwon. “You think Ferrari’s gonna win today?”

“Dear God, I hope not,” Heeseung says.

Jungwon rolls his eyes. Then he turns back to Ni-ki. “Honestly, I’m just praying at this point for goodness sake. Being a Ferrari fan just amounts to so much stress.”

“Word,” Sunghoon chimes in.

“Shut up, Sunghoon. You like Alpine,” Sunoo retorts.

“What the hell is wrong with Esteban Ocon? He’s pretty good, isn't he?”

“Yeah, he is. But his car looks trash as hell. Such an ugly shade of pink. Who even decided that?”

“You make your entire personality about liking the colour pink. How the fuck do you not like a car because it’s pink?”

“Well if the car looks ugly then—”

“Oh my fucking God, can y’all shut up? Russel is literally on the screen like, right now.”

Upon Jay’s request, all of them magically shut up. George Russell walks onto the screen with none other than Jungwon’s favourite, Charles Leclerc, at his side.

“God, he’s so fine,” Jake suddenly says. It’s the first thing he’s said in a very, very long while.

“Um, hello?” Sunghoon side-eyes his boyfriend. Jake only laughs.

By some miracle, Ferrari wins that night.

The moment the red car with the number 16 printed on it dashed across the finishing line, Jungwon was waving his fists in the air. Then, it’s arms looped around his waist and the next thing he knows, Ni-ki is carrying him high up in the air.

The whole situation looked so silly. Jay and Heeseung were shrugging but sharing a few smiles. Sunoo was sulking because Alex was a few positions away from getting points. Jake was resting his head on Sunghoon’s shoulder out of sadness that neither of the Mclarens had gotten a point. Sunghoon on the other hand was trying not to smile because Ocon at least finished in seventh place.

However chaotic they looked, it didn't matter.

Ni-ki has settled Jungwon down on the floor and he’s looking into Jungwon’s eyes like he’s the only thing in this world. Jungwon’s ankle still hurts, but the pain doesn't seem so unbearable when he has Ni-ki looking down at him like that.

God, he looks so pretty. It’s all Jungwon thinks. It’s probably all he can think of whenever he looks at Ni-ki at this rate. Man. He is so, so cheesy.

“You said you'd wait for me, right?” Jungwon finds himself whispering.

Ni-ki nods. “For as long as you need.”

The Monday that follows, Sunoo and Jay had an overnight camp at their school. It had something to do with a graduation thing or something. That meant, Sunghoon got to sleep in Jake’s room that night while Ni-ki was still outside in the living room playing Fifa with Heeseung until who knows when.

That left Jungwon all alone in the room. He was left with nothing but peace. Now, he can finally rest and pull up some Netflix on his phone and—

wonyo

oi

wanna play ovw

Jungwon stares at the message. He sighs.

Me

What the hell wonyo

It’s literally 2am???????

wonyo

so

Me

You’re insane

wonyo

zzzz

anywayz

offer’s still up

im alr on discord

gaeul fawkin left me

to sleep or whatever

Me

Gaeul????

wonyo

gaeul-unnie

whatever

do u want to play or not

Me

…Gaeul???

wonyo

shut up

Me

So like

Are y’all….

wonyo

idk

ill tell u when we play

i promise

Me

Okay 🤭

I’ll call on discord?

wonyo

ya

“Gaeul and I are dating, by the way,” Wonyoung says straight up once they’ve finally won an intense match. Now, they’re in the queue getting ready for another game.

“Isn’t she like, 20?”

“19, actually. Going on 20 in October. And I’m 17 going on 18 in August.”

“Uh oh. That sounds like—”

“Shut the fuck up. Oh my God. Sunoo-ssi introducing you to TikTok was a fucking mistake, oh my God I hate you.”

“Like Hell you do.”

Wonyoung doesn’t respond to that. “But yeah. I mean, I wouldn’t say we’re officially girlfriends yet but. We’re seeing each other, yeah.”

“That doesn't sound so textbook lesbian of you. Thought y’all would be married by now.”

“Um, okay? Gay on gay crime?” Jungwon can practically sense Wonyoung rolling her eyes. “Anyway, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Heard from a good friend that you and a certain someone have been getting close. Did you finally stop being a pussy and actually confess?”

Jungwon blinks. “Sunghoon knows?!”

Wonyoung gasps. “That Ni-ki likes you? All this time? Yes!”

Silence. “Okay, what the fuck?”

“Everyone knows, babe. I think even Chaewon-unnie caught on faster than you did. She’s seen you walk around with Ni-ki and said something along the lines of, ‘Never knew Jungwon-ssi had a boyfriend. Their height difference is really cute.’ I’m telling you. The shock on her face when I told her y’all weren't dating? Priceless.”

Jungwon wants to say something. But the screen loads and the next match finally begins. He throws out whatever thoughts he has out the window as he clicks on Symmetra’s little icon. He’ll ask Wonyoung later once they’ve won this thing.

They don't win.

Jungwon gets distracted a lot. Wonyoung is hurling all kinds of curse words at the Genji who kept spamming the commands to heal him. He can only watch in dismay as his competitive points go down when they return to the home screen.

“Ugh, I hate men. Next time, I’m playing tank,” Wonyoung snaps. She realizes Jungwon hasn't really said anything yet. “Wonie? Are you okay? We can log off right now if you’re tired.”

“Wonyo, how do you handle it?”

“Pardon?”

“You’re dating Gaeul-ssi, right?”

“Well, I guess if you put it that way. Yeah.” Pause. “You want to know how I handle it?”

“Yeah. Like, you’re the leader too, aren't you? Aren't you too busy for a relationship?”

“Well, to be honest with you? Not to sound like a shitty person or anything, but I don't really fucking care. The leader position only comes in handy when I’m the one who has to call the shots or whatever. But really, everything we do, it’s more of like a team effort.

“Yeah, maybe I’m just lucky that my team is really put-together and it’s easier for us to navigate through problems with quick-solving skills. Or maybe it’s because we all help each other out. Like, a lot. It’s only been like what, a few months? But we’re already done with our first comeback and to be honest, I think we’re doing pretty great.”

“But really it’s also because I really, really like Gaeul. She’s so kind, she’s pretty, and she’s always there for me. She’s always been on my side since day one because she puts her trust in me so being a leader doesn't really feel all that excruciating.

“I mean yeah, I have my moments. But it’s also not that bad. You know what I’m saying?”

“I think so,” Jungwon says. He looks at the clock. 2.45 AM. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or whatever that suddenly evokes this huge burst of energy in him. But if he didn't do this exact thing he needed to do, he’d be damned.

“Hey, I think I’ll log off for the night. I kinda need to do something. Rerun this Friday night?”

“You bet.”

Nishimura Riki.

He’s the person Yang Jungwon so desperately needs to find right now. The only problem is, when he checks the living room, Ni-ki isn’t there. It’s just Heeseung playing against some AI and losing terribly to it. Not good luck for his hyung to be honest. But whatever, that’s not what matters right now.

“Where is Riki?” Jungwon asks.

Heeseung shrugs.

Great, just great.

But then something catches Jungwon’s eyes. The front door is left ajar. When Jungwon looks at the shoe rack, he sees that Ni-ki’s sandals were gone. This meant he couldn’t have gone far. Where else could he have gone? Especially at this hour?

Then, it hits him. Of course. Where else?

Jungwon quickly slips on his sandals. He runs out of the door and runs up the stairs up. When he crushes his weight against the door towards the rooftop, he sees his figure clearly. Sitting on a bench overlooking the apartment’s rooftop garden.

“Riki?” Jungwon softly calls out to him.

Ni-ki looks up at the mention of his name. “Hyung.”

Jungwon takes a seat in the spot next to Ni-ki. “Hey.”

“How did you know I was even here?” Ni-ki asks. “Did Heeseung-hyung tell you? He’s not very good at keeping secrets.”

Jungwon giggles. “No, I actually figured it out myself.”

“Ah.” Ni-ki scowls. “How?”

“I had a hunch. I’ve kinda seen you leave the room in the middle of the night. Then when I hear the sound of the front door open, I realise you’ve left the dorm and I get worried. But then I check the tracking from your phone and notice that you’re still in the building and you would never leave without your phone. So, I tried the main lobby. Nada. Tried the rooftop and boom, there you are.”

“Wait, you can track me with my phone?”

“It’s just the ‘Where’s my iPhone’ app. Saved a lot of us from getting separated a lot of times. You remember last year, right?”

“Oh yeah….” Ni-ki shudders. “Never again.”

“Precisely.”

Silence.

“Can I ask you a question?” Ni-ki asks. Jungwon looks at him, confused. But he nods.

“When did you really start to fall for me?”

“Specifically? The day we met. You were just so cool dancing. Of course, I had a crush on you.” Jungwon laughs. “But you want to know the exact time I think I fell in love?”

Ni-ki nods.

“The summer of last year. I was studying for my mid-years. You kept bugging me about seeing you try different outfits. Then, I couldn't focus anymore because you kept distracting me. Before I could even snap at you, you suddenly invited me out for a little picnic.

“I couldn't say no. Then we headed down to the park next to Han river. I stroll through the park. You hate walking so you jogged up ahead while I followed from behind. It was strangely nice to me and I didn't know why.

Then, we had a small picnic. And you know what it felt like? Like a date. That’s when I realized. My God. This isn't just a silly little crush anymore. I was starting to fall. Like I was already in deep and I just realised.”

“You know what I realised?” Jungwon continues. “You pull me out of the chaos.”

A beat. Jungwon watches as Ni-ki nods, a sign for him to continue.

“When I’m too far gone and stuck in pondering about all the different ways things can go wrong, you somehow can pull me back to the present. Be it your smile, or the way you look out for me. You’ve always been there for me.

“And also like. I have the biggest fucking crush on you. Like, I always thought it was admiration but no, I was just being gay for God’s sake. Do you have any idea how fine you are?”

“Yes.”

Jungwon gives him a look. Ni-ki only grins.

“So, I guess we’re even then?” Ni-ki says.

Jungwon hums. “What do you mean by that?”

“I know you very well. You know me very well.” Ni-ki smiles. “Kinda like we’re destined to be.”

“Lame.” Jungwon is blushing despite his remark. Then, he turns so that he's really facing Ni-ki properly.

“I love you.” Jungwon pauses before continuing. “I don't want to wait anymore. I don’t want to go through the pain of having to see you wait for me. Whatever relationship we’re about to have, I know we can work through it. Even with all my responsibilities.”

Jungwon takes a sharp breath in, waiting for Ni-ki’s reply.

“Okay,” he says at last.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I give you this long ass speech about our relationship and you just say ok—”

Jungwon immediately shuts up when he feels a hand on his chin, pulling him closer. Then, it’s lips that still feel just as soft as they were the other night on his. His heart could not beat any faster than this.

“Woah,” he stupidly says when they pull away.

“Woah,” Ni-ki agrees.

Jungwon leans in again. This time, he’s shifting so that he can sit on Ni-ki’s lap. Then it’s Ni-ki’s hands on his waist, Jungwon’s hands curled in Ni-ki’s hair as he kisses the other boy with way too much love.

They pull away again after to catch their breath.

“How the hell are you such a good kisser? Holy shit.”

Ni-ki chuckles. “And you had the nerve to call me lame. With that confession, who’s to say is the lame one now?”

“Ni-ki.”

Jungwon and Ni-ki swivel around.

“Sunoo-hyung?”

Sunoo waves. But he isn't alone. Next to him are none other than all of their other members themselves.

“Okay, what the fuck. Why the hell aren't any of y’all asleep yet?” Jungwon shrieks.

“We got worried! You just left in the middle of the night. For God’s sake, Jungwon-ah it’s three in the morning!” Jay snaps. “You couldn't wait until the afternoon to profess your undying love?”

“Yes.”

Jay rolls his eyes.

“Ignore him. He’s just mad that he doesn't get bitches,” Sunghoon teases. Jake laughs in agreement. Heeseung shrugs.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I hate you all. So much.”

“No, you don’t,” Heeseung reminds Jay.

“Yeah, I know.”

The Studio Choom Mix & Max project ends up being a huge success. The filming process was pretty quick. They barely make any mistakes. There weren’t any technical difficulties either. It was light and it was easy. Most of all, it was very, very fun.

Riki knows that Jungwon would hate to admit it, but he was right. He can tell from the large grin on his face that appears every time they have a break. Jungwon was having so much fun dancing, doing the thing that made him fall in love with the idea of being an idol in the first place.

It all goes well. Riki gets to see his boyfriend smile after a long time. Riki gets to do the thing he’s most passionate about, dancing. Riki gets to especially showcase his talent and skills to their fans all over the world.

Riki gets to tell the world how much Jungwon means to him.

It kind of slipped out unintentionally. It was time for the interview segment. The part that Riki had been fearful of this whole time was finally here and he would need to embrace whatever questions the interviewer would have.

Although, he didn’t expect to have to answer Jungwon’s questions either.

Some of them are silly. Some of them are simple. One strikes Riki the most.

What is Yang Jungwon to you?

Riki looks at Jungwon when he hears the question. Jungwon only smiles.

“Well, he’s Enhypen’s leader. So he’s obviously really important to all of us. But he’s also the person closest in age to me. So, whenever I struggle, he understands it the most out of all the members. He also seems to somehow shine the brightest whenever he walks by me. I don’t know how he does it. He’s not even a very bright person like Sunoo-hyung is. Yet, in a crowd full of people, I would still be able to know where he is.”

The interviewer looks up from her clipboard. Riki looks at Jungwon. Jungwon looks at Riki.

“You’re so lame,” Jungwon says under his breath.

Riki only laughs.