Work Text:
THIS MAY ONLY BE PERFORMED WITH NO AUDIENCE.
WHILE THE STAGE RINGS, THE HOUSE REMAINS SILENT.
LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE TONE
SCENE ONE: “NO CALLER ID”
Setting:
A grave, or maybe more of a memorial, resting in an old home. Just before sunset.
Characters:
A boy, who’s on the brink of everything.
A tone, or ringing, in the ears.
LIGHTS UP on BOY, walking DOWNSTAGE CENTER. Stops at MEMORIAL and turns to face it, UPSTAGE CENTER. BOY is visibly anxious, picking at the skin around his fingernails, shifting back and forth on his feet.
BOY
(presses near his ears, almost in pain) CHRIST, MAN, WILL YOU STOP IT? I JUST GOT HERE.
RINGING
[DECRESCENDOS FROM PIERCING TO A SLIGHT HUM]
BOY
THANK YOU. AT LEAST I KNOW YOU’RE NOT BUSY, LAZY PRICK.
RINGING
[GROWS TO PIERCING AGAIN]
BOY
(claps hands over ears) HEY! FUCK OFF, DICKHEAD!
RINGING
[SLOWS TO A HUM]
BOY
TUBBO AND I ARE GOING TO LEAVE AFTER THIS, YOU KNOW.
RINGING
[CONTINUES TO HUM]
BOY
(justifying) AND WE WANT TO. LIKE, WE KNOW WE’RE GOING TO LEAVE. BUT SOMETHING– (flustered) IT’S HARD.
RINGING
[SLIGHTLY RISES IN PITCH]
BOY
(quietly) I JUST DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU AGAIN.
RINGING
[RISES EVEN HIGHER IN PITCH, AS IF CONFUSED]
BOY
LAST TIME I LEFT, THINGS GOT BAD. OR I DIDN’T REALLY LEAVE, I WAS KICKED OUT I GUESS, BUT WHATEVER. I WAS GONE. EXILED. AND I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT FAR AGAIN. FAR FROM HOME.
RINGING
[DOES NOT CHANGE PITCH]
BOY
YEAH, I KNOW IT’S DIFFERENT. (frustrated) AND I KNOW YOU’RE ALREADY GONE SO IT DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING MATTER. (turns away from MEMORIAL, faces HOUSE) BUT I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE L’MANBERG. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF.
RINGING
[LOWERS IN PITCH TO A CALM, DEEP TONE]
BOY
(turns back to MEMORIAL) I JUST WANT TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
RINGING
[CONTINUES TO HUM IN A CALM TONE]
BOY
(surprised) REALLY? I COULD TALK TO YOU ANYWHERE?
RINGING
[RISES SLIGHTLY IN PITCH, AS IF TO AGREE]
BOY
SO I ALWAYS HAVE YOU, RIGHT?
RINGING
[RISES EVEN HIGHER]
BOY
(calm) OKAY, I THINK I CAN DO THAT. I’LL TRY.
RINGING
[LOWERS IN PITCH, AS IF RELIEVED]
BOY
SORRY YOU’LL ONLY HAVE PHIL TO TALK TO HERE. HE CAN GET SO BORING. HE’LL TRY TO TALK TO ME ABOUT ENCHANTMENTS OR OLD BOOKS HE’S BEEN READING AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM THAT I’M TOO YOUTHFUL AND BUSY FOR HIS OLD MAN HOBBIES. I HAVE SHIT TO DO. LIKE UM, (pauses briefly, thinking) TAXES. (embarrassed) WAIT, FUCK, THAT’S OLD PEOPLE SHIT, UM–
RINGING
[RISES AND LOWERS PITCH RAPIDLY, SIMILAR TO LAUGHING]
BOY
OH YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU’RE LAUGHING IN MY EARS BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST TOO SCARED TO LAUGH IN MY FACE. PUSSY.
RINGING
[LOWERS TO A HUM, NO LONGER ENGAGING]
BOY stares at MEMORIAL in silence for a moment. The ringing in his ears fades away the longer he waits. He breathes deeply.
BOY
THE SUN’S GOING DOWN, I’VE GOTTA GET HOME. BUT NEXT TIME I TALK TO YOU, I’LL BE SOMEWHERE NEW WITH TUBBO, AND WE’LL BE CO-PRESIDENTS. IT’LL BE FUCKING SICK.
RINGING
[RISES IN PITCH SLIGHTLY, UNABLE TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN EXCITEMENT AND ANXIETY]
BOY
(calm) IT’LL BE OKAY.
RINGING
[COPIES PITCH OF BOY, COMES OFF AS GENUINE]
BOY
I’VE GOT HOME WITH ME ALL THE TIME NOW. AND TUBBO. I LIKE TUBBO MORE THOUGH.
RINGING
[SPIKES IN PITCH]
BOY
(slaps hands over ears, doubles over in pain) OW OW OWWWW! WILL YOU FUCKING QUIT IT!
RINGING
[LOWERS ONCE AGAIN TO A NORMAL TONE]
BOY
(straightens himself up, uncovering ears) OKAY, NOW I REALLY HAVE TO GO. I’LL SEE YOU AROUND, YEAH?
RINGING
[RISES IN PITCH SLIGHTLY, AS IF TO AGREE]
BOY turns from MEMORIAL and begins to walk home, but stops suddenly as RINGING begins to echo in his ears again. He turns to face MEMORIAL again.
BOY
LOVE YOU TOO, ASSHOLE.
BOY turns once again and begins his journey back to his house. LIGHTS DIM as he EXITS DOWNSTAGE-CENTER. BOY hops off stage and walks down HOUSE CENTER AISLE, exiting through HOUSE CENTER DOORS. Light from FOYER spills through the open doors. CURTAINS remain open. No applause; instead, a slight hum fills the theater.