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The dimly lit ceiling lamps swung back and forth slightly over Sasuke's head due to a slight draft of air, casting wide shadows on the cold stone walls. It was cramped in the hallway and his footsteps echoed far too loudly in the silence.
Apart from the soft whirring of the ceiling lamps his steps were the only noise in the hallway and Sasuke welcomed any kind of noise at this moment. Always hoping to not hear his thoughts anymore or to direct them in another direction.
It did not help though.
There were too many words and images buzzing around in his head for it to be even within the realm of possibility to silence them. So many questions he couldn't or wouldn't answer - and then there was this fear.
This terrible fear.
He had never thought he would end up in such a situation. His path had always been paved with blood and hate, leaving no room for something as normal and at the same time wonderful as a family of his own.
And yet, here they were.
In one of the many rooms, a good distance down the hall, Sakura was currently lying on a bed, giving birth to their daughter in the presence of Karin.
Sasuke had wanted to stay but had been asked to leave by Karin because he would disturb her concentration. She had explained to him that his inner turmoil was transferring to his chakra, and she couldn't block it out.
So, he had left the room to wait in the hallway instead.
But Sakura's screams had come through the thick door. Just hearing her without being able to not see her had been too much for him. So, he had decided to go for a walk.
His feet had carried him away inch by inch and when he finally came to a stop, his ears were no longer able to detect even the faintest hint of her voice.
But now there was this silence and so he decided to keep going.
He wasn't worried about Sakura or her unborn daughter, even if his reaction suggested otherwise. Karin was an excellent Iryōnin, not to mention Sakura herself.
Sasuke trusted them - a strange feeling.
The thing that frightened him was not so much any possible complications as the fact that he was going to be a father.
Over the past few months, self-doubt and insecurity had eaten away at him from the inside as his mind repeatedly asked the same questions. Questions that he simply didn't know the answers to. Usually, this would not trouble him.
How would a father behave? Would Sasuke hold his baby daughter correctly? Where was the best place for her to grow up? What should he say once she started asking questions about their family history?
And most importantly, would he even be able to love her?
Yes, he loved Sakura.
But it had taken him almost too many years to do so, after going through hell for so long.
He would not have that time with his daughter. She needed love and security now, not in five or ten years when he might finally be ready for it.
What would happen if he could not give her the love she needed?
He had experienced his mother’s affection as a child but had never known what it was like to be loved unconditionally by a father without any reservations. Sasuke had grown up working hard to earn it without ever fully achieving it.
Unconsciously, he started chewing on his lower lip.
His childhood did not lay the foundations for a happy family life, and neither was the mission he had set out to accomplish.
There had been nights when he had cursed himself for being careless and days when he had barely been able to look Sakura in the eye because he was ashamed of his doubts and that terrible fear.
After all, it had been his idea to marry her.
Sakura had assured him several times that it wouldn't bother her and judging from her shining eyes when an old monk had married them, he believed her. Only the implications of his decision, the fact that they were beginning to share a bed, had not dawned on him until she had stood announced that she was pregnant eight months ago.
He couldn’t have guessed until then how many emotions he was able to feel at the same time, and how much he could feel.
His first reaction had been disbelief. The second was joy. Intense, almost overwhelming, but brief.
After that, thoughts began to spin and were followed by doubt, shame, and fear. He could hardly remember the joy he had felt then now; his worries had become too intense for that-.
Footsteps behind him interrupted his thoughts suddenly.
Sasuke turned around and saw Karin coming towards him, looking exhausted but still wearing a satisfied smile on her lips.
"Sasuke, you can come back inside. They're both fine."
He nodded and followed her down the hall.
Her statement had confirmed what he had suspected all along, but the weight on his shoulders did not diminish. They were fine, but he couldn't handle his fear.
With each step towards the room, he felt like he was about to fall to his knees. His gaze was focused on Karin's back, watching her red hair which was tied in a braid sway back and forth.
They turned a corner and, shortly after, the other way again before stopping in front of the heavy iron door.
Karin gave him a brief, undefinable look before she pushed down the handle and opened the door.
Sasuke hesitated a second longer than necessary before he followed his former teammate inside, suppressing the urge to take one deep breath.
However, as soon as he saw Sakura on the bed in the middle of the room he rushed to her side.
She smiled at him, exhausted, and through the pale lamp that hung above them, he could see the sweat glistening on her forehead.
In her arms, she held a bundle of towels with a small hand peeking out. It almost looked like she was trying to reach for something only the child herself could see.
Sasuke stared spellbound at the tiny fingers. Fear spread even further through him, if possible.
"Do you want to hold her?"
Sakura’s question snapped him out of his stupor, and Sasuke gave her an uncertain look. Her green eyes shone at him overjoyed, even though exhaustion was clearly written on her face.
He inevitably had to swallow, but finally nodded. Even though he hadn’t want Sakura to know what doubts plagued him, he recognized then that she already knew them for a long time.
Carefully, she handed him the bundle of clothes in which their little daughter was wrapped and helped him take her properly in his arms.
When he finally held her securely Sasuke pushed the cloth aside slightly and gazed at the tiny creature in front of him.
Her eyes were closed, the tiny fingers of her other hand clenched into a small fist, and a dark fuzz of hair already covered her head. Her head was a bit too big compared to the rest of her body, but that did not matter to Sasuke now.
"Thank you," he whispered, unable to look at Sakura for fear of worrying her because tears were already gathering in his eyes.
But their reasons were relief and happiness.
The worry, the pain, and the fear had suddenly faded. Disappeared. Just gone. He couldn't explain how it happened. But all the thoughts that had plagued him before had vanished into thin air. Right at that moment, he saw his - their - daughter for the first time.
And suddenly he was sure that he could make it work.
He could love her.
He already did.