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DD5s in hand, Amanda Rollins paused at the internal windows of Carisi’s office. She could see him sitting behind his desk, hunched over a yellow legal pad. His suit jacket was draped over the back of his chair; the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up. He was wearing her favorite tie of his today – the deep violet one. Slightly loosened now, it glowed richly against his crisp white shirt and the dark charcoal color of his vest.
He was probably working on a closing argument – she knew he liked to write those in longhand. And wedding speeches too, apparently. She smiled at the memory. He was so deep in concentration that he hadn’t noticed her arrival, so she was able to take some time to study him while he was unaware of her presence.
For all that he was such a lean man, there was a lot of him. His height, and the long limbs that came with it; broad shoulders, large hands. His hands. She knew how they felt on her body, skimming over her skin, leaving heat wherever they touched. But those same hands could also chop an onion so deftly that he never had time to cry from it, or guide Billie’s head gently to his chest when she fell asleep on him, or soothe Jesse by rubbing her stomach when she wasn’t feeling well. She loved his hands.
He brought the pen he was holding up to tap against his lips, still deep in thought. Amanda had spent years trying not to notice how kissable his mouth looked. She had first-hand knowledge now of just how kissable it was. How it felt to have his lips pressed against hers, the taste of his mouth, the toe-curling pleasure of his tongue tangling with hers. Sometimes she got the urge to bite that full lower lip of his. She wondered if he’d like that … then filed that thought away for later.
He was writing furiously again, pen racing across the page, capturing the words that seemed to flow so easily, so eloquently for him. She loved his dedication to his work, the way he fought so hard for victims, to get them the justice they deserved. He had been that way as a cop, but as an ADA, he felt the weight of his responsibility even more keenly. He knew that the buck stopped with him, that after the cops had done their job, it was up to him to give victims closure, to make sure that perpetrators received the punishment they deserved. She knew how deeply it affected him when he was afraid that he hadn’t done enough, that he might have missed something, or not framed an argument in just the right way, that might prevent a conviction.
But above all, what she loved most about Carisi was something that, even though it couldn’t be seen directly, he put on full display every day – his heart. Generous. Unwavering. Loyal to a fault. Always taking care of others. He’d been taking care of her almost from the day they’d met; it had just taken her a while to notice. To appreciate it. She knew he would die for their girls.
Regret still clawed at her sometimes, when she thought about how much time she’d wasted before finally admitting to herself just how much she wanted him, just how much he really meant to her. The fact that they had transitioned so easily from friends to lovers just emphasized what might have been, had she only trusted herself, trusted what she felt, earlier. Even so, she still felt such pure happiness when she looked at him, knowing he was hers now, that she couldn’t dwell on that regret for long. Maybe they had taken exactly the right road they were supposed to take to get here; she couldn’t deny that he had been well worth the wait.
She used to roll her eyes when she heard other women talking about how they’d fallen in love with their best friend. And then it had happened to her. Although now she thought about it, she wasn’t sure which one of “best friend” or “falling in love” had come first. Either way, she couldn’t imagine her life without him. He was her mate, her match, her partner in every sense of the word. She was so utterly, ridiculously in love with this man that it should scare her. But it didn’t, because he was … Carisi. Her Carisi.
She walked towards the open doorway, and the movement caught his eye. He looked up, and the pleasure that registered on his face at the sight of her made her heart stutter. Geez, after twelve months together shouldn’t she be over such a visceral reaction to him? He smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, dimples flashing, and her stomach swooped. Okay, clearly she was not going to get over reacting to him like this any time soon. Well, that was a price she was happy to pay if it meant that he would always look at her like that.
“Hey,” he said, putting his pen down on the desk. “How long have you been there?”
“Not long.” She leaned against the door frame, smiling back at him. “I was just admiring the view.”
His smile broadened. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ve always liked seeing you in a three-piece suit. That whole thing you’ve got going with the vest and your shirtsleeves rolled up to your elbows … it’s a good look for you.”
He let out a huff of surprised laughter. “Oh, really?”
“Definitely,” she assured him. “But as much as I like seeing you in a three-piece suit, I’ve realized over the last year or so that I like seeing you out of one even more.” Even though she was standing some distance away, she saw his eyes darken.
“You’re really making me wish I didn’t need to get this done tonight, Detective,” he said, ruefully indicating the pad in front of him.
Amanda walked into the room and placed the DD5s on the corner of his desk. “I’ll be waiting for you when you get home, Counselor, so hold that thought.” She leaned down to kiss him, lingering just long enough for him to feel the promise in the caress. Felt absurdly pleased that his lips chased hers as she pulled away. “See you later.”
She turned to look back at him as she reached the door, and smiled at the sight. He was bent over his desk again, lost once more in legal arguments and two-dollar words. Home. It might have taken her a long time to realize it, to acknowledge it to herself, but home was where he was. She was still smiling as she walked back down the corridor.