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Jigen liked to think about Goemon like he was a cat. And he indulged himself with interpreting his behavior as the cat’s one.
Goemon didn’t join them on every job, and sometimes he left them for a prolonged period of time for whatever samurai business he had. Like the cat that walked by himself.
When he joined them, well.. Sometimes Jigen felt he was walking on thin ice during the fights or whatever kind of rascality they got into as, he had to admit, he afforded himself a luxury of getting distracted by the cat’s grace with which Goemon moved. Every time Goemon unsheathed his sword felt like Jigen saw it for the first time. And when Goemon cut whatever ridiculously large vehicle that was chasing them and landed in the back seat of their small Fiat with a soft swoosh of fabric, eyes wide shut, not a single extra breath from him, oh it all made Jigen heart tackle. So much that he felt it was a hallucination when he heard a very quiet hum of approval coming from the samurai when Jigen showed his own skill in marksmanship. You had to have your eyes open to see a cheeky bullet reaching absurdly far and seemingly invisible target Jigen often chose, and Goemon never ever flinched to look around himself. Why did Jigen even care, though?
Speaking of which, don’t cats close their eyes when they trust your presence? But it wouldn’t be possibly applied to Goemon, as closing his eyes seemed to boost his concentration and it was him taking his guard, rather trusting himself in others’ arms.
But his favorite cat-like detail about Goemon was how Goemon showed him his affection. Well, it was probably a very loud word, and it was probably way too arrogant of him to think this way, but, hey. It was his own head, and he didn’t hurt anyone by amusing himself in his thoughts about Goemon having a secret meaning after his behavior.
Anyway, while some cats are quite amicable and attention seeking, the more popular picture about them is that the majority of cats like to be subtle about that. And rather than rub against your leg asking to be pet, some would just sit beside you. Mere existence in the same space as you would be their language of sympathy. Friendship kind of sympathy, of course. To be liked in another way by Goemon… It was a very bittersweet thought on Jigen’s part. He would like to be, but… There were quite a lot of ‘but’, so Jigen stopped his train of thought before he could harm his ego or, even worse, his heart. With his quite eventful (but not in a good way) romantic experiences it was foolish of him to lead himself in another trap.
Jigen scrubbed his head. Their current safe house was quite spacious and they would be stuck there for quite a long period of time. He could actually entertain himself by confirming if he was Goemon’s favorite human or not.
***
Jigen had this tendency to pick up one single spot in the house, and tend to exist around it even if he had some things to do besides reading or, more often, napping. Damn, maybe he was also some kind of cat too, given how much he napped during the day.
Anyway the villa they were staying at this time provided more places suitable for napping rather than a single sofa in a living room that they usually had. It had two living rooms, a balcony, a veranda, a garden and a swimming pool. So many options for Jigen to try out and see if Goemon will follow him if he would pick up another spot every two or three days. Without warning Goemon beforehand, of course, it was weird anyway to say “Hey, buddy, today I’m choosing the veranda as my napping spot”. Wink-wink.
Jigen chuckled imagining himself telling Goemon something silly like that. He imagined Goemon nodding solemnly, taking everything that was told to him way too serious.
He adjusted his hat and truly headed to the veranda. It had an old straw sofa upholstered with worn pillows, but Jigen had much, much worse spots in his life to get cozy around.
He knew Goemon spent these hours in the day training, so what he was interested in was would he join Jigen after his session or rather stay in the living room as he did two days prior. Until then Jigen could get busy with dozing off, as the spot could change, but the routine stayed the same.
He was woken several hours later by the sound of soft footsteps. Gentle swoosh of hakama, and Goemon placed himself on the wooden floor of the veranda, not so far away from Jigen's sofa.
Jigen watched how the sun danced in Goemon’s hair before getting back to sleep.
***
Several days later Jigen walked down to the pool. It was dirty, and autumn leaves slowly swimmed against slight fluctuations of the water surface. However, the days were still warm enough to enjoy the breeze by the artificial water pool.
Jigen looked at the dusted deck chairs. He thought what would come out weirder, ignoring the possibility of getting his clothes dirty, or cleaning a deck chair out of blue to come spend some time by the pool in the beginning of October. He concluded it didn’t matter as he was overthinking it anyway.
He took some time cleaning his chair. Then, he didn’t doze off immediately, listening to the clement rustle of leaves and watching sparrows hopping around in search of some food.
Jigen found it was not such a bad idea to change his spot once in a while. The change of scenery was also nice. Besides, it tickled his ego with warmth when he heard familiar footsteps once again.
Goemon was not concerned with getting his clothes dirty. He placed himself right at the ground without any hesitation.
Jigen smiled under his hat. Goemon’s presence really felt special.
***
Now, the last place left was the balcony.
Since the team had some grocery shopping (not necessarily involving buying food supplies only, having ammunition in their shopping list felt as natural as eggs or milk), their daily schedule was also moved. Goemon never skipped a day of training when he could, so Jigen didn’t expect him to show up at all today.
When the sun set, Jigen felt it got significantly chillier and he wanted to get back to the house, when he saw Goemon crossing the doorway.
His heart skipped a beat, and he stayed in place. Well, it would also be rude to leave when one just came in.
Goemon calmly sat down on the ceramic floor. Damn, given his training involved sitting under violent icy-cold streams of a large body of water, autumn evening probably felt like nothing to him and he could sit like that for hours. With his bare chest.
No, he couldn’t bear even half an hour here, but he also didn’t want to get Goemon’s coming to the waste. Maybe he could abstract himself from the cold with some talking.
“Isn’t it more logical to meditate in solitude?” Jigen muttered. “Like, wouldn’t it be more efficient?”
An unexpected awkward pause. Goemon slowly opened his eyes. But he was not looking at Jigen, preferring a spot on the ground in front of him.
“I am bothersome to you.” Goemon made a statement. Which also sounded like a conclusion, but to which inner debate Jigen couldn’t tell. When Goemon stood up, it suddenly occurred to him how his question sounded. And how previous days looked like he wanted to toss Goemon off. He also stood quickly.
“No, Goemon, you got me wrong!” Jigen raised his voice which was not so cool of him, but it stopped Goemon from leaving. He said more composedly, “It’s the other way around why I asked. I find your company rather lovely, so–”
Ugh, the slip of the tongue. The dangerous kind, and no way he could smoothly escape from it, as Goemon rigorously hid his eyes and murmured “Lovely…”
Oh, how Jigen’s heart was aching. He was a fool, and he felt how he was trapped in the corner during the dangerous game he started himself. Simultaneously he felt he was rushing from a high hill, running faster and faster, unable to stop, with hot blood pulsing violently in his ears. So much adrenaline and from a trifle that couldn’t excite even a schoolgirl.
It’s because Jigen was thinking excessively about Goemon and how he possibly could have a certain kind of feeling about him, that he forgot it was supposed to be something harmless to the real matter of facts. Something that was supposed to live in his head only to indulge him when he was bored.
Okay, maybe he could still make it look like he was talking about their bond strictly as friends.
“Ugh, yes… Your presence is nice, and I value the comfortable silence between… between.” Goddamit, Jigen, just say it, and rush to the next sentence. “Between us. I was just wondering if it intervened with your training or–”
“…during the day I have as many training hours as I always did, but if you are suggesting my skill lacks dedication, and I need to allot more of my free time to sharpening my technique rather than indulging myself–”
“Goemon, what the hell are you talking about? You are already perfect, and who indulges who here…” Jigen rubbed the back of his neck in annoyance with his own embarrassment. “Look, I like when I’m doing obviously nothing, and you come to hang out, and I don’t know if you are coming for me, or we don’t have much space to begin with, so you have no other options–”
“There are always options.” Goemon nodded solemnly. Jigen coughed.
“So… What I meant to say is that I’m thankful for your company. I was just making small talk.” Jigen sighed. “It’s chilly here and I wanted to go back in the house, but then you came in, and I didn’t want to leave just yet. So I decided to ask some shit that came first in my mind.”
Goemon was silent. Jigen was not sure what else he could say, so they were just standing there in an awkward silence.
“Allow me to ask something on my part, Jigen.” Goemon hesitated. “It’s an imprudent question, and I want you to promise me, if it is truly inappropriate to inquire about, please do not get offended and excuse my audacity.”
“Spill the beans already, man.” Jigen laughed, but he felt he gave up his neurousity. “I promise you can’t possibly make me mad.”
Goemon gripped Zantetsuken so hard his knuckles whitened.
“Some of your phrasing caught my attention. As though you implied… maybe it’s my imagination, but… Could it possibly be that some sort of feeling is involved?”
“…From my or from your side?”
Goemon groaned in frustration. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it firmly, not saying anything and kept avoiding facing Jigen directly.
“Well, ugh… It’s where you should promise me to not get mad at me ‘cos, you know, since you asked, and, well, it would be useless to pretend you are not right…” Jigen really wanted to scold himself for his crooked over-explaining. “I… well, I am attracted to you. Won’t act on this, though, ‘cos I respect your boundaries and that celibate thing you’re undertaking–”
“…Celibate thing?” Goemon frowned. “I never gave any vows…”
“But the way you act around women– I mean we are all sure here–”
“I do find the whole thing unnecessary, but not like it doesn’t affect me entirely…” Goemon fidgeted a little. He also blushed deeply, it was cute how such a topic caught him off-guard, though it was he who started this conversation. “I am not experienced in dealing with courtship, and I don’t want to give away any accidental promise to an outsider which would come in conflict with my work and training. And while fleeing is not the most gracious thing to do, I don’t mind being portrayed as someone insolent rather than humiliate them with my dishonesty since… Since another person would be in my mind anyway.”
Jigen scratched his head.
“To summarize, you wouldn’t hate to be in a romantic relationship as long as it is with that person you’re talking about?”
Goemon nodded.
“And, ugh… that person…”
“It’s you, Jigen.” Goemon mumbled it so quietly, that Jigen was not sure if he imagined it or not.
“Oh, um… Well, I guess given that I’m not an outsider, it also makes me quite a convenient option, huh?” He chuckled.
“It’s not like that!” Goemon suddenly outburst. “I offended you…” he said frustrated and took a step back.
Which made Jigen panic and he rushed to Goemon, grabbing his shoulders. Maybe it was too bold to do, but he really wanted him to stay at his place and make this conversation right.
“Goemon, I’m a silly old man who blubbers silly things ‘cos I can’t comprehend the idea of you fancying me.” He felt how Goemon’s shoulders tensed after he was trying to hide himself behind the slim shaft of Zantetsuken. “Also you're so cute when you get flustered, I can’t help teasing you.”
Finally Goemon dared to meet his eye, but his gaze was far from loving. Jigen caught his hands, ready to unleash his blade, which was God's miracle, as he never expected to be faster than Goemon’s deadly instincts.
The touch of hands seemed to have quite a soothing effect, as Goemon dropped his shoulders and stared at their hands dazingly. Jigen gently rubbed Goemon’s hand with his thumb and then lightly kissed one of his knuckles.
Goemon froze and stared at him wildly, his mouth gaping in… what? Embarrassment? Indignation?
“Ugh… too much too soon?”
“Don’t treat me as some greenhorn maiden–”
“Aren’t you kinda one, though?” Jigen chuckled but was immediately shut with Goemon’s pair of lips.
Clumsy, but very determined pair of lips. Jigen couldn’t help but smile against them before answering the kiss.
He pulled Goemon closer, his hands traveling around his slim waist. He felt how Goemon was hugging him back, one fist still holding firmly on his sword.
Something was telling him it wouldn’t be the best time to mention it all happened because Jigen associated Goemon with cats. He already tickled the samurai’s pride enough for one day.
But, from a positive side, the chilly evening was not that chilly anymore.