Chapter Text
Chapter 1- You Were Right
She's giving you that look again. That know it all self-aggrandizing smirk. You want to smack that grin off off her face because she knows how much you hate it when her lips spread widely and form that dastardly smug, it makes your stomach churn with vomit. Perhaps if she continues to grind your gears your vomit will have enough momentum to up chuck into her face. But, it's not worth it. You don't want this sight seared into your retinas for any longer than you can handle it. Given your temperamental nature, the amount of time you can handle it is few.
Your lovely ex like a sister in law. Your lovely, spidery and manipulative huge bitch ex like a sister in law, also known as Vriska Serket.
She raises her slim black eyebrows to the top of her forehead with dimples scrunching up into little balls below dual cerulean. Leaning in closely to your ear, her voice is like metal liquid sliding through your hearing tunnels, her words are oil lit with fire; you tense as the electricity travels from the nape of your neck and down your spinal cord.
"I knew she'd dump you. I knew she'd break it off because you're an emotional little bitch ." She laughed and her eye gleamed malignantly, your face and the rest of your body grew pale. Your cheeks became rubricate with a seething anger that you could not voice for your throat had run completely dry. Flashing the last of her Cheshire Cat grin, she ever so slowly withdrew from your side and swaggered on. You grit your teeth and stared a hole in her back, but she didn't even notice your glare unconsciously. And she's a fucking Scorpio! Those bullies are all about noticing shit before everyone else has! Maybe that's why she told you it was a stupid idea to ask her out. She told you both.
You squeeze your fist till the skin of your knuckles are red and white and roll your head back letting out a scream the size of planet fucking Jupiter because SHE WAS RIGHT!
You should have never asked Terezi to be your girlfriend. You should have told her flat out when you met her that you were a neurotic and insecure piece of shit. Of course, that wouldn't have derailed you from falling for her, and then ultimately going out and being left to mope and wallow like the pathetic trash you know you are. Fate just decided that it wanted to be a sick fuck today and make you its bitch. And if life couldn't get any better, you now had the devil sticking you in the ass with her heinous stinger and insufferable personality. Serket has suckered you into hating yourself and every fiber of your being once again!
You mutter neurotically under your breath as your black tennis shoes trudge against the dirt of your highschool's foot ball field. You drag your shoes in the grass, it's not even grass really. It's fake grass that the school implanted because you don't need to water it to keep it fresh and green. It stayed like that all year long. You create lines of flattened down pseudo-grass behind you like you're leaving a trail for someone to follow. But you don't want anyone's company at the moment, not even the comfort of a friend which you currently did not have. The few people who were on your list of contacts were more of acquaintances that you kept on your phone just in case you absolutely needed someone to talk to. Which was never.
Speak of the devil, there's one of your acquaintance right now sitting on the bleachers just in front of the sun set. Dave Strider, you met him when Jade and Egdork introduced their newest friends, Rose Lalonde the epitome of goth and Dave, a chill dude who wasn't as cool as he thought he was, but still pretty amusing enough to share a few words with every now and then.
You walk a bit faster and get to a jogging speed, you don't care if you're not even that close to him, you reach out a hand and start hollering his name, but he doesn't hear you. He's paying attention to something else, there's someone sitting next to him- OH SHIT.
You snap shut like gog just pulled the cord on your own voice and dive underneath the bleachers. Your heart is throbbing in your chest and you hear the blood in your ear drums and feel the blood in your temples. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck! Why must you be so cursed? What kind of horrendous act of immorality did you perform in another life that stacked a shit ton of karma on you in the present? What the fuck did you do to deserve this?
She's here. Why is she with Dave hours after school on the bleachers... alone and with him... and alone! With Strider? You just can't wrap your head around this, and what's worse then not being able to understand is the highly noticeable and highly obvious jealously you are feeling. Terezi, even after all the things she told you about, personal things like how she went blind, she never once mentioned she was friends with Dave. But now here they are talking about who knows what. What are they talking about?
You place a shaky hand against your chest to try to calm your unsteady heart but your pulse continues to jump and waver. You strain your neck to look up and peep at them through the spaces between the large steps. You can only hope that Dave and Terezi don't notice you're spying on them, but you really don't have a choice! You could try to dash out of the bleachers and run across the field and risk your ex girlfriend seeing you which would be incredibly awkward since she said she doesn't want to see you anymore, or you could stay here and pray they don't look down or you have no nervous gases to blow your cover.
"..."
You make out their voices, Terezi speaks first with her signature nasally gruff voice.
"I'm so glad you could make some time to come and talk with me here, ya' see I've been pretty bugged lately and in need of some cool kid cheering up!" You twiddle your thumbs because you know the reason why she's saying these things to him.
"Heh, yeah. Lay it on me what you got that's making you bluer than your Serket friend, I'll try and give you advice from my inner fountain of cool kid wisdom." Fucking Dave. He thinks he's so smooth. You are almost seriously contemplating removing him from your friend's contacts indefinitely.
Terezi speak again and you swallow the lump of anxiety in your throat.
"Dave, life has been difficult for me as of late. Ya' know, I recently broke it off with my ex boyfriend." Her tone becomes inaudible and solemn. You pick at the hangnail on your thumb with your pointer, you get a bad feeling about this and are reluctant to hear what she has to say next. Your position at the moment is compromising indeed.
"With Karkat, Right?" Dave responds knowingly. You chew your bottom lip.
"Yes. I presumed you already knew about it. He's taking it pretty hard from what I've seen. I'm just surprised he never noticed the obvious inclinations that the relationship was growing sour."
Obvious? Was it really obvious? She never gave off any vibrations that what you two had was going down hill. Or at least it seemed that way to you. But you have never been the person to notice subtle changes in other people. They have to punch you square in the face before you can realize what has changed about them.
"What kind of inclinations?" Dave ask.
Your ears perk.
"I tried to make it work. He was so sincere on being with me in the beggining, but I was naive and didn't have a clue about his bipolar issues. He would be sweet to me, but that cherry sweetness would only last for a moment and then he was back to getting angry at me for no apparent reason! It was so exhausting dealing with his constant mood fluctuations. It always seemed like when we were together he was never thinking about me, instead he voiced his opinion about all the nitty gritty details but never bothered to ask what thought!
"Imagine being around a Numbskull like that 24\7? It would just drag you down and the happiness would be drained out of your body. And his fixation on romcoms, don't even get me started on that. I had to do what was best for me and look out for myself, so I dumped him. If he had realized he was being such an inconsistent bellyacher, maybe things would have turned out differently then the way they did. But he didn't, so I hope that he can understand someday why we split, and learn from it so that he doesn't make the same mistakes and end up hurting someone he cares about needlessly."
You stop breathing, you stop thinking. You just stop. Your hand goes to cover your mouth and your fingers squeeze your lips. That was her confession. And everything she talked about, it was all true. How could you have been so blind? She saw through you and made her judgment, and now it is impossible to make it up to her. You are such an idiot. You're like cancer. Infectious and incurable.
You can never fall in love again, because you will only give them cancer.
"That is some heavy shit. I feel you though. When you don't know that person well enough, you can make assumptions about them that are completely biased and unrealistic given their true personality. Sometimes it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, as my bro Tennyson so elegantly puts it. You get the point."
"I really do." Terezi smiles and leans foreword as her lips collide with Dave's. You watch powerless as Dave grunts, startled, then begins to ease into the motion of the kiss. Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god. Oh my fucking god.
Their shadows move with their figures, disappearing as the orange fiery sun descends under the bleachers. They left five minutes ago, but you haven't even moved a muscle. You fall to the ground and cover your face with your arms, burying your expression. The tightness starts at the pit of your stomach and rises till it's clogging your throat and you breath shallow. Your guilt claws at your heart and your shame strangles you with its herculean grip, choking you. Squeezing every drop of hope out of you like a lemon. Tears stream down your flushed face, you try and bite them back but they taste bitter. You cry in solitude under the bleachers, snot running down your nose, your face burns as salty tears seep into your pores.
You cry because you fucked up.
You cry,
because you loved her.
And you hurt her.