Chapter Text
Underneath a sea of cotton you feel nothing can ever touch you again. It's just warmth and never ending solitude. You are completely safe from everything that can manifest in the third dimension, basically, anything that is tangible. Intangible things like thoughts and words can hurt you all they like. Your own thoughts, especially.
Idiot.
Fucking ignoramus.
I didn't mean to...
I didn't realize...
You've lost everything you've ever wanted.
Your brain was a train wreck and pandemonium unleashed the very thoughts that you did not want to hear. They hurt the most because they came from you. You huddled closer and wrapped your arms tightly around your chest underneath massive blankets. When any problem in your life was raised to the surface there was always someone you could blame. But now there's no one else to call the scapegoat, because you are at fault for every single thing that made the relationship go to shit.
The lights in your room were dim and shadows cast about the walls like spiders creeping from their cob webs. The television flickered and static twitched like a rabbit's nose. You just wanted to be alone in your little hole and drown in dismalness.
Knock knock.
You jump out of your flesh at the sound of prominent knuckles on wood. Your wood. God dammit this is the worst time for him to come barging in. You try and slide down on your stomach and flatten yourself to make it like you look like you're just sheets and blankets. Karkat is not here. You think loudly as if the person on the other side of the door will heed your thoughts and stay out.
"Karkat, it is your older brother, Kankri. I have noticed that you have been in your bedroom alone for quite some time and it is worrisome to Papa and I. Please do not feel triggered that I am coming in."
You hold your breath and perk your ears to listen to the light footsteps entering through the doorway and heading toward the bed. Shit. Shit. Shit! You stay extremely still. The foot steps stop and you let a little sigh of relief escape. Then you start to curse again as the bed is shaken and your look-alike scrambles up onto the mattress and plops down beside your feet.
"I know you are underneath these comforters. Why don't you come out?" You hear the voice outside your satin fortress, sympathetic.
You keep silent.
"It is a fruitless endeavour to remain silent when I am already aware of your position. Please come out from your hiding and confide in me what is making you alienate yourself so."
"Go away, Kankri."
You grumble and hear him sigh, then feel the sensation of a hand on your head. Kankri pats your scalp, it's a nice gesture but you're not in the mood to be babied.
"I cannot leave until you tell me what is troubling you, dear brother." He ruffles your hair and you groan aloud. You sit up and let the covers slide off you to face your brother. You furrow your brows and glower unceremoniously at your sibling, Kankri puckers his lips, his hair is shaggy and dark like yours but smoother and shinier. You cross your gray sweater sleeves over your chest with a hmph!
"Nothing I want to talk about with you." He makes an expression of hurt and sucks in his bottom lip. He's such a tender, bleeding heart. You hate it.
"I respect your privacy, it is perfectly okay to take the time to sort through issues on your own. That is well understandable, but when your private time becomes a disturber of the natural routine we have set for ourselves, that is when it becomes an issue for the whole family. You have been neglecting your household responsibilities, as well as skipping out on father and son bonding times in the afternoon. I do not know the cause of your isolation, but my intuition tells me you-"
"Stop!"
You thrust your arm out and cup his mouth with your hand before he can say anything more. "Just... stop." His auburny eyes glance down at your hand then back at your eyes. They become dilated and in an instant he has grabbed your wrist firmly and ripped your hand off of his face, his face is red and his chest heaves robustly. You stare at him wildly with surprise alight in your irises. Kankri gives you a black look, you swear he's going to punch you.
"I.." His voice strains.
He slowly releases you and his hand drops to his side. His flush recedes and the natural peach color of his face returns. "I would appreciate it if you did not touch me without my permission." He let's out a long, weary breath. You rub your eyes tentatively, they trail down to your wrist where faint hand marks are visible. You swallow the frog in your throat and nod your head repeatedly.
"Good. Well it seems apparent to me that you are not yet ready to confide in me, so I will exit and leave you be." He sits up and slumps off your bed, then stands, kow tows and lets you alone. Not before giving you one last word on his counseling offer.
"Remember, my room is always open for you, Karkat. Come to me when you are ready to speak about what's on your mind." He give a little wave and withdraws through the doorway, pushing it closed with the palm of his hand till it makes a click.
You snatch one of your pillows and hurl it at the door.
"Graagh!" You let out an exasperated growl and throw your hands into the air with a; what's the use of it. You squeeze your fingers into a ball and smash it into another pillow beside you. You keep hitting the pillow and allowing your hot frustration to boil over. You clobber the soft, doughey cushion until feathers begin to spew out of an opening like a pipe leak. You go at this for a solid three minutes or so before you get tired. Your fist unravles and you slink onto your back, staring blankly at the plastered ceiling above you.
That helped a lot. You think.
Without warning and without notice, something hard hits your window. You flinch and jerk up to scramble over to the glass pane. Another object flies toward the window and makes a crunch sound as glass cracks around the area where it struck.
"What the actual fuck?" You roar and stick your forehead up to the glass to see where the rocks are coming from. You gasp and your mouth forms an O.
The assailant stands tall and wiry in your front lawn below, wiggling their fingers at you playfully, in the other hand there's a bag and at their feet a pile of pebbles. They toss the pebble in the air and pitch another rock as it hits the glass exactly where your face lurks. You can't hear them with the window sill shut tight but you can make out their words plain as day by reading their lips.
"Come out!"