Archive of Our Own

Different from what the media — the gossip of Marlene and Dorcas — from Hogwarts spread: James had never kissed. He had tried, he had pursued the opportunity, but it just slipped pretentiously from his grasp. What was never a problem for him, James was considered an anxious and very excited boy, but never precocious, everything has its time and he believed that time changed depending on the person. Remus had his first kiss at 14, Peter at 15 and James, well, James was 17 and happened to have never kissed anyone. Neither had Sirius, and if his best friend, Sirius Black, had never kissed, then he clearly wasn't late.

Sirius had plenty of people to kiss, basically a whole line at his disposal, but he always said how he just didn't feel like it , and Sirius spent a lot of his life in a house that made him do lots of things he hated, so Hogwarts was his place of comfort, where he could be whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted and however he wanted. And if Sirius didn't want to kiss, then he wouldn't.

And James supported him in that — he thought he would support Sirius to the end of the world — encouraged most of the time. So when he realized he was already 17 years old, and he had never kissed, at least he wasn't on the boat alone. Again, not kissing wasn't really an issue in Potter's perception, but there was something about being a 17 year old boy in the 70's who had never kissed that did something to his skin, a warm, uncomfortable feeling of shame, something compatible with the feeling of unwantedness . That even without wanting to, he kept looking for reasons to simply get rid of that weight, pick up any girl at a party and just end it all, but something didn't add up with that, it didn't add up with the 17 years of education from his parents.

Now comes the funny part...

Sirius had kissed. Been kissed. Kissed back. 

Sirius had kissed.

James didn’t .

"What do you mean you kissed?" he asked in clear surprise, his voice as flat as possible upon receiving the information in his lap. Sirius paralyzed in front of him, blocking the bedroom door, completely unresponsive to James who was just trying to rest after training.

“I kissed.” he finally stated, his hands locked behind him, as if he was ready to push that door open if anyone dared to enter.

“So… How was it?” James sat on the edge of the bed after crawling across it, feet dangling against the floor as his hands clasped together in his lap, and he still expected more from Sirius to mimic his own excitement or disappointment.

“I don't know? I've never kissed, I have nothing to compare it to.” he replied defensively, eliciting a breathy chuckle from the younger one, who rolled his eyes slightly.

"I know, but did you like it? It was fun?” he tried again, seeing how Sirius' posture was still hunched over, like a cat running from water, or in Sirius's case a scared dog.

“It was good?”

James smiled softly at the answer, a great start for the shorter one to loosen up and tell him more.

"And who did you go with?" then he saw the moment Sirius' shoulders slumped and his tension seemed to melt away, as if he was remembering and whoever that person was brought him peace and comfort. James felt warm inside knowing that whoever kissed Sirius was someone his best friend really liked. 

Until Padfoot widened his eyes and hurriedly shouted, " It was awful!" I have to go! Bye!”

And just as quickly as he entered the dormitory, he left, as fast as if he were in his animagus form and running on all fours. James was left there, standing on the bed, expression surprised and confused, not even having Remus to help him sort out what that reaction was.

Things have not improved, on the contrary. Apparently kissing was a grand thing, because Sirius looked dazed the rest of the week. Always absent-minded in class, — more than usual — hardly interacting, sometimes he just ate a little and then ran out of the great hall. Plus he spent a lot of time around Marlene and Mary in the common room, — which there was nothing odd or wrong about it, but it did seem out of place when he barely spoke to them — going to sleep very late at night when all the other kids were already asleep. Such an atypical week in James' routine because of a simple kiss Sirius had, that he barely noticed the festive weekend coming up.

In the last few weeks of their seventh year, all classes decided to have a party after the testing period, to relax and let out all that tense energy that the last year carried. The idea naturally came from Mary, who, as well-behaved as she was, had an excellent way of planning things — sometimes he would look at her and think of Remus, he liked to compare the brilliant minds his friends had and figure out who would win in a discussion. He thinks Remus would win, but that's because he's a little afraid to argue with him. Because he didn't think that since Remus's fleeting little crush on Mary in fourth year, he'd been able to look her in the eye again, and that was a big factor in his victory: the serious, distant expression that made anyone dizzy who met him, Lupin carried — and that brought her victory. Probably her relationship with Lily had benefited her even more, and in less than a week the party was already ready, even if there were 4 months left before the exam period even started.

So James, absorbed in his own world as he was, didn't realize it was the festive day until it was four in the afternoon and he heard a very impatient Lily knocking on his bedroom door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked with a frown, looking around the hall he asked with a frown, looking around the hall. "I swear, how do you guys get in so eas”

"Cut the complaint, Potter, I understand that you wanted this facility and would use it for evil." he looked down, the difference between himself and Lily being almost always obvious to the point where he could have teased her.

“What impure thoughts, Evans.” he flirted playfully, his left shoulder leaning against the frame as he crossed his arms. Lily made a disgusted face.

“First, disgusting. Second, lesbian best friend.” she replied flatly as she pushed James away and walked into the room. James was too lost in laughter to remember the mess she would find and complain about .

"Thought I was your exception guy." He put on his best sad expression, his large hazel eyes reflecting mock disappointment.

“Every time I see the state of your room I regret telling you that at that party.” she was already pacing the room tidying up the various pieces of clothing thrown around, and purposefully ignoring any underwear “I swear, I expected the best from Remus, but it's Peter who takes the greatest care of the four of you. And he literally is the rat between you guys.” she complained while picking up things from the floor, James wanting to defend his friend and explain that it could be because of his 5 sisters, until he was interrupted by the aforementioned.

“Mouse.” Peter replied as he walked in, his face buried in a book and not even watching his steps, so silent that James jumped in place when he saw his figure pass beside him.

“Fuck, Peter. A warning.” he complained, bent over, hands resting on his knees as he caught his breath, a pained expression as if fright had hit him in the chest.

“You were blocking the way, Prongs.” Peter, standing in front of him, replied with the light tone he always had. Sweet smile adorned his large cheeks and blonde hair tied in a simple bun. Peter always had this extremely sweet way of smiling in James' direction, which Potter appreciated.

"Nice ass, Potter." He heard Mary's voice behind him, just now noticing his position and where he was like that.

“Fuck off, Mary.” he replied sheepishly, the flush in his ears giving him away as he chuckled awkwardly, and Lily's laughter cut through the room. She always laughed out loud.

He straightened as the girl walked into the room, heading straight for Lily, who was crouching next to Remus' bed, as if looking for something.

"Is Remus in trouble?" he asked, sitting down on Peter's bed, who went back to reading after lying down near the headboard. The blonde lifted his gaze to James, he swept it across the room between the girls, back to Potter and shrugged, no further information “Did Remus do something?”

Lily stared at him, her brows furrowed, which made her expression funny, because whenever she looked upset or confused, and her brows drew together, her chubby cheeks twitched and she got a little pout on her lips. Mary seemed to know this perfectly well as she walked over and dropped a quick kiss on Lily's reddened cheek. the redhead's eyes widened a bit as she shook her head and ducked back down.

" Remus will be if he didn't keep his promise .” she replied in a muffled voice under the bed, a brief moment of silence before she screamed “I found it, fuck! I love Lupin!”  she celebrated while dragging something on the floor by the bed “Auch!”

She rose to her feet massaging the bruised part of her head, but the pained expression soon changed as she lifted a bottle of firewhisky in her hands. James widened his eyes in surprise.

"Why does Remus have this?!” he asked stunned, wondering if he should search the whole part of the taller's bed to find out if he was hiding something else or if this was already too much. Lily stared at him as if he'd grown a third eye in the wrong place, he quickly got out of bed, as if he was going to start looking for something else.

“Cause he promised?” she replied, in a tone that sounded very much like doubt.

"Why do you want alcohol?"

"The party, James?" she asked again, shoulders jutting forward as she maintained a clearly confused expression. James' whole face lit up as the penny finally dropped.

“Shit! The party!”

That's how James hurried across the room grabbing his clothes while telling Peter to help him get ready, and the blonde complained audibly that he had to interrupt his reading again.

By night James had regained his party spirit, dragging his friendships along as he followed Lily around, watching as she finished arranging all the other parts that Mary hadn't taken care of. Being in Lily's presence was always a relief, he felt as if he could talk about everything with her, so it was nothing new when at the beginning of the party, with her still by his side as people arrived, that she asked: “what happened?” he blinked in confusion, pulling the glass away from his lips as he processed the surprise at the sudden question.

“What do you mean?”

“You're all weird, did something happen?” She gestured around with her hands towards Potter, who shrugged awkwardly.

“Sirius kissed someone.” she nodded.

“And? Did you want it to be you?” he snapped, eyes wide and head shaking fervently.

"By Merlin, no! I love Sirius, but definitely like a brother.” a weak laugh escaped.

“So what's the problem?” the redhead shifted on the sofa, one leg propped up on the other as the dress rode up a little on her large thighs, which were adorned with three-quarter stockings.

"You know how I've never kissed, don't you?"

She nodded as she murmured innocently, “I offered it to you in fourth year.” He chuckled awkwardly. A vague memory of a very flushed and embarrassed Lily, going on and on about kissing and how she had to make sure boys kiss so good like girls did, and after James denied it she just stood there until tears streamed down her face without pause. It was a strange but fun night, with Lily laying her head on his shoulder and telling him about the ravenclaw who had kissed her, and how it felt right .

“Yes, you did, and as much of a badass you are, Evans, I… I didn't think it was the time.”

“And I understand, but what's the problem now?”

“I guess it seemed less pathetic when I wasn't the only one.'' he admitted ruefully, a dramatic sigh between his lips. Lily moved over until she was sitting sideways on the sofa, facing James.

"James, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss." She started to make her point, an urgent feeling rising in James' throat, the fear he always felt that he could never really explain anything, so he just opted for the absolute truth policy.

“I know, I know!” urgently he said “I've always supported Sirius on that, but it's 

also not like I don't want to kiss, I just don't have someone I want to kiss.” he began to explain, punctuating his key words well. Lily rested her arm on the back of the couch and laid her chin in her hand, watching him, "Like, when it was me and Sirius seemed normal, no matter how the years passed, and everyone had their chances, but ours never came. Because it was Sirius, it's Sirius, everyone has had a thing for him, he always has a way of winning people over... And third year girls lined up to go out with him.”

“Until they found out he was too gay for any of them.” Lily muttered under her breath, but James heard perfectly and let a loud, genuine, quick chuckle escape.

“Yes, there's that point too.” he let the smile slowly fade from his face “But the thing is… It seems a little lonely. It was something Sirius and I could laugh at, and when the parties got... hot .” He lightly nudged Lily to tease her and her clear public affection for her girlfriend. "We could make jokes about that. Now it's just weird, I don't know what to expect now, I don't know if I end up messing with him, he's going to tell me to go find someone and try it out.”

"Sirius wouldn't do that." she defended the older one. Sirius and Lily had a distant friendship, they didn't talk much and in the fourth year they had a shouting match in the corridors after doing a group project, it's not hard to deduce that since then they have never been put together for any more work. But they worked it out, in a strange but functional way, they didn't talk alone for more than half an hour, but they were sociable around other people. But something James remembered perfectly was how Sirius wanted to kill Snape as soon as he saw Lily crying for being called a mudblood, the way he also held her close when she had the worst fight of her life with her sister. A pain that only Sirius seemed to understand in the people around him. A Sirius way of appearing aloof, but the first person to qualify to feel the pain of others.

“I know.” James sighed, relaxing his posture on the backrest. "You know the worst part?" Lily croaked to show she was listening, her vision moving around the room as she looked over her shoulder, "He said it wasn't good! If a kiss Sirius Black gave wasn't good, what would mine be?” his head found the backrest, a long sigh coming out of his dark lips, his vision zeroing in on the ceiling until a head covered her.

"It's barely eight o'clock and you've already fried your brain, Potter?"

Regulus .

“Regulus!” the brunette slightly widened his eyes, his body moving fast, his spine twisted and hands gripping the backrest, chin lifted to face Regulus at his full standing height. Eyes gleaming in contemplation, Regulus was at the party, of course he was , but it had been at least 3 weeks since the only glimpses he'd had of the youngest were quick glimpses of the library or the great hall at meals across the way.

Regulus smiled, and James' stomach twisted.

James' relationship with Regulus was complicated , for several reasons. Besides him being his best friend's younger brother, he was still the younger brother with a terrible relationship with his best friend, coming from a family that definitely didn't know how to take care of them.

But with Walburga's death after a while, Regulus found himself increasingly present in Sirius's life — in what he explained as a way to contain damage, but James thought he just missed him — and consequently in James, to the point where Effie and Monty also wanted to symbolically adopt Regulus, which he denied, but was grateful for the strange offer, — in those exact words, James laughed as he rolled on the floor because of his parent’s faces — but he was more than welcome in the house of the Potter’s and he made that information well put to good use, spending a brief summer with them before heading off to France to take care of family matters. Sirius said that as he was disinherited the heir's responsibilities passed to Regulus, which he never admitted bothered him, but James saw right through it. But he had to admit, Regulus seemed to know exactly what he was doing, even at such a young age.

“Hey, cutie.” Regulus' tone was excited, as if James were a puppy wagging its tail at the sight of its owner.

"Could you guys save it for flirting later?" Lily grumbled. When James moved his gaze to the side, he could see that Pandora was leaning against the redhead's back, her arms around her shoulders, and their cheeks pressed together. They looked like girlfriends.

"I thought you already had a girlfriend." Regulus sneered behind him.

“Yes, two.” the brunette's eyes doubled in size. The three catching his reaction and deciding to make it a big joke.

“What?! I thought you were dating Mary!” he defended.

“Yea.”

“And I.” Pandora answered after Lily, her supposed girlfriend “And I date Mary.”

"And Mary dates Pandora."

“Can you do that nowadays?!” he asked in total surprise, his gaze darting between the three people present.

“You can always do that, James, it's not modern.” Lily replied between her piggy laughs, Pandora staring at her with rosy cheeks, completely in love.

"What did James do now?" Mary came accusing him.

“Why do you think it was me? the taller one raised one of her eyebrows, her gaze passing over the other three who answered at the same time.

“It was James.” and so the four began to laugh, all in a different tone and mood. Lily looked like she was having the time of her life.

"I just didn't know you three dated." he muttered sullenly, his arms crossed as he leaned back against the back of the couch. Regulus behind him moved until he mimicked Pandora's pose, but with his arms around James' shoulders, Potter's ears visibly burning.

"Do you know anything about dating, Potter?" he asked with a smile against his ear, he could feel the shape of his smile on his skin, he wished he could record the feeling.

"Do you know, Reggie?" He let the nickname that only he used slip, as if somehow that would save him from the obvious shame he carried.

"Enough to teach you." and as delicately as he approached, Black walked away.

James' dark skin made it very easy for him to hide his embarrassment normally, his ears being the part that gave it away so easily, but after Regulus' shameless flirting, he was pretty sure his whole face was a darker shade of red, enough so that despite bad lighting, it is visible.

“Shit, he really has you wrapped around his finger.” the redhead helpfully made fun of his clumsiness. James jumped to his feet.

“Shut up, Evans.” he muttered humorlessly as he got up and walked away from the girlfriends. He could feel the red running down the length of his neck.

It had been around 2 hours since the party had started, and like a good Gryffindor party it was in full swing. James was sitting on one of the large sofas in the common room, lounging with a glass in his hands of a drink that after the fourth time Sirius poured him a full glass he stopped asking what it was, but the way it went down the his throat made it clear that it was alcohol, which was the least of his problems at the height of the party. The big thing for James was that no matter how much he drank, one look at Regulus and he was taken over by all his senses and overwhelmed with the bitter truth: Regulus was the only thing on his mind.

No giddy feeling had gripped him since he'd caught the gray eyes across the room, staring at him over the top of a random glass at the party, as Barty and Dorcas circled around him. And since then James hasn't found the strength to stop staring at the taller boy, even when he wanders around the room or dances around the room with other people.

It was because of that that he saw the exact moment Regulus was pulled lightly by the waist and kissed with bloody lust by a seventh year Hufflepuff. The thin and slender body against a wall, long arms around the redhead's shoulders, James was too wrapped up in Regulus to look away, watching carefully as the other boy's delicate hands found the slim waist hidden by a wide, oversized shirt button white. The boy was basically James' height, but Regulus was considerably tall since he stretched in fifth year, the perfect height for the weakness that Black's knees ended up taking — after the Hufflepuff's thigh met between his legs — to be more a bonus than a problem. When they pulled away from the kiss, panting, Black took advantage of the height to slide his lips along the redhead's barely defined jaw, wet lips touching his right ear and moving as if to say a melody that would make anyone weak in the knees, but nothing compared to the way he stared at James, as if he knew the power he carried, as if the whole kiss was a spectacle for Potter. But the Hufflepuff didn't look like someone who liked to share, and his movement made James want to walk over to thank him. He decided to move his leg up a little and rub it against Regulus's intimacy, and Black had a naturally pleasant face, but he would ask for an honorable mention for the expression of pleasure he hid under all his serious posture. The parted lips, the furrowed brows and the half-closed eyes. And the way his tense shoulders fell gently after the supposed shuddering moan.

So James had a cold shower and broke whatever spell Regulus had put on him, realizing only now how, even though it was a party and they were doing it in the eyes of anyone, he hadn't been invited to attend Regulus Black making out with a hufflepuff out there. He shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, very aware of his surroundings and how the low light was making his head hurt.

"Enjoying the party, Potter?" The younger Black suddenly appeared at his side, lips obviously swollen, a relaxed posture and a very obvious mark near his jaw. Ok, it wasn't that obvious, it was just a small reddish mark, but for some reason that was all James could see.

“Not as much as you, I guess.” he replied in a very bitter tone for a party. Beside him, Regulus had a slight pink under his cheeks, endearingly awkward, as if the act didn't bring him shame, but the fact of being caught. A misstep of sitting down, but half paralyzed by the act.

“Yeah, my bad.” the brunette apologized, as if he needed to explain something to James. "I didn't want you to see that."

“Why not?” James asked confused, brow furrowed as Regulus stared at him in surprise, as if he were putting together a puzzle for James, and he couldn't see the only missing piece, the piece he was responsible for putting in place.

After an uncomfortable time of them staring at each other, their faces turned forward, both breathing a little panting and their heads racing.

"What's it like to kiss?"

“Want a drink?”

They asked at the same time, their gazes meeting with distinct anxieties, a euphoria building in James after he realized what he asked, and genuine surprise on Regulus' features.

“You do not know?” Regulus asked in surprise, his body moving until he was sitting in front of James, the older's ears already starting to redden.

“No. I don't know.” he shrugged “Which is not a problem and I decided to wait.”

Regulus' loud laughter cut the air suddenly. In all these years he had never seen the younger Black laugh like that, full of life. Maybe it was the alcohol, whatever it was, James liked it.

"Sorry, sorry… You just sounded too much like a pureblood girl talking." he broke off the chuckle, eyes soft on James. "It doesn't suit you."

“Perhaps I have more pureblood teachings than you realize, Black.” James teased.

"I'm sure you have, Potter.” he chuckled weakly, a low sigh as he caught his breath “I thought only my brother had the idea to wait, he does suit the pureblood girl.”

"Sirius is not a girl." James rolled his eyes, Regulus chuckled.

"Sometimes not, but sometimes yes." they agreed together

“It wasn't an idea , it just happened. When I saw it we were 17 and we had never kissed.”

"18." Regulus randomly corrected.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Sirius is 18 years old.” he shrugged, looking at James' confused face. "I'm 17. Well, I will be."

James froze in place, confusion clear in the way his brows furrowed and his lips pulled back in a grimace. He laughed a little humorlessly.

“I'm pretty sure I know how old my best friend is, Regulus.” he shook his head in denial, a complete joke at the idea that he wouldn't know something as simple as his best friend's age.

“Well, you don't know. Sirius is a year older, he was late to school.” Regulus looked too calm to be telling a joke, because Regulus wasn't even one to tell jokes “He wanted to enter the school with me, but ended up just delaying all of us and my parents spent a good time discussing whether or not I should go to Hogwarts, luckily I managed to get in on time.”

"Are you my age?" was the only thing his confused brain could think of. Regulus chuckled again.

“Yes, but I think I'm a few months younger. You're from March, aren't you?” he nodded weakly “I'll do it in December. Day 25.” the youngest shrugged.

"The week of Hanukkah?" James asked excitedly.

“Hm, yes. I usually hear “at Christmas?” But yes, on Hanukkah.”

“Remus told us about Hanukkah, in fact we've seen him celebrating the 8 days over the years.” Regulus nodded, a slight smile on his lips as he listened to James.

“Your parents don't celebrate Christmas?” James denied briefly, a little uncertain.

“Well, yes, but since my father got closer to our Muggle family, we started to celebrate Diwali rather than Christmas, but my mother still likes to have supper on the 24th, something like a Brazilian tradition.”

“Isn't your mother British?” Regulus asked, clearly confused.

It hadn't been that long since Regulus had joined the Potter’s, apparently it was much easier to run away from home after the matriarch of the Black family had passed away. It had been a little less than 2 years since Walburga passed away, and James couldn't remember a day where he saw the Black brothers sad because of it, and since then Regulus spent a lot of time at the Potter’s house, but the wizarding festivities of the end of the year he still was summoned by his father to attend, as the future Black heir, so any and all end-of-year Muggle activity crossed his mind as soon as he left that house and spent the end of the year in France, taking care of his family matters. James never admitted it, but he missed him these days.

“Oh, she definitely is.” he chuckled briefly “But the rest of my family is Brazilian, but my grandmother moved to London, so she found my grandfather, and they had my mother. Me, my mother and my grandfather are the “gringos” of the family.” James was lucky enough to hear Regulus's loud laugh again, head thrown back and smile wide and bright.

“I don't know what it means, but it sounds like a curse.”

“ Definitely is .” he said with wide eyes and open hands in drama, as if he was remembering the word being thrown around the house every time his family members came to visit “How is your family doing?”

Potter watched Regulus's posture calmly change, the way the laughter faded and he leaned further into the arm of the sofa where his back rested. He watched James with a tight little smile, as if thinking.

“Go well.” he shrugged.

“I'm sorry about your mother.” James said belatedly, never taking the time to offer his condolences. Regulus' right hand moved, as if trying to physically push the subject away.

“Don't be, she was a real bitch.” he stared at James, completely serious, as if he wasn't cursing the dead.

“You know, people usually respect the dead.”

“Who told you that? Your muggle family?”

“Good part.”

“Consider it a pure blood apprenticeship then.” the youngest winked in his direction, the mischievous smile adorning his features, which for the first time, really looked like that of a young boy and not an adult trapped in a teenager's body.

They sat in silence — in their conversation, because the music around them was still loud as usual  — pleasant, Regulus drinking a little more, while James rested and looked around the room, sometimes an acidic comment passed between them, they laughed a little and pointed to other things. It was nice, James never had much opportunity to get close to Regulus, especially at school. Since their mother's death, things between the Black brothers have been much more pleasant, a lull they haven't felt in a long time.

No matter how much Regulus joked about it — how much Sirius joked — James knew there was a grain of truth in his words. About not having lost his mother, but the woman who took his childhood away from him through abuse, there was an unspoken freedom between the brothers, who felt that they could finally breathe a little easier, that without their mother around, they could be brothers in peace, without worrying about what comments and punishments it would bring. James had never understood what it felt like, he thought if he lost his mother his whole world would fall apart, the idea of losing anyone always felt more like a prison than direct access to freedom, but he remembered the nightmare nights, he remembered of the first few years he watched Regulus and how sickly the boy looked. Then he looked at Regulus beside him, alive and clearly well, healthy and much more open than the scared cat he was at first. It crosses his mind that he wants to touch Regulus, cup his jaw and shower his face with little kisses, tell him he's so sorry but that he's so relieved that Regulus is there with him.

Until James noticed how that definitely didn't sound as platonic compared to the relief he harbored for Sirius. How he holds the same happiness, but it's limited to a silly handshake they invented at age 13 and a breathtaking hug, but nothing like simple kisses and reddened lips. It's too late when he realizes he's staring, that maybe he has a big problem that starts on Regulus's lips and he wants it to end right there.

“You really don't know?” Regulus breaks the growing tension between their gazes with the sudden question.

“What?” James asks, more lost than he normally would be if he wasn't staring at the younger's lips.

“Kiss, James.” the eyes of the referred to open comically, and if he was standing up, maybe his legs would have failed him. He denied it, trying to answer the question.

“No, I don't.”

"Want me to show you?" and James really didn't see that one coming, because he would never have chosen that moment to drink more of his drink, only to nearly choke in the middle of it.

“What?”

"Teach you, Potter. Kissing.” he was direct, as if he knew James would have a big problem understanding him.

“No…” he scratched his throat when his voice cracked. “No need. I'm sure it's no big deal.” the younger one arched one of his eyebrows, in that handsome way that always reminded James of how sharp, dangerous his features looked. Comically he widened his eyes “No! Not that I think you're a bad kisser, that's not it! It's just… Sirius… You know…” He moved his arms and eyes, as if trying to form the sentence in his head, but it looked like a chocolate frog, “He kissed it and told me it was awful, so if Sirius Black did something and it went wrong, it's definitely not all that.” Regulus snorted and rolled his eyes theatrically.

"You have a very high opinion of my brother, Potter." He took a deep breath as he brought the glass to his lips. Regulus looked troubled, irritated.

"It's just… Sirius is very popular and desired, there aren't many people who would go out of their way to kiss me." he heard a weak chuckle from Regulus at his side, which he decided to ignore “I don't want it to be bad, I don't want to know that I'm bad at it.”

"Then test me out."

- What?”

“This will be our secret. I help you practice, you figure out how to kiss and you can, I don't know, charm whatever lucky girl you think is the love of your life, and it'll be like your first kiss.” he explained simply, as if he had a brilliant idea but didn't want to brag about it.

“Do you want me to lie?” James asked in horror.

"I feel like it shouldn't be such a difficult thing for you at this point in the contest, Potter." Regulus shook his head, a surprised and laughing expression, as if he didn't believe James' concern.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" James crossed his arms in front of his chest, eyebrows raised as he tried to look serious to Regulus, which didn't work given his chuckle.

"Nothing, Potter.” he got up from the couch, a little funny for his lack of balance. He bent down until his face was too close to James's. "Now let's go upstairs and I can show you what a few summers in Italy can do to a guy."

Regulus' proposal would probably sound more disastrous with less alcohol in his blood, the thing is, there wasn't even enough alcohol in his system for him to blame it on drinking. The guilt of the fact that he accepted it, that Regulus was a poet with words and James had never really been to Italy.

They made their way out of the room, James trailing behind holding back his chuckle at each awkward step as Regulus swore at a different step as they started up the great astronomy tower. They walked up there, and once they were up there Regulus leaned his back against the wall, a wan smile on his features, pulling James close by the waist. He laughed sobbingly again.

“You're drunk, I don't think it's a good idea for us to do this.” he held Regulus' right hand, fighting the urge to just kiss his knuckles. 

“I'm not drunk, James. Just happy.” Regulus's gaze and face were relaxed, the lids drooping and the corners of his mouth turned up, a calm, serene expression that James had never seen but thought he could become addicted to. Get addicted to Regulus.

“I like you happy.” he laid his head sideways on the youngest's bony shoulder, hiding the vulnerability and embarrassment in his words, while taking the opportunity to closely observe the marked and contracted jaw. Gray eyes, calm as a late afternoon with a sudden summer rain, stared back at him.

"Good, because you make me happy." he admitted with a big smile, before taking a deep breath. James' head moving on his chest.

Regulus was someone who definitely knew his route to others' hearts. Your route to the heart of James Potter.

“Ok, let's start.” Regulus pulled James away by his shoulders, an expression equally serious to his tone, seeming much more sober than he had been seconds ago. "You don't know anything?" James shook his head, he could feel his ears extremely hot with embarrassment, his eyes wanting to run away from Regulus “Hey…” the brunette grabbed his chin, catching his gaze and lifting him a little. James noticed that their heights were very similar, he could face Regulus and just kiss him “It'll be fine, I told you I'd teach you, it's nothing serious… It's not even your first kiss.”

He winked at James, a low chuckle between them at the situation. Regulus took a deep breath before continuing.

"Ok…" Regulus began, his hands slowly going up to James' face, bringing him closer. His hands were long, soft against his skin, an icy point against the heat caused by his shame. Regulus' eyes met James's, open and receptive, flecks of green in a blue immensity, almost like a gray cloud from a most welcome summer storm. He blinked wildly, breaking the hypnosis that seemed to wash over them, startling poor James, who just now noticed how naturally they moved towards each other. " See that?" Regulus whispered, his eyes moving between their bodies, as if he wanted to indicate something.

“ What?” he whispered back, not even noticing following Regulus' state.

" Your body moved naturally, kissing doesn't have to be as difficult and complicated as you think... " he let his thumb slide across James' dark full lip. " It's all about attraction...and wanting."

And James wanted it. He never understood the appeal in kissing, never understood the urgency, but if every time he went to kiss he was rewarded with the same reactions Regulus had, he started to understand better. Or maybe he just always kissed Regulus, just so he could see his stupid, handsome face closer.

" I'm going to kiss you, okay?". the younger asked in a breath, seeming to almost steal James's on the spot

“ Please.” the brunette closed his eyes, a small, faint sound escaping his lips, shoulders tense as he closed the space between them, and in one breath just told James to follow him .

Which James didn't understand, until Regulus's lips were on his and he felt heat all over his body. His heart pounding in his ears, as his anxious and desperate hands moved to his waist, light and chilled by the tower's climate, a shiver clearly going through Regulus' entire body at the difference. Then Regulus sighed and made a needy sound which completely turned James' head.

Regulus's long hands moved from his jaw to his curls. If James could think of anything other than Black's lips, he would have been grateful for the care Regulus had taken not to undo the curls, just a light pressure on the back of his neck. The bodies moved closer, until Regulus was fully backed against the wall, and James was against his body, a twin sigh being exchanged between them as soon as their bodies touched.

Regulus pulled back, maybe a little too breathless for a simple lip smack. “Do it again.” he asked in the same weak tone “Your hands, move them over my body.” James laughed softly, shame still in his being, as he moved his fingers around Regulus's waist, the youngest seeming to notice the situation after Potter's weak laugh. "Sorry... This is about you, not my will."

“No, no.” James interrupted the taller one “It's okay... You can ask, that's how a kiss happens, isn't it? Good for both.” Regulus smiled, a low chuckle escaping as he nodded and on impulse brought their faces closer together, stopping as soon as he realized that he needed to actually teach James, and not just kiss him.

" Now we're going to kiss, okay?"

"Weren't we already?". he asked confused, Regulus laughed weakly

“It was just a peck, you won't be able to think well after I actually kiss you.” he grinned, mischievous in a way James didn't even know he could.

When their lips met again, much more gently than the first time, the shock was less but still potent. James understood the next step as soon as he felt Regulus' thin lips part, his breath warm on his face as he followed without thinking too much. It was strange, their lips just moving slowly against each other, but their bodies stayed together, and the heat between them was pleasant.

When Regulus pulled back, he decided to lightly nibble on Potter's lower lip, pulling it slightly, until he ran his tongue over it, as if he was apologizing for the bite, which James deeply believed he didn't need . They held each other apart, their breathing never returning to normal no matter how many pauses there were.

“You know how to move your lips, that's good.” Regulus, stupidly, commented. James laughed loudly, head thrown back.

"Who can't think right now, hm?" he teased, which by this point in the contest he should have learned not to do , but he really did have a mischievous streak.

“You little shit.” Regulus commented in disbelief, without much warning pulling James close by the back of his neck. 

The kiss was different, it was clear from the way his whole body shivered and he wished he could be even closer to Regulus. When Regulus's treacherous tongue met James', he let a shameful slip between them, Black engulfing him as if unable to let it die. The sound seemed to do something to Regulus, who moved his right hand around to James' back, squeezing him against his body, hips meeting as he seemed more determined to make James melt in his arms.

James wanted to do the same, wanted to come up with an idea and make Regulus whimper the same way he could with just a fucking tongue. In his head he remembered Regulus's expression, how he had small, desperate eyes, half-closed, filled with excitement. He wanted to hear what kind of sound the youngest kept when using that needy expression from earlier.

It was almost natural when his leg moved until it was between Regulus's, putting pressure on his intimacy, and making the taller's back arch, the kiss being broken noisily together with the hoarse moan that Regulus let out.

" James… " he called breathlessly, his hands desperately gripping the hem of James' shirt, holding him back a little while he seemed to be trying to catch his breath.

“Don't get my pants dirty, Black.” it was when he saw Regulus' blurry eyes that reality hit him like a train. He loosened his grip on his leg, and carefully held Regulus's waist, giving him support “Sorry… Maybe that's a little too much.” the youngest denied, his tongue passing between his lips.

“'It's okay… I just didn't know you had that in you.” He laughed weakly, accompanied by James.

“I wanted it to be fair game.”

"Does that seem fair to you?" The taller one lowered his gaze, following James' bowed leg that left him pinned in place, the pressure far less existent but still present enough to ground his brain.

“I saw what that other guy did to you.” Regulus took a deep breath, looking disgusted with the memory “I just want to make you feel good too.”

“You don't need cheap tricks like him.” the brunette let go of James' shirt, his right hand rising calmly across his abdomen. "You just have to kiss me."

And James did, he left his leg still there but focused his full attention on kissing Regulus. Completely forgetting that he was supposed to be doing this for practice , that it wasn't out of mutual desire or fun, Regulus was just a great friend. Not that James remembered that at the time Regulus sighed against his lips just as James decided to lightly nibble on his bottom.

“I don't remember you learning so fast in class.” Regulus spoke after pulling away, his hands on top of James who held his face, impatient to get back to his task.

"I strive for what interests me." he quickly replied, bringing their lips together again, but being interrupted by the way Regulus smiled and started laughing.

"What interests you? The kiss or me?” Regulus' head tilted to the side a little and James took the opportunity to just stare, contemplate.

Regulus was beautiful , a true force of nature, blessed directly by any deity related to beauty — or perhaps all in existence — his strands fell into his face, the long, open curls that looked perfect to run your hands through gently and let go of simple kisses. The soft, small eyes, kind of slanted at the sides and that disappeared into a half moon every time he smiled, even the slightest. The chiseled cheekbones set deep against the defined jawline, his entire face so sharp to the point that James believed that beauty could indeed kill. Regulus appeared as a mess of limbs and very funny hair in his second year, and since then James had felt so enchanted around him, he liked to believe he was pretty immune to any magic or beauty Black, growing up around Sirius and never falling at his feet, but that was beyond blood, beyond natural beauty, it was Regulus. It was Regulus in its little details; it was Regulus in the way he twirled his front curl around his fingertip; it was Regulus in the way he sometimes bit the tip of his tongue and let it lurk between his lips when he concentrated; it was Regulus in how he remembered all his friends' birthdays but went out of his way to hide his own; — of course James knew that Regulus's birthday was December 25th — it was Regulus in how he always blew on his food, even if it was something cold, because Narcissa once said it was good luck, and little Regulus needed all possible luck to survive that house; it was Regulus on how regardless of the odds he was still standing in front of James, smiling as if he had never known sadness in his arms. And he was so beautiful, James thought for a brief moment that he would die and kill for that smile. That as long as James Potter existed: it was strictly forbidden to make Regulus Black sad.

Because it was Regulus, and James believed it had always been him.

" Yes ..." he replied belatedly, it wasn't quite an answer, but he felt that by Regulus' weak laugh he understood.

Then they kissed, as if the world had begun and ended right there, as if the entire universe had stopped for a moment because James Potter and Regulus Black had found each other, the same feeling as a small James bumping into a small, bad moody boy at the station, who was looking for his annoying brother, who ironically was his best friend. The same little boy who grew up beside him and James never had the strength to look away, because Regulus should be a spectacle in the lives of everyone who watched him, at least for James he was. They could tell Potter that the world started at Regulus's fingertips and ended in his mouth and he would believe it, because he felt exactly like that at that moment.

They stopped kissing after a while. The need for air and to regain full consciousness in their minds, without the fog of kissing their passion. Comfortably they leaned back to look at the stars, Regulus telling little facts, laughing at others and telling memories mixed with regret and bitter nostalgia, at these times James would calmly kiss his cheek and for every sad story, he left a kiss on one of the phalanges of his fingers.

He didn't know when the conversation turned to the star of Regulus, and how massive stars die sooner, something about gravitational pulls and star collapses, James stopped listening after a while, just filtering out the word "death" and "Regulus”

“But I don't want you to die, I won't let you.'' he complained childishly, cutting off Regulus in the middle of his explanation, who stared at him in confusion.

"Will you save me from death?" he asked in clear disbelief, chuckling weakly at his bad temper.

“Yes, I'll save you whatever I can.” he stated, arms crossed, as if ready to argue.

“I don't need saving, James.” Regulus replied, the use of his name still taking him by surprise and making him a little weak in the legs. The youngest reached out to cup James' face, who was holding a small pout to his lips. "Not anymore, at least. I'm safe, happy even.”

“I can make you happier.'' he offered with a smug smile.

"i think i would die with so much happiness." Regulus replied with an equally sarcastic smile, irritating James.

"Stop saying you're going to die!" the oldest complained, a light punch being left on Regulus's shoulder, who barely moved with the contact.

“Ok! Ok!” the brunette raised his hands in surrender, even though the sarcastic smile remained in place “Do you want to make me happy?” he asked, looking like he wanted to pick on James, but his happiness and surprise slipped through the words.

“Every moment you breathe.” sincerity kissed his words as he fought the urge to kiss the truth all over Regulus' strong face.

“That's plenty, big boy.” Regulus patted his chest, while James looked surprised and embarrassed by the nickname.

A look lost in the clear amusement that showed across Regulus' young face, because of course he was terrible at receiving such obvious declarations of affection, but in a way that was just Regulus , James found it endearing.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

"I thought you'd stopped practicing." Regulus grumbled, just to be the little shit he was.

“It's not for practice.” honesty was what he could offer Regulus the most, besides a possible completely devoted love, because James was like that, he loved with every fiber and part of his body.

He seemed to think before answering, "Yes. You can kiss me, James.”

James didn't believe he would have the strength to stop kissing Regulus at some point in his life, which was okay, because Regulus was his first kiss, and maybe it would be the only one for a long time — maybe forever…

“It was Remus, Prongs! I kissed Moony!”

They heard the voice of a very drunk Sirius at the bottom of the stairs, just inside the entrance, very close to where they were leaning to look at the stars.

"It was Moony, who I kissed the other day, and it wasn't terrible, it was amazing and I don't think I know what to do, and- Hey, Regulus, what's up?" Sirius lowered his tone, grinning at the sight of his brother, who was still wrapped tightly around James, with his arms under his shoulders, and James' large hands on his waist. In the distance Remus appeared, panting and confused, as if he had tried to follow Sirius before but lost sight of him.

The map , James thought belatedly, noting that was probably how Sirius found him, or Dorcas and Marlene's big tongue.

"Hey, sorry, Sirius is fine-" Remus broke off, his eyes, clearly less drunk than Sirius, flicked over the new couple, a sly, wry smile growing on his lips. "Good one, Prongs."

Sirius frowned, dazed gaze turning to his best friend and brother, eyes mostly closed as he analyzed and tried to get his drunken mind to work,

"My brother, James!"