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Four days after the Kraang.
Mikey woke up again. It happened every other day, but only for a few minutes. His room was dark, he hurt, but he was alone. Where were they..?
The light outside was on, he could stand up to go find them, but he was tired. Whatever... it wasn't worth it.
Seven days after the Kraang.
Donnie woke him up, walking him to the antiseptic room. He was still tired. He didn't know what was going on, but Leo was dead. He supposes he should be more sad. He was just so tired.
"I'm sorry." Mikey whispers. "I-I couldn't get him in time."
"Mikey no, you saved-"
He didn't hear the rest.
The pattern continued.
Three weeks after the Kraang.
He woke up again, early in the morning. Everything was back. So he got up, and he went to find Raph. Surely he was awake.
"Raphie?" He called, "I'm feeling better."
He was sleeping, and no matter how hard Mikey tried, he couldn't get Raph to wake up.
So he went to Donnie. He didn't say anything, he just sat in the chair beside them. Leo was still asleep on the other side of the room.
That was when Mikey realized Leo wasn't dead.
"Is he okay?"
"No, not really." They responded quietly, the strain on their voice prominent. "He won't wake up."
"Oh."
"I'm scared we won't be able to get him out of it. We can't keep him hooked up forever."
The door latched, Mikey was gone. He didn't mind spending the day alone.
A month and six days after the Kraang.
Leo was awake. Donnie hadn't let him out of their sight since. Neither had Raph. Was it so bad that Mikey wanted pity too?
It's not like he'd been hurt, not really. Even if he was in pain, was he really that important? He couldn't even tell if it actually hurt. He couldn't feel anything.
When he sat in his room, he'd get bored of trying to steady his hands to draw. He'd press into the winding scars with his fingertips until he could feel something.
Then he had an idea. He knew it was horrible and cruel and disgusting, even just to think about it made his stomach whirl.
He remembers what Leo did when they were about twelve. When everyone found out, they fussed about it for days.
So he went to the kitchen in the dead of night and found a knife. He sharpened it diligently, and tried to sneak off to his room again.
"Hey Mikey." It was Donnie, "What's up?"
"Nothing much." He responded, the lie rolling off of his tongue easily. "You?"
They ignored his question, taking him by the shoulders. "It's late, why are you here?"
"Just needed something to drink."
But upon further inspection, Donnie hadn't seen any used cups in the kitchen.
He doesn't know how long it's been now. Months, probably.
He must be going insane.
He'd cut his arms, from his wrists to his elbows. Eventually there weren't any spaces left, but he felt so addicted to the pain. The warm blood on his skin felt like a reward. His obsession with the sensation was scary at first, but the fear had numbed itself down. He moved onto etching the crimson lines into his legs.
Then he realized it wasn't to make up for the shake in his hands. He hated himself.
He wanted help, he just felt like he didn't have anyone to turn to. Maybe he was right. He considered running away, taking Leo's cloaking brooch and skipping town altogether. But he couldn't do that. Donnie went to a lot of trouble to get it, and Leo was so happy to receive it. Plus, if he got caught he'd be put in foster care or something.
It was a weak thing to run away anyway. He could stop now and nobody would know and they could all go back to normal.
In a perfect world, maybe.
A mere two days after he tried and failed to stop, he was caught. In the tank with his siblings. Donnie and Leo were messing around up front, singing some random song they heard on Just Dance four years ago. Then the tank pulled to an abrupt stop and he was sent flying into Raph. Her spikes managed to cut deep into his left arm, and he fell to the floor bleeding.
"Mikey!" Leo called, immediately sliding into the space next to him. "Hold on, breathe. I need you to grip my hand, can you do that?"
When Donnie fetched a first aid kit, Leo went to pull up his blood-stained sleeves. Then Mikey let out a scream of protest.
"No!" He cried, scampering backwards, "Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me!"
"Mikey?" Raph whispered, stepping closer to him. "Mikey, we just wanna get you cleaned up. Let us see, please?"
"No, Raph! You can't- you can't, you can't! I don't want help."
He looked to Donnie and Leo for a recommendation of how to proceed, but they both looked slightly terrified. Mikey had never behaved like this. "Mikey, is something else wrong?"
"No, no, no- get away from me. Get away!"
The rest is history. They found out and took him home. So much for pizza night.
Leo had bandaged his arm back up. Donnie and Raph were off somewhere else having a serious conversation. "Do you need to talk, Mikey?"
"Hm?"
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked again, "I mean- about what's bothering you."
"Oh." He whispered, "I dunno."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Couple of months, I think."
He grimaced, turning away for a moment. "Shit, Mikey. This is really bad for a couple of months. Your arms were already bad from saving me, now this- you worry me, kid."
"I didn't save you, Leo. You're messed up because I couldn't get there in time."
"Hey hey hey, no- don't say that! You saved my life, Mikey! You nearly died breaking open the fabric of time and space with your bare hands- these hands! Do you realize how special you are? Not many people can say that they've done that."
"Yeah but-"
"No. No, don't even argue." He hushed Mikey, stopping him with a hand. "Life is one of the best gifts we're given, and you protected mine. That's a high honor."
But he must not have meant it.
A few months later, Leo tried to kill himself.
He didn't, but he almost did. That honestly felt a lot worse, because he told him all of that knowing what he would do. Mikey felt like he'd been lied to. Were his actions really good enough?
Clearly not. If he'd done better, Leo wouldn't be fucking dying in-
This isn't about him. It's about Leo, who poisoned himself as an escape. Who dared to leave everything behind just to keep some nightmares away. He knew it was cruel, but he hated Leo for it.
He was horrible.
But Leo came back again, like he always does. Everything was going to be fine now, right? Not particularly.
Mikey suddenly felt a lot more confident about snatching a certain cloaking brooch and hopping on the subway before the snow got too deep. He'd have to do it quick, because there was quite a storm.
It was Christmas Eve, a pretty flashy way to leave. Leo was okay, and he'd spent the last couple of nights in a sleep pile with his siblings, there was nothing left to do. He packed up his clothes, put on the stolen cloaking brooch, put the wrapped presents on his bed, and snuck into the snowy streets of New York. He didn't know where he was going, but he had money. He had plenty of money.
The city was somehow still bustling at night, even if not as much. He managed to purchase himself a ticket and get onto the first train out.
The train was fairly quiet. There was a tired-looking woman with her baby sitting next to Mikey, an old man with a bag of groceries, two kids playing a game on their father's phone, and a couple of security guards who had just finished their shift. He liked seeing all the different people, exhausted from the happenings of the day, or just beginning theirs.
As he rode, he listened to music and sketched. His sketchbook was nearly full and it was the last one he had, but he supposed he didn't need one where he was going. It wasn't like he could still draw anyway.
"Can I see what you're drawing?" A little girl asked, coyly approaching him.
"Oh- me?" He gasped, suddenly nervous. "Sure!"
It was mainly just dirty sketches of faces and funny characters he'd made, nothing too serious, but she started flipping. He steered her away from some of the less child-appropriate pages just so he didn't get yelled at.
"That's so cool! You're a really great artist!" She cheered, "Do you wanna look at mine?!"
He watched her mother sigh in embarrassment, giving an apologetic smile. He smiled back, "Of course! How long have you been drawing?"
"Almost four months!" Her sketchbook was actually a college ruled notebook, and her drawings were about as good as a seven-year-old's could get. He still cheered her on, offering compliments and the like.
Once he was finished, he gave her a little fist bump. "Don't ever give up, kid." He said.
"I won't! Not ever. Thanks mister!"
She went running back to her mother all excited and giggly.
When his stop finally came, he stepped off the subway and gave another look around. It was much the same, but that was to be expected. The crowds were moderate, and the environment was gross. He didn't know exactly where he was, but he had to get away.
Until someone found him.
They grabbed him, covered his mouth, and pulled him aside. Once they let go, he immediately tried to escape his attacker, but whoever it was knew him.
"Michael," the voice said, "what are you doing out here?"
He knew that voice, "Draxum?"
"Yes, it's me." Apparently Draxum had a cloaking brooch too. He looked pretty rough as a human. "Everyone's worried about you. Splinter's been messaging me nonstop for half an hour."
"I'm running away."
"I'd ask why, but we need to get you home first. Come on, I'm taking you back." He grabbed Mikey by the wrist, but let go when he pulled away.
"No! Don't take me back. You'll forget you ever saw me, and get onto where you're headed." He ordered, crossing his arms over his chest.
He looked very obviously pitiful, but it also seemed like he understood. "I get it, Mikey, I really do. I just don't want to let you go. What kind of person would I be if I did that?"
"You threw Leo off of a roof!"
"I thought we were past that."
"Why would we be past that?"
"The point is! I still care about you. We all do. You can try and sneak out all you want after this, but this time you've been caught. Accept it and give up."
He blinked back his tears and mumbled, "Fine."
He was met with a flurry of hugs and plenty of scoldings once he got there. Apparently Donnie went to check on him and noticed he was gone, it'd been Hell ever since.
Raph tackled him to the couch, and the twins soon followed. They were all holding onto him for dear life. Leo shouted, "Don't you dare ever dip on us again! You scared the shit out of me."
"I'm sorry."
"Where were you even going?" Donnie asked, poking both of his cheeks. "You got your hands on Nardo's cloaking brooch, even!"
"I-I don't really know."
Finally, Raph sat him up properly and asked, "What happened?"
The question made them all go quiet, even Splinter and Draxum across the room. He shifted uncomfortably, resisting the urge to pick at his scars again. "Well- I uh, I was upset?"
"Mikey, I haven't seen you this confused about feelings ever." Leo whispered quietly, earning a few nods of agreement.
"I know! I know. I'm confused. That's why I ran away. I couldn't handle it anymore." He snapped, "I didn't know why Leo didn't want to wake up, I couldn't understand why Donnie took me out of the room so often, and I didn't know why Raph was so upset all the time, or why Dad didn't love me anymore. I couldn't tell if I wanted you guys to help me or not. I-I didn't- It's too much." He sobbed relentlessly, and immediately his whole body was racked with immense shivers. "'S too much."
Raphael took him in his arms, and held him as close as he could. "I am so sorry, Mikey."
"Why- I'm apologizing. Not you." He argued, thumping his head into Raph's chest. "You're all up at four in the morning because of me. I've done nothing but hurt you guys."
"That's not true-"
"You nearly got your shell ripped out because of me, Dee!" He laughed dryly, eyes wide and tone frantic. "You- you even sacrificed your own well-being just so I didn't have to hear Raph curse out Leo every afternoon. Why? Why won't you just let me get what I deserve?"
"And- what is it exactly that you deserve?" Raph asked, still holding him in her lap.
To that, he held out his arms. His arms which were so heavy with scars it was hard to find unaffected skin. There was a collective silence. Somebody gulped, or gasped, but it made the silence loud. "Here I am, fucking up your Christmas, too." He hid his face in his hands, refusing to look at anyone.
"I would've never smiled for the first time." Raph said. "Had you never been there, I wouldn't have had that first smile. When I picked you up and told Splinter, 'Hey, look at the little baby!'"
Leo quickly caught on and followed suit with what Raph was doing. "I wouldn't have found my love of caretaking! You fell and skinned your knee, and you forced me to carry you around until you felt better. I've done the same thing ever since."
The last sibling had a bit of a struggle, but managed. "We, uh, we were dancing to the Jupiter Jim song. You wanted me to sing with you. We uh- we wouldn't stop dueting it for weeks and it drove everyone insane. I liked that."
"And I remember cooking dinner for you four. You all helped to sit Orange on the counter and when I turned around he was boiling pasta. You were all in big trouble that day, but you couldn't stop giggling." Splinter added, running his cold hand over Mikey's head. "I love you very much, Michelangelo."
"I uh- I'd like to add on, if I could?" Draxum politely cleared his throat, "You uh- you gave me a chance at a family. Now I don't have to spend Christmas alone."
They waited moments for him to sit up and speak again. The silence was consuming as they all held onto their Mikey for dear life. Like a lifeline.
He stirred, looking up and Raph and wrapping his arms around his abdomen. "I don't want to go." He said. "Don't let me go."
"You're not goin' anywhere."
The family settled on the couch until later in the morning. It was sure strange waking up to Draxum being there, but it was a welcome thing. Casey, April, Mayhem, and Sunita all arrived soon after. Pancakes were cooking on a griddle and the smell of bacon wafted through their home.
They had quite a huge family, but all it meant was more gifts! Even though they never had 'Santa Claus' or that 'Jesus' guy, they could have their very own special day. They could all fill up on hot cocoa and run around in fuzzy socks with Nerf Guns until they couldn't breathe and their faces hurt from grinning.
Then they could watch movies on the couch, curled up in hundreds of blankets until everyone filtered out one by one. Until there were only four remaining.
Donnie yawned, "I'm proud of us, you guys." They said, "We've been through a lot of shit and we all just enjoyed Christmas like a bunch of ignorant toddlers. Like we don't have fucked up war trauma."
"I think... this year has been a lot. Near death experiences, wars, blood sweat and tears, emotional shit... y'know." Leo added, nodding along. "Let's do better next year."
"Is that like- a New Year's resolution?" Mikey asked.
"Yeah! That's what it is. A new Year's resolution." He cheered, "Be happy."
"That's not a very good resolution." Raphael objected, "We could try something like, I dunno, eat three meals, sleep six hours, drink more water-"
"Sounds impossible." Donnie said.
The other two nodded and agreed, "Yeah. Yep."
Raph chuckled, "Fine then, we'll go with yours. 'Be happy', whatever that's supposed to mean."
"Not sad." Leo responded, voice barely above a whisper.
"That's a pretty bleak way to look at it." She sent back, shrugging. "But I guess it makes sense."
"No, no," Mikey said, "you gotta work your way up."