Archive of Our Own ^beta

"How did you get that?"

When Hitori had gently knocked on his door and asked if they could chat, Nageki figured he was mithering about something he'd blown way out of proportion. When he saw the journal he had been keeping tucked delicately under Hitori's wing, his blood ran cold. Nageki had scrambled to check the locked drawer of his desk, but it opened without effort — completely empty.

"That's not important right now."

"It is to me, how did you get that?"

Hitori went quiet for a moment in consideration. "I found it on your desk."

Such a barefaced lie, but even if it wasn't—

"So you just took it?"

Again he went quiet, this clearly wasn't a conversation he wanted to have.

"Can we talk about this later? I want to—"

"No, we can't!" Nageki's feathers bristled, and suddenly the awful thought of what Hitori 'just wanted to chat' about entered his mind. "Did you read it?"

Hitori looked away in an admission of guilt.

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Nageki wanted to scream. "Is there something that's troubling you?"

"I'm fine!" Nageki replied in a manner that suggested he was not actually fine. Hitori let out a sigh that barely masked his frustration.

"You always say that. Tell me what's wrong for a change."

"Nothing's wrong!"

"Don't lie to me."

"You first!" Nageki's normal monotone broke into an accusatory squawk. "Why were you going through my stuff?"

Hitori opened his beak to speak, but quickly closed it again. When he finally found the words he spoke them softly. "There was a program on the radio the other day about how a lot of teens are struggling with emotional issues lately and I know things have been especially hard for you. You've been so distant since you came out of cold sleep, I've been so worried. I want to keep you safe but I can't take care of you properly if you don't tell me anything."

The absolute audacity of him to make it his fault. Nageki got up from his desk chair, body tense. Part of him wanted to yell, another wanted to  shove Hitori away. Instead he stood there in a stunned silence unable to look his brother in the eye.

"Nageki…?"

The words reflexively came to him. "Give it back."

Hitori held the book tightly in his wings, clearly reluctant. "I know you're upset but—"

"Give it back!"

He finally conceded, Nageki snatching it back and holding it protectively to his chest the moment it was in reach.

"Can we just talk about it?"

"No," Nageki declared, "Leave me alone."

Hitori took a step forward, Nageki took a step back.

"Listen, Nageki I—"

"I said leave me alone! You're always hovering over me at school, you're always hovering over me at home, why can't you just let me have one place to myself?" Nageki glowered at him, trying to figure out just what deranged argument Hitori was going to hit him with next. Instead, he turned towards the door.

"Okay… I'll let you calm down and we can talk about this later."

Nageki hated the concerned tone he took and threw the journal after him as he closed the door. It hit with a loud clatter and fell open on the floor.

His mind was racing as he paced around his room, no longer safe in what he thought was his last bastion of privacy. How many times had he told Hitori he didn't need to be coddled any more? How many times had he tried to set boundaries only to have them trampled all over?

Nageki couldn't stand it a moment longer, not when Hitori was right behind that door.

From the back of his chair he snatched his school bag and emptied it out onto the desk. He threw in the offending book, along with the novel he was half-way through and some writing equipment. Raiding his room, he tried to think of all the other things he needed to bring with him. Phone charger? Wallet? Medication?

As the anger started to dissipate, reality caught up with him.

Running away? Really? There was something so juvenile about it, but in the moment he couldn't think of anything else. Maybe he should concede and actually talk to Hitori about it. Since Hitori decided to empty out that can of worms they'd have to collect them back up eventually.

Nageki flinched at a knock on the door.

Eventually. Not now.

"I told you to leave me alone!" he called, but Hitori still barged in regardless.

"I'm sorry, I know I said we'd talk about it later but—"

"But what?"

"I just— I don't want to leave you alone right now. I'm worried about what you might do."

Forget it, he was done being the bigger bird. Nageki was going to be as petty and juvenile as he wanted to be. Slinging the bag around his shoulders, he pushed past Hitori without a word.

"Nageki?"

"I'm going to a friend's house," he lied.

"Right now?" Hitori's tone was mildly dubious as he followed Nageki to the front door. "Are you angry?"

"I'm not angry," Nageki replied, biting back a shout.

"Nageki, wait!" Hitori grabbed him by the wing, but Nageki wrenched it out of his grasp.

"Leave me alone!" He barked, slamming the front door in Hitori's face and hurrying away from that prison of an apartment.

He had never been particularly athletic but in that moment he ran faster than he ever had in his life. Behind him he could hear his brother calling his name, but those calls were soon replaced by a pounding in his ears as he put as much distance between him and his home as he could. Just when he thought his legs might give out he spotted the bus stop in the distance; in an incredible stroke of luck the bus was just pulling in.

Nageki waved his wings, flagging it down, hoping and praying that it wouldn't leave without him. Barrelling through the open doors and fumbling with his bag he slapped his pass against the sensor. On shaking legs he staggered to the back of the bus, heart beating so fast he thought it might burst.

Collapsing into the seat, Nageki pressed his forehead to the backrest in front of him in prayer — that Hitori would not get on this bus. At the sound of the door closing he stole a glance at the commuters, but his brother was not among them. As the bus started to move he finally spied Hitori down the street. The two locked eyes as they passed by each other and Hitori immediately turned tail to chase after him. He might have been able to catch up to Nageki on foot, but he was no match for the modern auto-mobile.

Nageki's phone buzzed in the pocket of his bag and despite his better judgement he fished it out. Of course Hitori's name flashed on the screen, following him everywhere no matter what.

Nageki declined the call.

Despite his firm rejection, it started buzzing again almost immediately.

Nageki turned off his phone.

The bus pulled into the next stop, and Nageki held his breath watching the new passengers board, hurrying them along in his mind.

Hitori did not get on.

He didn't get on at the next stop, or the stop after that. Nageki finally breathed out the anxiety he had been holding on to and let the relief wash over him.

The low rumbling of the engine that rocked the vehicle's metal frame was relaxing. Nageki let his head occasionally bump against the window, watching the birds and buildings pass by. He didn't know where he was going, but it did the soul good to travel.

Buildings became sparse, giving way to parks and in turn the parks became sparse, giving way to wilderness. The number of birds dwindled at each stop until Nageki was the only passenger.

He had never been so far outside the city, it was almost like a different country.

The vehicle gently rolled to a halt, the bus stop sign the only architecture around. Nageki sat patiently for the bus to start moving again, as he did with every stop.

"This is the end of the line, I'm afraid you'll have to get off here," the driver called back.

He felt a little deflated that his adventure was coming to a close. Nonetheless he thanked them for the ride as he hopped off, before the bus drove into the distance leaving him alone in the vast landscape.

Nageki gazed over his new surroundings. There wasn't any sign of civilization for miles, the only things of note were a few trees and some rock formations.

In the distance he could see a herd of wild animals. He watched them ramble across the horizon for a while, trying to identify them. Buffalo, maybe? They looked pretty stocky but it was hard to tell from such a distance.

It was calming to take himself out of the bustle of the city, a little boring even. Nageki crossed to the other side of the road, not even bothering to check for cars — it was deserted after all — and looked at the bus stop timetable.

It wasn't that he wanted to go home, but it would be much more comfortable to spend his teenage rebellion inside the local library.

The next bus wouldn't come for another few hours.

That made sense, he supposed. It didn't look like there was much out here, he couldn't imagine there would be many birds wanting to come out all this way.

While the sun wasn't too hot the exposure was starting to wear him down. If he was going to be here a while he might as well pass the time comfortably. In the shade of a nearby tree, he settled down and rummaged through his bag for the book he had been reading.

Instead, his wing brushed over the weary pages of his journal. Taking it out and flipping through he cringed at some of the passages, melodramatic and scribbled. He had never been writing for an audience though, not even the audience of himself. It wasn't a book meant to be read so much as a safe place to lock the undesirable parts of his character away. It hurt that Hitori had broken that lock without consideration.

It hurt having the undesirable parts of himself exposed to prying eyes.

"Nageki!"

The call of his name made him flinch instinctively, and Nageki stuffed the journal back into his bag.

The voice was not Hitori's though. It was a bit higher, a bit rougher around the edges. From the distance a human sprinted her way towards him, waving her arms in the air.

"Tosaka-san?"

Hiyoko cantered to a stop before him, face red and breath laboured.

"You're a strange sight! What are you doing all the way out here?" She gasped as she tried to get some more oxygen into her lungs.

"Oh... Just out for a change of scenery," Nageki mumbled, watching the spots of light dance around his feet as the sun filtered through the leaves.

"Aw, and here I thought you'd come all this way to see little, old me!" She laughed a breathy laugh.

"Do you live around here?" Nageki asked, zipping up his bag. He knew Hiyoko lived outside the city and commuted into school but he never thought about how far outside the city; Ryouta had once told him she lived in a cave. At the time he figured he was playing a trick on him but taking in the sparse landscape, now he wasn't so sure.

"Yeah, just down that way!" Hiyoko pointed to something far off in the distance, even if Nageki squinted he couldn't make out anything resembling a house. "Do you wanna hang out for a bit? I feel like I barely see you outside the library."

"Would that be okay?" Nageki asked, getting to his feet. He didn't particularly want to spend hours waiting around for the next bus.

"Of course!" Hiyoko grinned. "My parents are away so it would be nice to have the company."

They started off in the direction of Hiyoko's home, at a pace that was easy for Nageki to match.

"Your parents are both diplomats, aren't they?" Nageki asked as they strolled along. When previously questioned about being the only human in a school for birds Hiyoko had proudly stated that it was her destiny as the progenitor of a long line of ambassadors.

"Yeah. My mum's at a conference in Kyūshū at the moment, and my dad is working overseas in America," she explained.

"What is he doing over there?"

"Mostly steel cage match exhibitions, but I hear Domingo Santos has issued a personal challenge!"

Being an ambassador sounded tough.

Idly chatting the time away made the journey to Hiyoko's place seem like no time at all, even though Nageki's feet were getting kind of sore. He hoped it wouldn't be much longer.

They passed by a well (that her dad had dug out, according to Hiyoko) but Nageki still couldn't see any sign of shelter, let alone a house.

They eventually approached a rocky formation, decorated with a number of solar panels and a windmill made of scrap metal that creaked ever so slightly as the blades whirled in the breeze. Wires from the constructs snaked down into what looked like a generator. A fire pit and stone grill had been constructed not too far from an entryway carved into the rock.

"Whad'dya think?" Hiyoko beamed, catching the wonder and curiosity in Nageki's eye as he took in the sights around him.

"Is this… Your house?" He asked tentatively, not wanting to accidentally offend her.

"Yup! Pretty cool, right?"

He couldn't believe Ryouta had told him the truth this whole time.

When he had first mentioned a cave, Nageki had imagined something more prehistoric, tools carved out of bone and wood, but the reality of it was much more modern.

"Did your family make all of this?" Nageki asked as they walked around to the other side. There were tilled plots growing wheat, as well as a bounty of mushrooms that had been cultivated from a section of log. Not too far away a stream poured its way down from the higher ground and into the plains.

"More or less, but we got some help from a nearby settlement," Hiyoko explained as they ventured a bit past the small allotment. A notch in the rock, easily big enough for a person to fit in, had been adorned by a configuration of pipes and tankards with a woven bamboo curtain pinned to the side.

"Is there a settlement nearby?"

"Couple of miles away."

"Why don't you live with them?" Nageki didn't realise until after he asked that it might have been a prying question, but he couldn't help but be curious. Hiyoko's place was lovely, much cosier than he expected. While he was jealous that she lived in such a secluded area, he couldn't help but wonder if it got a bit lonely sometimes.

Hiyoko seemed to consider it for a moment, before retorting with her usual wide smile. "Well, you know... It's a lot of shacks and lean-tos, you wanna live somewhere you know is gonna last!" She explained as she slapped her hand against the rock face for emphasis. "Plus, I guess we've always lived here. My grandparents used to live here too." Nageki nodded along. There was no need to pry for more information, Hiyoko was happy to ramble on.

It was probably one of her best and worst traits. She was always too loud in the library, at first he thought it a disregard for everyone else; he would have thrown his book at her if it wouldn't have caused a national incident. But after a while the library started to feel too quiet when she wasn't around. Nageki didn't understand why she was always insistent on visiting him, the company she kept was much more interesting than he was, but he was glad that she wanted to be friends and he was always happy to listen to what she had to say.

"It's not like there's bad blood between us or anything!" She suddenly assured him. "Actually I do odd jobs there sometimes. Just got back from helping move in a new freezer for old man Okonogi." Hiyoko lifted the bottom of her shirt up to her chest before she remembered the company and pulled it back down again, her face a little flush.

"Haha, sorry I'm still a bit sweaty from running back. Can I take a shower?"

"Oh! Uh, of course." Nageki didn't know if he had been staring. Even though he'd always seen Hiyoko wearing clothes he always assumed it was because the featherless human body didn't retain heat as well or was more easily damaged, his naked self never realised that there might be a cultural implication in seeing a human without clothes.

"Make yourself at home, I won't be too long!" Hiyoko called back as Nageki stumbled to the front of the cave.

He still couldn't get over how intricate Hiyoko's dwelling was. Peeking inside it was much bigger than he imagined, and so full of trinkets both familiar and not. Wires from the generator snaked into the entrance, leading into a television set and a large case freezer. Shelves made out of woven grass and wood held various cooking ingredients and tools, another near the back was full of bedding and towels. There was a rack on the wall adorned with various implements for stabbing and smashing and even a crossbow. Nageki got the impression they weren't your run of the mill carpentry tools.

In a lot of respects it was basically a large one-room apartment. Wandering in a little further there was a low table in the centre, no doubt carved by hand, adorned with scratches and stains that had seeped into the wood — as well as a collection of lovingly whittled little wooden animals. In addition to all the amenities there were lots of little bits of art and creation.

Little bits of humanity, he wondered.

On the wall nearby was a small but delicate painting of animals grazing in the plains, about to be ambushed by a bear rendered in solid, clumsy strokes. The artist's name displayed proudly at the bottom:

— Hiyoko, age 6.

Nageki settled down by the cave entrance, the sounds of the wind and running water were soothing. He didn't know how much anger and frustration he had been holding onto all this time but it dusted off of his feathers and was carried away by the breeze.

It was comfortable.

In the warmth of the sun, Nageki began to doze.

The sound of something vibrating against the hard stone and a sudden thump to his side startled Nageki awake. Next to him, Hiyoko flailed  around for her phone as she sat up.

"Was I asleep?" Nageki asked around the cotton wool feeling in his mouth.

"Yeah, you looked so comfy I couldn't help but take a nap next to you." she yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and getting to her feet. Her hair stuck out awkwardly from where she had been lying down, still a little damp from her shower.

Nageki took the time to stretch and try to shake the heavy sleep from his wings while Hiyoko put on her shoes.

"Ryouta's on his way so I'm gonna go pick him up at the bus stop, wanna come with?"

"Kawara-kun's coming?"

"Oh, did I forget to tell you?" From Nageki's perplexed expression she gathered she did. "Since my parents are away, Ryouta's coming over."

He had been happy to spend time with just the two of them but...

"I'm not intruding, am I?"

"Of course not! The more the merrier, right?"

The two set off back towards the bus stop. Now that he was rested it was a much easier journey. The bus arrived just as the stop came into view and Hiyoko immediately sprinted off to greet Ryouta. Nageki followed behind at his own pace, and at the surprised look he got from the rock dove he wondered if he really was intruding.

"Nageki! What are you doing here?" It was curious, more than accusatory but Nageki still wasn't sure how to answer.

"I'm just visiting..."

That was fine, right? He had just as much right to visit his friends as anyone else, no matter how much Hitori's ongoing psyop made him feel guilty about it.

Ryouta let out a curious coo.

"It's just that I found something interesting near the bus stop on the way here." Hiyoko and Nageki leaned in with interest as Ryouta dug around in his bag before he pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of paper, a sliver of tape still attached to the top.

Nageki felt his stomach drop at what he saw.

The word 'MISSING' was printed at the top in big, bold letters with a photo of his face just underneath, along with Hitori's contact information and a promised reward of 150,000¥.

Did they even have that kind of money?

Hiyoko snatched the piece of paper, cackling with delight. "Nageki! You've got a bounty on your head!" At least someone seemed to be enjoying it, he thought bitterly. "What crimes have you been committing!?"

"I didn't do anything!" Nageki seethed, snatching the paper from her hands and crumpling it up as tightly as he could.

"Did something happen?" Ryouta asked. There was probably genuine sympathy in his voice but Nageki had been so poisoned by Hitori's bleeding heart.

"Nothing happened," he snapped back.

There was a silence as Ryouta and Hiyoko gave each other a knowing look.

"We should probably get back before it gets dark," Ryouta finally cut in, leading them away from the conversation.

Nageki quietly trailed behind them on the walk back as Ryouta recounted his day at work and Hiyoko chatted about nothing in particular. The crumpled piece of paper was still held tightly in his wing, as if to keep it trapped.

By the time they got back the sun was already starting to dip below the horizon, bathing everything in a warm, orange glow. Nageki stuffed the balled up poster into the corner of the soot-stained grill.

"Are you guys hungry? Thought I might start on dinner," Hiyoko stated.

"Fine by me," Ryouta replied, having immediately made himself at home. "What about you?" he asked Nageki, who stood awkwardly at the cave entrance.

"Uh, sure..."

It was nice when it had just been him and Hiyoko hanging out, but ever since Ryouta picked up that poster he could tell they wanted to know what was going on. At the very least they were a bit more tactful about it than Hitori was. Part of him wished they would probe it out of him. He didn't particularly want to talk about it — but he hated it hanging wordlessly over all three of them even more.

"Great! I'll get started," Hiyoko beamed as she made her way into the cave to start on preparations. Instead of picking any utensils or ingredients she took the crossbow from the rack on the wall.

"I thought we were having udon!" Ryouta protested, suddenly distressed at the weapon in her hands.

"We are but sometimes you just need some meat, you know?"

"Don't you have anything in the freezer?"

"Nah, we cleared it out last week."

Hiyoko ignored Ryouta's grumbling as she armed herself with a few bolts and a knife at her waist.

"Wanna come with?" She asked Nageki as she passed him on the porch, now decked out with a small arsenal.

"Sure."

He couldn't contain his curiosity around Hiyoko, if she was going to ask him to come along he was going to say yes.

Besides, it would be nice to hang out with just the two of them.

They walked down the stream in relative silence. Hiyoko hummed a tune to the babbling of the water and Nageki quietly kept to her side. It was the sort of noise level he wished she kept in the library; Hiyoko was normally much more vocal.

"Hey..."

Naturally, she was the first to break the silence. Her voice was a little less boisterous than usual. "Is everything okay? You seemed pretty upset earlier."

Nageki let out a heavy sigh.

"Everything's fine. I just needed to get out of the house for a bit and Hitori overreacted," he stated. As far as he was concerned, that's all there was to it.

"Really? How long have you been gone?"

"It's barely been half a day!" Nageki exclaimed, a bitter laugh punctuating his words. "I got on the bus and came straight here. It wasn't even five minutes before I met you."

"Seriously?!" Hiyoko echoed with a chuckle of her own. There was a tone in her voice, not angry or condescending, just laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

And it was ridiculous! Who even runs away in this day and age? But here he was, wandering this sprawling wilderness because he couldn't face going home.

Maybe he owed them an explanation.

"Actually, the truth is—"

"Shh, get down!"

In a hushed voice, Hiyoko pulled Nageki behind a nearby dirt mound. Before he could ask, she motioned to something in the distance. Peeking out from their hiding spot, Nageki could spy a small herd of antelope mixing and drinking from a small pond that had formed where the stream had burst its banks.

When Nageki was a kid he was mostly housebound, and the days out he did have were spent close to home. Since he woke up from cryostasis, most of his time had been spent at home and school under his brother's watchful eye. It occurred to him that he'd never visited a zoo, and while Hitori would probably let him go (with his supervision) Nageki had never thought to ask.

He stared, transfixed on every little movement. Of course he'd seen pictures of them in books, videos on TV, but to see them in real life was completely different. The antelope seemed very dignified in the way they carried themselves as they walked, yet the flicking of their ears to keep the flies away was cute. The setting sun highlighted the toasty brown sheen of their coats and the long, coiled horns of the males were awe-inspiring. Nageki held his breath, wanting to inch closer for a better look but not wanting to startle them — instead appreciating the natural world as it unfolded before him.

Suddenly a loud crack shocked through his system, an evolutionary leftover that sent his heart racing. The antelope scattered at the sound. All but one, who tumbled to the floor, desperately scrambling to get away through the pain of the bolt stuck in its hind-quarters.

Hiyoko let out a sound of triumph as she dropped the crossbow and dashed over to her target.

Despite the shaking in his legs, Nageki's morbid curiosity compelled him to follow.

The animal managed to run a few more metres from adrenaline and force of will alone, but Hiyoko was faster. Catching up to it she managed to wrestle it to the ground, restraining its head in an armlock, careful to avoid its antlers as it thrashed.

"Shhh, easy, easy..." she cooed as she reached for the knife at her belt.

It was a fluid motion, clearly practised. Its body became still as the blood from its neck bloomed across the dirt. Nageki was transfixed by the whole affair, not even blinking once.

The spectre of death had always loomed over him, so much so he thought it to be a familiar comfort — but coming face to face with it for the first time, death was more of a stranger than he thought.

"Nageki, you okay?" Hiyoko called, waving her hand in front of his face.

Stained red.

"I-I'm fine…" He finally managed to shake off the fear that had gripped him, but he couldn't help but feel weak at the knees.

The crossbow was heavy in his wings as they wandered back.

"You sure you're okay with that? I don't mind carrying it," Hiyoko offered.

"It's fine, you have your hands full. I can at least do this much." He had no idea how Hiyoko could carry such a large animal slung around her shoulders.

Nageki could never bear that burden.

When they got back Ryouta was nowhere to be found. Hiyoko didn't seem to think much of it though, dropping her prey with a large thud onto the cave floor.

Nageki carefully stepped around it to get to the tool rack and hung the crossbow back up.

"Hey, hand me that knife would you?" Hiyoko motioned to one of the hanging implements. Compared to the crossbow it felt incredibly light in his wing as Nageki handed it to her and he wondered if such a small knife would take care of such a large animal.

There was no reason to doubt as Hiyoko started butchering the antelope as deftly as she'd killed it. Nageki stared as she removed bits and pieces from the pelvic region, before slicing up to reveal the thick, red meat of the inner thigh.

Those legs that had carried the creature with such dignity slowly being stripped away into parts. He became aware of the beating of his heart, the placement of his liver, his wings, his legs, his breast — all parts.

"Tosaka-san…" he didn't speak the words so much as his vocal chords vibrated from the impulses in his brain. "Would you ever eat me?"

"Eeeh!?" Caught off guard by the question, she nearly dropped the leg she had been holding. "Of course not! I could never do that to you!" She sounded genuinely hurt by the question.

"Also..." she hung on the words for a bit as she considered them, glancing between Nageki and the corpse in front of her. "No offence, but I feel like I'd catch some kind of avian flu if I did eat you."

She sounded almost guilty about it, and the neurotransmitters in Nageki's brain caused him to let out a small laugh. He honestly couldn't blame her for it.

"Besides, if I was going to eat anybirdie I'd probably eat Sakuya," she mentioned as she continued to penetrate further with the knife.

"How come?"

"Think about it! He's probably been raised on expensive stuff like caviar and truffles and champagne. I bet he's really tender and flavourful!"

He couldn't fault her for that logic. If they were in such desperate times they needed to start eating other birds he would eat Sakuya first too, although for completely unrelated reasons

"What about you? Who would you eat?" Hiyoko asked, pausing her butchering to give him her full attention.

Nageki was caught a little off guard by the question. He'd never actually considered it. Eating Sakuya would definitely shut him up, but Nageki wasn't a fussy eater beyond medical requirements so he didn't know if he should factor in the flavour more or the utility.

His eyes wandered over the half-carved animal as he considered it.

"I'd probably eat Hitori."

"Uzune-sensei? How come?"

"Because he's always fussing about me and it gets on my nerves!" Nageki huffed. "He's always going out of his way to 'help' me like he gave up a university job to come and teach at St. Pigeonation's and he's always offering me his scarf or promising to cancel plans if I need him," there was a sourness to his tone as he recounted Hitori's previous efforts. "If he wants to be so self-sacrificing then he can make the ultimate sacrifice!"

Hiyoko couldn't help but burst out laughing at his intonation of the last line, giving Nageki a little shock having been so absorbed in his rant.

"Don't tell him, he'd let you do it if you asked!"

"You're right…"

Reflecting on it seriously, he probably couldn't eat another bird, least of all Hitori. As much as he got on his nerves sometimes, Nageki really did owe him a lot. It's not that he seriously wanted to hurt him, he just wished he was a little less... Hitori.

He had always been a bit of a worry-wart, ever since they were kids. The five years Nageki was in cryostasis had definitely changed him, but Nageki was certain it wasn't for the better.

Maybe it would have been best if he had just died back then.

"Hey, Ryouta!"

Nageki was snapped out of his self-wallowing by Hiyoko's voice. Ryouta had returned carrying a large pail full of water.

"If you could eat anybirdie, who would you eat?"

"No one! Why would you ask me that!?" He was completely scandalised by the question as he set the pail down by the cooking pot. Nageki wondered if he had been too eager to answer.

"Oh yeah, 'cause you're vegetarian."

"That's... that's not the issue here."

Hiyoko only snickered to herself as she got back to work. With a forceful but well practised motion she carved open the animal's belly.

The smell that wafted out hit Nageki harder than the smell of blood from before and the cave spun around him as the stomach and intestines spilled out.

Suddenly he felt hyper aware of his own body once more.

"Hey, you okay?"

Hiyoko's voice came from somewhere in the distance as Nageki stared, paralyzed at the corpse in front of him.

"I'm fine..." he mouthed, but the words didn't seem to come out until a second later.

Warm wings wrapped around him as his body was ushered out of the cave.

"Let's get you some fresh air."

Ryouta's voice this time, calm and comforting as they made their way to the patch of wheat and mushrooms.

Between the low light of the setting sun and the wing wrapped around his shoulder gently smoothing over his feathers, he felt ever so small but ever so protected, like hiding under the covers on a cool summer evening.

Taking a deep breath Nageki started to feel once again whole, as if his unravelled self was being wrapped into a neat ball of yarn.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ryouta's cadence was as gentle as his touch. The first stars of night time were starting to dot the sky.

"I think so," Nageki breathed. He meant it this time.

He settled down and watched the encroaching dusk as Ryouta picked mushrooms for dinner.

The sun had set long ago, Ryouta too had headed back to the cave where Hiyoko was busy processing the last of her prey. Nageki still stayed by the water, enthralled by the night sky.

He had never seen so many stars.

The distant crackling of a fire danced on the wind and Nageki figured it was time for him to head back. Now that the sun had set it was starting to get a little chilly. Despite the lack of street lights it was easy to find his way by the pale, silver glow of the moon.

Back at base the stone grill had been lit, and a pot of water boiled away over a campfire close by. Hiyoko was busy rolling out a ball of dough on the stone counter, meanwhile Ryouta was measuring soy sauce and dashi for a soup base.

"Are you feeling better, Nageki?" Ryouta asked. Nageki nodded in response as he looked around the cave. There were still remnants of the animal, small stains on the floor and the case freezer, the lingering smell of blood.  A little way away by the light of the campfire he could see a mound of freshly turned earth.

With a little bow of the head, he made a silent eulogy.

"Mm, I think so…"

"Great! Dinner should be ready in a bit so hold tight!" Hiyoko added. Not wanting to feel like a burden, Nageki was about to offer some help but Ryouta was faster.

"Wanna help grill the mushrooms?"

Of course he wanted to help grill the mushrooms!

The two birds flittered out of the cave, one holding the saucepan the other holding a bowl full of the mushrooms Ryouta had picked earlier — all washed, sliced, oiled and ready to cook. They huddled around the grill, the fire warming their feathers.

Ryouta placed the saucepan down first, moving it around to try and find the ideal spot, not too hot so as not to over boil the stock, before handing Nageki a long pair of chopsticks.

"If you would do the honours."

"Gladly."

Picking out the largest slice he could, Nageki carefully laid it down on the grill. It gave a satisfying sizzle as it made contact with the hot, metal wiring that sent a delightful tingling sensation through his plumage. One by one he laid out the rest, careful not to burn his wing. For the smaller ones Ryouta added them directly to the soup, which was simmering away in the corner.

It smelled delightful, he couldn't wait to eat.

"What's grillin', boys?" Hiyoko announced her presence with an over the top accent as she crouched down next to them.

"'Scuse me!" she gestured with her chopsticks, Nageki moved some of the mushrooms aside to give her space as she laid a few slices of meat down.  They sizzled even more ferociously than the fungi.

Nageki studied it as the colour slowly changed, trying to discern any remnants of its previous form, but it just looked like any meat you might find at the supermarket.

"What about the udon?" Ryouta interjected.

"All ready, it'll only take like a minute to cook though."

As the three of them chatted idly over the grill Nageki flipped over some of the mushroom slices revealing a gorgeous brown colouring with the dark, scorched lines of the grill.

"Don't you think this colour's kind of like Nageki?" Hiyoko wondered, pointing to one of the lighter mushrooms with her chopsticks.

"Hmm…?" Nageki held up one of his wings to compare. Maybe it did a little.

"Fujishroom..." Ryouta smirked to himself as Hiyoko suppressed a laugh.

"Hey!"

Nageki couldn't help but smile too. There was a warmth to it, not just from the fire. It reminded him of the days at the orphanage, the Fridays they used to all squeeze into the kitchen to help prepare dinner together.

He remembered his wings covered in flour as he helped prepare tempura and the sizzling of the wok as his brother stir-fried vegetables. He remembered the first time he ever got to hold a knife and how much Hitori fretted over him before he even made a single slice, he remembered the reassurances from his older sister and how proud he was of the perfect cubes he cut the tofu into for their hotpot.

And suddenly, through the joy of those old memories Nageki was struck by a profound sadness.

Those days were lost forever.

The orphanage had long since closed and his brothers and sisters had all grown up without him, scattered across the country until it was just him and Hitori left.

And it had all happened so fast. He had fallen asleep surrounded by them, cooing reassurances that they would be waiting for him when he got back. But he woke up surrounded by strangers, the siblings he remembered nowhere to be found. When they all left after his welcome back party, Nageki cried harder than he ever did when he was sick.

The telltale soreness in his throat was starting to creep up, he loathed to start crying in front of his friends but —

He flinched as he felt something pat down on the top of his head.

"Let's get some food in you!"

Hiyoko ruffled his feathers as she got up to tend to the other pot boiling away. With a gentle touch Ryouta plucked the chopsticks from his wing and collected up the cooked mushrooms.

"Sorry about the Fujishroom thing," he smiled sheepishly.

"Oh... No, it's fine."

The three of them got to work assembling dinner. In three hand-carved wooden bowls Hiyoko portioned out the hand-cut udon, pouring over the finished mushroom soup base. It glistened in the fire light as Ryouta carefully laid on the fried mushrooms in an elegant presentation that was clearly learned from one of his part-time jobs. Hiyoko of course finished hers off with the meat she had been frying on the grill.

"Want to try some?" She asked, holding out a piece to Nageki with her chopsticks.

"Sure." Nageki held out his bowl and Hiyoko dropped it in much less elegantly than Ryouta.

It all smelled delectable, and Nageki took a moment to savour it as they all huddled around the campfire embers for warmth.

"Thanks for the food!" They all chimed in unison.

Slurping up the first of the noodles, Nageki's eyes lit up. They were perfectly chewy with a light yet distinct flavour. Hiyoko let out a squeak of delight as she ate hers.

"It's good right, right?" she insisted, fishing for compliments.

"It's really good," Ryouta echoed. "Did you make the flour for this yourself?"

"Nah, last harvest wasn't great. It's just grocery store flour, but it's all in the technique isn't it?"

She looked to Nageki, although he wasn't sure he possessed the udon-making skills to corroborate her statement. It was delicious though. 

"You're a very skilled cook, Tosaka-san."

Despite her boastful nature, at Nageki's compliment she seemed almost modest. Giggling sheepishly, but with a truly joyful smile.

As they continued to eat, Nageki nudged the piece of meat he had been given with his chopsticks. It looked so ordinary now, it was hard to imagine that it was a living creature just hours ago. He tore a piece off with his beak and chewed it thoughtfully.

It was... okay? He couldn't fully compare it to any meat he had tried before, and there was a slightly bitter aftertaste to it. Taking another bite, he swallowed a pang of guilt with it. Hunting and being hunted was just a fact of life in the wild, he contended. If not Hiyoko, it surely would have ended up as some other beast's dinner.

In another time and place, would he have met the same fate?

In the end he concluded antelope probably wasn't for him.

Hiyoko dug out an old tarp after they finished dinner, along with all sorts of cushions and blankets, and hauled them to a spot nearby where they could look at the stars.

They lay on their backs, gazing at the universe that twinkled above them. Nageki tried his best to point out constellations and explain to Hiyoko why they were called what they were called — even if they looked nothing alike, according to her. Ironically, it felt like it was more difficult with less light pollution purely because there was so much to look at. Nageki would start with one constellation and then get completely distracted by all the stars around it.

It was breathtaking.

The three of them laughed and chatted and even the silences that dotted their conversation were comfortable, so enraptured by the wonders of the night sky.

"I dunno why I never thought to invite you over before, I mean you're always reading those books on astrology —"

"Don't you mean astronomy?" Ryouta cut in.

"Yeah, that's what I said. But I mean, you love stars and stuff and we've got tons of 'em here."

Nageki hummed thoughtfully and lolled his head to the side, lightly bumping it into Ryouta's. "Even if you had invited me I don't think Hitori would let me go."

"How come?"

"I don't know," Nageki started, trying to think of the most Hitori reason he could come up with. "He probably thinks I'll get eaten by wolves or something."

"No way! I'd protect you!" Hiyoko proclaimed, grabbing his wing and holding it tightly in her hand. Nageki gave a small chuckle, but the silence that followed wasn't as comfortable as the previous one.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Ryouta started, his voice quiet, almost hesitant. "But did you have a falling out with Uzune-sensei?"

With a heavy sigh, Nageki wriggled his wing out of Hiyoko's grip and laid it back over his chest. He ruminated on all the words he wanted to say, but he didn't know which ones to pluck out first.

"It's fine… Hitori's always been a worrier ever since we were kids." But now Hitori was an adult, just like the rest of his siblings, and Nageki was still a kid. A mourning dove-shaped hole left in the world that he was struggling to fill. "He's just kind of suffocating, that's all…"

Ryouta hummed thoughtfully, Nageki wondered if he could tell there was more to it than that. "He probably cares a lot about you."

"He could stand to care a little less," Nageki huffed. "He's always hovering over me, and going through my stuff."

"Wait, what?" That last seemed to catch their attention as they both sat up. Nageki avoided their concerned gaze, eyes wandering back across the night sky.

"It's nothing, it's stupid…" Nageki sighed, not wanting to be the buzzkill at their sleepover. Hiyoko and Ryouta waited patiently, and Nageki hated the silence so much he couldn't help but continue. "There was this journal I'd been keeping. A lot has happened and some of it is difficult to talk about with other birds, you know? Not like anything bad, just… difficult. Stuff I didn't want Hitori to know."

He sat up, starting to get a little jittery.

"I don't even know how he got it. I kept it locked in a drawer in my desk. Maybe I forgot to lock it or maybe he broke in. Either way it's an invasion of privacy, right?" He looked to his friends for support, to silence the little voice in the back of his head that told him he was overreacting.

"Yeah, what the hell?"

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about what he'll be like when I get back. He already thinks I'll drop dead if I leave his line of sight for ten minutes. I'll probably need pre-approved permission from him to leave the house, or get put under 24 hour surveillance."

Too wound up to sit still anymore, Nageki got up and started pacing around the perimeter of the tarp before the other two could interject.

"If he wanted to perfectly preserve his precious little brother he should have just left me in the freezer! What was the point of those last five years, huh? What was the point of forcing me to live when it feels like he just wants me bedridden all over again?" There was a quiver in his voice, a slight shaking in his wings. "Maybe I should stop being such a coward and put us both out of our misery instead of just scribbling it all away. The nearest station doesn't have any barriers, I could just throw myself onto the tracks; I'm pretty sure the extension cord under my desk is long enough to make a noose out of."

He paused in his mithering to choke out something resembling a laugh.  "I bet you could make quick work of me, Tosaka-san."

His next words were stopped in their tracks as a weight draped itself over him.

"Hey, hey…" Hiyoko cooed softly as she smoothed out his feathers and tucked his head protectively under her chin.

The perfect position to slice his throat, he thought.

"Don't be stupid about it, okay?" Her boisterous personality had gone quiet as she held him. Nageki wanted to bite back.

How could you possibly understand?

How could anyone understand?

All that escaped his break was a shuddering gasp as he fought back the urge to cry out. Ryouta tenderly took his wing in his.

"You know, we're all really happy to have you as a friend. So if you need to rely on us, don't hold back." Delicately running his feathers over his, Nageki couldn't bear to meet his eye. "Does Uzune-sensei know you're out here?"

"No…" Nageki croaked in reply.

"You don't have to talk to him or anything, but you should probably let him know you're alive at least," Hiyoko added, nearly in a whisper. "Or else he's gonna be super normal about it when you get home."

She was right, but the thought of turning on his phone filled him with dread.

"I can do it if you want," she continued as if sensing his unease. Was this what her hunter-gatherer instincts were capable of?

"Could you...?"

Nageki ventured back to the cave to fetch his phone and reluctantly handed it over to Hiyoko. He didn't particularly want to talk to Hitori right now, but if he didn't Hitori would only be all the more insufferable when he went home.

Stiffly, he sat next to Ryouta — who wrapped a comforting wing around him as anxiety brewed in the pit of his stomach. Hiyoko turned on the device and all three of them jumped in surprise as the missed call and message tones rang at once, unreasonably loud in the quiet wilderness.

"How bad is it?" Nageki breathed out, steeling himself for the worst.

"You have 98 missed calls and 243 new messages."

Honestly not as bad as he thought it would be. Before he even had a chance to respond his ringtone suddenly started playing and shocked them all a second time.

"It's Uzune-sensei," Hiyoko said in a hushed tone as if Hitori could hear them talking about him. Glancing between the two dumbstruck birds, she didn't wait for an answer before responding to the call.

"Hello? Yeah it's Tosaka, Hiyoko Tosaka. What's up?"

She nodded along and then glanced over to Nageki.

"Yeah, he's right here. So about that 150,000¥ reward —"

"Hiyoko!"

Hiyoko lowered the phone from her ear and covered the mouthpiece as Ryouta cut her off.

"Don't worry we'll split it two ways," she reassured him. Not catching his meaning Ryouta pointedly pulled Nageki a little closer.

"Three ways," she corrected.

She lifted the receiver back to her ear to carry on their conversion.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm still here. Uh-huh.... uh-huh..."

Hiyoko lowered the receiver again.

"He wants to talk to you."

Nageki prickled at the thought. He wasn't going to fix things by avoiding Hitori but he wasn't sure if he was ready yet.

"Unless he's going to apologise I don't want to talk to him," Nageki spoke firmly, even if his resolve was wavering.

"He says he won't speak to you unless you shave your head in repentance and beg for his forgiveness."

"What?"

"We gotta let him know you're serious!" Hiyoko retorted in a hushed whisper.

"Just give me the phone...!" He couldn't believe he was saying it but he was worried Hiyoko's flowery language might make things more difficult than they had to be. She handed it over without fanfare and Nageki scurried into the darkness for a bit more privacy.

Now that it was just the two of them, Nageki wasn't so sure he was ready. Hitori's voice came tinny through the receiver, begging for him to answer. Nageki was torn between wanting to hurt him more and finally giving him some relief.

Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself for the worst.

"Hello?"

"Nageki! Oh, thank-goodness you're okay..." Hitori's voice was quieter than he was expecting, almost as if it was straining to come out. A shaking, sigh of relief crackled through the airwaves but the onslaught of fussing Nageki expected never came, instead it was up to him to fill the drawn out silence.

"Well...?"

"Huh?"

"Don't you have something to say to me?"

"Right..." Hitori once again fell quiet, and Nageki wondered if he really had it in him to admit he was wrong. "I'm sorry, for going through your things and for reading your journal. I know I shouldn't have done that but—"

And there it was.

"I've just been so worried about you lately, you've been really withdrawn and I wanted to know if something was wrong. You know you can talk to me if there's something troubling you, right? But if you don't tell me anything I can't help —"

"I'm hanging up."

"Ah! Wait, wait, wait!"

Nageki knew he should just hang up but he still had some shred of sympathy for his brother. He did sound rather haggard...

"I am sorry, really. When I told him about what had happened, Nanaki-kun really chewed me out for it," Hitori recounted with a melancholy laugh.

"Really?" It was hard to imagine Kazuaki with any kind of backbone, but it was a little funny to think of their roles being reversed for once.

"Yeah, he said if anyone read his private writings he'd be devastated..."

It was quiet between them as Nageki waited patiently for Hitori's next excuse.

"But… I mean, the things you wrote about—"

Nageki interrupted with a frustrated sigh. "I'm not gonna do anything, don't worry."

"— Are they my fault?"

The line went quiet again. Nageki opened his beak, but all of the obscenities he wanted to yell got caught in his throat.

"They're not all your fault," he replied, the words stilted and measured. "But you keep weaselling yourself into my life so much they were bound to end up your fault eventually. What was going through your head when you were digging through my things without my permission? Did you really think I wouldn't be upset?"

"I know! I don't… I don't know why I do these things, I know it's not rational. I just—" There was a hitch in his voice, a brief moment to compose himself again. "—I'm so afraid of losing you a second time…"

The cadence of his voice was so pathetic Nageki couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The silence that followed was broken only by the howl of a lone wolf in the distance.

He never did talk much about those five years.

"Stop going through my stuff and maybe I'll think about sticking around."

"Right, right. Sorry…" Whatever excuses Hitori had for doing the things he did, he held on to them tightly. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

"I'd ask you to stop being so overbearing, but I know you won't." It came out a little more bitter than he meant to. "I just wish you'd stop making your neurosis my problem."

"I'm sorry. I've been a bit selfish, haven't I?"

"Mm…"

"But… I'm glad you're okay. When I couldn't reach you after you ran out I kept imagining the worst."

As much as he wanted to stay angry at him, deep down he still cared about Hitori. Maybe not as much as Hitori cared about him, but maybe he'd been selfish in his own way.

"Sorry, I should have let you know."

"It's fine, I know you were angry with me. Are you at Tosaka's place right now?"

"Yeah, Kawara-kun is here too."

If Nageki didn't know any better he swore he heard a sigh of relief through the phone.

"I can come and get you—"

"That won't be necessary," Nageki put his foot down before Hitori could start fussing again. "She said I can stay the night."

"Oh, o-okay. Then, what time will you be back tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Sometime in the morning? Or maybe early afternoon."

"Could you be more specific?"

"No."

There was a small whine through the receiver, clearly Kazuaki's influence.

"That's fine! I'll come and collect—" He paused, catching himself before continuing. "I'll meet you at—" Again, he took a moment to reconsider. "I'll... I'll see you when you get home," Hitori finally settled.

"Mm, I'll see you then." Nageki thought for a moment before continuing. "If I run into trouble I'll call and let you know."

"Thank-you."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Just before he was about to hang up, suddenly Hitori's voice echoed from the receiver again.

"Ah, Nageki before you go— I just wanted to say, you know we all love you, right?"

Nageki thought about the strangers who called him their brother, who had thrown him a welcome back party and still texted him to see how he was doing; the Hitori that was almost a caricature of himself but cared deeply despite his shortcomings; and in the distance he could see the silhouettes of Hiyoko and Ryouta who were never part of his old world, but who welcomed him into the new one with open arms.

"I know."

Nageki checked over his shoulder, trying to see if the sound of him knocking rocks together had woken the others up.

Despite how exhausted he felt, it was difficult to fall asleep. All the events leading up to this point tumbled around in his mind like a washing machine and in the end he had to wriggle out of the pile of friends and blankets to get some fresh air.

So he found himself hunched over his journal that he'd haplessly thrown into the firepit, fruitlessly trying to strike two stones against each other to make a spark. There was clearly a technique to it that he wasn't getting.

"Can't sleep?"

Nageki's plumage fluffed up at the shock of an unexpected voice. He hadn't even heard Hiyoko creep up behind him.

"Y-yeah…" He probably looked like an idiot bashing stones together in the middle of the night and tossed them on to the ground.

"What are you doing? Starting a fire?" She crouched down beside him, using the torch on her phone to illuminate the book. "Was that the journal you were talking about before?"

Nageki nodded, ready to strike if Hiyoko made any move to reach for it.

"You sure you want to destroy it?" She asked, voice serious. Nageki never knew Hiyoko to shy away from wanton destruction.

"Yeah, it's just caused a lot of trouble. It's not like I was writing to save anything, more like to get rid of it."

Hiyoko hummed thoughtfully.

"Good, because it'll burn better if you rip up some of the pages." She got up to retrieve something from where the cooking tools were kept, as Nageki tore and crumpled up the pages of his journal. The sound of ripping paper, the act of ruining — it was satisfying in a way he hadn't expected, and Nageki wondered if he could have avoided all this heartache if he'd just broken something of Hitori's instead.

Hiyoko returned with what looked like a metal rod and a knife. Nageki watched as closely as he could in the dark as she nestled the rod between the torn pages and struck it with the blade, sending sparks sputtering onto the paper.

The two of them huddled together as the newly lit fire warmed the cold night. Breathing in deeply, all the acrid words he had written choked him up for the last time.

"You good?" Hiyoko asked as he coughed and hacked.

"I'm fine," he breathed out. "Thanks for letting me stay over," Nageki murmured, resting his head on her shoulder as he watched the rest of his secrets escape into the night sky in a plume of smoke.

"Not a problem, it's been fun!" She lolled her head to the side, resting it on top of his. "Just a shame about all the stuff with Uzune-sensei."

Nageki kept quiet, watching the flickering of flames.

"We should roast sweet potatoes next time you come over. It's nearly the season for them."

Next time… That sounded nice.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

It had been a surprisingly comfortable night, all huddled together on her cave floor with Hiyoko's softest blankets and cushions. The early morning air was cool and fresh in Nageki's lungs as he watched Hiyoko prepare breakfast with Ryouta still half-asleep, nodding off beside him.

After a small feast of toasted bread and freshly caught grilled fish (or home-made jam, in Ryouta's case) Hiyoko walked the birds to the bus stop, waving them off with both hands as they departed.

As the bus approached his stop, Nageki felt that worry building up again but Ryouta reassured him.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"I'll be fine, I think. I just need to talk things over with Hitori myself." He seemed a little more agreeable last night, and when Nageki messaged him to say he was on his way Hitori replied with a single thumbs up emoji instead of a public transport map with all available routes home marked and ordered by time and convenience.

Baby steps.

"I don't have any work today so if you need a place to hide out, my door's open — Ah, it's Nanaki-sensei."

Nageki glanced out the window to see the quail loitering around the bus stop, holding on to a small stack of crumpled and half-torn missing posters, trying too hard to make it look like he wasn't waiting. Letting out a frustrated grumble, Nageki got to his feet as the bus rolled to a stop.

"Thanks, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Good luck!" Ryouta sent him off with a small wave.

Hopping off the bus, Nageki watched Kazuaki put too much effort into pretending to read the bus timetable and decided that whatever he was playing at wasn't worth the trouble.

"Oh, Fujishiro-kun I didn't see you there!" Kazuaki's voice rang out, almost panicked as Nageki turned his back. "What a coincidence I was just on my way to Uzune-kun's place and—"

"Did Hitori send you?"

Kazuaki faltered, fidgeting with the papers in his wing and avoiding his glower with an obvious tell. "... …No."

It's fine. It's fine. At least Hitori was going to wait at home, just like he said he would.

Baby steps, Nageki had to keep reminding himself.

Kazuaki skittered up beside him as they walked back to his apartment. "Listen, Fujishiro-kun…" Nageki glanced over but didn't respond. "Uzune-kun told me everything last night, so I think maybe I know something I shouldn't…"

"It's fine, it's not your fault," he replied in a short tone.

"But… I know how you feel, maybe. I mean, probably not exactly but, um…" Catching the genuine concern in his face, Nageki stayed silent as he listened. "I don't know if it will help, but if you ever want to talk to someone about that kind of thing I can listen. I won't tell Uzune-kun! I promise!"

Nageki considered the offer as they gathered outside his front door. "I'll think about it…"

He rapped on the door sharply three times, bracing himself for the onslaught of Hitori's worrying but the door opened to little fanfare. The bird on the other side awash with relief as he stepped out of the way to let Nageki in.

"Welcome back."