Work Text:
Julieta let out a soft sigh as she rolled over again. A glance at the moon-lit clock on her nightstand told her it was past one in the morning, she would need to rise at four to begin her day. Another night spent tossing and turning, constantly harassed by her never ending thoughts. Slowly and quietly, she rose from the bed she shared with her husband and slipped from the room.
The night was calm, the peaceful sounds of the sleeping jungle outside their home did little to ease the mind of it’s only awake resident. Julieta found herself pacing back and forth in front of the nursery, just as she had every other night she couldn’t sleep like this. It wasn’t due to worry or any other normal motherly reason, although Julieta desperately wished that was the case.
No, the reason why Julieta Madrigal was pacing outside of the room where her youngest slept soundly was because she was trying to convince herself not to enter. She worried that if she entered, she wouldn’t be able to control herself, wouldn’t be able to resist the constant temptations that circled her mind. It was always worse at night, and had been worsening ever since Mirabel was born.
From the instant Julieta held her newborn infant in her arms, she knew she needed to be careful. The instant she stared into those eyes and saw her little girl stare back she knew she loved her more than she should, more than a mother should ever love a child. The past three years had been a struggle, and Julieta could feel herself reaching the end of her rope.
Julieta stared at her hand as it clutched the doorknob to the nursery, her knuckles white as she both pleaded with herself to let go and go to bed; and to just open the door already.
*click*
The door creaked quietly as Julieta slowly pushed the door open. After a moment of genuine shock that this side of her had won out that night, she quickly slipped into the room and silently closed the door behind her.
She didn’t know how much time passed while she stared at the sleeping form of her little girl. At some point she must have moved, as suddenly she was reaching out a hand to gently caress her head. Julieta could hear her heart beating in her ears as Mirabel unconsciously leaned into the caresses, letting out a happy satisfied sort of sound before a wide smile graced her face.
Julieta froze.
In that single moment, her entire being was at war with itself. The battle between the good mother she was supposed to be and the horrible pervert she had never been able to purge waged on in her head, and the worst part is she didn’t know which one she actually wanted to win. Arguments from both sides tried desperately to convince her to go their way; she’s asleep and would never know, but she could easily wake up. She loves her mother and would easily go along with anything she said to do, but it would be horribly wrong to trick the girl in that way, but what if she genuinely wanted it? Wanted to make her mother happy? Julieta’s fingers tensed a little as they continued combing through the sleeping girl's hair, the only thing grounding the woman as she faced the eternal battle inside her.
“Juli?”
She startled, her hand whipping back in a way that implicated her in worse actions than the ones she had already allowed herself. Her head snapped to the door where she saw the form of her brother peeking in the door.
“You- you should really go back to bed.” He didn’t look up at her as she said it.
There were a few tense moments of silence before Julieta slowly nodded and walked towards the door. Each step felt heavy, as if she was dragging the weight of the sins her mind wished her to commit behind her as she went.
Neither spoke as he escorted her back to her room, but as she entered, he spoke a quiet warning just for her ears.
“For her sake Juli, please keep fighting.”
She turned and looked at her brother, making eye contact for the first time that night. She wished she hadn’t. There was that hint of wisdom in his eyes, a sort of nearly indescribable look that told her he had seen something, seen something of the future that shook him. Could he have seen her…? Her heart practically stopped in her chest, there was little use fighting Bruno’s visions most of the time, so if he had seen her do something to Mirabel…
“Please Bruno, I’ll keep fighting but, please keep this between us?”
He was silent for a few moments before slowly nodding, as he turned to leave to his tower he spoke once more.
“You should confide in someone, m-might make it easier.”
Julieta nodded as she left, but as she closed the door she let out a heavy sigh. She knew she could never confide in someone about this. She would get judgment at best and condemnation at worst. She would likely never be allowed to be near any of her children ever again, and she didn’t think she’d be able to bear that.
She laid back down in bed next to her sleeping husband before looking at the clock. It was now a quarter past two and Julieta sighed as she closed her eyes. Even if she couldn’t sleep, maybe an hour or so of rest would be enough to get her through the day.
At least her thoughts were quieter now, even if she knew they’d be back as loud as ever tomorrow.