Chapter Text
The Whispering Woods certainly lived up to their name. The winds of Barbatos rushed through them, rustling the branches and leaves. The chilly fall air, contrasted by the sunny blue sky, created the perfect weather for Fischl and Barbara to gather small lamp grass together.
It was a sort of pseudo-date. For Barbara it was technically work, as she needed small lamp grass to make medicine with at the Cathedral. The other nuns, worrisome as they were, saw no issue with her “friend” Fischl accompanying her for “safety” reasons. This would usually entail meandering walks through the woods, holding hands and enjoying some escape from their often hectic lives in the city. Their relationship was a bit of a secret, after all. With Barbara’s reputation as an idol, they were trying to avoid prying eyes. So dates were best held out in the wild, where two lovers could find quiet respite among the falling leaves. They just had to remember to bring back some lamp grass by the end. On this particular day, they had gathered a nice bushel of herbs, and were chatting as they walked back towards the bridge home.
“It’s a shame we can’t hang out more.” Barbara said. “I have to go back up to the church and mash these up into potions.”
“Indeed…but I am most pleased that we have managed to deceive your fellow Sisters, and that they have no quarrel with allowing me to accompany you as your ‘bodyguard from the Adventurer’s Guild.’” Fischl replied.
They both giggled.
“And I can’t believe that you convinced me to lie.” Barbara said teasingly.
“Remember my dear, it is a half-truth.” Fischl remarked.
“Or maybe a half-lie.” Barbara said.
They laughed again. Then they stopped walking because they had made it to the edge of the woods. From here they would be more easily seen, so they had to go into “friend mode” again. Barbara put all of the herbs under one arm, and turned Fischl’s chin towards her with the other. One last kiss before they left. Soft and sweet, yet painfully lingering and painfully short. When they parted, Fischl had one last thing to say, in her seldom heard casual voice.
“You know, my parents will be gone tomorrow, and they won’t be back until later the next day…”
She moved in to murmur in Barbara’s ear.
“Why don’t you come stay the night…so we can finally have some alone time together~”
Barbara looked confused. She cocked her head to the side.
“But, we just had alone time in the woods…”
Fischl laughed. Barbara was still bewildered.
“No I mean like, in my room alone you know?” Fischl explained.
“Oh…yeah!” Barbara said, trying to pretend like she knew what she was talking about. “Yeah for sure! I’d love to!”
“Alright then, I’ll see you later darling~”
“Byeee!”
They parted ways. Fischl went to the Adventurer’s Guild and Barbara went up to the church.
~
Barbara was in the lab, mashing up her herbs with a mortar and pestle. She mashed up the small lamp grass into paste and put it in glass bottles to be used in medicine later. It was tedious work, but she enjoyed the quiet alone time it provided her. Oh, but it was still boring. At least she had that sleepover with Fischl to look forward to.
Suddenly, she froze up, dropping the pestle onto the counter.
“Wait, did she mean…”
“(Certainly not. But maybe. Could she have meant that?)”
Barbara danced around the word in her mind. It was something unpleasant that she constantly ignored, never bothering to think about it. But now it seemed that her negligence of the issue was about to blow up in her face.
“(She wasn’t talking about sex was she?)”
Barbara quickly went back to mashing the small lamp grass. But her head was spinning and her stomach was turning so intensely that she could hardly focus on what she was doing. Her face grew hot and her heart jumped up to her throat. There’s no way, there’s no possible way! But how could Barbara know for sure? They hadn’t even talked about it before. She froze again. It was true, she had no idea if Fischl wanted to do that.
Fearing an overflow of pent up anxiety, she decided to sit down and assess the situation.
Barbara was asexual, sex repulsed to be precise. Sex was something she had no interest in, nor was it something she ever thought about. Jokes and references to it would often fly over her head. She shoved it out of her life for her own comfort, since thinking about it or talking about it made her wildly uncomfortable. But by doing so she had dug herself into a hole. She had forgotten that not only is sex extremely common in relationships, but in general society, it is to be expected. It’s the default. She had forgotten that she was a rare exception to that rule. And now she was in a relationship with someone who had no idea about that part of herself. Of course! Fischl was going to expect sex at some point because that’s what couples are supposed to do! And Barbara, in the midst of the joy that being with Fischl brought her, had totally forgotten.
It made her feel incredibly isolated. She felt like she was chronically out of the loop for something that everyone else was talking about. To her, this was a rare trait that she had to deal with all by herself. She had stopped trying to understand sexual attraction a long time ago. Trying to find out more about it only led to discomfort and anxiety. But she was left totally unprepared as a result.
However, it still was not for sure. Barbara knew she was bad at interpreting what people meant about these kinds of things, and she had little relationship experience. She could be totally overreacting. After all, there was no clear evidence pointing either way. Maybe this was just a big misunderstanding, and it was just a regular sleepover. Barbara had a habit of shoving her negative thoughts away, so she skillfully shoved the matter to the side. She just wouldn’t think about it anymore. She had plants to mash up, after all. The people of Mondstadt needed their medicine.
Besides, it was something to look forward to. She loved Fischl dearly. Barbara was the only person in the history of the Immernachtreich who the Prinzessin herself bowed to with reverence, to place a chaste kiss on the back of her hand. The Court Priestess, Barbara. Someone who saw sides of Fischl that few people got to see. Her laughter, her sorrow, her cute pouty face. Her genuine smiles, her pride in her abilities, her longing gazes, communicating so much gentle and sincere love through one single emerald eye.
Barbara went back to mashing up the small lamp grass, but not without sending a quick prayer up to the Anemo Archon, praying that she wouldn’t lose her Prinzessin over this.