Work Text:
“Changcheng, for the last time – stop bringing him here.”
Putting another plate on the dryer, Chu Shuzhi turned to glare at the young man slurping noodles at the table closest to the counter, his glasses fogged up from the heat. He didn't seem very cowered at all, the bastard. He even had the audacity to wave at Shuzhi without raising his head away from the bowl, too preoccupied with eating.
Guo Changcheng, who was directly responsible for the presence of yet another element of chaos in the restaurant, turned away from the table he was wiping to look at Shuzhi with wide eyes.
“But Chu-ge, we are meant to help people! And Lin-ge needs help!” he protested, his tone disbelieving, as if not wanting to help this particular man was unthinkable.
In Chu Shuzhi’s opinion his own reluctance was perfectly justified – Lin Jing needed no help they could give.
When he had first come here, it was because he had managed to convince Guo Changcheng that he was heartbroken and needed some support. This lovely excuse had lost any credibility almost instantly, because the moment he had crossed the threshold of the restaurant, he took out a bunch of metal instruments that started beeping loudly when he pointed them at various bits of equippment in the Guardian Lantern.
Lin Jing was not a heart-broken man in need of some consolation.
He was an annoying student trying to write an academic paper about magic and Chu Shuzhi wanted him out. It wasn't even that he didn't like the kid, though he was the annoying know-it-all type that believed drinking four cans of energy drinks made him a genius. No, it was because Shuzhi had no idea what the protocol regarding showing magic to the living who were not here to have their wishes granted was.
The local law enforcement specialist, Zhao Yunlan, had been away from the restaurant for the past week and therefore was not available for consultation. The only moment when his presence was truly needed, the man went incommunicado, that figured.
Though it wasn’t unusual for the supervisor to disappear on a case from time to time, his absence was becoming uncomfortably long – almost worrying even. Calling him was not an option, though that was nothing new. Despite the modern times, reception in Hell was still rather poor and the evil miasma had the tendency to ruin all electronics, so whenever he went into the Underworld, Zhao Yunlan just left his phone at the Guardian Lantern, for safekeeping.
Shuzhi could, technically, send a message the old fashioned way, with incense and ghostpaper, but it would be frankly embarrasing to show he cared about his supervisor that much. It was almost like admitting he liked the man.
And that left Chuzhi with no other options than to tolerate Lin Jing and his prodding, poking and asking way too many questions about the nature of spells. Which – admittedly, Chu Shuzhi had plenty of knowledge about. He just wasn’t clear on how much of it he could share. From what Zhao Yunlan had told him, the Underworld police usually wiped the memories of people who had seen a rampant ghost or something equally impressive, but there were instances where they allowed people to go free and remember the ghost of their grandma or something. So the rules were very unclear and Chu Shuzhi was not eager to get another punishment from the Judges of Hell.
“You could just take him for a coffee and talk about his troubles away from here,” he told Changcheng, and the kid frowned at him.
“But this is the nicest place I know?”
This was hopeless, Chu Shuzhi decided.
Well, at least Lin Jing was paying for his meals.
At the table, the wannabe scientist in question had finally stopped eating and took out his notebook, filled with random guesses and observations about the restaurant. He read it quietly, nodding to himself at random intervals and scratching some things out, when he finally said:
“So you are all dead?”
Chu Shuzhi almost lost a hold of the plate he had been washing. How did the kid deduce that?
“I am not!” Guo Changcheng said brightly, coming over to Lin Jing. “I just needed work and found this place” he added proudly, as if working at a Hell’s punishment establishment was the greatest job offer he had ever received.
Lin Jing nodded at him in a daze, seemingly not having been ready for being right.His hand circled something in the notebook and he looked around the restaurant again, with newfound interest, as if waiting for the walls to morph into flames or for hellish beasts to jump at him right this instant.
Chu Shuzhi just snorted at his expression and went back to the dish washing. Technically he didn’t confirm anything, right? So he couldn’t be faulted for any conclusions Lin Jing made on his own.
With all of his attention back on the plates, Shuzhi was not ready for the next question.
“Are you a zombie?!”
He sounded weridly excited about it, too.
Chu Shuzhi turned away from the sink to glare at him.
“Do I look like one?”
he growled.
Lin Jing’s panicked silence was very telling.
Chu Shuzhi put the plate away and came closer to the counter, with his most unsettling smile.
“I could be, don't you think? There are never any other clients here, have you noticed? And Changcheng brought you here, leading you here with promises of food and help, a wonderful bait, wasn't it?” he asked, his tone light, watching with enjoyment how Lin Jing paled at every word.
“What do you think you’ve eaten, by the way?”
Lin Jing shrieked loudly, and Shuzhi couldn’t help but laugh at his distress.
Then his eyes strayed towards Changcheng who was watching him with something like a gentle reproach.
“Don’t joke that way, Chu-ge. You would never eat a client!” What was probably meant to be reassuring only made Lin Jing stare at Changcheng in silent horror, causing another cackle to errupt from Chu Shuzhi’s throat.
He was wondering if they could make Lin Jing faint here, or make him run away and burn his notes, when the door to the Guardian Lantern opened with a loud bang.
“You won’t believe what the Downstairs came up with!” Zhao Yunlan exclaimed in lieu of a greeting, frustration clear in his movements. He strode towards the counter, making a beeline for the closest bottle of beer dispalyed on it. Chu Shuzhi decided to be a good co-worker and take it away from him, not to enable his habits.
Zhao Yunlan thanked him with a glare. And then noticed the student still sitting at the table, pale and staring at Chu Shuzhi in terror.
“A client?” Zhao Yunlan asked, frowning.
Lin Jing didn’t look like a client, mostly because he was not currently sobbing in Changchengs arms, sharing his sad backstory. Most of the clients did just that these days, Changcheng was a wonderful influence to have in the Guardian Lantern. Well, good for the business at least.
“A researcher of magic,” Chuzhi replied with a smirk he himself could admit, was rather nasty. Lin Jing visibly shuddered in his chair.
“He thinks Chu-ge is a zombie,” Changcheng added sullenly, as if the idea offended him. It was oddly touching. Though it introduced the question of what their newest hire thought he and Zhao Yunlan were. He had thought they have explained the matter rather explicitly.
Zhao Yunlan’s stormy expression changed into a grin.
“Oh? Have you told him that you are actually a ghoul?”
“Not yet, waited for him to figure it out on his own.”
Clearly not expecting that, Guo Changcheng collapsed onto the chair opposite Lin Jing, staring at them both.
Lin Jing seemed to be slightly over his shock, because he addressed Zhao Yunlan weakly:
“A ghoul? As in-”
“-the corpse eater, yes!” Zhao Yunlan supplied cheerfully, beaming at Lin Jing like a proud teacher.” Where did you think the meat came from?”
The twin expressions of horrified disgust that appeared on Lin Jing and Guo Changcheng’s faces were priceless.
Chu Shuzhi could feel his mood vastly improving with every minute.
Feeling very kindly disposed towards the world in general, he finally looked away from his victims to ask about Zhao Yunlan’s reason for coming. The question killed the supervisor's joy almost instantly.
He sighed tiredly.
“The Kings are way too bored down there and they are watching too much television, is my guess. They decided that all branches of Hell need bonding exercises,” he replied, then noticing Chu Shuzhi’s warning look, he turned to Lin Jing. “The kid can stay, if he figured it out on his own then good for him. It’s not like he can publish anything, the Underworld police will get him if he tries.”
Lin Jing straightened in his seat, watching Zhao Yunlan with newfound interest.
“They will wipe my memory?”
Zhao Yunlan nodded machinally and returned to the topic at hand:” They decided to have a, I am not even sure what it is, a sports festival? A variety show? I don’t know, they should either stop smoking herbs, or start smoking some new ones.”
Moved by sudden sympathy, Chu Shuzhi decided to hand Zhao Yunlan the beer after all, which granted him a look of pure gratitude.
He waited for Yunlan to take a few swings before saying:
“You shouldn't have much trouble with that, your police team sounds very competent.”
Zhao Yunlan chuckled without any mirth.
“Except I am not competing as part of the Underworld Police.”
Struck by a sudden bad feeling, Chu Shuzhi’s eyes darted to the closest table where the two humans where listening intently to everything Zhao Yunlan was saying, their fear seemingly long forgotten. Was Hell a more human-friendly concept when it organised random events?
Instead of scared they both looked excited.
“Which team are you assigned to?”
Zhao Yunlan gave him a dark smile.
“Yours.”
It was Chu Shuzhi’s turn to gape at him in shocked silence.
“I am not competing.”
“According to the Kings, you are. I am here to tell you to find more members of your team. You need five.”
Chu Shuzhi wondered if he could ask for another 100 thousand souls to save to get out of it. As if hearing his thoughts, Zhao Yunlan gave him a sympathetic look.
“I managed to seduce Zhu Hong away with a promise of free meals at the Lantern for a month, so if Xiao Guo manages not to faint at the prospect of going to Hell, you have four people. You just need one more poor, unfortunate soul ready to duke it out with the book-keepers of Hell, and you are set.”
Chu Shuzhi winced. In his personal experience, the accountants were the worst part of hell, and he had actually been to the punishment area.
Seeing his face, Zhao Yunlan nodded in understanding. “ Look at it this way, we don’t know what the challenges will be. Maybe you will get to hunt them for sport. It’s what I keep telling myself.”
“I can fist-fight them without any competition.”
“But not with permission!” the supervisor sing-songed.
Alright, Zhao Yunlan had a point. It was, admittedly, the worst idea Hell has had so far, including but not limited to giving out red envelopes filled with ominous wishes that made people convinced eternal damnation was upon them, or dragon boat race involving actual dragons. Both catastrophes Shuzhi had witnessed from a safe distance, since he was technically not an employee of Hell, just a repenting soul. Why did the Kings decide to involve him this time?
Most probably to add to his torment.
“How in the hell am I supposed to find another member of the team?” Shuzhi finally asked, channeling all of his frustration into the question, as if the reality would cave in and sprout a perfect teammate into the existence when properly cowered.
And then it hit him.
Chu Shuzhi's gaze turned towards the closest table.
He wasn’t the only one – Zhao Yunlan and Changcheng were also looking in the same direction.
Under the weight of their stares, Lin Jing swallowed loudly.
“But you won’t wipe my memory after?” he finally asked, for some reason directing the question at Zhao Yunlan.
“That depends on how you do, rookie.”
Lin Jing sighed in desperation, but it was clear that his curiosity was too great to pass up this chance. Well, at least he was smart, he would be a good asset no matter what Hell threw at them.
Changcheng, who was more likely to be a liability, in turn looked excited .
Suddenly, Chu Shuzhi felt Zhao Yunlan’s hand patting his arm in a show of support.
“No worries, Lao Chu, we are with you.”
“That’s what worries me.”
Zhao Yunlan burst out laughing.
Looking away from him, Chu Shuzhi caught Guo Changcheng’s elated expression.
Well, at least one person was happy at their misery.
Growing more enthusiastic by the minute, Lin Jing turned a page of his notebook and started to ask Zhao Yunlan questions about Hell and its Kings, trying to come up with predictions for what kind of challenges could await them.
After a moment of hesitation, Changcheng took a page from Lin Jing’s hand and started to note things down too, growing more excited with every bit of wisdom Zhao Yunlan shared with that overconfident tone of his.
Looking at his team, Chu Shuzhi decided that he had a very bad feeling about this after all.
Frankly, all of his hopes were now resting on Zhu Hong.