Chapter Text
Chapter 01: Making a Decision
Shen Jiu’s eyes snapped open with a gasp. He grasped his chest, feeling how fast his heart was beating, and frowned.
‘Where am I? The last thing I remember is going to sleep… Oh.’ Shen Jiu’s eyes light up in recognition before they dim.
‘How old am I now? Looking at my robes, I should still be a mere disciple? Wait, this robe… it’s the succeeding disciple’s robe… the timeline should be… either around the time after I met the other succeeding disciples or that time that brute accused me. Which is it?’
“Ah, Shen-shizi, good to see you awake among us now. How are you feeling?” Chen Anting, Qian Cao’s Peak Lady, asked with a calm smile that did not show her thought. However, Shen Jiu was sure that this shigu of his didn’t like him, considering that she made no move to check him over.
She was probably waiting for him to claim he was fine like always before releasing him from the healing hall without ascertaining whether he was truly alright or not. Knowing this, he was almost tempted to answer in contrast to her expectation and wish, so he could see the perpetual calm she wore around him slip and show her true thought.
However, in the end, realizing that he was back in this life already sapped much of his hard-fought sanity. And as Jiang Cheng had told him long ago, these people were simply not worth it. He really should take his best friend’s suggestion and leave. Besides, there was nothing here for him.
“This disciple is alright, Chen-Shigu. Requesting permission to be let go,” Shen Jiu asked politely.
For a brief moment, Chen Anting looked startled before she nodded her head and permitted Shen Jiu to go. Shen Jiu did note her brief reaction, but he put this observation behind him and simply left. There was no need for him to investigate it since he would soon be out and away from this accursed and toxic sect that covered itself with a ‘righteous’ shell.
Shen Jiu summoned his beloved Xiu Ya, the only companion in this life that had never betrayed him willingly, and flew towards Qing Jing Peak. On the way there, he spotted many people either scowling or growling at his passing form, so he could judge that this should be the time when Liu Qingge loudly accused him of back-stabbing the other.
Internally scoffing, Shen Jiu fixed his face and assumed a neutral expression.
Soon, he arrived at Qing Jing Peak. Without further consideration, he elegantly strode towards his shizun’s abode and knocked, waiting for his shizun to summon him in.
“Come in, Qingqiu.” Fortunately, he didn’t need to wait for too long. His shizun, Xu Anxia, had immediately summoned him in when he heard his knock.
“This disciple greets his shizun,” Shen Jiu greeted, giving a light smile toward his shizun. The man who, despite everything that surrounded Shen Jiu, still gave him his courtesy name, no matter how distasteful the name was.
Nevertheless, despite his shizun’s graces and teaching, he had to disappoint his shizun this time. Because simply having one person, who would be gone in the end, was not enough of a reason for Shen Jiu to stay.
Thus, after Xu Anxia smiled at him and gestured for him to sit, Shen Jiu looked him straight in the eyes and opened his mouth.
“Shizun, this one is grateful for all that shizun has granted to this one. This one is grateful to be taught by shizun and also grateful for his favor. Unfortunately, this one is destined to be unable to repay shizun’s favor and teaching. This one is unable to bear the generational name and continue as the succeeding disciple.”
Xu Anxia’s smile slipped away, and he immediately looked toward Shen Jiu with concern.
“If this master may, what prompted shizi to this decision? Shizi has worked hard for his position, so why? Is there someone threatening shizi?” Xu Anxia asked, reaching out to Shen Jiu.
Shen Jiu once again smiled a light smile that was all the more breathtaking from the heartbreak and resignation that could be found there, taking the breath away from Xu Anxia’s lungs as well as squeezing his heart with profound grief.
Something had happened to Shen Jiu that Xu Anxia couldn’t fix. Something that had broken his beautiful and strong disciple so thoroughly he had given up. Xu Anxia needed to know what it was so he could rain hell on them. However, Shen Jiu shook his head.
“No, shizun. There is none. However, this disciple… is simply tired. Shizun saw, right? How Liu-shidi accuses me, and everyone just accepts it as the truth? This disciple doesn’t see it changing anytime soon, shizun. And this disciple is unwilling to fight like this for the rest of his immortal life, shizun. It is… tiring, and this disciple wishes for rest.”
“Shizi… if you give it time….”
“It won’t change anything shizun. They’ve all decided on my personality before getting to know me. They’ve all decided I’m a scum. They don’t want to know me shizun. All they see in me is what they want. They want a villain they can blame for their difficulties. They want someone they can blame for everything that’s gone wrong with their life, and they have decided it’ll be me. Unfortunately for them, I am unwilling to be that villain. So, please, shizun, forgive me for being unable to fulfill your hope.” Shen Jiu stopped and bowed.
“This disciple apologizes for being unable to fulfill his promise of guiding and protecting shibos’ and shigus’ succeeding disciples.”
Xu Anxia closed his eyes in grief. “This master has failed you, Qingqiu. No, this master suppose it should be Shen Jiu, right?”
Shen Jiu shook his head, “Shen Jiuzhi. It is… a name my parents bestowed… one that no one in this world knows of….”
“Shen Jiuzhi then. This master apologizes if he has led you to think you are kept only to protect this master’s martial siblings’ succeeding disciples. This master had thought that you and the others would protect one another… yet….”
“No! No need for apologies, shizun! It’s all Shen Jiuzhi’s fault. Shen Jiuzhi cannot fulfill his master’s expectation….” Shen Jiuzhi shot to his feet and refuted Xu Anxia’s words vehemently. His shizun was not the one in the wrong. His shizun was the only bright light in this sect. The only genuine and constant warmth he knew in those two lives. Everything was in no way his shizun’s fault.
“There must be something else that prompted your decision. Am I right?” Xu Anxia asked as he opened his eyes and looked upwards into his beloved successor’s eyes. The only successor that he acknowledged.
Shen Jiuzhi slowly sat back down and took a deep breath. He owed the truth to his shizun. So, he would be truthful. His shizun, of everyone else, deserves the truth and more from Shen Jiuzhi. Hence, he began narrating the two futures he had experienced and then to the third life he went through, where he was healed and learned that his own feelings also mattered. He told everything in detail, sparing none.
Listening to the two life his beloved disciple went through, waves of pain surged in his heart, and he silently cried.
The first life.
The false accusation.
The unjust suffering.
The broken promises.
The lies.
The torture.
The death.
The second life.
The impostor.
The imprisonment.
The untold misery.
The mental torture.
The second death.
Xu Anxia stood up, startling Shen Jiuzhi to look toward him. Slowly, carefully, Xu Anxia held Shen Jiuzhi. He held the other so very gently as if the other would break with the slightest bit of harsh touch.
“My beloved disciple. My wonderful son in all but blood. My little one. Baba is sorry. Baba is sorry that you experienced all that….”
Shen Jiuzhi lifted his hand slowly and placed it around Xu Anxia, shaking his head.
“There’s no need to be sorry. It is what it is. We can’t change anything. Anyway, in my third life, I found many people who love me as I am. I have a best friend who understands me. The only thing lacking there is… you. Baba….” Xu Anxia choked, and he tightened his hold. Still careful. Still gentle. Filled with love.
After hugging for a long while, they separated, and Xu Anxia looked at Shen Jiuzhi.
“... Ehem, I agree to release you from your position. However, considering what you’ve told me, I’d want to offer you my home as your home too, when you’re not out traveling the world, A’zhi.”
“Won’t I be a bother?”
“Nonsense. You’re this master’s son. My home is your home too. Also, A’zhi does not need to worry about anything else. This master will… resolve everything.”
Shen Jiuzhi opened his mouth, but then he closed it again when he looked at Xu Anxia’s firm eyes that broke no argument. He would do it with or without Shen Jiuzhi’s permission, and truthfully speaking… Shen Jiuzhi had no desire to fight him on this matter. It had nothing to do with him anymore. So, he nodded and simply agreed.
Subsequently, the two began to talk to each other until it was late at night. Opening up in a way they were unable to do before due to their position.
Shen Jiuzhi planned to stay for another week, accompanying Xu Anxia before he left. And that was what he did. Throughout that week, the two spent time together, playing music, conversing, sketching together, playing weiqi, and other activities.
On the last night, they flew on top of their sword and looked toward the night sky together. Xu Anxia looked toward his son and smiled sadly.
“This is your last night.”
“….”
“No words to say?”
“… thank you. For everything.”
Shen Jiuzhi turned to face Xu Anxia and bowed deeply. He then rose and smiled. A brilliant smile filled with gratitude and love. As well as hope. Hope for freedom from the cage that bound him. Because, despite everything he went through in his third life and the mental healing he got, something deep within him had always been bound by Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.
Bound to Yue Qingyuan, a brother who wasn’t one.
Bound to Liu Qingge, the martial brother that he failed to save.
Even bound to Xu Anxia, his beloved master, through the promise he made.
But now.
Now, he could finally free himself.
The night turned to day. The light from the morning sun fell upon his upright figure standing on top of his spiritual sword, and he smiled. “Master, this disciple will be going now. Please take care.”
With that, he bowed once more and flew away.
Xu Anxia stood there, silently watching as Shen Jiuzhi’s figure became smaller and smaller until it vanished from sight. He ignored the tear that slipped away from his eyes. After all, though they were no longer master and disciple, they were still father and son pairs. So, there was no need for him to cry. For he was sure his son would come when he asked.
Xu Anxia turned around. All emotion was hidden behind his fan, and he strode towards Qiong Ding Peak.
“Zhangmen-shixiong, please gather the other peak lords and their succeeding disciples for an emergency meeting,” He announced without preamble as he barged into the sect master’s office.
Then, he whirled around to the meeting hall. Looking at Xu Anxia’s retreating back, Gu Anping lightly frowned before summoning everyone as Xu Anxia wished.
Before long, everyone gathered. They looked at each other in confusion before Liu Qingge suddenly spoke up.
“Shen Qingqiu isn’t here yet.”
“Where is he?”
“Shouldn’t he already be here? It’s a meeting Xu-shibo called for!”
“Tsk.”
As the other Qing Generation talked, discreetly implying Shen Jiuzhi was lazy, Xu Anxia harshly put his teacup on the table.
“This master has yet to find fault, yet the Qing Generation already see fit to find fault for this master? Since when is Qing Generation allowed to talk over the elder generation? Hmm?” Xu Anxia raised an eyebrow and asked. The An Generation, seeing the rarely displeased form of their second shixiong, immediately tried to appease him.
Unfortunately, their attempt just directed Xu Anxia’s ire toward them. “And I wonder what wonderful things have my martial siblings been teaching their disciples? This master thought that the succeeding disciple should be above reproach. They should be impartial, never listen to rumors, investigate for the truth and uphold justice. This master thought that shizis should be people with honor, yet what does this master see? A bunch of privileged brats slandering my own succeeding disciple.
“No one even attempts to seek the truth. Only believing in the words spoken, never investigating the source. Immediately believing it simply because they disliked that their most beloved Yue-shizi was partial toward my own Shen-shizi. Simply because they dislike the fact that Shen-shizi does not appreciate nor fall all over his feet for Yue-shizi’s favor.”
Qi Qingqi was about to open her mouth to refute when Xu Anxia glared at her. “This master does not give permission for the shizis to speak, so keep your mouth shut.”
He turned his glare towards Chen Anting. “This master thought that Qian Cao Peak was supposed to be a healer’s peak where all is equal in treatment. Yet it seems that Chen-shimei isn’t as impartial as she looks. What? Do you dislike my shizi because of his constant qi-deviation? Do you believe it is because he frequently goes to the brothel? Is that why you never bother to treat him the best you could do? What a wonderful healer we have here. This master wonders how many students passed away due to this neglect and partiality?”
“Xu-shidi!”
“Xu-shixiong!”
“Shut up! I am not done. Each and every one of you treats my Qingqiu as a villain without even trying to see the truth. Shang-shizi!” Shang Qinghua jumped as he cowered behind his shizun. “What actually happened in your last mission with Liu-shizi and Qingqiu? Recount it to the littlest detail! NOW!”
“A-A-At first everything was fine, t-t-they fought the phantoms while I hid in b-b-bushes. B-b-but then there was a p-p-phantom b-b-behind Liu-shidi’s back. S-Shen-shixiong saw and hit it. B-b-but L-liu-shidi didn’t see it and a-a-accuse Shen-shixiong of back-stabbing him. I-I tried to clarify, but Shen-shixiong shut me up and t-told me n-not to bother. I’m sorryyyyyyyyy.” Shang Qinghua wailed even as everyone else looked shocked.
“W-Wha-”
“Shut up. This master doesn’t permit you to speak.” Xu Anxia then looked towards Qi Qingqi and sneered, “You’ve always gossiped behind Qingqiu’s back about his habit of going to the brothel, haven’t you? Well, let this be news to you. All Qing Jing Peak’s disciples, who want to have a shot at becoming the succeeding disciples, have to go there.
“Qing Jing Peak has always kept a watch on the disciples who go to the brothel and check whether they’d be able to keep their composure and grace even while surrounded by beauties that are throwing themselves towards them. Only when they are able to control themselves will this master proceed toward the next stage of selection. But you don’t know this, do you? You only see him going to the brothel, and then you spread rumors about his lechery.”
“But he kept going to the brothel even after one month,” Lu Anwei, Bai Zhan Peak’s Lord, protested.
“Of course, he did. He found his third sister there after all.”
“What?!”
“Never-mind. That is no business of yours. All these are moot points anyway. Qingqiu is gone and he won’t come back.”
“Xu-shidi, what do you mean by that? Shen-shizi is gone?” Gu Anping asked sharply, finally beginning to realize the seriousness of the situation.
“Exactly as I said, Zhangmen-shixiong. Shen Qingqiu is gone. He has chosen to withdraw from his position and leave the sect. No thanks to your beloved shizis’ and my ‘beloved’ martial siblings’ treatment towards him too.
“Now, this master has to ask. Are you pleased? My Qingqiu is now gone after all.” Xu Anxia’s eyes flashed as he looked toward everyone there.
“Are my martial brothers and sisters satisfied with the result? Is the Qing Generation satisfied yet? This one is now without a successor, and will ascend without one either since it seems my martial siblings and their successors do not want the one this one chose with great care,” Xu Anxia asked calmly, elegance and grace unwavering even as everyone else flinched.